Infinite

I'm not really sure how to properly convey this, but I have basically lost all motivation for everything except the pursuit of Enlightenment. I literally do not want anything other than to know the Truth of my being. I realized that I don't chase things in the "external" world because I want the things themselves, but because I want the feelings that I believe will arise out of the attainment of those things. This is pointless to me because if true happiness is what I seek, how could it ever be found externally? All external happiness is temporary, thus true eternal happiness would only arise when one is established within their true Self. Chasing anything other than Enlightenment feels like a pointless ego game to me, and I can't get myself to care anymore. Can anyone else relate to this, or does anyone have any advice for me?

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@John Flores Yeah. You could probably speak to him also, just email him.

@John Flores I had a Skype conversation with him about a month ago. I'm convinced that he is.

@Dodoster I'm not judging you, it's just that this whole post appears to me like you're developing a spiritual ego, but I could be wrong. 1. Why are you fishing for opportunities to tell people that you are nothing? 2. Are you speaking from experience, or belief? If you're not enlightened, your ego is just telling stories. 3. Why post it here? If I'm wrong, sorry.

@Dodoster https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXJ1-7Ewrvg

@Jhonny I've always wondered the same thing. I've noticed that there's far more men that are enlightened than women.

In my experience, most psychologists are utterly useless. I went to multiple during my early teens, and none of them were able to tell me something about my psychology that I didn't already understand. Introspection is more effective than a psychologist.

@comp13 The same exact thing seems to happen to me. Objects within my vision start swaying, my peripheral vision becomes blurred, and I get this insane urge to look in another direction. I don't know why it happens.

@Atom The probability of you reaching Mahasamadhi is probably twice as low as reaching Enlightenment, but you're going to stop meditating out of the fear of it happening? You cannot "inadvertently" get to Mahasamadhi. If you stop meditating because you're afraid that you're going to accidentally kill your body, you have nothing to worry about because that's literally never going to happen. The only thing that will die, is the self that is afraid of dying.

@username I've wondered the same thing. I don't really see why there'd be a maximum capacity for awareness, but I don't know. @Atom Why are you going to stop meditating?

Outside of meditation, what are some other ways of developing equanimity as rapidly as possible?

@reddd I used to masturbate once a day at the very least, but it would usually be around 2-4+ times a day. I got rid of porn on July 10th, and since that date I've only masturbated twice in total. I now limit my masturbation to twice a week at most, and in no circumstances will I ever watch porn again.

I never listen to my intuition because it's always leading me to growth, but my underdeveloped mind is always running from the discomfort of growth. However, when I listen it never fails me. I used to call it the higher part of myself, prior to having any concept of what intuition was. Everyone knows what that higher part of themselves would do at any given moment, but few actually listen. It's so much easier to ignore it than it is to listen, but in my experience it's like a snowball effect. The more I listen, the easier it is to hear it; whereas the more I ignore it, the harder it is to hear it. We all have that intuition at all times, but it's often been silenced because it tells us to do things that are emotionally difficult and logic defying.

