RossE

Dark web.

You need to be flexible with Graves - different portions of the psyche exist in different stages. You're best to mark yourself in percentages (e.g. 40% orange, 20% green, 40% yellow) rather than say "I am green" "I am orange". People exhibit characteristics of many stages around their "main stage". Plus, it's just a model of course. Under this model, I'd say over 80% of people in first-world countries are deeply in Orange. It's difficult to escape. Look around, most people are concerned with material success, comfort, cheap enjoyment and not much else. They buy into mainstream culture, common science and common views of life in general. It's so rampant that it's seen as the best and only way right now. Having said that, even people who are deeply in stage Orange will probably exhibit some Green/Yellow characteristics because some parts of their psyche will be evolving. You are best to assume you are in Orange, because you probably are without knowing it, and then look for how you exhibit Green or Yellow behaviour. If to some degree you have seen through materialism and culture and have new drives and interests in life, such as meditation, psychedelics, yoga, going on retreats, eating clean, helping people, volunteering, sharing your passion for the sheer hell and beauty of it, you're probably pushing into Green. If you stick out like a sore thumb amongst Orange friends and family for all of these traits, and they question what you are doing with your life, you're well into Green. I know a few people I'd consider firmly as stage Green. It's quite easy to tell. If you start to see this reality as a bunch of systems that all interact, attack and defend each other, part of you is in Yellow. You will not get angry at stuff, you'll see it as a problem, not of an individual or a group of people, but caused by a lack of awareness and wisdom which has its roots long before the people living now existed. You will tend to look for causes of problems rather than dismissing people as "brainwashed" "evil" "crazy" "stupid", or blaming the government or corporations. This goes from the macro to the micro level. Another pointer is being open to all perspectives and seeing truth in all of them. Don't trick yourself that you're out of Orange though. That will take a long time to happen - Orange is so rampant right now. Your focus should be on ridding your psyche of any negative stage orange behaviour, a lot of Leo's videos are about that actually.

Love this video. "Hey this is Leo, for actualized.org, and in this video I'm gonna rant about how society fucks you in the ass." The intro alone is fabulous. Who else is still a dirty shitting squawking chimp despite Leo's best efforts?

@Leo Gura How often is the advice you give to viewers often related to the past Leo or bits of you that you would like to improve?

@MrMog Make sure you got at least 8 inches down there. There's some good enhancement drugs. Go smash it bro

@aurum Thanks. I do have a dream, but it has been obscured lately. You know, I just have to accept this shit that's coming up. Big picture, it means nothing at all. It's just part of the journey.

It is possible I'm slightly depressed. Recently I've had a series of fairly strong awakening experiences, the most recent being on Sunday, which may have contributed to this. Some context... Meditation habit of 16 months. Began self-inquiry 14 months ago and have had many experiences of truth, including disillusion of ego and merging with God. Graduated in June this year. Began a course to be a maths teacher in August and quit 4 weeks ago. Recently signed up to a meditation teacher training course starting in January. I work PT as a maths tutor, 5 hours per week, enough for me to buy food, save towards the course and fund my limited social life. I live with my parents. Eat plant-based diet and I play guitar. My concerns... • I feel emotionally devoid. Nothing bothers me, but nothing really excites me either. •my taste for a simple life died on Sunday, now I don't even see the beauty in the simple • there is a pervasive feeling that something is not right, something is not authentic to me. • my identity has completely gone. All the new "spiritual" things aren't even a part of me anymore. I don't know what I enjoy, what I'm passionate about, what I believe in. There's nothing there. • there's no certainty anymore. I could wake up tomorrow feeling very enthusiastic to do my tutoring, research on meditation, to read a book, to eat some good food, but I could also wake up and feel that this is all totally meaningless and I don't enjoy. I can barely be bothered meditating right now, only really doing so to keep my streak going • I look back on the last couple of months of my life and I have no real idea where they have gone. Did they even happen? • I have no desire to do anything big with my life, go anywhere or get anything. I don't have anyone to impress, an image of myself to sell to people. I have no desire for girls, for lots of friends. It feels very strange and empty, meaningless. •I've been dabbling a lot recently: yoga, Sangha nights, visiting monasteries, watching football, parties, contemplated becoming a monk, counselling, listening to classical music, reading books... none of it feels right to me and I've swiftly given up with them There's a lot more detail and things I could add in but that's a broad overview of my emotional situation. Just would like another POV on this and what is occuring. The only POV I have is mine at the moment.

