Artur

Fort both replies I would like to clarify that I invested 4 years of work into becoming a life sound engineering specialist. I work at a company that pays very generously for my work. The reason I don't have money right now is because of the pandemic. The limitations on live events really decreased the amount of work that I expected to have at this time. Because of this kind of situation I can't seem to harmoniously dedicate a big chunk of time to start changing my direction. There is still supposed to be some work during December it seems. Maybe after that month I can at least pay out all debts I have. But up until the end of this year I'm kind of stuck having little money and lots of free time to figure my self out. @Armand Your suggestion pretty much sums up the position of 80% of people I, had to, politely or otherwise, ask out of my life. The reason being - lack of understanding towards my actual situation and, yet, having judgment to be the predominant expressive quality in their interaction.

That seems true. Asking too much of myself must have been a big part of the main issue. At the same time, though, I did experience this deep kind of emptiness when I did focus on simple things. Like when I was taking care of my financial independence by working at a factory. Of course a lot was going on. The divorce was disrupting my psychological and emotional wellbeing. I worked for 4 months there, but it felt that if my job is not something that makes me one bit hopeful and exited about my life then I seemed to have nothing to get energy from to sort of fill me up, while so many things seemed to have been just sucking me dry. I kept failing constantly at the simplest tasks when I felt this loss of energy. It resulted in these self diminishing thoughts, loss of focus. I would make mistakes and of course that would piss people off, so they would get angry and push me harder and that eventually combined with all the other pressure, pushed me to breaking point. I tried fixing my food, it was not enough, it added like 3 hours of aliveness to my day of which prepping and planning would consume 1.5 hours daily. I tried adding workout to that, it actually required energy to do and there was just none of it to invest into this habit. I remember how I would try to do push ups and my body would just fill up with this feeling of weakness and I just couldn't do it. Nothing really worked. I ended up deciding that I will only go after the things that I truly want. I had to feel that it was only my choice. No one is deciding this for me. Not other people, not the circumstances of the world, not my fears or doubts. Just kept working on life purpose and tried to see if there is anything worth doing in my life. Recently I felt that being separated from my culture had a bigger impact on me than I was aware. I was born in Lithuania, in a Russian family. I feel that I am Russian, but because I had this huge resentment towards my parents, I ended up rejecting my roots and something in my soul just felt horribly lonely. I used to say that I am an alien, that's why nobody really understands me. This is an interesting insight. I visited the church of my families religion yesterday. Something touched me so deeply. I sat intensely sobbing for a good hour and felt this presence with me, didn't feel lonely. I never considered my self specifically religious and that didn't change. Just all the spiritual knowledge opened itself to me much deeper and apparently that is possible through the religion that is connected to my culture. This is a wonderful discovery. I feel so much better today. I will take your advice and focus mainly on financial independence. I feel it will go well this time. Thank you for your reply. @blueberries

