Santhiphap

Good morning, these are my new favorite affirmations that bring back the unlimited confident, never anxious child in me: Today brings me a step closer to my dreams. I have come this far in life, and I deserve to feel proud of myself. I found these affirmations in this wonderful morning affirmation video:

@Progress Good to hear that I think realisation takes a big part in letting go of addictions but its not everything. After many years of playing video games my friends know why they are so addictive, they understand that video games are made to be addictive and as easy as possible so even the dumbest human being can play them. They are very aware that they are using video games to disassociate themselves from the real life frustration that they are facing if they are not sitting in front of the monitor. The principles are always the same and don't need to be explained to them. They just need trust, love, and affirmations from others to finally do the first steps in the right direction, away from addiction.

First try of Strong Determination Sitting - Fear releasing from my subconsciousness - Feeling like a mountains top above myself. Good morning everyone, Today I started my day with writing down 10 things I am thankful for. Then I watched a quick video on SDS because I didn't really know what it is but I had a feeling that I should try it to improve my meditation performance. I started my session with a 45min goal, put on some nature sounds, one sound of the rain forest and one sound of a river stream. I put a timer of 45min on the river stream sound so I would realize when I had reached 45min but still have the rain forest sounds to slowly come back out of my meditation. I actually continued another 45min after the river sound faded out so my session was almost 90min long. I started by doing the slowest full body scan that I have ever done accompanied by affirmations as I am relaxing my head I am relaxing my face I am relaxing my throat, shoulders... and so on.. until I reached my feet. After that I moved on with "I am fully relaxed", "I am letting go of fear", "I appreciate my feelings of fear, because they are giving me the signs to realize my subconsciousness", "I am welcoming my feelings so I can realize and let go".. and so on. First it went easy but after a while I felt some discomfort coming up, fear came up and my fingers moved unwillingly, my nose tickled and I had to sneeze, I tried to accept these sensations and continue. A few times I drifted off just for milliseconds, when I stopped thinking, almost like falling asleep, just to pop back to reality with new fear and some unwilling quick finger movement. It felt like I was moving into my subconsciousness, picking up some of the anxiety and bringing it out to release it in a quick stream of energy. These moments where so quick and unexpected that I couldn't even understand the exact feelings that were being let go. I tried to immediately think about what just happened, I tried to get an understanding of the feeling that had risen but I couldn't. Maybe with a lot of practice this will become easier. The last thing I want to mention is something that I felt at the end of my session and I actually felt that way some times before while meditation. I felt like I my body was a huge mountain, thousands of meters high, and my head was the top of the mountain. It was like the real distance of my head and feet had shifted to kilometers and I felt like I was above all. This time, when I decided to stop meditating I tried to keep this feeling while "waking up", it didn't really stay but I think I still can feel it very little now. I think I made some huge progress lately and I am excited what will be happening next. PS: I am sure many have had similar meditation experiences and I will stumble upon some similarities if I read their reports but if you read mine please let me know if you have some quick explanations for my experiences. This would save me a lot of time. Thank you!

@dude Thanks for reminding, guess I'll have to write the second part tonight then! Affirmations & Anxiety Today I understood that I, personally should focus on specific affirmations for anxiety. Which is why I have written down the following affirmations on paper 60+ times and repeated them in my meditations: I (now) let go of all my worries. I am free of worries. I felt that I had to repeat the first affirmation many times until I could felt ready for the second one. This has to do with my confidence. I had a few very bad panic attacks today because I had to work on some government paperwork which makes me really anxious At some moments it took me more than 10 minutes to calm myself to even focus on any affirmations, my mind, my ego wouldn't let me. I think I really felt the ego that tried to keep me from letting go. I also tried affirmations for energy, confidence, getting things done etc. but I felt how they overexerted me and I moved a step back to taking care of my anxiety. Once thing I am curious about is protection of anxiety. I am good at retiring myself to my room, my calming music and soundscapes. I am good at letting go once I am in the right setting but once I go out there, the smallest trigger can put me back into anxiety or even a panic attack. What can or should I do about that? I can only think of two possibilities, either build up a mental wall not to let those triggers come through, or eliminating the triggers. Can affirmations work so much magic in my subconsciousness that they can truly eliminate those things that trigger anxiety in us? I guess I just know way too little about anxieties and I will have to do some research on them and on ways to heal them properly.

