assx95

Women I love are incapable of loving me. They ignore me, they call me disgusting, they flake on me. I don't know any woman including my mother, who accepts me as I am. I just let it slide. I won't disturb some of them again. I would try again, to make things work with others. I sometimes have tears, but I don't feel like a complete victim. I do the emotionally hard thing - To accept things as they are, and not judge them for any reason. Life is so short that I'm sure moments would just fly by and I'd be on my deathbed, although i deliberately try to slow things down. I'm indifferent to whether I live or die. Anything is fine. I feel love differently now, like love is in the air, or a cool breeze near my chest, or just by being in the moment, I don't expect relationships to last, but I do wish to completely love the other person in the moment. There is still that desire to have someone who loves me, but I know it's far fetched . I'll do what I do best- Give love, and feel it. I let my hurt surface when it does, and I feel it fully.

Hey @Holly Ann why don't you start a meditation practice, it will slowly strip away your past, and bring you into the present moment. But the real question is- Do you really want to forget your past?

This is on point.

@peqkno Lol. This reminds me of some of my own neurotic behavior. You're manipulating her. Notice how being honest about your toxicity is a strategy for you to attract her. And you're not actually being honest. I'll break it down for you- You text her a message along the lines - "I am one of the guys you should avoid and block", and yet you would demonize her as a bitch, if she actually blocks you. It would hurt you emotionally. For, you didn't want to be blocked. There is an incongruency here about what you are saying and what you really feel. So, even you tricked yourself into thinking that it's honest, when it's not. Now, notice how it puts a social pressure on her to be nice to you, of how she is supposed to treat you with empathy and care now, for you are at an emotional low and in self-victimization. And then while she heals you, you would pounce on the opportunity to flirt with her, and then she'd be attracted to you. It's a strategy cause if you were honest that you are one of the guys she should avoid, then you would remove yourself from her life, and you don't want to. See? Also, when a girl pulls away ( withdraws her attention from you), then don't rush in to fill that vacuum, this will only push her away, for she will sense you need something her, you needing something from her does not put her at ease, but at a pressure to provide - be it care, love, or whatever. She has to be free in loving you, if she does. You look like the classic devil disguised as a nice guy who is honest. You have to be willing to lose her ( this is in regards to jealousy) for, she is the one who chooses who she wants to be with. It is hard to accept that she didn't choose you (if she ends up not choosing you), but then you would do the same with other girls if you had like 10 options.

Thanks

Same here. I couldn't find quality resources on this.

What do you mean by nobody? Surely, there are insects, birds, animals, fungi and Microorganisms in the woods. Nothing is practical about your initial setting. Sound is basically vibration we are sensitive to. Sound is made not by the tree but by the perceptual mechanism of the organisms which can detect such vibration. The concept of the tree and the woods was ostensibly defined by you, when you experienced the sight of it unless you've never seen a tree or woods. Even your sight is a construction. If there's someone who can detect the vibration caused by the tree falling in that present moment, then yes, logically, the sound will be made. But then there are auditory hallucinations. And you're making up this scenario, but has it ever happened? Did a tree ever fall in the woods? Be careful when you answer this. You don't know. And if you know, then you could probably hear it. Also be careful about how you frame the question, there are too many assumptions which simply beg the question. But that is inevitable it seems.

Hey @Arcangelo I have one question in context to this : How often do you jerk off? And how strong is your sexual drive?

Make a commitment to Meditate for 20 minutes daily. Just sit motionless and don't do anything. The effects will snowball after a few months. Days if you're lucky. You will get in touch with being, and you probably would change the way you think.

Thanks for the clarity. Couldn't have explained any better.

If i could do anything I wanted in this life- I would explore consciousness through psychedelics and explore the earth by travelling, and be in a loving intimate relationship. And just be. The possibilities seem endless but all of them seem empty and hollow. Death looks beautiful at this point, and I understand how a being of Infinite Intelligence wouldn't tie or bond itself with anything (have attachments). I could do a lot of things but none of them would mean anything. Really. If my life is imaginary, then I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I don't see the point of contributing to the world, an imaginary world, and an imaginary contribution by an imaginary being. Life feels like a MMORPG at this point and everything seems ridiculous. Someone will point that there is no difference between what is real and what is imaginary. But even this reconciliation does nothing. I think the real curse of being a human, besides not being able to live in the present moment, is that he/she has such a radical freedom to do anything that nothing really matters. Whatever you do, The slate will be wiped clean, like the Tibetan Mandalas. I am yet to find peace in this meaninglessness.

@Nahm Wow. I accept the freedom and the love. @Leo Gura This is key. Thanks. I never thought truth works this way.

Quite possibly. I am working on judging others less. I don't particularly believe that any one life is more important than the other. And that the relativeness of it all, makes it all evaporates into what could be best described as nothing. I do believe that beliefs bind me and I am better off not having them. And you opened my eyes to the paradigm I was functioning - "The paradigm of ascribed meaning to everything I see around me" while not realizing that it could be a construction of my mind and I could seek a resolution in another paradigm. Thanks @Lento I don't think it's very wise to pursue the truth like a perfectionist and an addict. Death whenever it occurs, I would welcome it with open arms. And now, I will just absorb everything like the sponge, and live here right now. That seems enough.

My mother's friend is probably an occultist who does black magic. The vibe I've got of her was her smiling with all whites in the eye, no iris and no pupil. She is nearly 42-45 and I see no wrinkles on her face. Maybe Indian women don't crack that easily. There are some eerie coincidences associated with her but I think it's just me being superstitious.

I live in India, don't bother.

I see. It's wonderfully green and cool there, though.

I love the channel.

Wow. Imagine my luck, I went to Kodaikanal last December and couldn't get shrooms.

Isn't this inevitable given the nature of how things are?

Why do you think people fake things? Are they afraid to confront the other person with their true self? In other words, why do people do an inauthentic dance? A fake performance, a fake compliment, a fake relationship, and a fake commitment, when they could just as easily not engage at all.

Yeah. Why call it authentic though? Isn't "dance" dance?

Woah. I was distracted enough to take your bait.

I just told her what she wanted to hear, the things she was complaining about. And then she laughed it off. She told me that a mother would never want something to wrong with their child. I mean, she'll forget about it. That's how it is. I'll be more aware to engage with individuals within their imagined boundaries of what could be talked about.

I am getting a deja vu that I've seen this before, and that the answer is that : Whatever happens, it happens right now.