Sevi

Oh,I see.. Whatever, you're so cute anyways?

We can restate 'unvictim behaviours' also as 'being in charge of your part' this leads us to take responsibility of our part: even very simple small things like: Cleaning your desk at work or washing your dishes/clothes etc. in a daily or weekly basis, supports the sensation of being in charge.

@Simon Håkansson Seems that, it's about you and your father. "I made a blunder = my father hurt me (by winning the game): if I had been careful/smarter, I wouldn't have been hurt: I'll find my ways to be smart: play chess; I'll find stronger opponents than me: creating the opportunity to get smarter and smarter: so closing that gap more and more: so I will not get hurt again / so that my wound will recover." Versus: "My father needed winning that game so desperately: so much that he even didn't mind hurting a child's feelings: He was/is that desperate to win (thus not to lose.)" Where on the other hand you are someone who can comfortably start a topic about losing games. So, that problem seems originally your father's rather than yours. You are just hurt. But someone who was that desperate already couldn't have been better than that. Father yourself. Buy some books about how to be a father for a child and apply it on yourself. Or imagine how would you behave to little enthusiastic kid.

@Shin Thank you for the list, it's really nice. Well? I was not gonna write, but I couldn't help it?: Shin, no offense but, is she a software program or something?? 'you' decided 'she' can be happier with someone else, then led her go; and then she was: "ooh.. himm...ok, so I go" and went away? I mean.. ladies generally don't listen that well and don't follow such orders, as far as I know? If she was with you for 6 months or so, she might be thinking slightly different than you; are you sure that you are communicating with her in a clear way? Things can be different than what you think. You are funny? probably that's one of the reasons she likes you..

@Meretagh Well, darling we grow though pain and we all are afraid; but only the ones who dare to be hopeful and capable of holding a positive attitude and expectations toward life can reach out to those unique stages that not everyone can.. If Edison would have given up after his 872nd trial, today you and me couldn't be reaching out to each other; and probably he had some frustrations too, probably many of them: you are chasing after something which is not even existing yet; but he didn't quit and every night his determination lights your house. Sometimes big pains can be seeds of such unusual things, you never know.. Keep swimming?

@Meretagh Hi.. You are so young❤ and so sweet.. First of all, everything heals in life, no matter what and free from the causes.. and you grow stronger each time (and I am not talking about toughening up, you grow out of the clarity and wisdom you gain) Well, if she is yours: then she is yours. Nothing in this world can take away your belongings from you. We are all tenants here, aren't we? Till the moment of your death the things which are supposed to be around you will be there. Actually it is so out of question. There is Carl Jung's theory of Synchronicity: there are some lab tests about it: when an atom's particles start to rotate in a direction, they observe one another's does it the same way at the same time too. It is most likely that she is experiencing the same emotions, probably same way. You have communicated so well here, I don't think it's your issue. Being in love and socialising with girls are too different things. It's like swimming: you can do whatever exercises out of the sea which will help you a bit but none of them will simulate the real situation and environment. When you open your heart like this, it's impossible not to love you for a girl especially if you are sensing a connection. You might have been done something wrong but you will be forgiven; because it's clear that you care and give a shit; girls are connected to emotions, she will see that. So, what to "do" ? When you meditate, what do you do? You sit there and let go of the control, isn't it? If you say: I don't want this desire to control my life, most likely you'll try to stop it or try to "do" something about it; then you'll be connecting to the desire more. Not easy but: accept the situation and if you can enjoy the situation: people die without having a little glimpse of love and connection; if you got the chance to feel such deep emotions, can't we say that it's a lucky thing that you are experiencing life in depth in such young age? So let her be, she'll come around. Meanwhile your emotions will clear up. About life purpose: sometimes you work on it, you dictate; sometimes life has got something to tell you: (generally experienced like enforces the conditions on you) in that case: as in a Sufi's way: you say a warm welcome to them no matter what, because they are sent from 'The Lover' and those periods of time you go along with the flow. You pay attention to the signs and continue to live your life with your best genuine effort: so stay humble keep working on the things occurring in front of you. Keep your heart loving and open, the ones who can love, never loses any games. Ignorance is the major reason of all the wrongness we created on the world don't go down that path. You will be loved and appreciated. ??

