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Haha browsed the forum just to see if someone had made a thread of that

Let me add this text, which is also said by Jiddu Krishnamurti: The Thinker and Thought Is there any relationship between the thinker and his thought, or is there only thought and not a thinker? If there are no thoughts there is no thinker. When you have thoughts, is there a thinker? Perceiving the impermanence of thoughts, thought itself creates the thinker who gives himself permanency; so thought creates the thinker; then the thinker establishes himself as a permanent entity apart from thoughts which are always in a state of flux. So, thought creates the thinker and not the other way about. The thinker does not create thought, for if there are no thoughts, there is no thinker. The thinker separates himself from his parent and tries to establish a relationship, a relationship between the so-called permanent, which is the thinker created by thought, and the impermanent or transient, which is thought. So, both are really transient. Pursue a thought completely to its very end. Think it out fully, feel it out and discover for yourself what happens. You will find that there is no thinker at all. For, when thought ceases, the thinker is not. We think there are two states, as the thinker and the thought. These two states are fictitious, unreal. There is only thought, and the bundle of thought creates the 'me', the thinker. So I guess you could say it's like this? Thoughts ---> Thinker (thoughts) ---> Thoughts Instead of: Thinker ---> Thoughts

I've been practicing recognizing awareness. This that I am. The only thing that has been constant and is the witness of everything else that changes etc etc. When "I" "do" this it's like everything is moving. I can stand up and have a feeling like I'm surfing on the ground. lol. Pretty fun. Don't fear it anymore. Feels pleasant. Really feels like the ground is moving and not just looks like it. I have experienced it before, but now it getting pretty crazy. Is this common?

Lol. Hope it's okay that I post this. I'm not the creator of this video btw.

Wtf? That didn't look so fun. (Warning he pukes at around 6:40) Nevertheless, he look happy at the end.

What about these two? First starts automatically at 1:41:18 when you click on the link. Ends around 1:48:50. Second one starts at 2:20:40 and ends at around 2:31:40

I think I'm not ready for this path now. It's so much more than I ever imagined it would be. For me I've only experienced the "bad". Did not realize before I started this path that it's not just the sense of "my" self, the person, the identity hat disappears. What I feel is me. But also everyone else. So fucked up that it really is NO ONE around. Those that have really seen this and not just understand it intellectually, how much does it affect you? I thought I had felt loneliness before, until I experienced this.

Right

Feels like I'm starting to realize what it means to "be here". A week ago or something I was sitting down and just looked around at everything that exists in the room like: that exists there, that exits there, and I exist here etc. Not just thinking about me and the other things I saw as something separate, like me AND the room. More like thinking this that I am, that exists in this place is just something that's exits here like other things in the room. It's a presence right here, not as a identity, person or human. It just something here that is, that exists. In the same way it's something over there that exits, but you really don't actually know what it is. And nothing is separate, it's really one. Don't know how to explain. Sometimes I don't see it. But the last couples of days it's feels like the realization gets more deeper. Feels like my body starts to move back and forth, like it switches place a little in the room. Also that things in the room is moving. Anyone else experience this? =) Yesterday, for the second time, I also could see clear there is no self there. And it became clearer how everything just reacts to each other, the pictures in the head, the inner voice etc, creating the illusion. It felt so obvious. I think so much happens in the subconscious, and just a little of it comes up to the surface, and I guess what's up on the surface, that can be "seen" is what you feel like you are controlling. Anyway this terrifies me every time. Empty, pointless, nothing..

