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So I just got home from my grandmas funeral. I feel a bit guilty for almost never visiting even though we lived very close from each other. The reason I almost never visited is because of social anxiety. It's nothing personal. I almost never visit anyone. And don't talk to people much.

@Scholar Yes I should work on cutting down the computer time. About porn and masturbation I've heard many opinions about that. Tried being off it for a while. But I don't know if it really made a difference. Some say it does, but I don't know if it just placebo.

@Scholar I mostly sit at home. At the computer. This is also where I bring my income (poker). But also wasting time. Going to the gym several times a week. Doing some personal development. Occasionally meet friends and family. This is how it's been for the last 10 years or so. (except for personal development) Not much to say.

@Scholar Ok. This goes way back to childhood I think. Very shy as a kid. Trouble in school mainly because I think I have ADD and that led to more negative self-image. Then to depression and isolation. Avoidance. It went from shyness to social anxiety when I got in my teenage years. As long as I can remember I've been caring around this feeling of shame. inferiority.

@Scholar 28, why?

@ajasatya Expectations yes. I have nothing to talk about. Don't know what to say. Afraid of making a fool of myself. Fear of acting different. Saying uninteresting things. Being judged. .And when I begin to talk, I get the persons eyes on me which gets me uncomfortable. Anxiety comes. Fear of looking nervous and people wonder what is wrong with me. Fear of the silence that comes when my mind goes blank and I just say something weird and unnatural/forced instead. Yes I'm seeing a psychologist right now and have began to take a closer look at this.

Do anyone have any experience with this kind of meditation where you just sit and focus on a candle flame? I did it for 3 hours yesterday. I don't know if I felt that much of a difference afterwards. But it was not so painful that I thought it would be for a untrained mind. Easier in comparison to sit and focus on the breath I think. But may not be as good. What's your opinion on meditation on objects?

@ajasatya Thank you. I get what you're saying.

http://www.succeedsocially.com/ This site may be useful.

Then you would win $1,000,000 in James Randi's Paranormal Challenge. But probably wouldn't have any use for it after you get locked up and experimented with in a lab days on end. Maybe not.

I'm very very stressed now. It felt like I've made progress ridiculously fast!!! Feels like I really is standing with one feet in truth and the other in illusion. The insight has become so deep that I can never go back to "normal" life. What I've "seen" can't be unseen. Unbelievable. I had to concentrate very intense when I contemplated several days ago but now it's the opposite. The mind automatically go into contemplating mode and I have to distract myself. How can I not think of this... I can't function really. I was out bicycling and walked for a long time thinking i would sit down in the woods somewhere and let go and be alone. Just walked around and cried instead. Didn't want my dad too become worried If I got a strong reaction of some sort so I walked outside .Didn't felt I dared to let go, and was thinking I want to sit in a dark, quiet room instead so if the senses turns up and smacks me in the head I can lessen the feeling of becoming overwhelmed a little. Which I had experience so strong couple of days ago, sitting at home contemplating. When I see a person it's scary as hell. It feels like I really get that it's really no one behind all that matter. I view them differently. And I view them more as biological machines now. Humans now triggers emotions and body physical reactions in me. Seeing them closer to what they are. I think of nature, myself and others as just one giant machine now. Where everything just reacts to everything. Chains reactions. And free will seems not like a question any more. Which I have contemplated very hard. It is none. Something just happens because, something happened just before that, and something before caused that to happen etc etc etc.... Chain reactions. Or like energy moving to affect other energy and reason that even appeared is because of energy before that etc. For examples if a person choose to move a body part or gets asked to say a random word is just a whole lot of energy before that reacting to each other than causing that thought . So there really was no free will. You can also picture everything like a giant machine. Everything in nature, including all biological organisms etc, like a big machine of gears. One gear moves based on which gears moved before that etc, and that before that etc. and because of this, that gear moves. And the reason why a specific thought for example appears can be explained that a gear moving caused it to move/appear, and the gears can be other thoughts, some sensations in body or something from outside circumstances for example. You can think that the gears are everywhere and just reacting to each other. When I was outside walking I felt repeatedly that I was losing balance because the ground seemed to move. But it was just presence of it fluctuating like waves. When I focus on the body it feels so different and scary, pointless, but still so obvious, simple etc. That's it's just isn't anything more to it. No one there who's controlling. Just chain reactions. And no free will etc. I've done some other techniques to. Questions I learned from moojis videos that I really couldn't grasp and get anything out of just days before. But now the answers to the questions he said to ask yourself really seemed so obvious and I got strong emotional and physical reactions from them. So I feel very stressed. Obviously the insight is not complete. But it feels VERY fucking deep. The perspective I start to get and everything that comes with it scares me. And it's just no way I can go back after this. Even just writing this text makes me feel pressure at the head, sounds changing and fear in the body etc. Feeling of everything being pointless, systematic and also lonely. I haven't slept in almost 30 hours and before that 1,5 hours of sleep. Can't close my eyes, it gets more intense. I even got a emotional and physical reaction just seeing a friends facebook pic. If I really try to go for it completely now the insight for sure will get deeper I think. But then it maybe just lefts me there and I feel more stressed and afraid than before.

@Neo It's not still going on and not something I phase in and out. When I first made this thread I thought that this is how it's going to be now. But it faded. That day it was really bad. When identities started to vanish it was heart breaking for me. I realized how much I had built up around them. And it felt very lonely. I also realized that I was much more needy than I thought. Needy of approval, of love, of help etc. This led to a lot of self-pity and feelings of being helpless. Left all alone. I'm sure this isn't going to be as big for everyone that it was for me. I've struggled with pretty severe social anxiety and low self-esteem etc for most of my life. I realized I was more fucked up than I thought, lol. Backed of a while after this then got back into self inquiry for some reason. That's where the kundalini thing started to happen. It doesn't messes with my psychology much, it's more the body and emotions. Yes I regret it now. Because I'm afraid of what the kundalini thing may do in the future, and how ready I am for it. The things in the present is not that bad. I realize I should develop myself more and deal with all my shit before pursuing truth. Like I said this is just how it's been for me.

