nightrider1435

I am starting to see the big scene as well, it's like I have two voices in my head now. One is god and the other is the ego, now I just let god's voice lead the way. I can't believe I use to think that I was really this body, and now I see that in others now and its starting to blow my mind.

What body position do you use when you mediate? Are you keeping your posture straight or do you tend to slouch? Maybe try drinking some caffeine before you start.

@electroBeam I am defiantly afraid and was trying to play it off, I needed to hear that, thank you.

I am really sensitive to reality right now, almost to sensitive. Its like I'm so aware of myself now that I don't even know how to handle it. I'm starting to see how much suffering I cause myself. I went to the mall today with my brother and the experience of just walking around a mall was starting to become to much, seemed like I was at a near ego death, I was barely keeping it together in the inside. Reality to me is just really fucking vivid, I'm starting to see everything more as a whole I guess. Its like my ego tries to identity with anything it can but my awareness is so high now that I realize there's nothing to identity with and my ego starts to freak out because I'm not letting it identity with anything anymore. Starting to realize that there's alot of stuff I have bundled up that I need to learn how to let go but I'm not even sure how. I was hoping anyone can point out some traps that I need to look out for, or if there's any techniques that would help me to start letting go.

@electroBeam That is a good point, I'm glad you brought that up because my mind is starting to do that. I think that's why I was freaking the fuck out at the mall yesterday, I keep suppressing thoughts like that, basically having a battle in my head. Monkey mind be like hey where can we go... There's no where to go that's the point... Wait... The fuck... Seriously there is no where to go, just be!! Fucking ... We need to identify with something.. no...No we don't... Holy shit just fucking ... Breathe ... Just breathe.

@Space So far it's just been a year of mediation, with a little self inquiry here and there. A shroom trip really opened my mind about month and a half ago, and I took real mdma on two separate occasions and that also changed my world view greatly. Now I never used these substances for recreational use before..ever, I'm just now using them for spiritual work only, which is why I think they boost my progress like crazy. I actually have some acid right now but I'm not taking it until the self knows it's ready, because each time I take a psyedelic I jump to a new level it seems. So Im trying to Pace myself here, I don't want to see to much to quick and not know how to take it in, because each time I jump a level my ego tends to freak out a little at first.

@Prabhaker That make's sense, I've pretty much been doing just that already, making the mind more silent. Anything else is just noise in front of the silence basically.

@Leo Gura I'm glad to hear that from you! Keep calm and carry on, will do! @AlwaysBeNice Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this new level I'm on, but the self now is all like woahhh... dude woahhhhh holy shit what the fuck... haha. I'm pretty sure this shift in awareness occurred this weekend, but truthfully I'm not even sure! I try to focus on my breathe all day now, the monkey mind doesn't trip out all the time but when it does its pretty overwhelming, but again I focus on my breathe when that starts to happen. I'm actually surprised I'm starting to get this far, that sounds like a good idea about visiting with someone more advanced. I'm located in Dallas, would anyone be able to recommend someone I could see?

@Pure Imagination I'm not concerned about having a bad trip, I'm more concerned about the fact when I come out of the trip I'm aware on a whole new level and the self is excited and scared at the same time haha. I've never used psychedelics for recreational use, I'm just now getting into them for spiritual use only. They boost spiritual progress like crazy, I have much respect for them.

Your story hits home for me. I thought I could be ready for a 5 meo break through but now I'm starting to become aware of how strong my ego is and now I know... I probably wouldn't be able to surrender. I've only tripped once and rolled pretty damn hard two seperate times and each experience changed my world view dramatically, its insane. I have some acid right now and I just know it would be a bad idea to take it because I am still taking in what I saw on my previous experiences. I couldn't imagine trying to take 5 meo right now... hell no. I probably need to wait a lot longer than I realize, I'd say atleast a year or probably more. I'd say it's a good idea that you disposed of the rest of it, sounds like you weren't ready to see what you saw. I wouldn't even take any psychedelics for a while personally, take the time to contemplate what happened. The self will know when its ready to trip again, but if its saying its a bad idea, then I wouldn't do it.

I would say most people might not be aware enough of their own suffering , so the thought to mediate never even crosses the mind. Also keep in mind that there is many people out there who barley even know what mediation is or what it could do for them. The only reason I started my mediation practice is because of Leo's videos, if I never would had stumbled across his channel I wouldn't be were I'm at right now, you see? I think it's the fact that people don't even know what they're missing out on. Also remember its not all fun and games, your making your demons surface and you'll have to face it, it is not a fun process. I've been experiencing ego back lash lately, trust me... It's not fun.

