TRUTH_SEEKER

@Nahm Beautiful Words, thank you! Something magical actually happened: I'm getting the momentum again and couldn't be happier. I started reading a book called "Art & Fear" which is amazing! Thanks!!

Hi Everyone, I've been in a very confusing moment in my life. It's been 2 years that I got a bachelor's degree in architecture because I listened to that "this is going to make you more money as a career" story. I've always been more artistic thoug (graphic design/ fine arts/ photography/ etc). One year and a half ago I moved to NYC and I worked for an interior design company for a year - enough time to figure out I don't want to work a 9-5 anymore and that multidisciplinary visual art is what's really going to fulfill me. I left that job decided to pursue my true artistic passion. After a couple of months adjusting to my new situation, I've been bartending to pay for my bills and have free mornings and afternoons to pursue my true interest. Now, I came across a new obstacle: I HAVE TOO MANY INTERESTS AND MY ANXIETY TO GET THINGS ACCOMPLISHED IS KEEPING ME STUCK. I organized myself to follow certain "goals and achievements", so I'm not all over the place, but my biggest problem seems to be a certain fear of rejection of my work and also a perfectionism (wanting to have everything looking cohesive, curated and in abundance). Maybe I'm being too demanding of myself, expecting to have results rather than understanding it's all a process. Also feel like I've turned it into something mechanical by creating so many goals and schedules. I feel unmotivated because I roughly like 2 out of 5 things that I produce, but have to admit that I haven't shown much to the world of what I do (showing on social media, launching a website, and other actions to promote myself) - So I'm mostly locked inside my bedroom trying to produce, produce, produce - but not very satisfied with most things and just dreaming of accomplishing everything I could be acomplishing. I MISS HAVING A MOMENTUM AND JUST LETTING MY WORK FLOW WITHOUT TOO MANY EXPECTATIONS.

I just broke up with my bf (gay couple) and I've been analyzing my behaviour in past relationships. I realized that It's usually me looking for stability and comfort with someone, besides sex and benefits. It's also confusing for me to understand if I really ever loved someone or was it just an addictive attachment from my needy ego + desire for stability, benefits and sex? My relationships alwas start amazing and beautiful, but at some point, it turns co-dependent, and a lot of self sabotaging mechanisms start to play: jealousy, insecurities, lack of freedom, negative thinking, etc. I know it also comes from my childhood: My father was not very present in my life. He lived with us until I was 4 years old, but couldn't fit in our country, so he went back to his. I know that it left a scar of "abandonment" and"rejection" in me, specially because he always promised to come back, but never did. I transfer that childhood event into my relationships, fearing that I'll be left and specially cheated on. Instead of being the bigger person, my suspicions and insecurities lead me to cheat a couple of times before, just because I thought "Well, he might be doing the same, so why not?". He doesn't even know I did this, but along with that, a lot of co-dependend types of discussions and disagreements made us break up. I'm not even suffering much about this break though. I can really spot the lack of love and co-dependency that it was based on. It was basically just comfortable and convenient to me. I just miss having company, regular sex and someone to rely on. I really don't want to keep having this type of relationship anymore though (detail: I jumped straight into 3 relationships in the last 5 years). I already know, and even my body asks for a period of introspections and renovation, but I also think I can go through the same issues even if I start a new relationship after years single. How do I stop this co-dependency issue, as well as cheating impulses and negative thinking in a relationships? I know it's bossible although it'll require a lot of work, but still looks like a dead end to me for now...

Hi everyone, We are a LGBT couple and been in a relationship for 8 months now, and we've been going through a weird phase of too many fights and frictions. He was picking on small things that I do (or don't do) and the way he delivered his unsatisfaction to me was always rude or too critical (I told him I could listen better if he changed the way he did it, otherwise I'd be defensive). Trying to have an adult conversation was almost impossible, since he goes through mood swings and we ended up breaking up, because at some point I also lost my patience and gave him attitude back. The breakup lasted only a week, but since we got back I feel like I've lost my patience and changed my perspective about the relationship: my thoughts now are all switched to negative, I've been less patient, overly annoyed at everything about him and also very jealous in many situations. It feels like his excessive demands over me, combined with my unsuccesful trials of communication before breaking up got me feeling insecure in this relationship. I now feel like I'm not enough for him and also question his friendship towards me, because he treated me with sarcasm while I was trying to have an adult conversation. On top of that, I already have trust issues and a tendency to become too jealous, ending up self-sabotaging my relationships. I'm kinda confused with my life. Toughts anyone?

