Mirko

Just to let you know beforehand - this post is written by hardcore full-time seeker - 14 hours of consciousness work daily for past 5 years with 150 psychedelic GOD awakenings and Infinite Love awakenings on 5-MeO-DMT and others. I do not expect any advice from you for my situation - because I came to conclusion that no advice of the "internet gurus" has ever worked for me. I wrote this post just so you could show some empathy to people like me - seekers who are STUCK in the middle, in the dead zone - between the Matrix and Liberation. And being stuck in the middle of those two for years/lifetime creates MORE suffering than average human life spent as an average unconscious Joe. My life is actually worse than Leo's life according to his health video in his Insights Blog (https://www.actualized.org/insights/my-health-situation) . I am in pain, experiencing many psychological and physical illnesses since my childhood. Everybody should realize that Life is massive Suffering even after many awakenings. Like many of you, I came into the spirituality because I wanted to ease my suffering AND have less thoughts OR at least stop being identified with them AND be "immune" to pain AND to know my true nature AND to experience experience Unconditional Love in everyday life - not just in psychedelic trips. 5 years of hardcore spirituality later, my suffering has actually increased AND number of thoughts has actually increased AND identification with thoughts is pretty much the same AND my sensitivity to pain has dramatically increased AND I have had only 2 sober spontaneous experiences of Unconditional Love which lasted only 1 minute. After many of my temporary awakenings I came to conclusion that I am the GOD IDIOT, here's why: My life in a nutshell: 0.006 % Gods Divine Love 1 % pleasure from orgasm, eating 99 % suffering in boredom/meaninglessness, suffering from thoughts, personality disorders, anxiety, depression, inner-conflicts, needs, desires, pain, work, insomnia, extreme noise sensitivity etc. I am a God Idiot because after 5 years of full time consciousness work I was not able to cure any of my disorders. I am powerless god. Hopeless God. God is LIMITED idiot because he can't switch off useless "pain signals" in the body. OF COURSE pain signals were useful in caveman days, but nowadays they have outlived their usefulness YET there is NO WAY to turn them off (I am a highly sensitive person - I feel pain 5x stronger than average human) The GOD is RENDERING this creation and that is pretty much the ONLY thing that's doing great! God is UNLIMITED when it comes to rendering stuff. Rendering feelings etc... Rendering this colorful 4D scene. BRAVO! He is doing that perfectly. His mechanism of "no-mechanism" is PERFECT. But the scene is full of suffering. The Mind is actually Alpha version pre-realesed too early and most of human perspectives are in suffering mode thanks to shitloads of inner conflicts created by inner beings/thoughts or "external" stimuli. God is the biggest idiot out there - Since in this day and age more than 98% of human perspectives are led by ego-identity and for most of them THERE IS NO WAY OUT (remember - I have tried to get out for 5 years full-time) There's NO WAY OUT because there are infinite lives... So suicide is not an option - my idiotic creation is made the way that I will be always reborn into suffering again and again. Life IS. And this statement implies suffering in it. NO WAY OUT. Life is and always will be. Whatever IS - is prone to suffer. I am a God idiot - because THERE IS NO "SAFETY VALVE" Impermanence is actually not "SAFETY VALVE", it's not a positive feature like Leo said in impermanence video. Impermanence IS an "error", because God is idiot who wasn't capable of creating creation with 100 percent SOBER divine love without colors, feelings, thoughts and without the need for using psychedelics to remember himself in trip just for few seconds. OF COURSE I used to be a 5-MeO-HERO who experienced Gods Divine Love 150 times on psychedelic only to forget it few minutes later. Why? Because this Creation is created by Me God Idiot, who is NOT IN CONTROL of making use of those divine insights into everyday reality ... Remember there is no control and no one in control. And no one in control of liberating from suffering into "awakened state" !!! It's based on pure luck... It is a lottery. The Grand God Idiot's Lottery! That's why there are actually life-long seekers who seeks liberation from suffering but how many actually get liberated? How many of the seekers get enlightened? 3 percent? So this hell creation is punishment for myself. Why? Just cause! I do not know... God is idiot because there is NO WARRANTY that evolution will make humans more happy. What if people 5000 years ago were a lot more happy than today's industrial society? There is no warranty for better future. YES there are channeled books from higher beings in higher dimensions who say that there is some thing called ascension and in 1000000 years you will ascend higher or whatever, but what if that is just a dogma? You can't be sure of that. I am LIMITED crippled God because I have NO CONTROL over the creation - I can't "dream" stuff or positive emotions into existence and maintain them 24/7 and I am very VERY limited in manipulating reality - maybe even totally powerless - because I have no control over my thoughts, hormones, disorders, life experiences, brain chemicals etc... LoA people are proof of that. Under