@ProblemSolving An addiction is anything that you feel you cannot go without for a certain period of time. Now with that being said, although you are having issues with releasing porn, what reasons are there to even release it other than the reasons that you've been given by other people? Masturbating to porn after going 3-4 days without sexual activity is completely fine. Even if you were doing it every day, it'd still be fine as long as it wasn't getting in the way of your life. Do you want to let it go because it's actually negatively impacting your life, or do you want to let it go because people told you that you should? I recently got rid of porn after years of struggling with it, but it was because I was addicted to the point where I'd masturbate 4+ times a day, and I'd spend periods of 3-6+ hours on porn. It was completely destroying my life. I never had the energy to do anything at all because of the amount I'd waste on ejaculating, and my mind was always consumed by the thought of porn at all times. I wouldn't say that I'm completely out of the addiction yet because I'm currently only on day 12 without porn, but I have absolutely no urge to look at it anymore. After years of struggle, I just finally got tired of repeating the same perpetual cycle and decided that I was done with it. I had realized that although I may have wanted to stop watching porn all these years, I didn't want to stop more than I wanted to continue watching it. My efforts in ending the addiction were not truly sincere because deep down, I still wanted it. After realizing this, I thought about how much porn has effected my life and decided that it wasn't worth the 6 seconds of pleasure that it brings. After that, I dropped it with no internal conflict. It's only been 12 days, but I feel like I'm done with it now. I learned a valuable lesson from all of this. We often tell ourselves that we want to achieve something, but in reality we don't truly want it. If we truly wanted to achieve that thing, whatever it may be, then there wouldn't be any internal conflict when it comes down to actually doing whatever is required to achieve it. Internal conflict means that part of you wants it, part of you doesn't. If you truly wanted it, then you would act decisively towards it, and you would not hesitate to do whatever it is that is needed of you in the moment.

@khalifa This one? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBq-EPieRwU

Lol people, what am I supposed to do with these answers?

@Mal I saw what you said before editing it out

@Mal Never tip toe around egos. Ignore what everyone is telling you, so long as what you are doing is leading you closer to realizing Truth, rather than further away. Honestly, all you are doing is exposing to them the deluded aspects of themselves when they reject you for what you say and do.

@Mal It feels to me like I'm playing a self deceptive game every time I speak to people, but maybe that's just me. Even in the way that I phrase the things that I am saying, it's all subtly with the intent to project a certain image of what I perceive myself to be, and how I want others to perceive me. There's seemingly infinite ego traps to be aware of in speaking alone.

@Mal I don't think that a single person here has actually claimed to have gone entirely through the process, and if they did then they're more than likely full of shit. This is not a forum of enlightened people, nor should anyone think it is. Everyone here is deluded, but the whole point is that we're using this site to share information that assists us in seeing through our own delusions, together. Be wary of falling into the trap of putting yourself on a pedestal by talking about how egoic you perceive others to be. I do agree with you in many ways though, but what else do you expect? Where is there not an ego parade? The entire world is an ego parade. I also agree with @Piotr. Speaking about enlightenment in any way, shape, or form is a huge trap. All you're doing is layering concepts over an experience, which conceptualizes the experience itself and turns it into just another thing to place within the false identity. And like he said, if you aren't weakening the illusory structure, then you're strengthening it. Every time you speak of something that "you" experienced, and you aren't aware enough to recognize that the "you" that supposedly experienced it is a fiction, you're strengthening the structure of the illusion. Who is this "I" that had an enlightenment experience? It's far better to not speak about any of this at all. Like Mal said, this is just a massive ego parade, but it's far better than what you'd get in any other forum, or what you'd get out of speaking to 99% of people in the world.

@Salaam Thanks for the response. How does what you said here differentiate from someone who has trained a high degree of equanimity, which is essentially controlling the momentum of attractive/repulsive movement in the same way that you are speaking of? Is it the same? When you train equanimity, you are essentially training the mind to remain calm and equal when faced with attractive and repulsive movement of any kind, which prevents momentum from building in either of those directions. And yes, I still have great interest so any information at all would be much appreciated.

@cle103 As far far as I know, you seem to be doing it correctly. What I would suggest is that if the process feels too repetitive and mechanical, ask the same question in a different way that would incite genuine wonder and openness, or ask a different question entirely. Some different questions you could ask: 1. "What is awareness?" 2. "Where within awareness is the border between self and other?" 3. "Is anything within awareness separate?" Etc...

@Salaam It's very clear that you're highly intelligent, and you interest me because of this. If you've genuinely developed the abilities that you've claimed to develop, I'd like to know how. I'm mostly interested in how you drastically increased the speed at which you process, how you "upgraded" your senses, and how you developed concentration to the degree that you are able to "focus for days" as you claimed on another thread. If you can concentrate to the degree that you claim, can you enter Samadhi?