Hey Everyone, here's a short story of my situation: I'm 23 years old, just left home for the first time and moved to NYC on my own. My financial situation right now is shit, but that doesn't mean I will stop eating healthy (as I always did). I managed to build a good breakfast and lunch "menu" for my days, but usually at night I struggle to prepare something that fulfills me! (My metabolism is very fast, which means I need something very sustaining or a lot of food to feel satisfied). An important detail is that I avoid eating too much carbs! It's also important for me that it is something not too hard to cook (I get home tired from work) and that the ingredients are basic and cheap! Any tips? Recipes? Please! Thank you very much!

Hi everyone, I am reading the book "The power of your subconscious mind" by Joseph Murphy. Basically, it states that the subconscious mind will act upon any impression I send to it (god or bad). And that by strongly believing a certain thought pattern, it will be active in my reality through my sobconscious acceptance. Also along with visualization and affirmation techniques, I am starting to implement a positive mindset to myself specially for OVERCOMING FEAR/ WORRY and building confidence and self-esteem. A few questions arose in my head while I've been studying those subjects: - How do I overcome fear through those techniques without repressing it? I know that with a positive and confident mind my fear will be most likely to vanish, but how can I be sure it is actually gone? Is this doubt itself my weakness for letting the fear rise back at some point? - I need to be more confident and build self esteem, but how do I avoid falling into an ego/ narcissistic trap? I need to upgrade my self-worth but I want to keep humble. Thanks :-)

@Ry4n Nice, could you please share those youtube recordings here?

Hello Everyone, I have been going through some struggle that has been sabotaging my relationship. We are a gay couple and we met it's been 4 months(I'm 23, he's 29) . I also recently moved to this new city and he is the closest person I have here. I'm also still trying to get on my feet (financially and carrer-wise). I had a certain fear of losing him and being alone and I admit that I ended up becoming dependent on him in some aspects. we've been living almost like a married couple and I ended up not building too many friendships so far. Everything was doing fine until one day we were having sex and I didn't have my usual "good" performance. I was turned off and got soft (I was a bit drunk) This episode triggered a huge fear of not being satisfying to him anymore (fearing that our sex life would become a failure and he would lose interest) On the next sexual occasions I was so anxious that it could happen again that it actually did! I built a nightmare in my head and now sex is like a struggle with pressure in my head. I know I should be just enjoying the moment, but all I've been doing is overthinking. This is bringing general suffering to my life. This has been going on for about 3-4 weeks, although there was a week that I just overcame the fear and we had very satisfying sex again. It was triggered again when we tried to have sex after some drinks and I didn't have an erection again though. I'm having major struggle to get out of this obsessive worry and my energy feels low now. I feel colder and disconnected from my boyfriend and I fear that he's losing interest or will find someone that will satisfy him fully. I told him the whole situation very honestly, because he started to feel self conscious as well. I am aware that this will keep going while I "feed" those thoughts, but I'm having a hard time to stop that. Any comments, advises, points of view? I want to know some external opinions. Thanks

I met a person it's been 2 months more or less and we were dating very intensely (seeing each other very often, etc). Emotions were showing very obvious from both sides...Definitely one step away from a stablished relationship. On holidays, he traveled to his hometown and we had a stupid disagreement from distance. From that point, he shut down communication. It was not the disagreement itself that made me upset, but the attitude of not giving room for communication. When finally back in town, he selfishly decided it was time to have a conversation. We made up and had an amazing period of joy and deeper connection after that. Two weeks later, he came to sleep over at my apartment (after I had a tiring day at work). He insisted I had a "weird energy", but I was just tired! He got mad and reactive, thinking I was hiding something from him. We had a discussion, and after a very awkward dinner, he decided to go back to his house. That pissed me off again, because he was withdrawing at the time we should be communicating the most. The next day, he texted me saying that it might have been just an impression on my "weird energy" and I told him I was upset about his withdrawal the last night. He answered that "he didn't feel like getting into all that". Later that day, he decided to ask if we were not talking anymore as if everything was magically solved. He told me to "move on and let it go", which I'd agree if I wasn't so pissed at not being able to communicate and solve everythng. I got a bit reactive, pointing him all the attitudes that made me upset and telling him that those were red flags for a relationship. He got mad and called me crazy, telling me to fuck off! I then broke up with him, stating that I don't relate to childish, disrespectful people who can't face and solve problems in a relationship as a "team". I know I also made mistakes by being reactive, but I don't know either I go back and try again or just save myself from future draining situations. What makes me more upset, is that all happened through text. We didn't have the chance to solve things face to face! Are those red flags enough not to go back, or should I go for my emotions and try to be a bit more understanding and forgiving?