I would like to offer some books: " Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend" " Self-Esteem, Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning" " The Dance of Anger, Dr. Harriet Lerner": in the last chapter of this book, she talks about the triangles in the families and how to handle them; you might benefit. And if you need a real hard work: Arno Gruen: # "The Insanity of Normality: Understanding Human Destructiveness" # "The Betrayal of the Self" # "Autonomy and Identification: The Paradox of Their Opposition" Happiness is a decision. Knowing the boundaries is always an efficient tool. I suggest you to see and accept your part in the scenario. Lastly, of course without being the battle field it's easier to talk about it but still, there is nothing celebratory about shouting at someone. How could you be doing a better job than that? Wishing you all the best:)

I love you all, too @Leo Gura aren't those the best tests?

The attention whore, the diva, the celebrity. Due to: physical and emotional torture and abuse in the childhood; lack of acceptance and love; fighting hard against being ignored. Journaling more than 20 years, working with psychiatrists and psychologists... a meticulous work. personal development is sometimes just a survival need. What we see can be elusive; without the supportive work like self inquiry and stuff, mushrooms can not be enough to sheding of them. And ironically, a monkey can feel your wounds and pain and can connect to you and even sometimes can be very nurturing, gentle and caring with you rather than a homo-sapien.. I think that's why I love the animals more than human beings; and somehow I understand those celebrities who are ending up living with 30 cats:) It's good to remember the phase saying: be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. with love???

@Oneness yes, you do understand it right. Focusing all of the things at once is already not realistic. ( reality here means: under the regular, normal, physical conditions of life and consciousness, don't worry about the other types; first things first ) Check Leo's Mastery video, it'll clear your mind more esp about the diagram: in the diagram we see how things (here that is achieving the balance) work in reality when you actually do the job rather than sitting and speculating about it. And he nuances that every single scenario requires slightly different solutions: Ex: walking is an example to dynamic balance; everyone achieves it in their own way, everyone's anatomy is different. So don't worry about the other life form's solutions.

@Leo Gura Thank you very much for sharing the Mansur Al-Hallaj's story Leo! I had so wanted to share that when you released the 'What is God' episode, but I wasn't in the forum.. Because they are exactly the same examples, just in different centuries.. In Anatolia, it is a very well known story by everyone, but among Sufis it has a special place.That was pretty fascinating to see such an example on this side of the ocean:)

Without joy and inspiration, there won't be any meaningful action. It's for sure. But without balance, there won't be continuity either. As long as you balance the contradicting ends you do continue to live your life. To sleep - be awake, to be hungry - to eat, to have fun - to get back to work, the day and the night... When describing the balance I might have been gotten a little boring and dull but as an act itself it is fun too?

