Spiral

Well empathy is not something that attracts girls, it's of course appreciated, but "kindness" alone gets you nowhere. Confidence on the other hand.... The same goes of for confident girls, us guys aren't attracted to that, but it doesn't hurt. (Very unconfident may be problematic but if it normal or high) Being full of oneself isn't attractive either, being humble is because it reflects confidence and high self-esteem. Bragging shows that you need confirmation and therefore don't have high confidence and high self-esteem. Being detached is the opposite of being desperate in this situation and desperation is unattractive for both genders. Girls/women see through it because it not genuine, if it is you'll have quite a lot of success.

So i've been trying to become less lonely as of late, but as a result I appear to have become colder and evil(perhaps distant would be a better translation) or so I've been told. Swedish people are the world's most individualistic, so if I hear foreigners say that I am, I simply consider it a cultural difference. Although now I being told so by even my swedish friends. I mean I can see what they are getting at, but pretending to care about people hardly feels like the right course of action. It's not like I hurt people or even offend them, but rather that I don't care much. Especially when i'm working or studying, I rather my "working partner" be quiet or talk about at least related things, a joke or two is appreciated. Sometimes he goes on about his how pretty his girlfriend is, I don't agree and mostly just feel like he wants my approve but of course i'll pretend agree with him. When i'm more social I don't tend to have this problem, but i'm well aware i'm not the most sympathetic or emotional normally. When I seek meaning in relationships I get lonely, but when I don't I become distant. Where is the balance?

No personal experience, but it seems to work out for other people.

@Barbarian Number 8 Haha that’s harsh Asia is indeed the way to go.

@F A B Haha ok it means you are male and like perfume that was made to smell nice to your gender.

If you live in a cold country I would also advice you avoid drinking milk, you have enough “slime” as it is in your throat.

Leo has a video about it, I suppose that could be one tool.

Maybe 50%, online dating is definitely my weak spot when it’s comes to attracting girls. Never used tinder so I base that on how many girls seemed interested. Although never wanted to go on a second date with a girl I found online.

You don’t need a girlfriend or any friends at all. How is he puching people into relationships?

@Shroomdoctor Not easier but better partners from personal experience, their culture is very different so many of the tendencies that are complained about are not as common. I don’t consider western girl difficult. I’m “blessed” with good looks.

Here is a simple solution, don't date western girls. Asian girls for instance.

Feel free to share here, what is alt right in Sweden even? SD? We can be nice and not argue with you if we disagree.

How do I discover those? Feels like you're asking a kid to do quantum physics, the kid can pretend but that's hardly the same. Regardless I can see the drawbacks of facing hardships and so on, I might even be helpful. I consider myself helpful here for instance to people by sharing my thoughts and or giving advice. But if someone else is sad and that creates sadness in me, the total amount of sadness is increased. If someone is happy good for them, surely I'd prefer them to be that way. I don't think becoming uncomfortable helps.

I find this whole pua thing to be overrated, get your life together and have descent social skills. Also be in a good mood and surely girls won’t be a problem. Unexperienced guys tend to struggle with the latter so they are screw from the start. In social situation how you feel is the most important factor. Going to a party that your not excited about is a waste of time(and money) for instance. Unless you really good looking avoid online dating that is very shallow anyway. This video is to me at least not surprising. Besides people assume good looking people are confident.

@Nahm So spiritual work and so forth is as usual the solution? So that I stop acting as if I’m a true individual?

A good memory triggers the release of “feel good chemicals” as if it happens in real life. If their is such a thing as reincarnation you don’t retain memories as they are physical and therefor is not a part of you.

@Hardkill how is your mother stopping you?

Maybe it's her first time if she is so nervous.

A girl looked at you, seems reasonable.

@thehero because if things get bad at least their not friends so you don’t lose them both at the same time. As you might imagine I’ve had this experience. I mean don’t be paranoid but try to have at least one friend that doesn’t know your other friends.

Not a big fan, but girl on top, shot gun?

Have lots of friends, bonus points if they don’t know each other.

Perhaps dating up in age a year or two could be advantageous, surely 23 year olds are mostly employed? I find most girls our age/younger immature as fck . Although it's fine to be single at 21, work on yourself if that's what you want. Don't get trapped in the "my life is all about my work" trap. I can imagine you go on a date and tell the girl you meet about yourself. It is mostly a success story and because of the contrast you come off as intimidating. Well look at something else that intimidating, a enraged bear for instance, because it's happy killing you and would be effective doing so. Now is that a strange comparison? maybe, but if you focus on how effective you are and not on your human aspects you became difficult to bond/connect with. Is there anything wrong with professional success and ability using the guitar? no, but there's more to life then that and hopefully you'd want a girl to like you for something more personal than what your have (career+skills+money?). I have a friend who's struggling to finding a partner, for her a date is a opportunity to "make someone like you". I often hear this from people who struggle and I would say this is a major problem. So if you go on a date telling a girl about you career or how good of a musician you are, your actually doing yourself a disservice, even if she goes on a second date with you. In dating rational thinking is secondary, how she felt after meeting you is more important than how good you look on paper. Now should you lie? no, not at all. You can try to be humble and a focus on trying to get to know the other person instead of telling them about you. Alternatively you can try to make meetings completely un-informational, to make the encounter based around light-hearted fun. Although the latter is more difficult, especially if you are a lone wolf. I enjoy dating, and often try to share as little as possible about myself, now on the other hand you should not make it too much of an interview either.

Well people need to have ass-pirations right? To work on themself not only mentally but also physically, people regardless of gender benefit from working on their body to remain fit and healthy. Someone who is active physically, often have a sense of purpose, a goal in other areas of their life. People who simply sit on their ass all day and let their body merely scarpe by, aren't as attractive to me regardless of how they look.

@Ether We have stories of them in our folklore. Hope dies last.