Ariel

By negative reactions I mean like being disgusted by you, or saying some shit.

Not pleasant? Why? Also, did get any negative reactions?

And has it worked for you?

I've actually read Models by Mark Manson. I put the concept of neediness and vulnerabillity here (being less invested in the perceptions of other people). The problem here is that I still don't know what to do, if I should I hide this thing or being open with people. To get real relationships I need to be comfortable with my flaws. What did you do?

Before you read this, know that this post contains sexual things. So if you are too young or something stop reading and get out. I'd want some mature advice. Hey. I am a 18 guy. Been a kissless virgin. Now you probably think that it's not related to self-actualization, but I think it does. This thing been bothering me for a few months. It's not the act itself that I need help with, it's the emotional problems and the thougths that come to my mind that prevent me from being a self-actualized. I went to a prostitute with a few friends and lost my virginity. Now I feel like crap. I was 17 back then. Didn't have an experience with a girl and wanted to get more sexual. My friends recommended going to a prostitute and I accepted. I didn't think about it (like the saying "Think before you do"), and went in. Honestly? Didn't really enjoy it. Went out and went on for a few days. Then it started to bother me. I was really invested in the opinions of other people. People at my age always ask about sex. Some people know that I never kissed a girl. I always thougth about what to say if someone asks me that question. I didn't know what to say, should I keep that as a secret? Should I be honest and share it? Should I hide it because it's now something that is socially normal? It really messes up with my head, I don't know what to do. I acutally had sex at 17 but never kissed anyone (and now I am 18). This messes up with my head, about what other can think, and what I think. On the one hand, I don't want to be invested in other people perception over me. On the other hand, I don't think that it's a really good idea to share it. Another thing, I don't like the idea of prostitution, and I am ashamed of the act itself. I wasted my first sexual experience on something like this. I am sure it sounds stupid for you, but I have some problems within myself. I think too much, I worry too much, can't clean my mind, can't stop until I find an answer, a solution, something that will feel fine for me. I can't keep things simple. Would like some help here.

I discovered Actualized.org a year ago after I searched for the law of attraction. I watched Leo's video and it was cool, I guess, he said something I liked. I looked more into his channel and I found out that he had a lot of videos with a lot of topics and I was excited. I was interested in self-improvement. I watched a few more videos about how to deal with negative emotions and how to stop caring what other people think and another one. Liked these videos, I heard things that I didn't hear elsewhere. Then shit turned upside down. I kept watching the videos and I got into more serious topics. Then I heard some thing that I didn't really want to hear, it was pretty tough to digest it. I dropped Actualized.org for a while and then after some time I realized that I was putting too much focus on stupid things. I always took things as the end goal, I never took things in a "grain of salt" or whatever. I started thinking that maybe I should just watch, get the tools I want, and drop the rest. I applied it on books, videos and other shit. A few months ago I wanted to return to Actualized.org I thougth I was missing something. I started watching more videos and then I looked at first about self-actualization. I always had a goal in my mind to become the best version of myself. I thougth that self-actualization is the same as that but then I looked deeper and it felt awkward. I don't like it. Something just hold me back. I just can't get hooked the the videos. All this consciousness, growth, awarness, enlightment and whatever. It felt really emotionally hard, Why? Because it sounded like some bullshit (not bullshit as a lie, bullshit as a waste of time). I am currently trying to build the habit of meditation and I think it could change my life but taking it like Leo is so bizarre for me. I thougth about the reasons that I didn't feel right with it. I thougth that maybe the paid content is what made me skeptical and I am avoiding a deeper issure, but it turns out it's not it, I ended up buying the book list because I wanted some good recommendations for books, I don't have the course yet and I am having trouble with it, I am not sure if I should buy it, maybe the channel is not really for me and I'll end up wasting money (I'm 17, so I don't have much). I thougth that maybe it's hard to me to accept some topics (like in the tv video, where Leo said that we should stop reading fiction, stop watching tv etc. I knew that it bothered me) but then I thougth that maybe it's not it. I thougth that maybe this is a fraud and I should stay away from it but then I thougth that it's not possible because there are so many followers and so little negative reviews. I thougth that maybe I am too young to think about this, but then I realised that soon I am turning 18 and that I should start to worry about my life. I still don't know why I don't like this channel, site and self-actualization in general. I also recently thougth about something that I didn't like in Actualized.org, I didn't like it that it feels like Actualized.org is the only way to self-actualize. No other ways. And I thougth that what if suddenly Actualized.org shuts down, then I will be stuck, nothing to follow, a complete waste of time and then I would probably return to the more simple life. I really like Mark Manson's approach to life. I like the simple life. Of course I don't want to grow up and work 9-5 in a boring job, obviously I don't want it. I don't know if the self-actualizaed life suits me. It hurts my head. I overthinking and it's really hard for me to drop it, I feel like I am missing something. I think that I will lose life if I don't follow this channel. Something just feels bad for me. I am sorry if my English is not that good (tell me if it was fine or anything). What do you think I should do?