any LoA video on youtube there are comments like: I can manifest ANYTHING!!! - yeah right, those "omnipotent" fools who say they can manifest anything only to find out they have a tumor year later and die. I have personally known 2 of those people. To intelligent person it's obvious that they can only manifest themselves stuff like cars and money, which is normal part of life and working hard. No need to call that woo-woo Law Of Attraction. All of them say you are God and can manifest anything - so why their life is suffering? Why are they still working at McDonald's? Why they have incurable illnesses? Why those fools don't make themselves live up to 200 years of age full of wealth and health? Or feed all starving children in Africa. Or heal ALL corona patients in one day ... They're a joke. And anyone who believes that "You are Creator of your own reality" is a joke. You have very limited - I would say Zero control over the reality. Just contemplate "What is a decision" and observe your experience carefully. I am a GOD IDIOT because I have Zero control over my thoughts. I have ZERO control of: WHAT my next thought gonna be WHEN my next thought gonna be AND I have ZERO control of decision made based on thought content. I am God idiot because my alpha-version buggy Mind (thoughts) is prone to be stuck in loops of negative thinking FULL OF INTERNAL CONFLICTS between inner archetypes. Not just thought loops. I know people stuck in depressive, anxiety, OCD loops for their whole life. No techniques or medications work for them. I am God idiot who is not in control of his "level of vibration" ... God is idiot because his creation is CHAOS. Chaos implies suffering. Some say that reality is not suffering, but my interpretation of reality creates suffering. Oh man believe me I HAVE TRIED... Full-time... God is limited idiot because any psychedelic or other "peak experience" won't last more than few minutes AND there's a tolerance or harmful addiction or basically "The higher you fly, the harder you fall". In conclusion - Experiences of God's divine love actually made my everyday life more miserable - they showed me something I'm incapable to experience on sober daily basis. My 5-MeO Omnipotence experiences are totally useless AND those experiences gave me a false hopes / false HEALING hopes for my illnesses... Nothing good came out of them... BTW I wanted to teach spirituality... Like Leo, I wanted to wake people up from their illusions... Praising 5-MeO as well. Like Leo I have read almost all spiritual books under the sun. Like Leo - I became "Insight Hunter" ... Only to find out later that insights/peak psychedelic experiences actually made my life worse. Revealing "secrets" of existence is making everyday life "negatively" meaningless. YES - meaninglessness that I experience is not neutral, it's negative. Massive contemplative lifestyle stripped my life of compulsory illusions. Human NEEDS his illusions to live normal life... To be able to relate to other people in the matrix, to be social... To enjoy entertainment in the matrix... You won't be happy watching a movie constantly being reminded it's staged... I realized that stripping illusions off reality is actually fools way to live a life. I, like many, am a depressed spiritual loner full of head knowledge and spiritual ego. That's why most of philosophers were unhappy. And because only 3 % of seekers get liberated - average seeker gets actually stuck "in the middle"... I as a God am incapable of surrendering the ego identity... Believe me, I have tried... Shitloads of times... But of course surrender isn't something you could do willingly. I am still waiting for some paradigm-shattering insight or whatever... Til now no luck... OF COURSE this post is full of limiting beliefs. OF COURSE this could be understood as a victim mentality thinking. But realize - I am doing my best... Full time... Everybody is doing their best. I have tried everything... So please do not spit any pseudo-advises like "practice acceptance" or other BS... Your words have no use in some Gods perspectives like This One that is writing this useless post. You won't help me and you won't cure Leo's thyroid illness. OF COURSE reality is 100% imagination and I have tried to make a massive leap and transform this imagination into positive one by brute-force OR at least manifest "accepted imagination" to see creation as accepted/neutral. Did not work. Many "souls" are in the "massive suffering mode" multiple lives in a row. Just read this book: "Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss" ... It's about a woman who tapped into her past lives and 95 out of 100 her past lives were FULL OF suffering and illnesses... BTW in her past lives she has been a monk in monastery many times. Being monk is useless in therms of "progress" or whatever. So, I hope you finally understand. You can enlighten yourself however you want in this life, in your next life thanks to memory wipe out + upbringing by egoic parents and egoic society you will fall back to illusion again. You will suffer in your next life in spite of your awakenings in this life. I am DELUDED LIMITED CRIPPLED GOD. Totally lost in his creation. NO WAY OUT for 99,999 percent of people including me. Gods creation is Hell Realm - This Colorful Creation is Hell Realm. Thanks for your time. You will experience my life someday. Don't worry "internet gurus" :-D tl;dr: Have compassion for suffering of others. And just 2 more quotes for you:

@justfortoday Hey man ... I do not think that is the case... Just read the book "Many Lives, Many Masters" ... She tapped into her past lives - 95 out of 100 were full of suffering as a slave, housemaid, full of illnesses etc... BTW She's been a monk as well... Did not count for her "ascension" ...

@Nahm How understanding or distinctions do you have or make, between suffering, and pain? Suffering are thoughts. Pain is emotion in the body - in my stomach. For example - when I'm lying in my bed - suddenly my neighbor slams his door and immediately I feel physical pain in my solar plexus area and instantly suffering comes - negative thoughts about my neighbor, about my noise sensitivity, about unfairness of life. Thoughts about it, are not at all related to what the actual experience is. Yes. 5 years ago I decided I will do whatever to get enlightened. So I have renounced my "real" life, my business life, stopped meeting with friends, stopped my hobbies. Basically I went monk full-time. A "modern" monk doing only self inquiry, contemplation, meditating and psychedelics. I became more and more stuck in the head. I adopted one big belief - everything is illusory, pointless, and attached to identity. So my plan was to see through identity and after my "enlightenment" I wanted to start a new life based on some final "True Purpose". My past business "purposes" and hobbies were driven by ego - I only wanted approval and money. So I said to myself that I will not do anything business related and hobbies related until my permanent enlightenment. 5 years later - no luck. At the moment - I have no passions, no friends. I feel lonely. Thoughts about loneliness are killing me. So I rationalize them with my spiritual reasoning and stay passive. Tried to transcend them without fulfilling them - no luck. And there were many thoughts about starting new business, but I renounced them as well. And hobbies - nothing interests me... I see all hobbies as pointless. Why do anything... Why travel... Why go to another city - all cities are just concrete, asphalt and glass distributed differently. That's it. When it comes to people in my country... I have not met any weirdos like me... I tried to find like-minded people, but there are just phone zombies "In the streets" who do not like deep topics. So I am here on the forum and finally I feel more accepted/valued I really do not know what would I put in my dream-board... And if I put anything in my dream-board - those items would just remind me a lack of them... My dream-board would be a lack board. Or not? I tried to have no desires like monks do... I have seen futility of material things... I have all that I need. All sorts of electronic devices, apartment, girlfriend, 2 bicycles, and regular income from government. I do not need to work anymore. I am seeing girlfriend for only 1 hour a day. When it comes to loneliness - that is the biggest problem right after "ego" problem ... I feel like an alien. Lonely alien. I actually had an idea how to meet like-minded spiritual people - I wanted to start a you-tube channel/website to attract like minded people to me. In my country spirituality is still a novelty. There are not any spiritual youtube channels in my language. BUT - what holds me back: perfectionism - I said to myself that I will start teaching only after enlightenment. I want to say only perfect and true words coming from my Real Self, not from ego. This burden holds me back. Next thing that holds me back is that all those radical ideas I wanted to teach... Those ideas / truths actually made my life worse... Waking people up and opening their eyes is exciting, but also can do a lot of harm to them. You know... Sweet ignorance ... I consider unconscious people happier than me after 5 years of consciousness work... AND last thing - Who am I to teach them? I am depressed, I have more fears than them, more anxieties... Why would I make their life meaningless like mine... There are actually many people here on the forum who claim their life become meaningless after watching Leo's videos. How does this approach / perspective you are currently utilizing feel? I am deducing it does not feel good. Is there willingness to let it go, and adopt an approach which is rooted in, and entirely based on, feeling better? When it comes to fighting with my identity - I just came to conclusion that fighting is not the answer. This battle can't be won by any one. Today I basically I somehow uncovered my problem - glowing psychedelic experiences gave me a false expectations how everyday life is supposed to be. I realized - because there is no way out of experiencing life - thus I need to humble myself and accept life as it is. Omnipotent psychedelic experiences gave me false hopes of healing my illnesses. That's really sobering insight. Now I need to accept that and somehow move on. Omnipotent psychedelic experiences made me hate my ego. Omnipotent psychedelic experiences made me renounce "normal" life. Omnipotent psychedelic experiences made normal life pale in comparison to psychedelic experience. Omnipotent psychedelic experiences made me hate my humanness. From now on I think i should start working on balancing my life. Being a brute-force monk isn't the way for me... In the last 24 hours I let go a lot of anger... Anger for myself... Anger for my self deceptions. Anger for false hopes... BTW thank you Nahm, You're great.