Hello. So I have this interesting issue that seems to be in some way affecting my psyche for my whole 30 year long life. And I seem to be pinpointing it as my relationship to the process of work/labour. I was curious about self development and spirituality since I was 14 years old. Since then I would in some way spend 0.5 to 3 hours every other day consuming this form of information. I watched Leo since the channel was started. I think I saw like 85% of all the content. But I seemed to have a childlike approach to all of this information. I would gather knowledge, try it out to the extent that I found I can, which was not the Leo like hardcore discipline focused stance. As a result of such approach I ended up being very knowledgeable about many different processes that didn't require me to interact with the world too much. I was a massive introvert and befriending a smart talking head on youtube had been 80% of social interaction I felt I require. But I always interpreted it more in a sense that the people that I am surrounded by are not people I want to be around. So I hid away as much as I could. My mother was harsh with her opinions and I haven't felt this motherly care much through out my childhood. She would hit me pretty hard when I wouldn't listen. Somehow that helped me to become someone who doesn't trust anyone but oneself for up until recent times, except now I'm conscious of the issue. But I did find places, like yoga ashram, where it is safe to be myself, but I still find that I'm pretty low in agreeableness. I can be a very good listener, but it kind of happens that listening is the main thing I am good at when trying to form a social interaction... as you might guess small talk is a challenge often beyond me. For now, of course. My father, at the time, was a very agreeable person. Always very social. But I feel he didn't have the experience, nor the competence to introduce manhood to me. Since high agreeableness and manhood don't really mix well. So, subconsciously, I was blaming him for not being a strong father figure for me. I don't blame him anymore what so ever. Today the relationship with my parents is mended to a point it has never been before. But that was an action that on my part finally been provoked by my relationship and my life in general completely falling apart. I had a relationship with a woman 4 years older than me. We were, as I would now categorise, in a deeply interdependent relationship. Over the course of 5 years I tried to break up with her 6 times. And every time something would drastically change in me and in her and we would come around to try again. this on/off dynamic lasted for the whole duration of the relationship and was sinking us both deeper and deeper into attachment to each other. It resulted in an unplanned/unwanted child (I didn't want it), an unwanted marriage (Didn't think we were ready, but at some point made myself believe that if married things will be better. The got much worse), psychological health issues (on my side as well). I can't comment for my ex wife, I allow myself to not judge her behaviour anymore as this causes very unwanted negative thought and emotion patterns in me and doesn't seem to solve anything by the end of the day. I simply often feel to be lucky to be out of that horrible place. So now, for 1 year I am living in my parents house. For about 9 months I have been in such a horrible state that I felt to be truly blessed to have such a wonderful place to find support in. I was expressing truly demonic, serial killer like qualities in thought. When this started to touch the realm of the material world in a form of planned action it scared me to a level I could not express in words. To death actually I contemplated suicide 2 times over the course of the divorce, because just the quality of the thoughts would sort of signal me that its best to kill this thing before it sees the world. Today I'm happy to say I feel on and off about 60-80% back to the Pre relationship state. I have ideas, interests, goals, I enjoy working on myself and etc. So I felt it was necessary to present such in-depth expression of key parts of my identity. Of course it could be much more, but for the sake of this problem this should be enough. I find that I am very good at developing almost everything in myself. But I seem to have a much deeply rooted issue with the simplest part of life. Just going to work. I used to be forced by my mother into a a career I hated. An officer of navigational watch. I suffered horribly through my study years and 1.5 years at sea. It was horrible. Like being in jail. I think I could count on my fingers the amount of days that I hadn't in someway failed or disappointed my colleagues through out the course of 5.5 years of this direction. I had such deep rooted fear of disappointing my mother and amounting to nothing that I suffered through it all and when I finally couldn't take it there was my ex wife giving me the love and care I needed. I left the sea without finishing the contract and got to living with her. This was the only way I now see was possible for me to leave this horrid life. afterwards I did got my bachelors diploma though. Afterwards I aimed to become a sound engineer. There was no possibility to study, since I got somewhat rooted in a small village living with this girl. I ended up ambitiously and hungrily going after what I would seem to like to some level. It was Live sound engineering. But instead of actually studying and moving forward in a harmonious way (same as with watching Leo) I would just put myself into situations I was not ready for at all. And in that I suffered physical and psychological pain. Somehow I pushed through 4 years of this, being completely under everyone who would wish to just throw on me all the shit work there was to do. People would push me, scream at me, make me feel like and idiot whenever I made a mistake and would just ignore any success I would have. I guess I gave of such a vibe though. I had no strong opinion about anything except my own, self-entitled, knowledgeability about life and development that I grew gathering all this spiritual and self-development information and really not being capable of putting to practice 90% of it. Now recently I just pushed everyone I didn't want in my life out of it. My, now, ex-wife, her friends, my co-workers. I set up my value and moved on to use my 4 year experience to try and earn something worth having. But instead I found that I am, even though experienced enough to accomplish a project, am not really needed anywhere much to make a full time work out of this endeavour, except during the season packed with live events. I live in a small city, so there is not a lot of work as is, but CORONA really hurt the business and I am out of money. I barely have enough to pay child alimony and pay for the car that I absolutely NEED. Beforehand I had a lot of anger and not enough energy to deal with anything properly. But today I'm starting to see much improvement and, yet, find I don't know how to be financially stable in the world. I tried working in a factory, but I felt if I don't know where I'm going with this I wont make it. It resulted in a harsh psychological breakdown. Now I started life purpose course and got to life purpose assesment 3. but despite anything... The ideas I have about the GREATEST THING that I could do, they constantly shift while I'm going through the course. First I have this crazy idea about merging my talents to create and event. It sounds great while I'm making it, but when I have it in my head visualised enough suddenly something else starts to look more interesting. Like HAH... if that is so much work maybe Id rather be a musician then. But then I need to practice and be patient. I have some talent, maybe thats enough. And I end up half-assing things and failing. Hah maybe I can just do energy practices or breathwork sessions for people. I'm very sensitive and feel energies and stuff really well adn absolutely love sharing spiritual insights about stuff. Would be a pro in it. But then I have to make money to go through a course. The investment hardships come up, how I failed like a 1000 times throughout the relationship to invest even a small amount into courses or things I like to grow me. Huge resentment appears in the way about how poor I am now and I end up kind of drifting away from that idea as well. Its like getting shit done is one thing I have this huge block in my psyche about, maybe because I'm scared of the responsibility for a shit choice. And for a good reason. I made many choices and stuck to them in my life. And boy... I had the knowledge, but I had no energy to back that knowledge with and fucked up, I think, every part of my life I swore to myself to succeed in. Its hard to figure out how to start again... I wish I had actual friends like people here, who are doing self-development, spirituality and are actually good at it. So I wouldn't have to be so fucking alone all the time and have an actually deep, authentic, genuine connection with wonderful, brave, purpose driven people... Pay for a a coach they say sometimes. Yea... right after I earn my first million. sure... This ended up being a bit of a confession... It will touch the right people I hope. Just write if something comes up. I'm sure it will help me to connect to some answer within myself to a question that is hidden somewhere in all of this.

