@Irina Irina Hi.. I can completely relate with your situation and here I would like to share how..
The moment I started understand what life really is I found my parents in an abusive relationship (emotional and domestic). They finally separated when I was 16 years old. I spent all my childhood trying to make them understand and to love. My father was so busy in fighting that he never realized what impact it will make on his children. I grew up along with other 4 siblings starving for love and became a needy, codependent person myself. The good part is.. I realized that its fatal for my present and future relationships.. (from experience though..)
I appreciate you realizing that its the root cause. That was the first important step Bravo! You did it all by yourself. You are brave and you need to learn to forgive and start loving yourself and it might take some time and it will definitely take some real time efforts.
I have struggled all my life to forgive my father for whatever he did. I still struggle with that whenever a new situation arises. (as he hasn't changed much)
It's traumatic for you too, I understand.
You know what I think whenever I start to dwell on the past again?
"Today I am what I am because of what I had to go through and I came out stronger and a sensitive human being who doesn't blame others and take full responsibility of her life and I am proud of myself"
I hope my experience helps you
I would suggest you to read "why men love bitches" along with the books mentioned above. It helped me to understand how important it is to love yourself first before any relationship.
Much Love
Hira