@Leo Gura Having experienced truth, I know that the scale of this just completely dwarfs and obliterates any of my concerns regarding it. I can't lie about my original motivations before I'd experienced anything though. Thanks for kicking my ass - I know why you're doing it.

@Leo Gura Yeah, but that was my original motivation for pursuing it.

@Socrates Fair enough. Getting basics down like waking time, going to sleep time, meal times, morning routine and having a time for meditation could be very helpful. I think you need a compelling vision of what you want your life to be about, what you want to look back and be grateful for, what do you want to do in this world. Vision can really drive you forward when you're doing some menial task you can't be assed doing, meditating, when you feel stuck in a plateau. The vision can really put any daily struggle you have into perspective. Sounds like that might be what you need right now.

@aurum How did you find your sense of purpose and find enthusiasm for what you do? I have been searching for it, but can't find it. Keep searching?

@Leo Gura No point really. It has removed a lot of shit from my life but has lead to me restricting myself too much and using my experiences of truth to justify spiritual nihilism. I figured enlightenment would bring lasting peace and happiness that I've been searching for my whole life. Some days I do feel that life is incredible, in a way that would be impossible for me without meditation. It's extremely variable. I have a LP, and the work on it comes in waves, but I don't feel too passionate about it. I should go do the last piece of your course for inspiration.

@Socrates I'm in a similar situation to you except I have no real desire to implement new PD habits. I'm not sure having a daily routine is all that important - why do you feel the need for it? What do you hope to do to earn a living? Run a business? Get a job for a charity or company or business? Online? I'm generally for a minimalist lifestyle but being busy can get you perspective on all the free time you have and what you dedicate it to.

On my last shroom trip, I died, merged with Nothing and was reborn as the ego. It still affects me to this day, it has put my whole life into question. For a few days after I was struggling, really struggling to come to grips with what happened. I reckon such an experience could fuck someone up for a while, but ultimately it would be positive. Seeing Truth is always positive in my view.

@kieranperez Go for both. Enlightenment is the ultimate thing you can discover in this existence. It will be debilitating, of course it will, but so is running a marathon. The prize you get for this path will be more worth it than you can fathom.

@Max_V If it's a self-image thing, try to let that go. Even if you do become muscly, it will cause many more issues further down the line. Your natural build is your healthiest in my opinion. I was never fat or muscly in my life, but I have lost about 7 pounds in the last 6 months - I'm now a tall, skinny build. People say I look almost too skinny, but it feels very natural and primordial. Find what's best for you. @egoless I would say the main thing is cutting out artificial food, salt, sugar and saturated fat as much as possible. This will have a huge effect itself. Then cut out meat and dairy with time. You'll become more sensitive to what you put into your body.

@Noah Don't try to do it all at once - you don't need to. It sounds like you have your life purpose sorted - that alone is huge. Those habits are powerful, particularly meditation, which you really ought to keep up if you want to live a full life. If you feel overwhelmed, you're probably too immersed in personal development. Most of all, go easy on yourself - this is a lifelong journey, with no destination.

@Ryan_047 By practice I mean meditation, self-inquiry, contemplation, any spiritual practice you can think of.

@hundreth I would call that stage blue my friend. Stage Green beings are accepting, loving, compassionate people. Stage Blue is all about rules, frameworks and cultural assertion. I think this describes Communism well. A Stage Green Europe or America would look radically different from what you propose, in my opinion.

@StarfoxEpiphany You strike me as stage orange.

@Ryan_047 This is how ego consciousness works. By constructing meaning and reasons and justifications from nowhere, and then not being able to face up to the delusion it created. It THINKS that this is all meaningless, it THINKS that it's all about its survival, it THINKS that it will die. This is just the ego throwing its toys out the pram because it knows it has been caught red-handed. It does so by trying to maintain itself. Keep doing the practice daily and be patient. The ego will slowly step down from its stolen throne. The life you live will be 10x better than it was.

@Ryan_047 Okay, but.... If you could lead a "meaningless" life that is full of joy and happiness, and take huge pleasure in each breath, the sun, the strange looking furry things we call animals, the trees, other human beings, food, walking, talking... would you choose that or would you choose not to exist at all? Could its meaninglessness be beautiful? Could its sheer beauty provide lots of meaning to you? Contemplate this

