Natasha

Its interesting you mentioned that, because something that had registered was a glimpse of awareness inside my mother's womb. There was no self-awareness, just an awareness of in there. I still have a vague picture of it, but just as a distant memory.

I am not enlightened, but I got awakened after some meditation, deep self-inquiry work, and staying open-minded. This is the kind of thing that when it happens, you just know. And what I know, I can't really explain, therefore I try not to talk about it.

I used to have a fear of abandonment until I got awakened. That is when I saw through the illusion of 'self', there was no one to be abandoned. That fear is conditioned and everything that is created by your mind is an illusion - thoughts, concepts, memories, etc. When you get awakened, you recognize reality as it is, no labels, no filters, no thoughts, just a play of forms/ energy. Your body is a form, so are your thoughts. Also, recognize the other people as such. They are, as Leo calls it, 'nothingness' as well as you are and 'nothingness' cannot abandon 'nothingness', because it's one and the same.

I get your point, Dave. Remember in the movie Matrix, the two pills, blue and red? The blue of "I am separate, I have free will" and the red one of "Everything is one energy at play"? The mind created reality, the illusion, is actually fun and we don't have to get rid of that. I like Tony Parsons' definition of 'death' as the end of the illusion that there was someone. We are all given the chance of this body and mind only once, so why not keep the illusion of 'me' around till death do us part. Playing in the world of forms sounds like fun and adventure. Death is not the opposite of life, but only opposite of birth, so your true 'you' will never die. It's already immortal.

What about the enlightened Buddhist monks? Buddhism is just another belief system, though it contains many valid points of reality like truth of no-self, etc. They take their beliefs very seriously. Does it mean you can be enlightened and still not see through the illusion of your religious belief?

"Death is the end of the illusion that there was anyone" - Tony Parsons

Leo has a video called Understanding The Authentic Self, check it out.

I agree, 'covert' narcissists are more difficult to spot. Those types of narcs know how to put a smoke screen better than overt ones. But the damage is equally harmful. Sam Vaknin is actually a malignant narc himself and his book/ videos are a must read/ watch because he tells what narcissism is all about from the first person. Other good YouTube channels are Narcissist Support (all red flags explained) and SPARTANLIFECOACH. Knowledge is power, keep learning and healing. Hugs.

After watching Leo's Clare Graves Psychological Development video, I could place myself on a color chart as being predominantly 'green' with about 10% 'orange' and 30% 'yellow'. Since we can't go back down on the chart, what my relationship options should be then? I see a lot of 'blue', 'orange' and a few 'green' guys around, but once you enter Tier 2 ('yellow'), dating someone from those stages can be kind of hard for the lack of like-mindedness and levels of awareness/ consciousness. I am highly tolerant and down to earth, just trying to be real about what would work and what would not. Any suggestions?

Hi Santiago, You've become co-dependent of your mother's mental illness. Co-dependency is when someone else's problem becomes your problem. Ayla is right - you mother suffers from Narcissistic personality disorder and you've been adopting some of it's symptoms by association. You have and still are enduring a huge measure of mental and emotional abuse from her. I am so sorry for all you have suffered throughout the years. Now is the time to stop being a victim once and for all and take action to liberate yourself! Please realize that your lack of personal boundaries with your mother is what has been enabling her to abuse you. She is 56 yrs old, not retired or disabled, and is able to work to support herself, just like you and many other women support themselves. Your Mom, by any means, is NOT helpless. She's conditioned you and bullied you through guilt, fear, and shame to succum to her parasitic expectations and demands. You don't owe her anything. Just because she gave you birth, does not mean she has the right to mentally abuse you and claim your life. She is responsible for her own choices and decisions. She has made her bed and, as the saying goes, let her lay in it, not you. Now, some practical ways to deal with your mother. Narcissists only respond to firm boundaries. She will most likely throw a tamper tantrum (in either overt or covert manner) and your being resolved to follow through with dealing with your mother is the key. Narcissists are like spoiled children in a grown body - they will do anything to get what they want, maintain control, and have an upper hand in any situation. No Contact method is very effective - it will give you time and space to detox from this toxic relationship, gather your bearings, and clear your head. It will also send your mother a clear message that you are not willing to play her sick, dis-functional game any longer. Show no reaction to her efforts to engage you in her neurosis again. Cut off the supply-line to your life blood, and the emotional vampire will poof. Narcissists are indeed emotional vampires, betting their survival on sucking you dry. Your awareness of the dynamics between you and your narc mother is like that shining daylight that scares the hell out of a vampire and makes them flee. Also, remember NOT to blame yourself for any of your mother's reactions, emotions, hurts, disappointments, and consequences of her own actions. By drawing the line, you actually show her love. Narcissists don't really change, so get used to keep tough-loving your mother and that's the best gift you can give her. She will not like it, but she will most definately respect you for it. After a period of No Contact, maintain your emotional distance with her and keep reinforcing your boundaries - financial and otherwise. Start educating yourself about narcissism. YouTube has a whole library of video material that will help you learn about different aspects of narcissism and how to protect yourself from being sucked into this horrible dis-function. Stay strong and take care of yourself first and foremost.

Melbourne, Florida USA, but originally from Odessa, Ukraine

It's not rejection, it's selection. So like Leo said, practice your 'abundance' mentality.

Leo mentioned 'conscious dying' in one of his videos and it got me to ponder. Considering the fact that our innate nature is nothingness, would it be accurate to say that death is not opposite of life, but only opposite of birth? And wouldn't pursuing enlightenment then become a journey back home, so to speak, back to the place we all came from to begin with? This is another reason I find enlightenment so desirable and of great value, worth investing much time and effort into. What does 'conscious dying' mean to you?

Recognize your thoughts (memories are also thoughts) as illusory images that have no weight on reality. They are fiction created by your mind. Get in direct contact with raw reality at hand, what you can empirically experience through your touch, vision, smell, hearing, and taste - this is what real and the only things you can know exist for sure right at the moment. Everything else is an illusion. Let go of it.