SenshiAna

Hello there! After watching Leo's episode about spiral dynamics, I view my behavior and ideas mainly in stage green, with some traces of orange. My country, Portugal, display many blue traces. It's society is rooted in catholic ideologies and it's influence is still very present. I myself grew up in a very religious family, though when I turned 18 I decided to step away from that. I accept blue values, but I choose not to be part of those. In work field, I am surrounded by orange behavior... and I suffer in there. I like cooperative thinking and team work. I understand hierarchy and the good things they bring, but I hate that same people higher in hierarchy forget other people's collaborating. I often see ideological stealing, manipulation and lying and all for someone's own success. Even if I think "don't share your ideas and your reasons for doing certain things" I end up behaving as I think I should.. only to end up feeling used and diminished by some of my colleagues. I feel anger and frustration watching that behavior. Don't get me wrong; being a "green" teacher actually gets me more respect and collaboration from my students and other colleagues. I like the way I am, despite feeling I don't fit in my company. So my question for those around here is: how do I survive in a blue/orange society while keeping my green ideas?

Or.... Sex isn't a need until it is.... IDK... IMO it all depends on the individual

I stopped being desperate for sex almost a year ago. And by that I mean I stopped looking for casual sex and one night stands. But... by sex do you guys also mean masturbation? Quality solo time [without porn!] is very important, if not more important than sexual intercourse with other people.

@Baby I used to have the same issues: lot's of pain, lack of will to live. I cried a lot over nothing... I also felt very uncomfortable during my menstruation, like repulse and heavy belly. As for my eating habits, I had a very bad diet, based on carbon hidrates and sugar. I used to eat bread in every meal, even the main ones and I used to drink a lot of cow milk. I changed that several months ago, and it makes a huge diference, Also, I have tried some techniques and habits from here --> My Tiny Secrets My orgasms increased a lot in quality, as well as my self esteem and self acceptance. So, by trying all of this I've lost that "disgusts" feeling about my periods and I've started being a lot more comfortable. The pain decreased a lot, to the point of being almost painless. My mood got a lot better also, although I feel a little blue during my period.

@falobma it's complicated Looking for advice, in some extent, may be a good thing. When being unexperienced, just go for it and learn from your mistakes can be quite frightening. But the truth is.... human relations and life experience cannot be theorized, it must be lived, so there's no way to go around this. Also, be careful with the people who do give you advice: who are they? What's their history? Are they positive oriented, or negative? Are they like-minded? Are they fulfilled? They could project their lives in your words, and tell you how you should react, according to how they reacted to a similar situation (but your real situation). When looking for advice always remember that it's what other people would do based on their own beliefs, subs-conscious mind and experiences. They are not you. What I tried to avoid, however, was making fantasies and scenarios in my head. I cannot tell you how hard that turned out to be! It's psychology... because when you imagine being "there" often, you kind of trick the brain into thinking you already achieved your goal, so you stop trying, you start thinking in "what ifs", you procrastinate and you may sabotage the whole situation. If you are always talking about your dreams and goals, your mind makes the same thing, by getting used to the idea actually bringing fulfillment and not the real situation, in person. So you kind of stop acting, when you talk about it. The actual "talking" is not bad, IMO: it's what you conscience makes of it that can slow down and even sabotage real stuff.

I struggle with the same issue. It's as if by telling someone about my crush and about the moments I am with him I am actually looking for guidance (as if I didn't trust anything in myself) and it's as if I am looking for arguments that actually tell me NOT to act upon my feelings. Looks like somewhere inside there's this barrier to the success of the relationship, so I keep looking for approval NOT to act and to stay put. It's so confusing!! Furthermore, I WANT intimacy. I want connection... and sometimes the crush is very very very strong, and reciprocated. It's frustration, and it leads me to believe I am not capable of sustaining a healthy relationship.

Something like this happened to me this summer: there is this sexy girl who is just someone I happen to know, and just because she made a bitchy comment to me (she wasn't expecting I would be so energetic and cheerful, just because I appear to be so calm and peaceful). Some months after I thought I would encounter her and I thought how she anoyed me. So when I did spend some time with her she would give me a very very hatefull stare! I noticed it and even my friends noticed, mentioning it to me. So my conclusion... She manifested the vibe I was sending in the first place. Even if not, i may have stared at her in a weird way, she may have noticed, and so she may have thought I was the bitchy one, and this became a cicle.