Hey hey. I'm at a big fork in the road in my life. This is the question that's nagging at me. I must ultimately decide for myself, but I am looking for some advice from this community, a lot of whom probably meditate I'm going to give a little of my story first, both with meditation and with my career journey, to give some context. Around a year ago, during the final year of my bachelors, it dawned on me that my ambition to be an actuary, an ambition I held since I was about 14, was not going to bring me happiness, and that my motivations for doing this were backward. I'd spent two consecutive summers at an insurance company and that also contributed to my decision to abandon it. An actuary is similar to an accountant except they specialise in insurance and pensions - long-term liabilities. It's a highly valued profession in the corporate sphere. It relies hugely on mathematics - calculus, statistics and probability, financial mathematics, and I've been very proficient in mathematics since a young age. My degree was based almost entirely around doing this as a career. So, I let that ambition die. I have been tutoring maths part-time during my studies for almost 3 years now, and I really enjoy it. So, I continued with my bachelors, and decided to apply to maths teacher training, which would enable me to teach kids aged 12-18 in schools. I graduated from undergraduate in June this year, and so switched to a different university to begin the teacher training in August this year. During the couple months gap I had, I did Leo's life purpose course and came up with the following LP: transform people's psychological well-being by sparking insight and wisdom. While I felt that I could fit maths teaching into this mould, I knew that I wouldn't be doing it for very long, it wouldn't fulfil my deepest passions, and 3/5/7/10 years down the line I would be some sort of spiritual teacher - be it a therapist that uses meditation, a meditation teacher, a life coach, or similar. I was already thinking about how to incorporate meditation/spiritual teaching into my maths teaching! Just a few days ago, I quit the teaching course. I was sitting trying to work on the assignment last weekend and nothing was happening - I was going round in circles, I was in an unusually bad mood, I accidentally deleted an entire document I'd written, it felt like completing this assignment was never going to happen! I shut my laptop, sat in my chair and looked out the window. In that moment I realised that I couldn't continue, the past 2 months I'd been lying to myself about my passion for the course. I was never that passionate about it, and it was actually causing me emotional pain because I wasn't fully involved, fully aligned with it. It felt shit scary to admit this, like part of me was dying, like I was falling from a cliff. But it also felt very liberating knowing that I was free to do what I really want to do. On Monday morning I sent the necessary emails to remove myself from the course. That was that. On reflection, I knew all along that it wasn't right. It was very subtle, but it was there the whole time, sometimes on an unconscious level. I haven't regretted quitting, and I feel more aligned and more authentic, more honest with myself. I still plan to continue maths tutoring part time, for now. I live with my parents so I don't need a "real" job right away, I'll survive! I have a huge passion for meditation. I've been meditating daily now for almost 15 months, and I plan to do it everyday for the rest of my life. It's possibly the most vital activity in my life besides eating and drinking. I can see that this practice is spreading and its importance in society is possibly higher now than it ever has been. Over the last 3/4 days I've been quite heavily researching how to become a meditation teacher, looking at various courses, how I could deliver it to people, what types of people I could teach, how I could earn a living from it etc. I've already sent a couple of emails to a course leader in England. I have been teaching and guiding my mum in meditation a little bit recently. I feel naturally drawn to it. So, you could ask, what's the problem? Why are you even asking for advice? Well, I have some doubts about this career path. I somehow feel that this is what I'll end up doing, my subconscious seems to have decided already, and the circumstances of my life are pushing me in this direction, but on a conscious level there is some uncertainty. Doubts I have: my age: I'm 22. Do I have enough life experience to sufficiently understand the people I'm teaching, the place they're coming from? my meditation experience: I have done around 520 hours of meditation practice - a mixture of solo, on retreat, in groups, and experience with about 10 techniques. I have been assured that this is sufficient but it doesn't feel like enough to me. subject knowledge: I am aware this is something that could be quite easily remedied by tightening my practice, reading books, going to group meditations, events and watching videos and documentaries, seeking personal teaching. business: could I successfully run a meditation business? Would it be taken seriously? In general it just feels crazy that I could actually teach meditation for a living, it would completely transform my life! I almost can't take the idea seriously. But on the other hand I am being pulled towards it. Any advice for my journey would be warmly welcomed I'm happy to clarify any of the above or any other important information.

@Ariel Lists about self-actualization on the Internet, probably created by someone on their own on a computer on the other side of the country, have nothing to do with what self-actualization means for YOU. What do you want from life? What are you passionate abouy? What skills and talents could you tap into? What impact do you want to have? How do you want to feel on a daily basis? If you can answer these types of questions and work towards them, you'll be on your way. It's a lifelong journey.

I like to think of the Godhead as an elephant-person with many arms working simultaneously. There's probably a Buddhist name for such a creature. Good work. Sounds like a very cool trip. Try smoking pot. I merged with the Godhead just by sharing ONE joint with a couple of friends a couple of months after my shroom trip.