Starting with affirmations Today I started to do affirmations. Just starting with some simple ones to get going: I am always loving I am always confident I am always energetic Last night I brought myself to sleep with an affirmations video on love. It really calms my mind as I struggle a lot to keep faith in the love I experienced lately with the woman I met. I think she is not ready to commit to someone new and I have to be very very patient not to pressure her in any way. I am pulling myself together to not talk to her for a few days, frequently, then I try to do a little step forward to show her that I am there for her and that I like her a lot. She always responds in a positive way, she never seemed to want me to stop showing her my affection but she gives back very little to me. This circumstance is exhausting for me, especially after waking up I often have lost faith and feel heartbroken which comes from bad dreams and my anxiety problems. I need a lot of time to relax, meditate, listen to the affirmations. Sometimes I look for things in the past that showed me her affection, things she said or the ways we interacted or the ways she looked at me, things that are undeniable. It feels like these things are the only thing to strengthen me at the moment and its so hard not to forget them during the daily life. I wish so much to have a new sign coming from her soon, so I can stay calm and trust in that we are moving on. I don't know how long I can wait. In times when I am filled with trust and confidence, I promise to myself that I will go through all the pain that comes and I will be as patient as I have to be even if it takes months or years until I have her let go of her fear of commitment, because that is what I think is the only thing that separates us right now. I promised myself that I will wait for her to be ready, because she is worth it. Oh, she just wrote me a message right now! And it took me right back to feeling soooo much better. What a coincidence! Its incredible what the mind does with my feelings and confidence and how it can swap from one second to the other. Here is the video I was talking about:

How I found new faith in love I met her a couple of times before, about once or twice a year. Her friend circle and mine is different but has people in it that make the circles come together from time to time, usually in the park for some barbecue and drinks, which is where I met her the first time if I remember it right. Our conversations were short, distanced, a little flirty but we rarely talked at all at those parties. I knew I liked her somehow, but I didn't have a clue that one day, we would get closer. A couple of months ago I randomly stumbled upon her profile on facebook. We added each other and had a short chat but that was it. We didn't chat anymore after. Then, about 6 weeks ago there was another happening in the park with lots of friends, her and mine. During the evening I didnt really notice or talk to her, at least from what I remember but I think subconsciously I laid an eye on her from time to time. Later that night, a friend of mine suggested to move the party to a bar that he owns, a few people followed including her and her best friend. Finally, we were a group of about 10 people that just got really, really drunk together. This was one of the nights everyone got so drunk, that no one cared if they were the only one on the dance floor, the rest sitting at the bar in heated conversations and pouring out their hearts. When I went out to take a couple breaths of fresh air, suddenly, I was sitting outside with her to, I don't remember how it happened, what we talked about, but from one moment to the other we were running away together, we kissed, and we couldn’t stop, we kissed while walking all the way until we arrived at my place, and it must have taken a while because I remember it was dark when we left the bar and we could see the first sunlight coming through when we arrived. The only thing that I remember she said was: “But nothing serious alright!?”. In that moment I didn’t care, I didn’t accept it, I agreed but continued making out with her as passionate as before, as if what she said didn’t matter, or shouldn’t matter. At my place, it got really passionate. I wanted to make her feel good and she was able to let go. From the moment we ran away from the bar and first kissed, I knew this girl was special. Two days later she came back to my place because she forgot a hoodie at my place. I wasn’t sure if she would stay. We talked for almost an hour, but we weren’t able to concentrate on what we talked about, and it didn’t matter what we talked about, we forgot all about it a minute later anyway, it was like magic, the tension pulled us together, we cuddled, we kissed, the feeling was there again, the love, similar to the first night with her. It didn’t take very long and we were done with talking. T next few hours we were busy in bed. She stayed overnight again but had to leave early in the morning. When I showed her the door, she almost left without saying goodbye so I pulled her back gently and said: “Hey! You are not gonna say goodbye to me?”. I could see that her mind was wandering but she turned around, tired and confused, kissed me one last time and said goodbye. I smiled for a long time and couldn’t believe how happy I was. Time went by, I went on a sailing trip for the weekend. We talked on facebook every other day. I basically asked her how she was doing and showed her that I thought about her and that I haven’t forgotten her. The last night of my sailing trip she wrote me at 2 am that she was out with friend near my home and wouldn’t have minded to come over if I was there. Sadly, maybe destiny wanted it to happen that way, she went on holidays with her mum and grandmother the next day so another week went by without seeing her. The time without her gave me a kick start in life. Using the relaxation of the sailing trip I tried to smoke less cigarettes and smoked no weed at all. (I have smoked a lot of weed daily for over a year before and smoked during other times in my life too.) A few days after I came back from the sailing trip I completely stopped smoking, I went cold turkey from one day to the other. I hated smoking anyway and I understood the addiction a long time ago. I just didn’t have the energy to stop because I have been in deep depressions for quite a while before I met this girl. I started jogging every day and learned how I can use it to clear my mind. I fought my gaming addiction to the point that now, I haven’t touched a single game in weeks, even though they are still on my computer. I have changed my mind against all those addictions through the love I got from this girl which I somehow managed to convert to willpower, confidence and trust in myself. (I have been into competitive gaming for years and was starting to become really good lately but it stressed and depressed the hell out of me as well.) To be continued... (I still haven't arrived at the present yet, but I will try to get this done tomorrow so I can move on with working on the present happenings. Writing this feels very good though and ensures me of the good times I had with her. Lately my anxiety issues are getting worse, because we haven't met for a while and I tend to forget how good and true the love felt when I met her. I fear to lose her a lot and the situation right now is really testing my patience so I need to work on my present state as soon as possible.