Yes they can help you with for example a relationship with your father, or partner, or they show you a different point of view when stuck in some problem or in the work. Or you can experience self-love not just as s concept but for real. Or you can introspect your psyche a lot deeper than sober... But insights / healing from them seems to be fleeting. Or when in the middle of the trip - when you reminded yourself some unresolved situation - memory from the past - psychedelics are great for showing you a view from "higher perspective". When it comes to memories that you want to remember but you can't - they wont help much - at least in my experience. I wanted to know exactly the moment my stuttering started in my childhood so I can look on the situation from higher perspective - did not work in the trip. I was using them specifically for spiritual purposes. But many times I deceived myself when using them: In the middle of trip I was totally sure I finally cured my social anxiety, yet after trip social anxiety came back. In the middle of trip I was totally sure I finally cured my depression, yet after trip depression came back. The same with stuttering - I thought I cured my stuttering in the middle of trip, yet stuttered after trip. The same with heart chakra - I was 100% sure I opened my heart chakra permanently in the middle of the trip - but that was later seen as a self-deception.

@Nahm Can you isolate, point to, and share specifically where the pain is being experienced? It is pain of resistance to What Is. Most of the pain is mental. Pain of believing thoughts. Pain of not being able to "switch off" thoughts. Pain of not being able to flow with life. Pain of constant searching for something... Pain of existing! I do not want to exist. Or at least to "just be" without this nagging "me"... Let everything be... But thoughts are making this scene hellish. I lost ability to see the scene as it is. Somewhere in childhood... Enjoyment was lost... Scene feels "negatively meaningless" . What is purpose of experiencing this dull scene? Scene is fragmented. Thoughts fragment scene. I want to be complete. Not just in psychedelic trip. I want to realize my completeness for once and for all. I want inner critic to disappear. Why am I listening to him? So basically there are 2 problems: inner critic that won't shut up & meaninglessness + I hate my disorders... + I hate my extreme noise sensitivity. I cant sleep properly anywhere because of my noise sensitivity. Even with white noise + high quality earbuds. I still hear even tiny noises from neighbors. Tried everything to solve this but no luck... + noisy neighbors, changed apartment 3 times, no difference. Have you made a dreamboard...written what you do want in life on it...let go of limiting beliefs..? Curious if you’ve done this yourself, and directly experienced it, vs thought or read about it. No. Thanks to my contemplative lifestyle I unveiled many illusions like "success, house, car, trophy girlfriend etc". After a ton of contemplation I am left with meaninglessness. Nothing from vision-board would make me happy. I want happiness from being/existing only. Somehow I know it is possible, and I am striving for that for last 5 years. No success... When it comes to limiting beliefs - yes, there are many in my world. One of my biggest beliefs is that I am still "someone" real that needs to be protected