@FirstglimpseOMG I'll put a report up on the forum if I end up buying some.

@FirstglimpseOMG My approach is why not try and see? If I like it I might get it again and if it has no effect then I won't buy it again. Obviously it won't be anywhere near mdma level.

I have heard of katy before, seems like it could be a hit or miss. I am tempted to try it out.

You just can't roll to often, it's a powerful substance. Also I agree, don't buy it off the streets, get yourself some real stuff.

I believe so, It helped me realize some stuff about myself. I have a thread about my experience, here it is if your interested.

@Empty It was a pretty crazy realization, hit me like a rock when it really clicked. I think I can feel my paradigm starting to shift, and again "think", but I'm really trying to stop latching on to thoughts like that, I just want to be. I'm feeling really sensitive to reality right now, the self has been trying to rationalize the fuck out of the experience, like right now I'm just trying to keep my focus on the breathe.

Well I rolled on some real shit and the universe gave me a clear message, I decided to write it down so here it is. You need to chill the fuck out. I saw the snake in the cage. There is no rush. Take your time. Relax. You've been on one ages 18-21. Quit being cocky thinking you can handle infinity, your probably not ready. It's easy to get excited about this. Really pay attention to what the universe is saying to you. The universe has been hinting that I need to chill, and I haven't been fully aware of it until now If anyone in my age range can relate to this then realize there is no rush at all, seriously. I've had this sensation that I need to rush the journey and its just not necessary. I saw the snake in the cage and it literally hissed at me... it was a damn monster in there man. Your self is no joke. Take your time and do not take it to seriously. Did pretty much what Leo said everyone does in the Hero's journey video, man I saw that damn snake and retreated right the fuck back, but having that experience was really encouraging! The hero is getting right back on his feet and will keep moving forward.

I've been experiencing a bunch of angry thoughts lately. I guess I had more rage in my sub conconsious than I was aware of, and it's finally starting to surface due to my mediation. Sometimes these thoughts come on strong and it can be overwhelming, and I have to constantly remember don't identify with these thoughts, remain aware! ... But damn it's been a challenge! It's been neutrioc thoughts about stupid little things that have happen to me over the years which I guess my ego was still clinging to. Things that I haven't remember in ages are coming up, arguments, road rage, petty little situations that angered my ego, etc. I can't believe I was carrying all that weight. I've been dealing with it, I guess this is part of the spiritual madness that everyone goes through? It sucks that I can't really discuss this with me with the people in my life, that's why I come here!

@FirstglimpseOMG Yeah I am getting better at not diving into the anger, but just becoming aware of what it really is. I had a pretty neurotic mindset about a year ago, it was miserable, I remember asking myself there has to be a better way to live! Then I discovered Leo's channel and it was fucking gold to me! I still have neurotic tendideces, but now I'm catching it every time. I still have a ways to go, I know theres still more in there that needs to be brought to light haha. I appreciate everyone's wisdom, thank you!

@Gopackgo I hope a day comes where I can have that recognition. I'm at a point where I'm really starting to become aware of how much I cling onto concepts. Even that first sentence I just typed, is just another example of a concept to attach onto. Basically just a illusion within a illusion, I can see how easy it is to get caught up in that now. I'm just going to continue with my spiritual practices, do my best to remain aware in the now, and maybe just maybe enlightenment will occur, but as of now I am still in the illusion of desires.

@Gopackgo No I understand your point. I tend to do that when I post on this forum, thanks for pointing that out.

There is nothing to discuss really, I mainly just wanted to share what's going on with me spiritual wise since I can't really do that with the people in my life haha. You are correct, there is no problem. I am glad that all of this is starting to surface so I begin to let go. Yep! Pretty much what I've been doing, just let it be and accept! Whenever I resist my monkey mind will begin to say things like "who is even mad?? Dude there's no one there... your not that thought... stop..." haha. Wow you just nailed it right there! That's exactly what my ego tries to do. A raging thought will come on me and I start feeling anger in my body like I was in whatever situation it was in the past, then the ego tries to explain it but then I become aware of that and just eventually let it be and accept. And yeah its insane how these thoughts just come on me out of no where! One second I'm content and then the next thing I know the monkey mind is tripping hard with anger about the past, and I'm just like jeeze... holy shit ego... haha.

I feel you. I just try to avoid doing it all together because most people are so locked in their paradigm that they just assume that I'm crazy and then I get frustrated, it is a shame.

Noticed you have my trip report up there, it was a hell of a trip! Will most likely do a report on my 2nd trip as well once I take it. I'm going to have to read some other reports since you listed them all out nicely right here.