Sevi

I think you are a very honest person, it's clear to see it from your post. What I could say is that you are a honest person who is getting more and more uncomfortable with a tool used for managing the circumstances. It's understandable because your actual self doesn't resonate with with the surviving/managing skill. Start with respecting the good it did for you, probably it supplied some flexibility and reach out. Then being an ordinary person is good enough, being so harsh with so called wrong actions won't do any good. The thing I think, you are so yearning to be accepted and welcomed as just your actual identity but it didn't happen for a while so there is this risk of not to be loved or accepted. Guess what love means? Or acceptance? It's different being all unaware person who tries every way out on the expense of other's security or there is this someone who tries his best to deal with his issues. If someone is incapable of understanding such struggles they are not in any journey yet, they'll love you later, but the other ones will be like 'what took you this long silly ' just to be yourself Accept and love yourself with your lies:) we already do;) you are the only one who is harshly criticizing ❤

I'll give my next lesson in a meditative mood then!

And who appreciates Leo, are not just homo-sapiens anymore

@Shakazulu ❤

Dance is always a mood changer

I wouldn't call them as weaknesses. A rational minded woman is a rare thing, and personally I find feminine qualities in a male mind quite attractive. You have a potential to master the complexity of intricate qualities within you. But it takes time. I think you are just young. Sometimes 'less needy' looking people might make you doubt yourself. Honestly, there is no one on earth who is 'not needy' and no one is really confident. Just everyone has their own ways to deal with their needs and life; and you learn along the way which ends up being your 'confidence'. But of course this fact shouldn't be a reason not to work on yourself and to understand your needs and your deep desires; to trace your root causes and heal them, that's one of the major reasons of existence actually.. most of the time those hurtful relationships or experiences in life are just nice causes to put you on a journey to yourself.

Years ago, one of the sitcoms that I played -one of the ones that I loved the most- was opening the curtains with this music.. with the first 26 sec intro of this song: Today I started the day with the forum, and I'm ending the day with forum:) okay:) good night everyone!

Some images/ideas/visualizations shift something deep inside you. We generally recognize those moments so clearly. It's like all of a sudden something gives life to something; that something lights up a flame in you.. those moments are so breathtakingly inspirational, your body and your inner being reacts to that.. those are the moments we create 'the life' 'the project' 'the whatever the whole thing is'.. I think the moment any single vision you are seeing from your soul's window -from within- out to your mind-eye, which creates that effect on your being is exactly the moment that thing is created into existence..it starts to breathe right on. I think that sensation is the key, other than that, that will rest as a linear mental project without the 3rd dimension.

Hahah! Right?! I like the way they wrap up their little fingers around a finger:) it's like transference of pure life force:)

I'm really happy for that @Max_V Yeah, himself Mr. @Shin is funny too, especially when he is not Hhumming..

Darling what about 'not' asking for trouble when it's not necessary? By the way:) I loved your picture:) I don't know why:p @Shin

@Max_V there is this movie called 'nine' directed by Rob Marshall. It'll seem not related to your stuff but cope with it: It's about an Italian film director facing a life crisis, feels like the most anxious ever, dying.. and his women in his life: his wife, mistress, mother, muse, and the prostitute who is related to his first sexual awakenings. We see him struggling with his career, and there is this chaotic crowd in the film. Has an heart attack-ish situation when he is meeting his mistress. Mother says him: 'remember Guido, I'm the only one who's gonna love you this much', somewhere between the lines we see it. He wants to love and be loyal to his wife but if he does so that's a betrayal to his mother in his mind without him realising it, the mother is his deep coded survival mechanism, the moment he goes on to the way to follow the love he has, he starts to not to breath well. The mistress is the continuation of the prostitute goddess: connected to his creativity in his work, the moment he goes towards that way the contradiction arises stronger. Anxiety hits hard. Long story short, when you are about to open your system up to a new embodiment of deep matters which matter for you, leaving the old behind not knowing if 'they or that' ever gonna take you back or be okay with your new state; and of course not knowing the new pull will really gonna embrace you the way you long for, is a clear shock for a living mechanism. Being very understanding and compassionate to yourself in such cases, putting your attention on your already 'in alarmed mode-inner-self ' rather than to plan, calculate, analyze the outer conditions, can create an easier, smoother and steady transition within you, rather than having little shocks every other month.. ❤

@Dodo how are you feeling now?

@Max_V how are you now?

@Shin❤

@MiracleMan I was just about to write, and you've edited 'clarity' part:) I was about to write that, I'm about to meditate right now, join me. Okay, your mind went crazy, your enlightenment work is not working:) you are escaping, you are full of emotions, ... okay. Join me:) let's meditate.

Congratulations on your first payment! It's a big deal:) You know the amount of time needed to be spent there, it's your calculated step; what you do there is basically to serve to your life purpose. You could be comforting yourself but you are taking the pressure instead, so you are on the way to your dreams, that's a celebratory thing. If you have other options to achieve this step of your purpose, go for it (like another job that you can have) if not, hold on how long ever is needed. That's a perfect place to develop your skills, use it. I understand that you are already trying so, but I'll repeat it, execute the job with utmost exquisite artistry: that's what claims an honorable man. It is easy to do the things which are already so resonated with your soul.. if you can treat the unwanted and uncomforting ones as the same, then you are really nominated to be someone special. Communicate this with people. Management may not necessarily be mad at you, they might be trying to get the things done. But if it's because of low consciousness, just remember, most probably they are lost and stuck, and not knowing how to help themselves out thus very angry with themselves.. you'll be out soon but they'll be stuck there, god knows how long.. if you can stay calm when you are expected to be anxious, it's always a game changer.

Oh yeah! I was also about to write, "to remind myself why I am doing what I am doing" is such an effective way too.. ahah! thank you @Shin ! You are such a complementary friend:)

I have 'little reminder thoughts' like my cat Yoda's paws and his smile and the way he appeared in my life.. the moment I call these images from my memory, it shifts my state most of the time.. or I think of the moments that I could connect to universe or to love; I pay attention the way the nature communicates itself to me.. Or things like this picture: (which @Shin once sent me ❤) that creates instant sensation of connection

Thank you @Vladimir for your valuable contribution. I found it very helpful.

Guys you woke me up.. yeah.. the airplane image has gotten into my dream too.. but nothing like described here.. and I felt the deep sorrow too.. I first thought it was my sorrow, then I was directed to here.. Well.. that's ok.. everybody please sleep now.. I want to sleep right know.. I'll decode this probably in couple of days or a week or so.. I love you all.. this is a false alarm.. please don't wake me up in unnecessary cases... ?

She is afraid, feels so lonely and lost, holds on to you. You are happy to help but feeling scared to get lost because of her; to be lost with her. But, someone holds you:) you are not going anywhere;) so, no one is getting lost, no one is getting down:) Just put your finances in order, and don't get spiritual. There is no need to. You are loved and deeply appreciated. You are held so strongly. There is no need to worry. @Dodo

The instant you wanna be there, you are there. @Amit ?