@7thLetter, she may have other reasons to be playing hard to get. I was [still am?] in a similar situation with a friend, though he never asked me out. I am very into him, and I have been like this ever since when he started making obvious he was into me. Nothing happened between us and it hasn't to do with the fact of me being playing hard to get just for the pleasure f playing games with another human being or because I have other options. I have blocks on my road, I have a past with men trying to take advantage of me, and I have a history of giving too much too soon. I suffered from it, I cried my heart out and I promised to myself I would take things easy when falling in love. So probably this girl is giving you mixed signs because she may be trying to read you too, or she is trying to make you reach a point in the attraction building where she can feel safe enough to give herself. Anyway, all of this can be settled for both sides (because I also get you and your desperation) with a honest conversation between you two.

I do think a lot of it has to do with a tendency I notice in my living style, which resumes to not acting - and by this I don't only mean procrastinating. I think a lot, I theorize a lot. I think so much I usually forget my feelings and intuition. Sometimes I get mesmerized with the amount of stuff I can figure out with my head, but as for putting all of it into use... well that's a whole different story I end up doing only 10% or 20% of what I think I can do, which often leads to frustration and unfulfillment. I recall @Leo Gura mentioning something like this on his last video: thinkers are less inclined to be successful. So yeah.... In these last 2 years I kind of... put myself in autopilot mode and let life fall on me. I already have too many indicators I need to balance this overthinking personality trait with more "doer" habits.

@Ayla, I understand Now for strategies... 1. I'll create a detailed list of similar situations I've caught myself doing/experiencing this. 2. Then, maybe I should identify the belief inside myself that give strength and makes it manifest in real life. 3. List the affirmations that may be linked to it. 4. Try to, as you said, be observant to how this keeps repeating itself, and stop it.

@Ayla: Could you explain further? Is this a hidden belief in my subconscious mind? Oh an thank you for moving my topic into a more congruent sub-category.

This is, maybe, the no 1 issue in my life right now: why am I always being taken for granted? I have strong opinions, sometimes I think they are based in a black and white way of thinking, but despite that I am seen as a sweet and nice young woman who is available to lean a hand to help. I always remember it to be like this and this week I had 4 triggers, the last one was today, that made me want to lean deep into this question. So I made the effort to really analyse each situation and think: How many times have I taken THEM for granted? My answer: maybe a lot more than them to me... How many times do I take MYSELF for granted, and leave the control of my relations and my life in auto-pilot? A lot... How many times have I taken myself for granted in "hidden" forms? It's scary to think I take every thing about myself for granted... my health, beauty, good mood, capacities to work things out, intelligence, forgiveness, daily life, etc... So my thoughts now: what are your thoughts and strategies to deal with this kind of situation?

It's not about wearing heals or makeup. It's about... Just being the best version of yourself (inside and out). It's about being confident enough to trust and let yourself go with the flow, although your fears and insecurities. I was wondering the same as you when I stumbled across The Feminine Woman. Take a look into it, there is some interesting content there.

I think she is very down to earth in her vídeos... Ok, spiritual stuff, things from other dimentions, but if you look at a lot of her content, it has to do with a lot of our psycology. I resonate with a lot she says, though I filter some information. It takes some amount of openness to really understand her.

Like @Lynnel said: don't concentrate on the lack: it will make you stress and put out the wrong vibe. Instead, develop gratitude practices and openness towards others - and everyone! When paying for coffee, when going to the supermarket, at school, at work... whatever. This will train you to be in a cheerful and calm state of mind. Also, by doing that you will balance your feminine energy too. You will feel most certainly more happy! It's when you concentrate on the lack that you become unhappy and it's wilting your shine. As for the wrong people you mention, try to identify what is it that you are doing that are attracting these guys. Men that only want to "ride your bicycle" will always be around, but for some reason they are bothering you. You are above all of that. Be straightforward with your wants and needs, and eventually the ones that don't matter will begin to appear less of a problem.... unless you do want to keep this kind of man...