etc. Can you describe the one who is separate from God, making the references? Can you articulate specific properties, and describe the actual separation? He... It... He... He feels like life is "owning" something to him... Some "final" compensation, some treat for all his lifelong suffering and feeling lost... Feeling like an alien since childhood... He (or I?) wants some kind of liberation... Freedom to choose "not believing" thoughts. He's got expectations - scene should be joyful, meaningful, scene should be experienced with 100 percent acceptance and unconditional love. He wants to become the scene itself. He.... He.... I hate him! I want to kill him. He is limit. He limits my freedom. He is prison for my ..... ... for my ... potential. He disturbs my peace. He is idiot and I do not know what am I anymore. There is confusion in the scene now. trying to find him but he is hiding... coward. He always appeared in the content of thoughts... he will appear again... that is sure.

YEP. Used DMT + weed two times Trip seemed slower and BOTH of trips were bad trips. I have had DMT only experience about 20 times - stand-alone DMT trips were great. Smoked via meth pipe with torch lighter. Freebase. 50 mg.

Psychedelics are double-edged sword. For enlightenment purposes: They show you few minutes sneak-peak of "something" you would want to have PERMANENTLY in everyday life. But the thing is: you can't have that thing permanently! Remember - You don't know that you don't know. That means you don't miss enlightenment experience until you had one. After you had one - your life may become meaningless. From then on - You'll be chasing THAT experience like an addict and you'll want to make it permanent. Ordinary life becomes PALE in comparison to psychedelic experience. So, that was for enlightenment purposes. For healing purposes: for uncovering your past lives - commonly available psychedelics seem useless. For healing traumas THAT YOU DO NOT REMEMBER they seem useless as well. But they are great for opening you up! They will shatter your materialistic paradigm. You will become idealist after + if you are emotionally numb, psychedelics are great for uncovering your capability to create beautiful emotions.

@gswva EXACTLY! your posts somehow deeply resonate with myself. I will write more on them later. We are racing the bottom to become the most vulnerable form. Yep exactly! Dividing forces of consciousness are a lot stronger than unifying forces of consciousness. More division = more suffering. The "spiritual ascension" seems like BS. Am I the only one who feels like descension is more real? Aaaaaand here's the kicker: LIFE CANNOT BE STOPPED

Do not expect anything from psychedelics. If you want more information on this topic, read my thread I wrote after 150 trips of most powerful substances that exists:

@Nahm The most of my anger could be summed up to: There is this colorful painful game I did not choose to play. No way out. And no legitimate way to alter this garbage life. There is no "Exit" button to permanent nothingness. God is the worst programmer that is. Stuck in his software. Should lose his job. What an idiot. He is so idiotic, that even after 100s of books and 1000s hours of spiritual practice he is still lost in his dream. Still does not recognize himself. This idiot did not recognize himself even after 150 GOD MODE TRIPS! WHAT AN IDIOT!