Based on everything I've explained about my experience in this thread, and the strong sense that I saw what's true, am I deluded to think I was close to enlightenment? I mean I really for the first time saw myself and others without mental filtering like I've explained before. No filtering, no layering, no adding. And it made me realize how much was in the way before that I didn't knew. . And is now back once again. I really felt I didn't had any judgments about anyone for example, Which I had raised my awareness to before this and realized I'm doing a lot. And while it felt scary to look at myself and others just seeing what is there without adding something to it, I at the same time felt more empathy towards others and myself then I've ever felt. Felt like everyone is the same and connected in a way. Also the sense of dis-identification with body that I experienced to some extent. The fluctuating presence in things I saw. Also a thing I have trouble to explain, that I was super conscious of every movement I made. Sense that is was just moving and being observed and the feeling there was really not an "I" who was controlling that. I had been thinking very intense of the free will question and came to the conclusion that I don't think it exists. But what happened here was some sort of just sensing and a feeling of knowing 100% that it didn't. And really the moment I started experiencing such a big shift in perspective that led to all this, was when I sat and contemplated through the night and for the first time felt like I really started to see what I am and grasp the meaning of "is". And that I haven't seen it like that anymore since,. As usual this posts became much longer than I expected.

Thanks for taking the time to explain it in such detail my good sir. Really appreciate it. Will be coming back to read it and think about this some more. And maybe some questions. That's all for now

I've realized this. Sat just thinking about it actually. How enlightened people view others. I guess it's a strong feeling of love, empathy and oneness to everything. Since I didn't get enlightened or had any "good" feelings that came with the insight I just experienced everything as...bad.

Thank you.

Warning: Depressing, whiny, self-pity and maybe deluded post. Haven't felt like responding here, but I've read all the comments daily. Thank you everyone. Well. I've hit a new low. So so so low. I feel I maybe had the opportunity of a lifetime. Not just a opportunity. But THE opportunity. Talking about the day I started this thread. I just was too scared to surrender to it. Well I maybe sound deluded. I don't know. But it really felt I was so close that day. I don't know how it could get any closer. It was like I could see myself and others unfiltered. Without any mental layers. No judgments, words, pictures, concepts and all that. Just saw what was there completely without a sense of a self behind. And much else which I have describes in earlier posts. I could maybe write even more. Insight is back to "normal" with only the memories left, which can't get even close. It was just such a chaotic experience. The perspective I've had on reality all my life just flipped in a day or so. Everything felt like a lie. All that I felt had meaning and value. Just gone. Like you suddenly realize everyone including yourself is robots, friends family. It felt heartbreaking when realizing it was just nothing there. The relationships and the feeling of having a bond with people. Just gone. Deep feelings of loneliness, isolation, fear. No meaning, pointless etc. Physical symptoms and no sleep for long, no food. The mind playing tricks etc. I think the combination of everything just led me to not having the guts to surrender. Didn't feel in the best state to make the biggest decision of my life. And was also afraid it would get more intense. The reason my mind opened up so quickly I think just after starting to contemplate for like 5 days, I think is because I went from 0 to 100. Almost every waking hour, and not much sleep either. I contemplated things very intense and deep that I haven't thought about before and took in so many new perspectives all at once. And my mind just became more and more open to it, and sucked it in. Anyway know I am at complete bottom. Not of the insight. Because it have passed. Only memories remain like I said which doesn't affect me that much. But a deep deep deep feeling of regret. What if I almost had it? And now instead I'm back to depression and all sorts of problems I still have to work on in my psyche the loooong and hard way. And even if I do it'll never be close to enlightenment which may never come. It's just that I don't know what could've happened if I surrendered. Maybe nothing.Which feels hard to believe. But at least then I know and couldn't criticize myself for it, because I've done what I could and it was not supposed to happen. But now I don't know. Feels like I maybe had one chance to change everything in just one day, but passed on it and now instead I'm back to square one with a long long way ahead of me with hard work which may never lead to enlightenment or anything close to it anyway. So the feeling of regret is so deep I feel I can't live with it.

