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@eskwire That's impossible because she died when I was 16. I realize it was tough for her and I was too demanding and all that. No need to say. I wrote much of the things not because I think she did wrong or is to blame. Also not for those example memories I gave. Or "look at how bad everyone else is but me" I've tried to figure this puzzle out for yeeears. She did the best she could and had to have other things in her life than just me. But it can be enlightening to see how it fits together and how I had a egoistic perspective about it. I know it was my fault. I got more examples in different areas that I think shaped me. I live in sweden so I don't know what the alternative would be to toastmasters. That would be too much anyway. I'm uncomfortable with only one person looking at me. Regardless of who it is. I've been doing some cognitive behavioral therapy so it's easier to be around people. But not so much speak too. Next is what I'm doing now. Educate myself of how to resolve this. I read books about it and figure out what I can do. I go to a psychologist on and off but have trouble speaking to him too, or even thinking straight. So self-conscious. I also think about if I need to meet someone who is more specialized in that particular field. Don't want to waste time.

@Bodhi123 Thank you for replying. I agree with you. Did you do the exercise? Maybe you don't feel the need to. Cheers.

I was wondering if you have any more suggestions to unvictim behaviors and ways to getting your needs met. Things that you can meet on your own or from help of other people. Here are some examples I know so far(taken from a book): Unvictim behaviors: Positive addictions and ongoing efforts to improve overall wellness, such as: Gratitude exercises Regular exercise Healthy diet Hobbies Gardening Crafts Adult education Courses Counseling or participation in a support group Quiet time to relax or meditate Little things that you do for yourself periodically or for short stretches of time: Walking in the woods Taking a bubble bath Playing with your children Going to a concert or a museum Having a romantic candlelit dinner with your spouse Getting your needs met-constructively: Examples of needs: Love Acceptance Belonging Being cared about Closeness Safety Security Intimacy Encouragement An Identity Recognition Guidance Support Examples of how to meet the needs: Recognition: Volunteer work Get involved with a community theater group Chair or join a committee Run the PTA bake sale Coach a Little League team Or be more active and visible in other ways at work or in your community. Guidance, support, or encouragement: Counseling Join a support group Get involved in a twelve-step recovery program Or listen to the suggestions that the people already in your life have to offer I'm very interested in more examples and especially things I can do without the involvement of others. Some self-help stuff.

@Loreena Things you do that's in line with taking responsibility for your life and well being. Things you do to stop feeling like a victim. Victim mentality gives the sense that life is unfair to you. You feel sorry for yourself. And think others should too. You try to comfort yourself in several ways which is often destructive. Examples to that can be: self -pity, judging others, not taking care of your health, alcohol, drugs, food, entertainment etc.

@Sevi I see

@ajasatya I'm not sure what you mean either. I too have experienced the deep loneliness this can bring when the concepts of others vanish. If that's what's being talked about here. You say it's because of social anxiety? If so I can understand that. Because I have deep problems with that. I guess one becomes more emotionally invested and clingy too others.

Having trouble to motivate myself to do personal development. It's like I have to reach rock bottom to get motivation to change. Once it feels a bit better I get comfortable again and slacking off. Need advice

@Martin123

@Martin123 Damn. Thanks. Problem is like you say I have never tasted what you speak of. It have felt the same way for so long that I have no other states I can recall to use as motivation. It's just imagination for me, thoughts. This state feels so normal. It's like I've accepted that this is just how life is going to be for me. In theory I realize there is huge changes that can take place in me if I work hard. But on some level I maybe don't believe it after all. I can try to imagine how it will be. But it's just thoughts. Inspiring text you wrote there. Thank you again. I'm going to look into the raise your standards part especially.

Thanks

Haha here we go again

Hehe, yes. But theirs only people there in my dream thou. Haven't experienced this when someone is around in real life.

I've had it several times and freaked myself out in the beginning fighting it, desperately trying to move. But now I surrender to it. lol Often I fall asleep again and dream that I'm crawling on the floor and trying to stand up. Or shout to try people to hear me and help. Then I wake up again and realize: "oh fuck I'm still laying here in bed unable to move".

haha

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internal_Family_Systems_Model https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ifs

@Esoteric Cool. I have tried the do nothing technique a couple of times yes.

Thanks. I have increased my awareness about it recently and I can see more and more how it robs me of happiness. I also noticed because of this awareness it then leads me to judging myself for having those judgments like you said. It goes like: "Damnit now I'm judging again, and I shouldn't do that. Why can't I stop?". But is there a next step once I recognized more of the judgments I make? How to eliminate it? Maybe cultivating understanding for why I feel the need to judge others? Maybe through more understanding of what drives people to act, behave, say, dress like they do etc? That maybe everything others do that I judge is just a result of they trying to meet their needs.

So how do I stop judging and accept people?

"Now I can die happily" is a phrase I sometimes hear. Why is this? The better I feel the less afraid of death it feels like I am. The more depressed, the more the thought of death seems like a nice way out, but there's more fear and less readiness. I come to think of some factors. If you are happy and at peace you may feel: - More grateful for what you've already gotten out from life, and because of this: - More acceptance and less self-pity about it - Less irrational thoughts about death, so less fear - Less clinging It almost seems a bit weird that if you feel so happy and at peace you would want to hold on to life more, because it feels like you loose more. I've heard some enlightened people say they are ready to face death at any moment and it seems like they almost don't care

So I sat for over an hour trying to disbelief a negative thought I have about myself related to social anxiety. In the end I started to feel more and more release. I felt it in my chest especially, and joy and more peace came. Felt very liberating. Tears came, going on and on. I realized more deep than ever that all this suffering is caused by ego. And the liberating feelings I felt is because of I started to dissolve it, if only just a little bit. I know intellectually from before that the suffering is ego of course. But now it's just became so clear, on a deeper level. It was like life flashed before my eyes and I can see so much suffering that is all related to this identity. Every time thoughts came it was just bringing me down. I could see that there's absolute no need for me to exist. What the fuck am I holding on to really. It makes no sense. I felt more ready than ever to surrender. I just laid in my bed and it felt like I was starting to go. Peace felt deeper and deeper. More stillness. Like time slowed down. Love. Safety. Security. Visual field was shifting a lot. More present. More feelings of release. I laid there a good while just ready to give it all up. The sun was going up outside and the light shined in a little bit through the window. That's was probably the most beautiful sight I've seen. Never experienced it like that before. Felt like pure love. Awareness more obvious and "visible" than ever. So clear. Didn't even feel any fear first, felt total trust in it, but then my heart rate was going crazy and fear in whole body. My instinct was strong to quit but I thought this could be a defining moment. It must be endured, whatever it takes. It went back and forth like this. I felt I was going and then I came back more. Back and forth. Every time it was like the room became brighter and more feelings of love, safety, stillness and presence etc. After several hours I just went to sleep. I didn't go. Thoughts on this? =)

@Babybat LOL!!!!!!!! Nice video

Lol. Had a good laugh at the first post for some reason. How long did it take to collect these phrases?

@Wormon Blatburm Thought provoking.

@Scholar Ok yes I didn't feel it got any easier after several weeks. The thoughts popped up in my mind that it's a natural thing to have a sex drive and want to have sex or masturbate and why should one deny and resist that. But then I realized I not just want it. I NEED it. And I guess there's the problem. Afraid that I might develop some kind of shame thou to this basic need and feel bad if I ever do it, or even with sex. Or just having a sex drive. Btw a bit funny what a turn this thread took from my initial post. (and uncomfortable)