Shin

It's not because you try to get better with women that you're necessarily a jerk. Some guys use it wisely to just get comfortable around women and finally having the balls to attract the woman they really want. Getting better at attracting women doesn't mean "I'm gonna lie and fuck them all", it just mean learning the skills you need to be attractive and socialize with them until you stop putting them on a pedestal, and treating them just like any other bro you have.

That's just a phase.

France is kinda doomed too by your logic, don't come here, there is no work and racial tension will rise when the extreme right will win the election this year.

If the op has to ask how to approach one girl, that mean he doesn't know at all how to approach women, thus, his objective shouldn't be to secure one girlfriend, but to overcome his shyness/anxiety with women. Doesn't mean he should "use" women, or treat them as sex object (he couldn't anyway), but not to focus on this very specific girl.

I don't plan when I go for it, but I don't feel I can't help it, I could totally refrain from it if I would. There is a 3rd option I think ^^

If what she says is true, she's in the demisexual spectrum, and she never desire sex unless she has deep romantic feelings towards someone. Talking from experience, I can see a really hot girl, and not even think about sex, I just don't care.

Why ?

That's the point.

Permanently, untill I realize who I really am, and find somene else who did too, naturally without seeking. I really think it's the only way for a relationship to really work. EDIT: Or maybe it's just how it can work with my kind of personality. Probably that.

Don't just meditate, watch your thoughts all the time (you won't be able to dot it all the time at first) = Mindfullness, And comptemplate nature by doing some hiking regularly (at least 3/4 hours a week).

Sounds like you still think you need a relationship, and that a relationship can fulfill you. More spiritual work is indeed necessary, quit relationships for at least 1 full year

It's fascinating how much happiness you can have just by doing nothing most of the day. Really nothing, like meditation and hiking. You really don't need anything else to be happy. You don't need to be detached from people, you need to be detached from an unhealthy and busy lifestyle, Because if you do that, it won't be a problem to be attached to the kind of people you'll naturally attract (for the most part). Yeah, that means cutting some toxic relationships, especially close ones.

Exactly ! Now, chop chop !

Don't forget that if you don't know that you can have a life calling, that's not a burden in your mind. There are people who are just fine with the somewhat decent job they have, happy in their relationships, and just experience life on a positive note.

Yeah this is the biggest trap, waiting for a perfect way to solve this. There is no perfect way, you need to take actions.

The point of mindfullness is to be aware of an emotion, and then to drop it. If you are mindfull to an emotion and it goes right away, you're doing good.

No need to do anything, really, just say that it's his opinion and you respect it, but you that's not yours. If you caught up yourself behaving like this, just practice mindfullness and realize that you truly don't know, because we don't know anything, everything is just beliefs stored in our head, we have no practical experiences to back up any of the beliefs we have. Do you really know that the sun is the center of the solar system ? Do you really know there was an holocaust ? Do you really know if there isn't a god (Christian version) ? It sounds silly, and I especially took these exemples to shake your head, but the truth is that we don't know. You weren't into space, nor that you lived during the WWII, and you probably didn't die and come back to see if god is a reality. When you start to see how little you really know about reality, you drop the game about rightness and wrongness almost instantly, because you now know that all of it is just pure illusions, that everyone is just defending their ego and its beliefs. Maybe they are right, maybe they don't, maybe you're right, maybe you're not. What you think you know isn't relevant, what other people think they know isn't relevant, The only thing that is relevant is how conscious and in synch you are with life, Everything else is just silly childish games.

Well, just watch again the video about Zen Devil from Leo, the story about monks who kills each other pretty much prove that being enligthened doesn't mean you won't rape/kill/torture.

Sounds like Hitler with a different flavour to me.

It is a joke that feels very real for billions of people. Their suffering isn't a joke to them ...

Try online dating and be honest with the girls you have a date with. Just tell them you're a shy guy who has issue with womens and wants to get rid of this nonsense anxiety problem (which is totally fabricated by your mind, I was probably in a worst situation than you). You'll be surprised, a lot of girls like that, a men who's honest about his flaws and wants to work it out, especially intimate things like this.

That depends. If someone wants a relationship because he wants to experience love, and sharing it with an another human being, no. At its core, what you're searching if you're in that dynamic is to be one with the whole again, and the only way you have found is to fall in love. The problem is, if you still live under the egotic paradigm, you will most likely "stop" loving that person at some point, because the love you feel about this person is a sneak-peak of what unconditional love is, and the ego can't possibly understand what unconditional love is, it doesn't want it and can't allow it. So no, you don't seek a relationship because you're selfish in this case, but you can't sustain it indefinitely either. If someone wants a relationship because he/she wants to feel happy, to feel secure, or because he/she wants to live through his/her partner success, and/or because this person wants amazing sex, well yes, it is very selfish and egoistical. This is what most people seek in a relationship. So how to be in a relationship that works indefinitely ? By realizing who you truly are.

250$ to live your dream life, that's what it litteraly is, there is no words to express how much it is worth it. You'll need to do it seriously though, and if you can't silence your limiting beliefs while you're doing it, it could cause lots of problems.

This. A lot of people are in a infinite loop of inconscious victims behaviors, whatever you do, they always try to guilt you, because they want to feel important, their ego needs to be fed.