@Key Elements I thought you would say that And I understand why. This kind of choice is up to me to make. Thank you very much for all your insights. I wish you all the best. Take care

@Key Elements I guess I'm starting to get what you mean when you talk about detachment. If i understand correctly, you mean that within a relationship both people would not be limited in there passions or any life decisions by the relationship. If that statement is correct, would the achievement of such state in the relationship would need work or one rather search for a partner capable of it right away?

Hey man. I am a singer/ musician that went through something that I could relate to your situation. Remember one thing, there is no one simple trick to solve this. It takes time. I was and still am a huge fan of a singer Brent Smith from Shinedown. Always wanted to be able to sing like him. Hit those high notes, have that voice control, have that freedom and passion in his self expression. I thought: "Fucking hell, I can never be this good, my range is shit, I have no talent like he does", but despite anything I took some time to cool down and then kept on trying. The thing i realized over the course of 6 years wanting and 3 years really really trying is that when my perspectives formed to the point that I let myself question whether what Brent Smith does is authentic to me. I disagreed. I realized that I can make something that is much more authentic to me than what he is doing. Who knows if its going to be better or worse. I don't give a shit. I have something to say in my music that i think the world should hear. I keep growing my self internally and externally every given moment and nothing is ever going to stop me from becoming better than I was yesterday till the very last breath that I'm gonna take in this life. I consider myself to be very good at singing,performing and songwriting right now and a lot of people support that notion with there reactions to what I'm doing. I don't want to be Brent Smith. I want to be me more then ever. Ask yourself, why do you think that what you have to say is worse the what Eminem talks about? Challenge your entire belief system in your head that makes you doubt your capability to be great. Not in the eyes of the world. Who gives a shit what they think. IN YOUR EYES! Moreover I would suggest (which is my opinion, you can just through it out if you find it irrelevant) to remember the person you are willing to become to achieve this. Being an all or nothing rude asshole who will care for nobody but himself is an uninspiring figure which might not seem like something one respects. It only makes everyone else being at fault for all hardships you will encounter on the road. Free yourself of the shit that makes you less of who you believe you can be. The more you do this, the more you will have to say in your music. After all, when we perform, we want to share something good, something that makes others become better and live better lives... So we owe it to ourselves even more.

