assx95

@SaWaSaurus Thanks. No, i'd be focusing on other stuff.

@Cepzeu Wow. This is hard work. Everyone appreciates it a lot. Thank you again.

I was contemplating about my sexuality. And here is what I discovered: 1. My desire to spend more time with a certain someone of the opposite sex (my drive for romantic relationships) was innate in me since the age of 7. 2. Unlike my ancestors whose sexual attraction to women was triggered by visual cues on seeing a real woman. My first and subsequent sexual attraction was to women dressed in skimpy clothes in a magazine at the age of 5. I was born in 1995. It wasn't until 16 i was sexually attracted to a real girl in my class. But it was too late as i had immersed myself in internet porn by then. My theory is that this has made me sexually dysfunctional in that, i seek more porn than real women, and confuse women in porn for real women and jerk off to them as if they are real. Consciously i can make the distinction that women in porn are just pixels, but i think it doesn't register on the subconscious level which still thinks it is fucking real women. So, can someone answer the question?

@Lento Deception is about masking up the truth such that it isn't obvious what the truth is. Deception presents itself as the truth. If the truth sets you free, then deception keeps you entrapped in its paradigm. Deception is a sweet lie. So sweet that it convinces you that the truth is not worth pursuing, and it offers you the sweetest deals without telling you the cost you will incur. Deception doesn't let you know you're being deceived. Deception distracts you from anything that leads towards the truth. Deception is a force of its own, but i don't understand why it needs to deceive, is the truth that bad?

@Arcangelo @Lento @Bill W @Aeris @oMarcos @whoareyou @Average Investor @Shroomdoctor Thanks everyone. But the question remains unanswered. Either I was not clear, or the question was misunderstood. The question wasn't about the healthiness or unhealthiness of porn or about addiction. In the context of Leo's 3 part videos on Self-deception, Is jerking off to porn self-deception?

Tell her something*/ Do something* which will make her reject you. If you think you are in the friend-zone, and you probably are, then notice that there is a clearly demarcated boundary for you or for her or both, which excludes you from being something more than just friends. You need to push that boundary or blur it. And as hard as it might may sound, you have to risk rejection* by being vulnerable*. You can't be run over by the fear of losing her, you've already lost her if you are in the friend-zone or staying there for long, or by not acting. By vulnerable, i mean doing something which you want to do, but are afraid of. --- Having said that, the asterisks are indicators to not go overboard. You have to play it with balance, and since balance is dynamic, no one can teach you that. To give you an example, start by saying she looks cute, then you could say - I wish i had a gf as cute as you, some iterations later, you could tell her how cute she'd look if she wears just a white top ( and nothing below) . Don't send her a dick-pic, force yourself on her or propose to her all of a sudden. That was what those asterisk marks were all about.

I'm talking about Porn / Youtube / TV Shows / Junk & Tasty food. Even though I remind myself how this will never give me fulfillment / will fulfill me only for a moment. I go back to it again and again. At this point, it is ruining my potential. My mind gets sneaky when it wants that hit of pleasure again, There's a part of me, which doesn't care about anything beyond "feeling good" That drive to "feel good" overrides any reason or any plan I make which goes against it. I've tried just sitting there and doing nothing, as Leo said in his video for overcoming addiction, and it works for a day or two, post which, the trick of the mind is to be accommodate little pleasures along the way, until I am completely addicted again. Is there a long term plan or structure to fix this?

Atleast 6 years or so.

@DrewNows Yeah, excellent idea. Thanks

@Leo Gura @Lento The problem is that the pleasure i get off of the bad habit far outweighs that of any new habit i would install. Even though I still have some reasoning faculty to tell me that this is a huge deterrent for what I could have been. A part of me doesn't care as long as it gets to "feel good" Early in my life, i used to ace everything, and then i had this desire to fail just to see what it is like. And be subtle and sneaky in destroying everything I seek out there in the world. A part of me still doesn't care, it is alike a parasite which sips on all the nectar it can get from the host and doesn't give two hoots about the host. I don't know whether I am the parasite or the host. I have become the devil himself. I use Leo's teachings to further my own agenda, that of hijacking my reason and my bodily resources to a hedonistic lifestyle. I fool myself into saying - Yes, I'll do the said thing, and then avoid doing it one way or another. Self-deception at its finest. My question is : How do I get a big picture understanding of what i'm doing and hopefully get on the path which is meant for me? (Actually, ever since I got accustomed to the idea that there is no path meant for me, or inherent meaning, i have taken that to mean, that i could do anything and it wouldn't matter)

I don't know. If you have nothing to lose, then there's nothing lost. Addiction seems like a short circuit on loop through all the maze of life. Like what's the point in running around, if there's nothing to do and you have to be doing something anyway.

@universe No. No.

@universe It's the micro decisions where I fail. I had resolved to be off Youtube and Porn for a month. Then 2-3 days later I simply thought- One good song and that's it. There's no harm in listening to one song, and besides listening to music once in a while can be good. That song led me to click through other recommendations and soon I was on Pornhub after seeing Ariana Grande or I don't remember who. And then when I was off track, it is harder to come back to your resolve.

