philosogi

@Consept Definitely. The temptation to want to help is even greater because often we feel that we're trapped in their presence, or trapped with our blood ties. And maybe even our ego could see them as part of its identity. So if the parents are really struggling and not living up to our standards, our ego's sense of self could be diminished.

@rush A video of Leo's which I found helpful to continue practising without getting discouraged. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie8olvmaZug

Out of curiosity, could you explain how such an analysis occurs? Like an example analysis of a scenario? People keep saying male brains think one way and female brains think another way, but I've yet to a) see how this is an innate thing and not a trained thing, b) understand what constitutes a "male analysis" vs a "female intuition."

You make it sound so easy

I have a dilemma. Say I have a person in my life I would like to keep around. Say that person is not at peace (self judgment, self-disappointment, defeatism, soft addiction, bitterness, victim mentality, anger, denial). On one hand, the universe is exactly as it "should" be, and there's nothing wrong with anyone. So there's nothing wrong with this person. And therefore there's no need to try to help/change this person. On the other hand, given that I want this person around, I'm not sure how to interact. I'm trying to be non-judgmental and supportive and reminding that they're doing their best, and giving empathy sometimes. But often I cast about for something to say that isn't a judgment, finger-pointing, a platitude, or a comforting statement. So I end up saying "mhm" and asking a lot of questions that digs deeper into what the person is saying. Sometimes we just end up staring at each other after a round of this, with nothing left to say. What else is there to say to people when they're in this state, that isn't ending the current communication. Also I am struggling to remain emotionally independent. All that despair and depression I find it easy to succumb to. It starts to leech into me. I watched "How To Deal With Difficult & Toxic People." I could let go of this person, but I don't see that as beneficial to the collective consciousness. So in summary, what could I say? How could I react?

@Lynnel I think a lot of your questions are rhetorical, so I will answer them to myself and put thought into what you've written. Thanks for your input

@quantum Along the lines of others, I also write down many of personal "insights," "realizations," and reminders, very simply, on white paper with coloured marker. Easy to recycle the ones that turn out to be less profound. Also inexpensive, and graphically visible. Really I keep them around to inspire myself, but I've had people visit and comment that they like them. I think the phrases also have more power this way because they are personal. The most profound one was a warning to myself of the behaviour of the "watcher," which might sound like something out of a horror movie, but was really my first real recognition/encounter with ego, which I previously only knew about as a concept.

No idea! But hilarious.

Toronto @nbolt Put the spreadsheet in your signature! ( I will too. ) I doubt people are going to read through the whole thread to see if someone has already started a location map, like I was just doing

I guess a better question is: Can I get to a point where I can not let it bother me? How can I go about doing this? I get your overall points, but this part is impossible What does this mean? Could being around toxicity be addictive for me?

@Lawrence Me too! It's a powerful piece of knowledge. I gotta now not fall into the trap of thinking that it will be easy or fast.

@TRUTH_SEEKER I think this - or some degree of this - is very common. Maybe the next stage of your research could start by questioning whether you can accept if it happens again, and love yourself anyway. Love the fear until the fear no longer has any power. Sex and relationships are not the be-all and end-all of life. They flow based on where you are at in your self-actualization. Sex and relationships cannot fill the void within us. The void comes from denying the true nature of reality.

@Sick Boy I think meditation is great, but it must happen alongside concrete research too.

@the dreamer Don't get bogged down by what others think/feel of you, even your mother. As much as she might think it's her business to feel sad because of your suffering, how is that going to help you? Of course you can change! That is a scientific fact. Neural pathways can be trained; it just takes persistence. The very reason you can change is because you want to. Now it's time to gather the tools. Maybe a good place to start is to get a good therapist who can help you work through your neuroses. Once you understand and accept your neuroses you won't be bothered by them anymore. Have you seen Leo's video on neurosis? Personally I found the "How to Stop Judging Yourself" and "A Rant Against Morality - Very Foundational (and its sequel)" and "How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions" and "How To Stop Being A Victim - The #1 Reason You Are Stuck In Life" very useful, among many many more. And kind of a rhetorical question that is a good point for self inquiry: What research have you done towards understanding yourself?