So let's say I understood what he said, I listened, I thought and I understood. I'm still not gonna remember what he said. You're saying I should understand it good and then write what I remember/think?

I don't think it really works. The book part is pretty good, but the lecture part is not really. Think about it, you go thourgh a 2 hour lecture, do you think you'll remember anything after 2 hours? After your mind was busy with other information? I really don't know. Same applies to Leo's videos. Let's take for example his video that I was currently struggeling with "The Big Picture Of Self-Actualization", there are more than 20 components, how am I supposed to remember then after 50 minutes?

I started watching videos and taking notes to review them later. I find it really difficult. How do you manage to take notes? I find it pretty hard to listen, to write and to understand. I also sometimes don't have enough time to write what I wanted to write. It takes time to process everything. It's pretty tough. What are your experiences?

https://markmanson.net/self-improvement I read that article and I was wondering if self-actualizing is actually like being a self-help junkie. What do you think? Are we in this community using self-help in a healthy way?

--- So what do you think I should do to understand all this thing better? All this ego and self-actualization and everything. Up until now, I feel that it is complete useless. Maybe I don't understand it well. Maybe I'm too young. I don't know. What Leo videos can I watch? Or other people? Or something? I want to make a decision if I want to dig deeper here.

Yeah,, If I understood the question I'll give you some.. 1. Being more focused. I am thinking a lot and it pisses me off. Sometimes I think so much it just ruins things. Destroys the mood, wastes time. If I could feel more calm, collected, focused, present, I would feel great. 2. Being a lot more productive. Because of my thoughts and laziness I procrastinate a lot. If I could reduce it, it would be awesome. 3. Improve social skills. I've been a really shy guy a year~two ago. I improved my skills a lot. But there is still room for improvement. I would feel really well because it something that used to bother me back then. Oh come on man, can you say somdthing helpful? As you see I don't really understand all these terms good. (I know that ego is the "me", ego-death is stopping everything, thougths and things like that, I guess) Isn't self-actualization suposed to be the top goal for each person? I have no idea what's the big difference. In self-developpment you develop yourself. In self-actualization you develop yourself to the point where you don't really have to? (something like that) Umm, okay.. So self-actualization is ego-death?

Leo made a video "A Rant Against The Pickup Community". In the description he wrote that it limits is from self-actualizing or something like that. How exactly? If that what a person wants to do, isn't that self-actualizing? Of damn.. I am trying to understand this site and channel for a very long time. It's difficult. My brain can't just proccess all the videos and information without doubting and asking questions. Maybe I'll stop with all of this. Too difficult for me. I waste a lot of time. I like a straight-forward approach to life.

So, self-actualization is becoming whatever I want to become fully?

So, shortly, you say that if I want to become a confident person, then it's like self-actualization for me? I'm still a bit confused. I looked online and found this: 12 Characteristics of a Self-Actualized Person "Self-acutalized people embrace the unknown", what if I don't want to embrace the unknown?