Thanks for answering. I know it's just thoughts =) Yesterday I pretty much contemplated all day. My mind just did it on autopilot later in the evening. And when I tried to sleep after a while something happened. It felt like I began to fall. Felt so light and a VERY VERY pleasant feeling I've never experienced so strong before went through the whole body. From the head all the way down to my feet. And the thinking started. "What's this!!!" etc. And I lost it. Several seconds after it came back again and I tried just go with it and relax. Not thinking. Lost it again. It came back a 3rd time but went away again and that was it. Today It's the opposite of autopilot. I instead have to focus very hard but can't recreate something like I've experienced in the last couple of days. My mind felt so extremely open and I didn't have to focus at all. But I also felt in such a fragile state I couldn't handle it. Probably because everything happened so fast and I hadn't slept for so long.

Or what you are. That you just are.

Thank you all for answering. I read everything and really think about it much. I also watched the video that was linked. I eventually managed to get asleep after 41 hours of being awake. And when I woke up I felt the insight was further away but still deep. I know which process and questions and perspectives that gets me deeper and deeper in it again just focusing a couple of minutes. What will then happen If I contemplate this for a couple of hours. Hmm. And the feeling one can experience of a big rock rock that fells from the chest that feels liberating, well this feeling is the opposite. The stone gets heavier and heavier. And the whole body feels heavier. Like if you would see someone close to you die and you just want to get on your knees and break down. But now instead it's you and everyone and everything. It feels very scary to look in the mirror and starting to realize what you are and I start to feel that I'm not identifying with it. I start to feel like it get's hard to control the body. The movements sometimes don't go as planned because the body feels so different. I for example missed the handle to the bathroom door and other similarly things. Feels like I loose balance when I walk. Wonder what happens If I just contemplate for a couple of hours. Problem is I'm not by myself all the time and maybe I would get very emotional and cry which I've done a lot I'm afraid that it would worry others because they can't understand and they'll think I'm loosing grip of reality if I told, when in fact I'm getting closer to it. Anyway I'm gonna go the the store now and feel scared of people I see and "my" body. lol Is it some perspectives on this that can be comforting to think about?. A way to see some beauty in it at the same time and not just depressing? Although beauty is just a concept and everything just is. At the same time pointlessness and no meaning is just concepts too the mind thinks.

Lol I'm such a forum newb...

Well when I see people more like something that just is now like I starting to view myself. Like machines. Feels depressing. Nothing that's really there than matter that this matter that sits here and write can connect with. lol. Probably the ego that comes into play here and in enlightenment it doesn't matter. It goes in waves based how much I deny it, or distract myself. It feels more like a machine like I said, Everything flows. Just reacting.

I've heard shinzen young talk about that it could happen that you see the truth without the liberation,the bliss, and all them good feelings... But that is were very rare and it could be fixed. If I understood him right. That is one thing I'm afraid of. More intense feelings of fear etc that I feel now and I panic, and instead like heaven on earth it becomes hell on earth. Afraid of the feeling of just falling. It really felt like I fell from a cliff couple of days ago. Everything just seems like the opposite of what I know. Like the unknown. Which I understand it really isn't. But that's the feeling. Maybe this scares me more than physical death because then there is nothing that can experience something and it could not feel. Anyway. I think I'll lay down now for a bit...

Thanks all. I just felt that I can't except that it just is, once I saw what the definition of that was. Yes that's the ego doing that. It's so weird that I only have done this work for like 5 days and come to this point already. But that's almost all I've done. Worst days of your life? Now I'm more scared to let go. Did you get enlightened after this?