When you design a ship or a yacht, if you want it to be a very fast vehicle; you might simply think: ok, I'm gonna put the biggest propeller possible and the most powerful engine: done! Well,no. The more powerfully you push the object in the water, the stronger resistance you're gonna get; then ironically your design will end up being a slow one. So you need to balance the opposing concepts for an optimal result. Ok, so what is this design for? A motor yacht for leisure? An overseas bulk carrier for a corporation? Then now the size and the weight will effect your ideal speed too. Voila! New parameters, a new re- balancing activity for you. Let's say it's a bulk carrier and the buyer wants the lightest ship possible to be able to carry the most load; but yet your ship should be strong enough to handle the ocean waves which will make it heavier. Every single aspect of your design will gonna require a massive balancing action among the related variables. When we wanna sail in our lives, the contradicting parameters are surely much more complex and we are far more complicated vehicles than ships. So that, without knowing our life purpose to sail will be an unnecessarily tough journey. Coming across to someone who can show you the way and teach you how to design a life is such a fortunate coincidence. The floating principle is also simply a balancing act. It's balancing the nature of the object and the external situation (which is the fluid here). In life by balancing your inner self with the conditions you are in; you, at least, can float. But if you wanna fly high; the principle of flying will require a reasonable amount of speed which will cause a decrease in the pressure of the external environment. Teaching balance in dancing In dancing, static balance depends on the muscle strength. The stronger the muscle, the better the balance. How do we get stronger muscles? Well, we put the muscle under the pressure: weight lifting, push ups and so on. So in life; the situations which creates pressure on you, are the opportunities to become more stable, chances to improve your static balance. What about the dynamic balance? Dynamic balance is required (during motion) in directional changes, in spins; in connecting to partners and so on. To achieve that; simply you need to be fulfilling the very last action, the one just before one of those movements to happen. Let's say we're gonna do a sudden directional change and it's a ballroom dance; you need to get on your foot 100% ( meaning putting all your body weight on that foot) then the next thing happens perfectly. Let's say you're gonna jump off the floor and spin; so your last move is bending the both knees well and be very grounded before taking off. Often dancers get off- balance and wobbly because their mind goes right into "the difficult" element but doesn't pay attention what's goes on and has to happen at each single moment; especially the moment just before "The action" which requires balance. Long story short, being at the present moment and doing the requirements of that moment and keeping the mind just on it, always creates the perfect dynamic balance in dancing. As a teacher: As a teacher, to teach your students especially the dynamic balance, you always need to remember this idea: So you need to be at the moment with them: for every beat (even every half beat) you hold them (physically) like a statue for seconds (which feels like minutes to them) for every single beat of the music; one by one, every single beat. You have them be statues for every moment. So, that means, as a teacher you ever rush. Without having them to achieve that one beat, you just do not continue (and it might be 16 counts away, before the key motion happens) you just hold them there. If your mind moves just a little forward; for sure your student will wobble a lot. So, you don't get impatient about the fluidity of the storyline. You stay with them and freeze the time there and in a sense it creates a feeling of acceptance for them. After such an emotional exchange, in most of the cases, the student starts to let go of the ideas which causes tension in the body and becomes more mobilized to move forward 'balancely'. Of course the essential thing for the teacher is to never put away any hope about any student. In my life, I've taught balance to very different variety of students of different age groups, different disabilities.. I've never seen any of them not achieving it. So, as silly as it sounds but if there is a breath there is hope. It is the best and the strongest position in life to be hopeful about anything where no-one can even attempt to imagine that, isn't it?

@Phil Haha! Phil! Listen. If you choose to put some time on this, the pay-off will definitely gonna please you! It doubles the pleasures in life. Guaranteed?

@Salaam Salaam, such a profound contribution of yours, I appreciated it a lot. It has already expanded my awareness; but actually I need to read it couple of more times. Very helpful! Thank you. Really, without approaching holistically to the matters, we can not talk about any real growth of anything; so the balancing act represents itself as such a key factor. None of the domains of life or matters is less important; all of them need the same attention and effort; of course prioritizing them will depend on different variables but balancing them will surely require mastery and much more delicate grasp of our minds. And Salaam, you have pointed so significantly, the importance of creating the harmony and synergy through balancing act; because the healing of the most of the micro or macro wounds will definitely depend on that. Thank you.

@Mats It's from some of my experiences, thank you. I like this forum, exchange of our ideas gives me a lot of new insights too.

That's very nice. Written form really has its own place. Creates direct refined flow into the thought form; subtleties appear brighter so you can merge into that with ease from your solitude. Integrating yours into that accelerates your process. I enjoyed reading, thank you.

"Your inner being is current tense, what's manifested in your experience is old news..." Let the love in??

HAHA!!!

This was really helpful to understand mushrooms and what you meant about them. An interview would be such a foundational entry. I even can't wait to learn from him right now.

@Leo Gura I couldn't put this @part out I'm sending this to all of you guys? Guys? if you can handle?: Kinda same book, happens in a different religion. http://www.ahmedhulusi.org/en/books the books title is ' universal mysteries'

@Leo Gura thank you very much for sharing. I've read similar books, their messages unify on the same subject; but this one looks like having more details, thanks.

@Deep @Deep if you are interested in to feel the kundalini energy rising in your body, there are couple of things you can do. Put your feet into the salty water twice a day. Put some ice on your liver once in couple of days or so.. move a candle on your left side of your body gently up and down, like again once in couple of days or so. Your body starts to sense it better. But if you feel burning sensation or warmth I suggest you to say ' I forgive' the kundalini sensation is generally a cool breeze. As if there is a very light wind around you. Also it's possible to sense the vibrations of objects, people, concepts like this too.

@Pallero JSM?

Healthy conflict is always a very good tool to growth and self awareness. Videos like this allow us to be self-observant through our self-actualization process; so it is even more valuable; because it's not just informative which creates passive follow but provokes some more reactions which can be seen so can be cleaned out from the path.