I feel so happy for her. I don't know how. Or why. And i don't care to know if it's grounded in something other than the feeling itself. There's a mildly cool breeze around my heart. The one which I felt when I first knew that she feels the same about us. We broke up 15 days ago. Last she reached out to me, she said she was very confused in life and she feels weird about reaching out to me. I told her to let all energy she is blocking to enter her, telling her that it only seeks a passage on it's journey to elsewhere. I don't know if she did, and i don't know if reality works this way, I don't know if new energy has entered her. I just feel happy for her. I kinda know this feeling won't last, but while it is there, it is there.

It was yesterday, i felt a cool breeze around my heart, and i was feeling happy for someone I know. It was the second time, i've felt that cool breeze, and when I looked it up, it was related to anahata chakra (the heart chakra). I've meditating irregularly for a while now. And i'm lowkey having experiences i've had not before. Like visions of intricate art or beings who'd get attracted to my sexuality. I want to be able to guide myself through all this.

@egoeimai That's a gross oversimplification of what I said. I don't mean that.

I was under the influence of marijuana edibles then (overdosed) but i am confident i can experience it sober if i try. I could not feel my body, my temperature was high, and it was as if i had an aura all over me, like a blanket covering a body. When i was not in bed yet, i had this experience where i closed my eyes, and everything ceased to exist, but that calm low vibration state. My consciousness was episodic, by which i mean, i would get so deeply involved with what i was doing, that i forgot anything else existed. It was during the Indian festival of Navratri, and there was this strong playful vibe of music outside my colony, which only felt like a world of ecstatic joy which only gods could enjoy. And then when i felt like i could die while i was lying down, i hear a soft voice, at which point I think i am mistaken. And then when i hear a soft moan, there is no doubt, there's this female being on top of me, with dark flowy hair, and a face i couldn't see, what stands out are her moans, which were hoarse, loud and sexy, it was very fulfilling. The next morning and it continued for a few hours, i could see the world in a new light quite literally so, and every moment felt as fresh as coming out of a warm bath and having a temperate sun cast its rays on you. I want to explore this domain whilst sober, anyone on the same page?

The context is - We've been on dates but not in a relationship over the course of three years, regularly in touch. She stays far now, so it's long distance, if i can call it a relationship. I haven't contacted her since she said she wanted pure solitude, it's been 10 days. After i cried my heart out for losing her. I had an awakening that the time i met her last, i was loved by her and the universe, and that love was complete. And that i am a devil for trying to chain her to me. And that the least i can do is set her free. And let love find her, or let her find love. This is contradictory to how i still have desires of being with her. And how i feel hurt if i see her with someone else. My question- Am i forging my own path to get out of her life (in which case if i tried a little harder for her, she would be mine and now i wouldn't since i am going away from her) or am i doing what i would have done anyway (an inevitable turn of consequences)?

@JoshuaBell Thanks man, for putting it into perspective.

@Nickyy Thanks a lot. I will do that

@Harikrishnan Yeah. I would agree.

I'm a guy (24) and my love: this girl(26) in a long-distance relationship broke up with me. We've gone on dates before when we lived in the same town. I told her how I felt- Life without her would feel meaningless, and she was irreplaceable and i wanted to give our relationship another chance, but she refused saying she wants pure solitude for now. Overall, it did seem she was done with it. My appetite crashed and i was sick to the stomach. Life did feel meaningless and nothing seemed worth living for. Today is the second day, and i don't think she'll get back to me. If you ask me- then i will wish for, is to spend a night with her walking in the mountains, where she lives now. I cannot think of anyone else taking her place. I know what led her to do this. I was becoming overtly attached. I told her how I wanted her to disconnect me from all social media saying what would I do with all your updates if there is nothing between us, and what of the day, i see your story of getting engaged to someone, while i die inside. She refused. I told her how I couldn't stand seeing her with someone else. I was jealous. She posted a pic with a guy the same day to burn me. I don't know how to deal with this because i genuinely feel life is incomplete without her presence. That i might win the world, but that is nothing if she is not on my side. How do i deal with this? Begging her to take me back won't work, and i wouldn't go down that path. I'll wait until she gets back to me, and if you ask me- she won't. I'm stuck.

Long distance Relationship. Early phase. Although i was friends with her for over 3 years. She posts a picture and i don't find her attractive. She was cute, but now her looks are fading. And all these true feelings I had just melted away. I am a shallow man. I thought i was truly in love and connected spiritually with her. But I was wrong. I feel bad for her now. And for myself. We haven't actually committed yet. But have expressed that we have feelings for each other. I now realize this will be true for every woman i end up dating or looking at, as a potential mate or partner. That i will primarily be with her, because of the way she looks. How do I confront this? How can I be honest with women now? I didn't know i was so manipulative. I am 24 in case age is relevant to the discussion.

@Anna1 I will let her get back to me. I am majorly the one doing the pursuing. Yeah, have met her irl.

@Mikael89 Yes, Have met her irl. 4 times.