So couple of days ago I was working on disbelieving some negative thoughts I've had about myself in the past which gave me very intense relief. So much that I felt more joy than I had felt as long as I remember. Maybe since childhood, if even then. I've been depressed for most of my life I could add. (28 years old). I felt big relief, joy and a very intense feeling of gratitude and that everything was completely perfect the way it is. Thoughts that use to stress me or get me down felt like a joke and I wasn't bothered about anything. Not even affected about things I thought about in the future that would usually worry me and stress me. The negative thoughts felt like a very little dog trying too attack me by the leg. Just can't take it seriously. I never experienced the presence moment so intense before. I sat in these for about an hour and just stared. Sometimes I closed my eyes and it became more intense and all the sounds felt so fresh and nice. And I was in a meditative state without even trying. It just was automatic. Usually I have to focus very hard. I am a beginner when it comes to meditating. Anyway. I had tears running down on the cheeks. After about and hour it started too wear of but I felt good rest of the evening and the day after it felt like usual. I'm so surprised why this felt so intense. I wasn't even meditating or did any enlightenment work. 2 days later I sat down to really try to question the self. I've only tried this a couple times before, but I have watched all Leo's enlightenment videos etc and watched a bunch of other videos about enlightenment too. I started to meditate on sounds as a warm up and then I began to focus more on the thoughts and feelings, especially how everything felt in my head, like how I imagined I could feel the self. And began to question what the thoughts and feelings actually were and just tried to think of it as sensations passing by, mental images etc. So, first I tried to really experience the sense of self strongly. Which for me I noticed was when I pictured my face in my mind and visualizing I'm around others looking at me. Then it felt more strong. I then tried to focus on an object that I saw in the room and noticed my sense of myself diminished. I did this back and forth and thought: If I really am an entity then how can it fluctuate and become weaker sometimes and stronger sometimes just when I'm not thinking about it. It must be a thought. So like I said I felt my sense of self strongest when I pictured myself in my mind. Especially my face. I thought: is this picture the real me? If I should watch myself in the mirror I know the picture in my mind would differ a little every time in comparison to the one in the mirror. But was still thinking that who I am is this picture of myself in my mind. I started to question what I really have to loose with getting rid of myself. Was there any reason to hold on to the self? It has only brought so much suffering. A moment after that began to experiment with images I had of myself. I tried to think of myself as a bottle that I had in front of me and really tried to believe I'm the bottle. And that others also see me as that when they look at me. After that I tried thinking of myself as a friend I have. Pretending that I had a mirror in front of me and really move my head up and imagined that I was him and saw him. I also started to think that others was around me and looked at me and saw this person. Now this began to feel really really weird. Next I tried to do the same with my sister. Pretending that I'm her. Imagined that others looked at me and saw her. I then once again looked up to the imagined mirror and really imagine that I am her and that it was her face I saw. Then BOOOOM!!!!!!!! I got an experience that was so extremely intense that I've never been so scared in my life. I didn't know what happened and I thought I had done something dangerous and didn't dare to try to stay in it. Like I was going to die or have a stroke. It felt almost like the whole room collapsed towards me. Like I was hit in the face with it. And in one way that I fell of a cliff. And also that something broke. Everything was so extremely present. Sounds. Vision. And my whole face felt so warm and with an intense pressure. i could add that that i sat in a dark, quiet room. It only lasted like 2 seconds. But it was enough for me to start crying very much for a long while. My heart was beating really fast and I just couldn't stop the tears. It was over so quickly that I couldn't really experience the other feelings which may have come with it. Maybe it passed so quickly because I was too afraid to let it be. I'm still afraid too experience it again. Anyway after I stopped crying I began to cold sweat instead and shaking. The funny thing is that the experience I had 2 days before I thought was intense. But in comparison to the later it was nothing. What the fuck happened???? Ps. Today when I contemplated my head was buzzing and shaking like crazy and my heart pumped really fast. What does it mean? Obviously I don't expect that I was near enlightenment in any of those cases, being such a beginner and all. But the experiences was very intense especially the second.

Thanks. I guess I'm scared that the feeling of fear will get so intense it becomes unbearable. I've just read and listen to the theory before and had trouble with motivating myself even thou I tried to imagine something extraordinary but of course it can't ever come close to the real thing anyway. But once I had so intense feelings I was convinced it really do exits something that you can't imagine and grasp with thoughts. So now I think back of the experiences I had and get's emotional just thinking about it and use this as motivation to keep going. How could I not.