AlldayLoop

Actually it is if you believe you could use the Force with it

It was peaceful relative to the previous times I’ve entered into a similar state like this. Before I would not be able to even inquire about it; I would immediately start to panic. For example, a month ago I was lying down with my eyes closed, and all of a sudden it felt as if “myself was disappearing”. I literally jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. The big issue I am becoming aware of now is that my ego will Immediately claim these experiences for itself after they subside... “yes, I’m so special, look what I was able to do. I’m a 1 in a million hot shot baby!”. Okay... I don’t actually say like that exactly, but you get the point . However, this ego high is followed by obsessive thinking and analyzing the experience with my mind nonstop until I distract myself with the usual human activities again. As an aside, I will also say that I’m about 3 months consistent into my SSRI treatment; I feel like my mind is much more stable compared to when I’m not on it. For many years, though, I had a battle with myself on whether or not I really needed to be on them. I would start them, quit after only 1-2 months, get back on then a few months later when my anxiety hits rock bottom, then quit again thinking I don’t need them again, etc., etc. As you probably already know there is a stigma with being on these pills. Should me depending on an SSRI have any influence on the awakening process? My ego keeps trying to convince me that being on them is going to stunt my spiritual growth, even though in my own direct experience it seems to be doing quite the opposite. What is your take on this? I know it’s tricky me asking you about medical advice, but if I explained everything I just did just now psychiatrist he might take me into a mental ward right then and there That aside, I called the psychoanalysis place you referred me to this morning. I will have an appointment soon

I was doing self-inquiry earlier while lying down. There was a strange instance where I found myself just staring at what was in front of me, not planned out at all (my eyes just felt a need to open gradually on their own). The objects that I observed didn’t disappear or change at all, but rather I felt like my relationship with what a I was aware of changed noticeably. It felt as if I was hyper-focused, but at the same time almost like a vegetative state if that analogy makes sense. What struck/concerned me, though, was my eyes weren’t blinking at all for a good while. I used to have this kind of behavior when I was around 2 years old (we have old videos of me) Same thing, I would just stare at what’s in front of me and not move my head at all. I think it’s worth mentioning, but I was diagnosed with Asperger’s a few years ago; so they didn’t know back when I was 2 why I was exhibiting a few unusual behaviors like that. Is this “staring” phenomenonI I explained something that I should be concerned about? Why did I have no desire to blink for such a long time (whereas if I tried it right now it would probably be impossible)? I tried my best to be as open and curious about this experience as best I could by asking myself “who is staring?” and similar questions that I honestly forgot about. I didn’t get any verbal answer in my mind, and that hyper-aware + vegetative state remained predominantly (with some monkey chatter in my mind, but much less “loud” or ongoing).

As you may have heard on the news there was a mass shooting in Texas yesterday and just today Ohio. I am feeling a bit of shock and sadness, especially since I am American. How can I (and others) console ourselves during this time. Also, how can this tie in with our spiritual practice to help us see through the ego’s labels of “evil”, “horror”, “death”, etc

Okay. I am going to organize my notes and work on contemplating these things and stop making grand assumptions at this time. I plan on not posting on the forum for the time being, whilst still dropping by to get some insight. This is until I get my mind settled and in a more relaxed place. I will start psychotherapy as well soon. I will PM you guys if I have any severe doubts or feel like I’m going crazy again. Any last suggestions you guys have for me? I might be asking the wrong question since I’ve already been given a lot of great advice... I just need to start acting on it seriously and reduce distractions...

@FoxFoxFox Dude thanks for the reassurance. I thought I was going crazy. And, yes, I’ve already scared off some people by saying some radical stuff without any absolute certainty. At least this has only been happening the past few months. I have a knack for doing stupid things, but something is always pulling me back to questioning myself (like I said earlier with scaring off people close to me, so now some higher wisdom is making me doubt more).

I drink matcha green tea everyday (i put 1 tsp matcha powder). I’ll take about a week tolerance break if I feel that it’s not giving me the same energy and focus anymore.

So everything is imagined? Are you imagining me? Are you just teaching yourself? I know you have alluded to this in a bit in your previous videos, but I’m starting to have a glimpse of this now. For example, when I’m walking inside a shopping mall, whenever I am passing by people, I intuit that there is nobody behind me, no stores that I’m actually passing by, etc. Whatever I am directly looking at and interpreting in that moment is what is. I still haven’t broken through the “who is the one looking” aspect, though... I’m so mindf—-ed right now, but I am so open to just letting it all go anytime soon.

@zeroISinfinity Yeah I think I just had a little mindf— episode. It’s like I’m confused about everything I thought I knew about myself and I love that I’m starting from scratch. I am sooooo ignorant. Damn!

Ahh shit guys. I’m not kidding when I post this live, but I went to do a self-inquiry session and less than 5 minutes in I realized that I am imagining all of this. But I’m so freaked out and can’t let go lmao!!! 5 minutes later: Okay, this is insanity. Even my addictions are made up? My obsessing thinking is made up? What? Someone help

@Aakash Dude, have some respect for @winterknight. He spent a great deal of his life working on his emotions and learned openly from the highest teachings (if you even bothered visiting his website to find that out for yourself). Now here he is sharing his wisdom and knowledge; even going as far as to answer every question on here individually and directly. How many others do you know that will do this kind of service, let alone online for free? You don’t have to agree with him, but learn to respect those who have walked the entire path.

Thank you @winterknight for recommending psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy. More info here. Can anyone please share their own experiences if they have done this? I’d love to hear them.

Yeah my experience started happening unplanned. Like, I wasn’t by myself or intentionally self-inquiring.

@FoxFoxFox Yes I definitely had an experience of this. But then I quickly took ownership of it.

@FoxFoxFox Have you become fully conscious of this Love? Also, if I’m not awake yet, that is also Love? Do I accept this? What’s the difference between Love and acceptance?

Please make a video about honesty. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life.

This is one of my deepest issues, hence why I’m very thankful for the resources you gave me. Because in all the years I’ve been in CBT, nearly all my therapists were working to stop my addictions full force without understanding why I was doing them in the first place, and of course that never worked long term. For some reason when I stopped trying to stop some of my addictions, they just ceased on their own because I replaced it with something else more in line with what I really want.

How is it so that one can fully surrender to their true nature while still indulging in their addictions? Couldn’t they simply realize that it’s not necessary for them to act upon it?

I had a similar experience when I took a large amount of marijuana which sent me into an ego-death, followed by intense panic attack. I thought I was dying, but that quickly subsided (by quick it was more like 2 hours, but in the grand scheme of things it was short). As I was sitting, I was trying to control myself from acting on the bodily sensations it wanted to express. Honestly if I just let my body do what it needed to do in that moment (with someone guiding the experience, of course), I think it would have been a much more pleasant experience.

How detrimental, would you say, is it for a seeker to be doing enlightenment work while concurrently still strongly attached to and feeding their addiction and survival needs? Let’s say this person is poor and can’t afford a therapist. Is it going to be impossible for them to fully surrender?

Can Leo or anyone else please explain the origins of the word “Love”? I am not sure if Leo has explained it in one of his videos.

OBE?

I guess a good metaphor for this would be like if you took a Star Wars geek who has seen the movies 1000 times, he may be shocked to discover something in a scene that he never saw the previous times he watched the same movies