sgn

Hmm 4 months ago. But I'm sure I pushed to hard with self inquiry. This started after that. And I guess I should have backed off earlier. But I kept going. I may look into MRI.

@Leo Gura Thanks. It seems to have something to do with kundalini from what I've read. I will try to get in contact with someone.

@Svartsaft wtf...

@retardedhorse1 https://freedom.to/ very good app

Can this be correct that we actually don't FEEL the body unless there is for example, pressure, pain, sensations etc. And yet, without this we sense it exists because of the awareness? Well obviously the awareness is what makes feelings etc to be experienced in the first place. But I'm not talking about that. I have been "looking" for the awareness a lot the last months, and the awareness that is sensed I actually thought was just inner feeling. And was thinking I shouldn't focus on that. If I take the inside of my arm for example... I thought: "yes I feel it exists, but that just the feeling of the flesh. The actual arm. But what I've come to suspect I don't actually FEEL it unless there is, like I wrote before, pressure, pain, sensations, etc. So what I thought was feeling is actually awareness. And I've been able to deepen this more and more and rest in it. And notice some reactions in the brain. Earlier today I was lying in the bed becoming more aware of it. And suddenly a big flash of some sort. Like for a second there was only awareness and nothing else. Followed by intense fear and then I snapped out of it. I must be doing something right. lol

@Prabhaker

@Prabhaker The awareness can become aware of the awareness that is HERE, in this place (me). And if there's no body here, awareness is still there? but it can't be aware of itself because it uses this brain or whatever as a tool for that? And if the whole body is that awareness, or that awareness which it consists of, that field that can become self aware. It can't if there's no body existing here. Well a functioning brain at least. So that's why I took an arm for example. Because that awareness that is there is included in this field? The awareness that's here can only become aware of the awareness that's make up this body. I don't know ,it might be some misconception etc and difficulty to expressing this. I haven't read all the books and all that and can articulate this well. But it's not intellectual anyway. Only thing that matters I feel like is that it recognizes itself or however one would say it. And it seems it/I have. Why else would I have all these experiences from it. Guess it's just a question of how deep the seeing has to be. What do you say?

Ok, I maybe should choose my words more careful. Awareness observing itself? Awareness watching itself? Awareness observing itself? Awareness aware of awareness? Awareness resting as awareness? How would you put it?

Yes, I know. Awareness looking for itself then? Awareness aware of itself. How should I put it. Just more words.

@peterjames @Bob84 @Xpansion @abrakamowse Thanks. I haven't given up, lol. Even thou I've getting my ass kicked with this like HELL a couple of times now. And sometimes back off and thinking I'm gonna give it up. But I keep coming back. To obsessed. I did very intense self inquiry for a couple of weeks and then I got a very uncomfortable pressure in my skull for days. Was there constant from the moment I woke up to when I went to bed. I did some reading and thought that maybe I was hit by kundalini syndrome and thought it wasn't going to go away. Anyway I backed off, and a few days after it faded. For the last month or so I have focused more on the practice of being aware of awareness and have deepened that more and more and now it becomes more effortless. Thanks again for the answers.

Lol. This happened to me 2 weeks ago when I just stood and stared in the mirror for a while. A bit scary. Haven't succeeded to induce it again. Another thing that happened maybe a week ago was that I sat at my computer reading and suddenly I'm just gone for a moment. Felt like noone was here looking. Made a thread about this. Maybe you saw.

I've already made a thread about this. Did you miss it?

Would be interesting to hear comments about this video

Lol. I had to make this thread. I'm sure the guy has some good information to share. But what the hell? Getting inspiration from someone is one thing. But actually becoming? Notice all the similarities.

Let's say you hear a good song by a infamous artist. You think the song is good, but don't think so much about it. Then the song becomes a famous hit and the person gets very famous. Suddenly it may feel different. The song is the same. The person is the same. Now you notice the fame and realize other people value this person more and feel like that means this person is of high value because that what many others seem to think. It's only just a person that is good at what they do just like a plumber may be very good at what he does. He might be better at what he does than you but you are better than him at what you do. Is it a sheep behavior? I guess it's the ego in action again creating illusions... But on the other hand you may not even like the artist, actor, politician etc, and it might still feel very different if you meet that person because he's famous. Is it because you feel like they are approved by society that must mean something about them? Or take a rich person who isn't famous. Some may feel of less value in comparison to that person. I think in the later example it's just a problem of self-esteem and the idolization and feel of more or less value can be in play with anyone you meet.

lol

https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Hoobin/e/B00LE33MTI/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1 This guy's books seems interesting. They are about enlightenment. I haven't read any of them yet, but I will. He also has a youtube channel.

Lol saw this video yesterday. Is this future Leo?

Have been doing self inquiry for hours today and it have felt pretty intense. But now I was just looking at the computer screen and reading. Suddenly I'm not reading anymore and not only that it felt like it was noone even looking. Felt like I lost time between the two. My eyes weren't focused anywhere it felt like and there was just a stillness. One second I'm focused at reading and the next just gone. Wasn't even trying anything

@jse LOL! @Dodoster cool, yw

lol That must have been it

Haha browsed the forum just to see if someone had made a thread of that

Let me add this text, which is also said by Jiddu Krishnamurti: The Thinker and Thought Is there any relationship between the thinker and his thought, or is there only thought and not a thinker? If there are no thoughts there is no thinker. When you have thoughts, is there a thinker? Perceiving the impermanence of thoughts, thought itself creates the thinker who gives himself permanency; so thought creates the thinker; then the thinker establishes himself as a permanent entity apart from thoughts which are always in a state of flux. So, thought creates the thinker and not the other way about. The thinker does not create thought, for if there are no thoughts, there is no thinker. The thinker separates himself from his parent and tries to establish a relationship, a relationship between the so-called permanent, which is the thinker created by thought, and the impermanent or transient, which is thought. So, both are really transient. Pursue a thought completely to its very end. Think it out fully, feel it out and discover for yourself what happens. You will find that there is no thinker at all. For, when thought ceases, the thinker is not. We think there are two states, as the thinker and the thought. These two states are fictitious, unreal. There is only thought, and the bundle of thought creates the 'me', the thinker. So I guess you could say it's like this? Thoughts ---> Thinker (thoughts) ---> Thoughts Instead of: Thinker ---> Thoughts

I've been practicing recognizing awareness. This that I am. The only thing that has been constant and is the witness of everything else that changes etc etc. When "I" "do" this it's like everything is moving. I can stand up and have a feeling like I'm surfing on the ground. lol. Pretty fun. Don't fear it anymore. Feels pleasant. Really feels like the ground is moving and not just looks like it. I have experienced it before, but now it getting pretty crazy. Is this common?

Lol. Hope it's okay that I post this. I'm not the creator of this video btw.