@Key Elements@Pelin By all mean my friend. We all have our perspectives. My life is very different from yours and so my perspectives are based on a different experience. That is the reason I find none judgemental discussions with no blame or defensiveness to be of a great value. This are very very rare, simply because people tend to be oblivious to their defensive state of mind within a fiery discussion. Me no less then others. I accept your points of view as much as I am capable to do so at the very moment. And am very very thankful for you taking time to share them. I would like to maintain this discussion until it gets to some kind of finite conclusion, simply because it might mean that i am being oblivious to some aspect of this notions. Thus I have some more questions on the subject. I agree with @Pelin I guess the entire idea of balance is a very valuable concept. As far as i can tell almost every argument required a balanced point of view on both sides (not too clingy, not too detached and etc.) to achieve absolute solution without going for compromise. To achieve that, both sides have to question themselves, there intentions and goals withing there lives for the relationship to become a supportive piece of there wholeness rather than an anchor. @Key Elements In all honesty I fail to see a way for a discussion/ arguments to be unnecessary. For starters if an argument had ground to arise it is on its own reason enough to think about it. What made this argument arise? Was it something I did or something I was oblivious too? How did the other person felt during the argument? How did I feel during the argument? What did I/other want to achieve with this argument? Have I been defensive, ignorant, patient, aggressive, indifferent etc.? Was I trying to prove something? Was I insecure about something? How can I react differently and what will change? and the questions can go on for a fairly long time till one figures out a more open minded approach to a situation and try again in hope for step forward. The entire process requires very intense self inquiry and is very hard to accomplish because of its deceptive nature, yet isn't this the personal growth work we are all so hungry for? Gathering information is a great way to have material for problem solving. Tools if you will. Weather this knowledge is gathered for materialistic (security and stability) or none-materialistic (like being happy or fulfilled) goals. Even though materialistic knowledge usage is pretty straight forward, none-materialistic concepts on the other hand are very vague when it comes to applying them to ones self. I'm saying this, because all the information gathered for self actualization is meant to reveal the wrongly labeled concepts and worked them out. Even if it is very counter intuitive, scary and challenging. Our entire life purpose changes along with our growth. Please, try not to take any of this as a one sided statement. I fully accept the fact that I can very well be wrong and that this perspective has a wider approach to it. Thank you deeply @Key Elements and @Pelin for taking the time to be a part of this discussion.

@Key Elements That is very well possible. Let me try to exaggerate on what I meant. Being detached is sort of a way to be making decisions for yourself without being affected by externals. I'm very happy by myself. My life is great. Truly. I don't feel that I'm dependent on this relationship. With all the struggles it feels like the perfect situation for personal growth. Moreover I truly care for the person that I am with. Not for the sake of me. And I'm not afraid to lose anything that came with the relationship, nor the relationship itself, if such an outcome would be wise. I guess what I tried to say earlier is that to me, detachment in the relationship could be all to easily mistaken with running from relationship problems, ego can easily use the idea of detachment as a defense mechanism. A "comfort zone" within ones lifestyle can be considered as a state of detachment that is constantly being invaded by a loving partner who is trying to break some light on what she/he might be considering to be a dogma. I would agree that without some level of detachment the relationship will be dysfunctional, yet making detachment the main criteria for relationship problem solving would also be an overkill, if you will.

@Ricksta The thing is that It's not really a suitable choice to make. If my relationship is bothering me, I am a lot worse at my work, my activities and the actual process of personal growth. Simply because the very very important and valuable evening together time is more of inner battle then a pleasure. I would have to remind myself that this is not a good time to do this, I don't have time for this now, etc. So weekly rumble is something that needs to be solved whether i like the frequency of this occurrence or I don't. Surprisingly enough relationship struggles has become the most intense personal growth process out of wast majority of the ones I encountered. Simply because relationships challenge the inner YOU on daily basis, so every small inner imbalance becomes apparent very very fast. It would be rather harsh approach to solve every issue to its very core. Because it requires a very strong inner motivation for increasing self awareness. Challenging your beliefs on daily basis is not something that happens without effort. Honestly, I still see very little of that motivation in my girlfriend. Making a one way discussion doesn't help. All the brainstorming happens with very little self awareness and understanding on the other end. The discussion becomes defensive whenever the EGO is challenged. And I'm not talking just about her. I'm at fault for this no less. I find it to be nearly impossible at the very moment to react patiently to an explosion of defensive dogmatic blaming and criticism. Maybe I will be able to do this with time. I always try very hard, but when I slip into defensiveness the result of the discussion is very destructive. Compromise is a solution. But i find it not to be the complete, 100% solution of the issue. Compromise, although being very useful and positive for the most part, is sort of a step towards the solution, but it leaves unfinished business on both sides. Lastly about your recipe. I really liked the overall idea. We do take turns to do what the other one wants and then talk about it. Not in such extreme ways, but I do believe this is a very good advice. Hopefully someday we will do this in a similar fashion. Thank you very much for all your insights @Ricksta Some of my replies right now might be a little less open minded since I'm quite angry after another occurrence of defensive discussion warfare. But I was very excited to answer to such mindful perspectives from people in this forum.