@Babybat Just a detail: we're gay guys! I get confused whether we're just starting to figure out each other deeper - and then comes some conflicts - or just being both too reactive - and therefore it's a red flag for the future. Even though @clytaemnestra also points out some red flags for relationships, I feel that I might have jumped the ship too early. I know I can also be stubborn about my ideals and opinions as being exemplar (as @sadlabounty said previously), so I think we could both try to work things out: He can try to improve communication, and I can try to be more tolerant. If that doesn't work, then I think we should end that relationship for good.

@sadlabounty Nice. It's always good to see an outsider's point of view! Thank you so much! I forgot to mention a big detail: I just moved to a new country and definitely got over attached to him, since I don't know many people here yet...

@sadlabounty Can you explain this better to me please? Thank you for your point of view!

Hi everyone, I'm 23 and I've been making of meditation and mindful awareness a serious habit for 1 month or so.. I can feel myself gradually growing the consciousness, besides I'm less anxious and more aware about my thoughts. The thing is that I smoke weed quite often (every weekend and sometimes during the week), and I've been feeling like it's getting on my way to become more and more conscious lately. I've stopped drinking alcohol for months, but weed has this social value attached to it that makes me do it. How to deal with this kind of vice? Has anyone been in the same or similar situation? Share your case here!

Hi everyone, I've been passing through so many experiences lately and many of them have taught me important stuff. I know that Leo has already made videos about subjects below, but things must come to your consciousness to really become part of you - and those things did for me! I want to share it with you and hear what life has taught you as well! (If there's a similar post already going on here at actualized.org, just let me know and put me in it, please ) TOPICS · Law of attraction – Thoughts create reality through actions · Law of reversed effort – wanting more is itself a negative experience · Worrying is - most times - useless · Your ego is always trying to put you down because it’s insecure (this is personal) · Your ego is always trying to be noticed to feed its needy desires (personal) · Don’t identify with your thoughts immediately – They’re not always true · Try not to label things as good or bad · Forget the SHOULDS of your life – They’re normally neurotic requirements · Be mindful about your actions and thoughts · Change your beliefs and judgements – Brain Plasticity · Stick to myself – Be kind and not so demanding

Hi everyone, I've always been a very sexual person, and my partners always told me so. I always felt very excited and wanted more and more sex. I think I might even be a little obsessed about it, because in my thoughts, I often think about many things/ situations in a sexual way. I used to get excited too often just by thoughts or seeing attractive people around. Maybe I've been giving sex too much importance. Like it's some sort of decisive thing that will make someone want to be with me or not. I noticed that sometimes, I feared not being capable of erection (specially with casual partners) and, one day it really happened* to me (with someone I already knew and had been having sex for months). *(The reason it happened is that I wasn't really into it, but for me, it was a failure). I started obsessing over it and my sex drive now feels drained. But I know it is all coming from my head. Since then: I started checking my body (penis) as if I expected myself to be excited almost everytime I think or see something that would normally trigger my sexual fantasies. If I'm not excited as expected, I feel like I'm uncapable. (consciously, I know that this expectation is just insane!) Now when I meet someone new, I always get anxious about the moment we are going to have sex. In my mind, if it doesn't go good, the person won't look back for me. Since I started to feel nervous with this fear, it really did happened a couple of times again, making me feel even worse. My worry started to grow bigger. When I have sex now, feels like I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm not uncapable. If it goes well, I feel relief. If it goes "wrong" I feel more anxious and even depressed. And again this cycle of proving to myself begins Note: I also had some great sex even between these episodes, but that's not enough to shift away the fear that it can happen again. I've watched many of leo's videos (how to stop worrying - negative thinking - the illusory nature of thoughts - etc). They made me feel better, but I still feel haunted by the possibility that my fear might just become reality once again. That is just destroying the pleasure and naturality in my sexual life. Any opinion? Advice? Thanks.

Hi everyone, How to work with the affirmation and visualization techniques for some purpose/ life goal without creating great expectations or idealizations? I am conscious that most times things don't work out exactly as imagined at first try, but how not to fall into frustration? thanks!

@cetus56 Yes!! Right after posting , I realized that the thing is about never giving up! If you want something, just pursue it no matter how hard the path is shown to you. You might even get frustrated once or many times, but giving up is never an option.