@Leo Gura Interesting to hear that it's all love. Which makes sense. Haven't REALLY experienced it thou. Can you elaborate on this? I guess everything in the universe tries to adapt and work together. Or with itself. When in the dark night it's so difficult to see it's love and beauty. There can be feelings of rejection of reality that leads to disgust to everything in it. The monkey mind goes full power. And all the negative thoughts that gets added to reality just seems so true, and the positive ones so untrue. I even saved a folder with pictures of nature, happy children, cute animals etc to remind myself of the beauty in the world. But that didn't work so well either. lol It's like you can be in a paradise even, but that won't make a difference. I guess apart from meditation it also can be good to do other things, like being creative. Mental exercises that requires problem solving. Keeping the mind busy. Doing something for others. So you find meaning when it feels like there is none. Practicing gratitude. Working out. Heating healthy. Good sleep schedule. Expressing feelings/thoughts to others and getting advice. Accepting feelings and thoughts to be there without judging them, only to create more conflict. Not like: "I shouldn't feel this way" or "I shouldn't think this way. But if you judge them. That's ok too. If you hate them, that's ok. It's OK to feel like shit, to feel sad, to feel self-pity. Pain, emotions, thoughts are not the enemy. They are not here to hurt you, but to help you. They try to warn and protect you. But the mind gets confused and see threat where there is none. Accepting that you think parts of reality should be different. That you wish it was some other way. That you not like everything in it. And don't try to force yourself to like it. Reality is how it is. It is how it must be. Some things you can change. Most things not. It's not bad. But thinking makes it seem so. Give up the fight. Reminding yourself of why you are doing this. Not only that it will benefit you in the end. But also that it will benefit the well being of others. And lastly that the suffering will past.

@Stoica Doru I don't do any self inquiry now. It led me to activate the kundalini. I have some common kundalini symptoms that comes and go. That feels enough for now. Some days are good, some are worse. Overall quite OK. But had a very very bad day 2 weeks ago. So this leads me to feel uncertainty. Don't know how it will unfold in the future. That scares me. Just doing some personal development now to prepare myself more if shit hit's the fan (lol). Try to resolve things from the past, practice gratitude etc. Trying to do some meditation. But the kundalini gets more noticeable and distractive. Like I said just trying to work on resolving shit in my psyche and some meditation to feel more natural joy. Because I realized almost everything that gives me joy now is conceptual. Take care =)

Why not just

Lol, sick

How would you explain the purpose/benefits of meditation in simple words for someone that has no clue what it is? Is this a good way?: Meditation is about silencing the mind from thoughts to become still, calm, peaceful and from that comes happiness, joy, acceptance, love etc? Silence is the most natural state. Happy thoughts is not necessary. I think many see it like this: Negative thoughts = unhappiness. Positive thoughts = happiness. Without considering that no thoughts is the greatest happiness? And why so? Because humans are actually fundamentally happy to just exist and it's necessary for evolution to make it so so the species want's to survive. But ego and thinking makes us unhappy. That we are actually are born with everything we need to be happy, but then we start thinking

Hey now...

@Maxi Sweden here too

How does one become less attached to people? I mean it can feel like you lose everyone when you pursuing enlightenment and identities vanishes. How to lessen emotional impact?

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@Dodoster Thank you.

Made a thread some days ago about a feeling of energy that was stuck in my head, bouncing around. It went away. But then other typical kundalini symptoms emerged and went away. It was trying to wake me up. Now awareness is much more in the forefront. A bit more everyday.There's no doubt anymore. It will consume me I think. I'm preparing myself for the worst. Fear, stress etc is already here. And I know this is just the beginning. But much of the stress and fear is just about what is yet to come. This identity and other identities have not even starting to disappear yet. And I'm already feeling awful. But I did before this also. That's why I'm extra afraid. That I probably should have developed myself more before this. My ego is not that healthy. Been depressed almost all my life. Low self-esteem, shame, anxiety, stress etc. Don't know if I'll survive all the stages that awaits. (well that's the point, lol). But I mean as a body. Scared of what I might do. What have I got myself into. Probably end up in a mental hospital in the end. Yippee. I exercise and go for walks everyday. Try to get sunshine on me. Try to eat healthy. But have trouble eating so I look for ways to increase appetite. I've been researching a lot of natural ways that can boost mood and how to release happy chemicals. If you have some ideas it will be appreciated. I take some supplements: vitamin/mineral, vitamin d, omega 3, zinc. Thinking of buying some chamomile tea etc. I focus much on allowing the feelings and thoughts to be there and face them. I try to do diaphragmatic breathing. Tried to meditate. But fear always arises. Thinking of ways I can activate my brain. Doing creative things. Solve problems. It gets me away of the negative thinking a bit. Suggestions? Without seeing it as a distraction of avoiding my emotions. Just get away from the monkey mind. Feels like every negative thought is true but no positive ones. What about sex/masturbation? Does it make the dopamine levels lower AFTER then it was BEFORE the activity? So should it be avoided? I focus some on digging in my past and forgive people and myself. Try to resolve some shit. Also working on self-esteem. But is it too late? Can you build a healthier ego when it's gonna die? Will antidepressants or anxiety pills etc be bad? I noticed it felt good to write this. Don't know if it is because I know others will read it or just that I just let my thoughts out in text. Like you see I have this victim mentally which is probably not so good.