The Monk

@Raptorsin7 I think it might be OCD, but I have head that people have be locked up for asking therapists for help about these pedo fears, and so I'm probably not going to do that. I don't believe I am a pedo, but I am known to be an overthinker, and a compulsive worrier sometimes. What I believe is best for me is the following: establishing a meditation habit so I can practice mindfulness again. establishing a good life for me, with nice external circumstances. learning about how to keep a healthy mental state and reading some books on CBT so I can perform it on myself lol Reading and doing alot more praying to god, since I heard that also helps alot of people Spending more time with nature to enjoy life How does that sound to you? I feel relieved. Now I think it's time for me to start a new chapter of my life thank you all so much for your help

@Raptorsin7 is it normal for a 21 year old heterosexual male to get a boner to the above picture? I was so worried that I was a pedo that I imagined doing it with the girl, and 4/5 times I didn't get a boner, but then I got a boner when I imagined going inside. It made me feel even more disgusted, and sick to my stomach, that I had to watch more porn to ease the pain. I was so scared of the potential that I even stayed away from the 18+ section on porn, so I went to only the elderly women section I went to bed crying that night. I really want the question answered if this is normal or not. Since I never studied science properly, so I don't know how the male body works, and the penis especially.

@Nahm My meditation habit got completely destroyed to nothingness from about a year ago and I have been hesitant to return to it. Do you think returning to that habit will help with these thoughts? and help my mental well-being? Is that the solution?

@Raptorsin7 Thank you. So, what I will do is accept the worse possible outcome, since that will help I believe. But, I will tell myself I'm only doing this to minimize my suffering. Besides, I suppose it doesn't matter if I am that or not, if I never act upon it I suppose I am no different to a normal human being, right? Only problem is that I 100% know that I am sexually attracted to women, so I think this might confuse me later on, and keep me worrying that I am that which I fear, any suggestions?

@ajasatya @Serotoninluv and @Anna1 I also believe you guys give good advice. I'd greatly appreciate any advice you give me in relation to this matter? I vowed to sit at my computer all day, until I get this issue resolved.

@Raptorsin7 Some people here said I have likely have OCD, but you're telling me I am a pedo and I should just accept that. I'd rather die man... Fuck me, I hate myself and I don't want to ever be that, I want to make kids smile not cry. But you'll say well you can still be a good person, no if I don't have certainty that I'm not a pedo, I feel like it's going to kill me slowly.

@Nahm Did you manage to get my message? Sorry if I said anything to disturb or offend you, if that's the reason as to why I'm being ignored, I am deserving of it. So please forgive me I just really need some help, when I'm at one of the worst points in my life.

@Roy dude, I feel even more sickened with myself, since I feel like I must have said something wrong for you to not respond to me. Am I messed up? Please tell me honestly dude, I'm sorry.

@Roy I'll pm you since I really want to clear my head up. Also, thanks for the advice.

@Nahm I'm understanding that my body emotional response is a thought, but what do I do with that info? so you're saying that if my thought is a figment of my imagination then so is my emotional response? omg, it feels like I'm being mindblown

@Nahm I'm trying to, but I haven't been getting any response, and I feel like I'm missing something here. @Ry4n Which of his books do you recommend for me, as I'd actually like to pick some up just to start my healing process. But, do you think that, his books alone are enough to resolve this issue I'm facing?

@Ry4n I'm just so terrified man, so you're saying to ensure that I get a good one, I should go to the psychology department in the uni? Or go online? But how do I know if the online one is good? I really feel like I need to get rid of this uncertainty, then tackle the issue head on. I feel like can't keep being a whining little bitch about this issue. I want to take action, but I don't want records of me stating that I could be that. @Nahm so you're saying the thought that I'm having is generating this emotional response?

@Nahm by looking at my body's emotional response to it?

@Ry4n Dude, this person seems to be doing the exact same shit I'm doing, I'm so relieved. But, the only difference is that I had that boner fuck I hate this. Fuck this uncertainty seriously.

@Ry4n Is it fine if I do online therapy with a licensed psychologist. Because atm, I a college student broke, and I'm super worried that if I do talk to a psychologist in the UK they will get me on drugs, but I just want to do CBT, figure out what I am, and live a good life, that allows me to help others. Also, I'm scared of getting kicked out of University, here in the UK because of I'm scared of what will happen if they have records of this. @Nahm I just realized you can't tell if a thought is true, because it's a thought. Thoughts don't exist they're figments of your imagination.