@Pelin I really liked your perspective on this. I read your answer right after a similar situation was sorted this way. I didn't judge, didn't say anything about her reactions or behavior, just listened till she was all out, then said that something that happens between us makes me very upset and angry sometimes, I don't want to feel that way, what should i do to deal with it. First, of course, she kept lecturing me on what i should do, yet some logic of her own pointed inward quite fast and we solved the issue. The actual thing that came out is exactly what you said. Acceptance. We didn't accept each other for who we are. It took some very open and vulnerable sharing to completely solve the argument. Now she is a bit calmer, less in a hurry and some of hear fears that made her act that way are a lot less apparent. Same goes for me. I manage to handle a lot more of her life rhythm, be a bit more understanding and patient. I certainty hope so. Thank you very much for your answer @Pelin It was a very insightful advice. Really hope you will stay in this discussion and share some more of your experiences and perspectives.

@Key Elements Thank you very much for taking time to answer. I looked into everything you posted, yet found most of the suggestions not that closely relevant. Please bare with me, i mean no disrespect. The idea of detachment withing a relationship had proven, in my own experience, to be harmful. It might have some positive outcome of sorts if both parties are living lives of there own not basing there goals on the relationship,yet that kind of function can hardly be considered as a relationship then. When it comes to building a life together it is not about Me or Her separately, its about US. This fundamental understanding of what relationship is, makes detachment more of an Ego based destructive defense mechanism rather then a building block. As for the motivational video. It is a very wise perspective to understand that materialistic things don't play that big of a role when it comes to joyful life states achievement. Of course you need to have SOME kind of a cup to drink the coffee from in the first place. Pretty or simple for that matter. It does not make that much difference what cup you will chose as long as it makes the drinking coffee experience a pleasant one. We are all different, we all ourselves decide what materialistic quality of life is suitable for our life goals, as long as one doesn't forget the main direction.

Hello everyone! I want to make this topic so that people can share some relationship problem solving examples, as well as ideas and actions that might help the personal growth of both partners. I'll start this with a question of my own, but any insights are very welcome. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl. We have our ups and downs, but everything seems to be on the brighter side most of the time. Of course, same as any other relationship, we get to disagree about things, fight, make up, bet happy for a couple of days, then disagree again, fight, make up... and it rolls the same way. It mostly feels that problems get solved to some extend, but there is a bigger problem. I feel that my knowledge about human behavior, bias, critical thinking, personal growth and development faaaaar exceed my girlfriends. So we mostly fight because of destructive routines within her behavior. Close minded reactions to things, dogmatic beliefs and lack of self awareness. She is always in a hurry. I hate that... i hate that so much and yet i know i should find a way to not be judgemental towards her about it, since she only rationalizes stuff and defends like crazy, i know i need to be patient so that she could extend her perspectives a step at a time. Yet i'm in a pickle... her life tempo is insane most of the time and i have to be affected by it, since we live together, do stuff together. When i'm alone i get piece of mind, I can focus on my things, do stuff very effectively, i'm very calm, happy and focused. But whenever she intrudes i get angry for no reason, can't focus properly, can't relax or even pay attention since she talks 50% about stuff that makes sense to think about and 50% about stuff that doesn't matter. I get tiered and worn out... even though I love her very much, since she is an amazing person. Could some of you give me an insight on what i'm being ignorant about her. Please don't sympathize, i want cold hard truth, i can take it and question myself as deeply as i have to make this work. As i said earlier, you can share you relationship growth experiences, and as much detail as is needed for the massage to be clear. Thank you!