I know many people who believe that the world is going to shit and that the human race is "de-evolving." I've been trying to explain to them that if they look through history with an anthropological lens, that human societies have been oscillating back and forth, and getting less chaotic over time. Sometimes I get discouraged and filled with doubt and think that human society is not stabilizing over time but instead getting more and more chaotic. I'm living a paradox here, because on one hand I know that it doesn't matter whether we're stabilizing or going towards chaos/destruction. But on the other hand, I still choose to have a stake in society at this point, so I am rooting for us as the human race, and I don't want us to descend into chaos/destruction because that could mean millennia of learning undone. And I like learning. It's exciting to see how we can evolve as the human race, much as it's exciting to evolve along the self-actualization path. And ya it's my ego talking here (hi!), but I want the iteration of the universe that I participated in, to succeed. But then I remember that I am the universe, and for a moment I can hold the paradox, but then it all dissolves again. tl;dr: I see a lot of discouragement and defeatism from people who believe that the human race is "de-evolving." I so badly want to share the Spiral Dynamics video with them, but I don't think they will be able to handle it. Their egos will be triggered, and they won't even realize it. They'll think I'm judging them etc etc... So, I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I'll just go watch Leo's "radical open-mindedness" video and just continue on my own path. Others are on their own paths and they might not be ready for this anyway. But then I think, some of them are friends! I don't know if I can keep being friends with them because their mindsets are keeping them jailed and that frustrates me because they're limiting themselves. Conflicted on this one.

I'm guessing you know what enlightenment is?

@Matthew Lamot Why are you on this forum, then? It's not about Vedanta.

Glad that you found the explanation helpful. I think it's really really important to not take most ideas literally! That usually ends in misunderstanding. I'm not sure what you mean by "and Self Development is still seeking." If I were you, I would question what my concept of "empty" is, and do a lot of research by watching videos, reading philosophy books, enlightenment books, etc. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you understand it if you don't. The concept of "empty" can be difficult for a while, and hard to understand, but when you really understand it, it will be liberating and everything will make sense for a while, until the monkey mind takes over again Wash, rinse, repeat, forever! Get excited for the journey, man It's the best journey ever.

All these goals are like baby steps. What people really want is enlightenment, they just don't know it yet. People seek therapy because of temporary goals based on their current knowledge. If they get stuck at the stage of being a well-adjusted member of society, then they get stuck. But if they've accomplished even one little thing to better their understanding of themselves, then they've made a baby step towards enlightenment. Take self-actualization, which you state is not a path towards enlightenment. I will take @Leo Gura's journey as an example here. He didn't start out his journey by thinking "I'm going to seek enlightenment," He started out his journey by wanting to make his life better. (His first few videos are "How to Invest in Yourself," "Why Life Coaching Works," "Be Different to Be Successful," "Get Coached," etc, etc. But as he learned more and more think he realized that seeking enlightenment was his path. No one taught me this idea; it's my idea. Some paths are more flawed than others, but ultimately, I think every path that is "written out" is flawed, because an enlightenment journey is personal.

@Matthew Lamot By human constructs I mean: these different schools of learning about how to grow as a human, none of them is perfect. They are all going towards the same thing, even if they don't know it, by different methods. The fact that they have different names is only because they are created by humans. Thanks for the recco.

@Matthew Lamot Come to think of it, do you have any handy video links for dualism study? There's so much material on Youtube I'm not sure where to start.

These are all human constructs and artificial delineations between different methods of the quest for enlightenment. I can't answer this in an educated way because I haven't researched what the Jiva is, nor duality vs. non-duality.

@Matthew Lamot The language of "personal development" is temporary language for the journey towards enlightenment. People who have no idea what they're doing use it as a tool to start somewhere. Why is paradox suffering?

@Matthew Lamot What do you think about the paradox of personal development?