retardedhorse1

Jesus fucking christ." whats so bad about depersonalization disorder" Well good luck sir @electroBeam on your "path".Oh you have had a shitty traumatic life and your dissociating because of it. NAAAHHH THATS JUST A REQUIREMENT FOR " THE PATH" TO HAPPY LALA LAND.Good luck, i hope you get there soon ! ^^ Anway, if it works for you thats cool.I can only imagine your not experiencing the fullblown disorder, otherwise you wouldnt be talking like this ^^

Hello guys/leo, i know Leo has good intentions with his videos, i dont doubt that. However, some of the content might do more harm than good.Im talking about all the existential stuff. His videos about enlightement, noself all that kinda stuff have thrown me into a deep existential hell of depersonalization. Again, i know this is not his intention and its certainly my traumatic past and anxious, highly sensitive personality that predisposed me to this. But dude, be careful with what ideas your spreading and expecially how you present them.Running around, telling people they dont exist has the potential to completely ruin their lifes.Everyone in my situation just wants to be a normal human being again.And whoever responds to this, please dont tell me about "oh thats just your ego talking etc."If your in this existential hell, you dont want to hear about enlightement and all that kind of stuff.You just want to be a normal human being! Its VERY FUCKING EASY to talk about this when your not in this kind of situation. I really just want to call attention to the potential danger in some of leos videos. And lets be real here, how many people have actually gotten closer to "enlightenment"(or whatever the fuck) by watching them vs. how many were just kind of entertained vs. how many were deeply disturbed and potentially thrown into a deep depression/Dp/dr.What do you think? I love a lot of leos content, dont get me wrong.But i suggest he might want to consider reframing some of these buddhist concepts in a way that is healthy for those without a stable personality.Just saying man..if he did a video for people to better deal with these ideas, he would do a lot of good for many, im certain of that. Anyway, just something that i think is very very important to keep in mind. And again, please no spiritual response. Thanks!

Hello guys, ive recently had an issue with nihilistic thoughts that would ruin everything i enjoyed. Then for a few days i forgot about that and everything went back to normal.However, then new ideas appeared that i would obsess over all day long.You should know that ive had constant derealization for as long as i can remember.In and of itself it is not really a problem, but it can become one if i focus on it.I had years, where i was so engaged with life that i didnt give a shit and never thought about it.However now im quite aware of it again.So for me everything already seems kind of dream like and now on top of that, these ideas of "emptyness" and"no self" have poisoned my mind. So im constantly observing myself and deconstructing everything, every sensantion even. Deep down i know, that im not going to think myself into a deep depression, as ive always had episodes like this with various themes.And they all passed as soon, as those thoughts passed.But with this " ability" to imagine a certain reality to the point where you can actually feel it can be very frightening. As i said i have derealization, but actually not depersonalisation.But of course i also started to obsess over that, and then i start feeling like it becomes a reality. So now im also afraid of my meditation.It has helped me tremendously in the past, but know in combination with all the ideas mentioned above, im pretty scared of it.I know its an unusual and weird situation, but my main question is: How do i stop this constant self obesrvation..plus i need some reassurance that " no self" plus " emptyness" n stuff, are not ideas to ruin your day lol.But im pretty much using them as such.Pls excuse my possibly incoherent rambling..^^ Im really not striving for an awakening..i think im the type of person that could be ruined by that. I just want to keep meditating for psychological benefits and go back to being a more or less healthy, functional human being. Thx!

Thanks everyone, ill definitely get over this!

Hello everyone, so a few days ago this thought has manifested in my mind, that everything is actually totally meaningless.I mean thats kind of obvious, but it has turned into an obsession where im constantly observing myself and questioning everything that i actually enjoy doing.Such as my girlfriend, hobbies, even the tase of food lol. It goes something like this: " oh i am enjoying myself right now" " but this is totally meaningless" and there goes the enjoyment and i get a hit of anxiety. I have realized that every meaning is completely subjective and what you like doing is essentially very arbitrary.Now its a question of how you interpret that.There is the saying " you can choose to be happy" and thats exactly right.But for me its kind of a sad thought, because it implies that nothing is actually absolute. I know this whole thing is a stupid mind game, and that when im not thinking everything is fine again.But the last few days it has really become a viscious circle of deconstructive mind activity and constant self observation, which leads to extreme anxiety.And somehow feeling bad seems kind of more valid than feeling good, which i know is totally fucked up.Usually at the end of the day, my mind cant handle it anymore and just shuts down and i suddenly feel better than ever as i am very present and relaxed. I guess i have made the mistake of taking some of the spiritual teachings as constructs and i am now using them against me.I need to learn to allow myself feeling great.Yes in the end its all arbitrary, but there is no need to interpret that as a bad thing. Some help would be highly appreciated!!

Hello, i was just wondering whether to do shinzen youngs do nothing, where the only rule is: " whenever you become aware of your intention to control your attention, drop that intention" or more of an active surrendering meditation. I found that with do nothing i tend to just get into monkey mind the whole time, whereas with constantly actively surrendering/relaxing your body and brain (such as leos "next level of meditation")i get into a "deep state" much quicker. What are your thoughts on these techniques?

LOL ^^ When you focus on lets say your whole arm, dont you have like some very faint visual experience of that area while feeling the sensation? Maybe im just a little weird in that way, whatever^^it doesnt seem to be a problem

Hello, just a thing i noticed. Im currently doing shinzen youngs noting technique, to be exact "just feel". Whenever i focus on a bodysensation it is usually accompanyied by some faint "visual" sensation of that area, if you know what i mean. I am able to just feel without like "visually locating" the sensation and then it gets pretty weird, its just a sensation sitting nowhere in space. Any thoughts on this?

I would love to know more about leos own spiritual journey/progress hes made so far.

At the time the therapist didnt even know what was going on and never even mentioned the term derealization, even tho my description of my experience was pretty much the textbook definition of dr^^years later i found out that there even is such a thing and that im not alone with this weird perception issue.Its not as bad as you might think, dont confuse this with depression.It still sucks tho^^

My perception is also very fucked, i have 24/7 derealisation, which makes everything look very flat and dreamlike. Can you relate to this as well?

You mean one should stop formal pracice? And how is enlightenment made up bullshit? Maybe i dont get what ur saying^^

Thanks everybody! i will work on this for sure !

Hello everyone, now this is just me realizing how i have been for years and still am wasting pretty much 80 percent of my time on social media, on youtube, looking at stupid cat videos, going on random video sprees for hours, fucking netflix, facebook again etc etc. Im so sick of this and i totally see how all of this bullshit has just a temporary numbing effect because i often dont know what to do with myself. I am meditating and im working out and studying psychology at university and these things are awesome, yet there is so much free time that im completely wasting. I dont want to sound arrogant, but i really i have some talents, and i wish i had the motivation to use that potential but its just not there.I have kind of accepted that it makes no sense to force these things...but still. I kind of feel like i have no long term perspective, nothing im really working on or developing(except meditation/working out) and i feel a strong need for something meaningfull to identify with.Im very aware that all of this is egoic bullshit but im frankly not at a stage yet where i could drop it. The point is, i need to stop this toxic behavior and replace it with something thats actually fullfilling...but how should i go about this? I would really appreciate your thoughts on this! Thank you!