A concept I learned from someone has given me a new perspective on relationships. Our minds think, constantly. It's the brain's job to keep the "meat vehicle" working and reasonably safe from harm so we can experience life. We cannot unplug it...to do so unplugs you and then you're dead. You can unplug from it by realizing that you are not your thoughts, you're just the observer of them. If you think of your mind as a fire hose that is turned on and flailing around, it's easy to guess what happens if you attach to it. It will slam you into the walls. So the same principle must apply if you attach to someone who is attached to their "fire hose". If this is true, then you must first make sure that you are not flailing around attached to your own mind and then use your intuition pertaining to whether or not the possible significant other is attached to theirs. Using this analogy, it's easy to recognize when one or both parties are playing the part of the wacky waving arm flailing inflatable tube man.