EXACTLY, Thank you scholar for reply. Yes, you get it right. See this has been a problem for me in past few years - massive inner conflict between ACCEPTING experience vs. CHANGING experience. Giving up control vs. Take up control... Surrender vs. Fight back out of 100 people: 50 would tell me just practice acceptance, life is already perfect etc. 50 would tell me just change my perspective, beliefs, try new techniques, just CHANGE myself Who should I listen? I have no intuition. But something in me tells me that surrendering is wiser choice? Maybe. Fighting "what is" just showed me my impotence. I am impotent idiotic god... Can't change shit.

See - normal healthy person would write: "Beautiful music, beautiful lyrics, beautiful scenery"... But... When it comes to me - it actually made my anger worse... I am jealous of people who are seeing life through Rose-colored glasses. I am jealous of people who see nature as magnificent. Nature for me is just a bunch of meaningless colorful shapes.

@Leo Gura But how can I participate in "normal life" when i see everything as meaningless? Thanks to contemplation I see the world as just a bunch of colorful shapes and random sounds... No enjoyment... Life is dry. Contemplative lifestyle took away illusions needed to enjoy life... That's why now I want enjoyment from Being only. Enjoyment just from Existing... No particular object from this colorful 4D scene could give me enjoyment. No people, no electronic devices, no nature. Trees are just a bunch of useless colorful shapes... Everything is empty. I am stuck.

@gswva EXACTLY .. Finally someone gets me - as a person with personality disorders from fucked up childhood and full of inner conflicts. Bravo

@allislove Thank you for reply " ... But "It's all good now" and this whole "be in the moment" stuff really works only after awakening - when thoughts are seen for what they are and lose their importance. Trying to tame my hateful negative thoughts while still wrapped in ego identity creates inner conflicts in me....

@Gesundheit Yep It's an Crippled Idiot's Lottery. If I have knew this 5 years ago - that awakening is not under my control, even when being many times in GOD MODE myself, I would steer clear of this spirituality stuff. Real God Mode doesn't exist - at least in this limited human form. @Dodo "a loving way"? I haven't done anything in a loving way in my life. I hate meditations. I did not know what love is until my first psychedelic trip. I do not love anything because of many childhood traumas that I do not remember so I can't heal them. OF COURSE I can't remember them, because God Idiot's memory is shitty buggy piece of crap. OF COURSE if I have looked on them from today's higher perspective I would heal them... But can't do it! See? And other healing methods / healing meditations / visualizations do not work for me.

It's been 5 years - doing full-time consciousness work 14h daily + psychedelics. I have a feeling that I am wasting my life... I've heard of spiritual seekers wasting 50 years of spiritual seeking. I hoped that so many hours I put into consciousness work will speed things up... So I have a dilemma - continue consciousness work OR go back into the matrix and do anything to deceive myself again (with help of drinking alcohol, junk food etc.) What if my souls plan for this life is being in the matrix? I do not know... My internal GPS is broken. I have zero intuition.

Hi! So far I came to conclusions that the people who are saying you can manifest anything - they are lying. I don't want to manifest things. I have everything - I have beautiful girlfriend, I do not have to work for the rest of my life, I own an apartment... So I want to manifest being happy, feeling love for life or healing my disorders... After 5 years of meditations / consciousness work / psychedelics I came to conclusions that law of attraction works only for things / situations, but not for Emotions, Healing Illnesses, "magic", weather, politics etc... So, why am I not able to manifest: - healing my Schizoid disorder - healing my Social anxiety / avoidant personality disorder - healing my Stuttering disorder - healing my Psychological erectile dysfunction - healing my meaningless outlook on life - finding my core wound OR trauma wounds - having acceptance - having ability to feel love in everyday life, not just in psychedelic trip - having less thoughts - healing my physical hormonal illness OF COURSE I became God 150 times (5-Meo, LSD, DMT, DPT, Psilocybin, 2C-B just to name a few) But that omnipotence did not stick... All these trip were meaningless. And having intention before trip is meaningless as well - it doesn't work. I have many childhood traumas that I do not exactly remember how they happened. And before many trips I set intention that I want to see situations that has caused those traumas - not even one was shown to me. I am doing consciousness work 14 hours a day... I have nothing else to do... Meditation many hours a day + self inquiry + contemplation + many trips + reading + spiritual techniques + social experiments etc... After all that work, the only thing that got better is somehow heightened awareness & being a little bit more in peace, but not much. It seems to me that all those "You create your own reality" gurus are fake... The only thing you are creating and having a little bit of control is mental interpretation of stuff that is happening in your perspective... Not the actual changing / healing stuff. I think the only way out of this is having a permanent awakening & see that everything is the way it should be & it needs no healing / change.

Apparently there are many needs a human needs to have fulfilled in order to "function optimally". Is it possible to transcend them (for enlightenment purposes) while still being in society and not in the cave? Denying myself fulfillment of those needs lead me to depression, social anxiety, loneliness, feeling lost in life, meaninglessness, nihilism, low self worth, feeling alienated from the world etc... Has any one of you been successful with really transcending needs? (not denying them) When it comes to me - after shitload of consciousness work & meditation & psychedelics - I hasn't been able to transcend Nr. 3 and Nr. 4 and Nr. 5 from list bellow: 1. Biological and physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc. 2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, stability, freedom from fear. 3. Love and belongingness needs - friendship, intimacy, trust, and acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. Affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work). 4. Esteem needs - which Maslow classified into two categories: (i) esteem for oneself (dignity, achievement, mastery, independence) and (ii) the desire for reputation or respect from others (e.g., status, prestige). 5. Cognitive needs - knowledge and understanding, curiosity, exploration, need for meaning and predictability. 6. Aesthetic needs - appreciation and search for beauty, balance, form, etc. 7. Self-actualization needs - realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences. A desire “to become everything one is capable of becoming”(Maslow, 1987, p. 64). 8. Transcendence needs - A person is motivated by values which transcend beyond the personal self (e.g., mystical experiences and certain experiences with nature, aesthetic experiences, sexual experiences, service to others, the pursuit of science, religious faith, etc.). There are also emotional needs human need: accepted accepting accomplished acknowledged admired alive amused appreciated appreciative approved of attention capable challenged clear (not confused) competent confident developed educated empowered focused forgiven forgiving free fulfilled grown or growing happy heard helped helpful important in control included independent interested knowledgeable listened to loved needed noticed open optimistic privacy productive protected proud reassured recognized relaxed respected safe satisfied secure significant successful supported treated fairly understanding understood useful valued worthy

Concentration? Daily: 1 hour concentration on Metronome 1 hour concentration on repeating some artificial word in your mind like "Bam" 1 hour concentration on emptiness/nothingness 1 hour of concentrating on Letting Go of thoughts that steal your attention But after many years of doing concentration practice - I find it useless... I still have shitloads of useless thoughts throughout a day + my suffering has actually increased after 5 years of consciousness work + I am in the dark night of the soul + concentration techniques caused Dissociation disorder for me.

OK, as an Infinite Potential I know I am able to create beautiful emotions in psychedelic trips out of thin air. Do any of you have experience creating positive emotions in everyday life? What I mean is unconditional emotions: - unconditional happiness - unconditional love - unconditional gratitude - unconditional peace/acceptance So, basically I want to create unconditional emotions NOT conditioned by things, hobbies, success, approval etc... Do any of you have experience having unconditional happiness that came just from Being only? Just joy from existing?

Oh man believe me, I have tried... Both theory and practice... Basically God is worthless piece of shit incapable to alter his creation. Only accept it.

In my case - Self inquiry is great for insights / AHA moments, but not for emotions. And meditation is great to experience my nothingness nature, but it lacks emotions... For me it feels like emptiness without emotions. I was not being able to experience infinite love sober. How long do you meditate?

Yes, "I" have experienced sober states of no-mind , but that experience lacked emotional aspect.

Are you able to do it sober anytime you want? Or in meditation? I have had few spontaneous glimpses sober... but I think for anything permanent, enlightenment is required. Or is it just a limiting belief?