I just want to say that I think a video on the exact topic would help a lot of people. I see most of my friends struggling with a gaming addiction and it was incredibly hard to get out of it myself. Even though other videos of Leo might help in this situation, people who are caught in it right now won't see the connection to their situation if the video isn't directly pinpointed to a gaming addiction. We are blind to advice while being addicted, and our mind is trying really hard to never let anything get through to us, to see the truth and be able to let go of the addiction. We need to hit the right spot if we want to help addicted people, thus Leos other videos won't come through to gamers, IMHO. I think Leo could help many people and help them let go of this addiction and the pain that comes along with it. I hesitated to share any of Leos videos with my friends because they are not open to it. But due to my friend circle of gaming addicts, I would be giving it a try if Leo had a video specifically on gaming addictions.

Thanks to both of you. I can get value from that and I feel I am on the right track now.

How I almost lost faith in love Let me start off this journal with the most important happening in my life right now. Love. It happened about 6 weeks ago but I first I want to go back many years to write about my first love and how it screwed with my life from there on. I was 16, exactly 10 years ago, I am 26 now. I find it interesting that the number 6 has always been my favorite number (I am a bit into numerology and deeper connections of numbers and time since I watched "Touch TV Series"). So when I was 16, I moved to another country for a year as an exchange student and I found a girl with whom I fell deeply in love with. The problem was, we were in very different conditions. She was lonely, her mother left her alone alot with her grandmother and her two brothers which seemed to be not the brothers you would wish for. In contrast, I was happy and very busy enjoying all the new things to learn about that country. The culture, all the uncountable sightseeing trips, the people I got introduced to, it really took me in so much that it must have felt terrible for her to watch my life not being able to be a part of it. This was the actual problem, because in that country it was simply not accepted to have a girlfriend at that age and all forces worked against us. The teachers in school, my host familiy, her parents, all tried to keep us apart. But we stayed strong and went totally crazy. We got such a deep connection from these circumstances that we werent able to live a day without talking to each other. I remember my phones SMS counter was at about 5000 SMS sent and 10000 recieved after about 6 months of being "together". One day the schools principle called us to his office and told us we were a bad influence on the other students because we tend to spend too much time together in school, other students would see it and demand to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship as well which was unacceptable. So the principle asked us to stop, at least to stop showing us so much in public. I remember how we looked at each other, her and me, both knowing that we would not give in, so we simply told him: "No, its not an option for us, we cant stop". I didnt care, she didnt care, the principle threatened to expel her from school and she still didnt care. Where else would we meet if not in school? We couldnt even walk to meet in the city because it was too far and even if, our families always had an eye on us, where we went, who we met and what we were doing. Our homes were so far away from each other there was no way to meet without it taking so much time that someone would find out what we were doing. Only one older friend from school (my family trusted him) helped us and took me to meet her secretly in front of her house on really rare occasions, of course, only at night so she could sneak out of the house without anyone noticing. Apart from that we almost never met outside of school, and if we met, we had to be quick because both of us sneaked away from the people that were taking care of us. A quick conversation, a few kisses if noone could see us, thats it. Even though we haven't had much time, time stood still when we met. When time passed by, the end of my exchange year came closer. We were slowly realizing that we have never thought about what we would do once I would move back to my home country. We tried never to think about it but it became unavoidable. Long story short, as expected, this took a very painful ending. Many hours on the phone, many tears, thoughts that I wanted to take her back home with me, but it would never be accepted by any of our parents. It deeply frustrated us to the point that she didnt want to live anymore, without me. To the point that she threatened me not to break up with her, not to leave her, not to hang up the phone, or she will... I think I stayed on the phone for a couple hours, or a couple of days, both of us crying from time to time, followed by silence, followed by frustration and tears again.. Have you ever known a person so desparate that he/she wanted to die if you left? Have you ever felt that? Its the strongest force I have ever felt to pull two people together that need to be apart. Just, incredible. Writing this now, 10 years later, brings it all back to me and makes me cry so much. This is, why I have never been ready to truly open up myself for another girl. Until now, 6 weeks ago, it happened, I met someone that opened up my heart and gave me the trust I needed to believe that it might not have to be that painful again. To be continued...

@Kevin Dunlop Thank you so much for the time you put in to write this. I can see how you've been practicing writing. I notice that myself since writing on this forum, I think alot about how to write "true" words with as little tint as possible. Its a great practice to come along while learning about ourselves here. I am still working on myself, havent stopped since weeks, waking up early in the morning now to meditate and figure myself out, although I have been a late nighter all my life, things are changing now, I can feel the response of my personal work everywhere in life and I get amazing feedback from friends and family. I am starting to dislike the use of drugs, even alcohol and coffee which is totally normal to drink for the people surrounding me, I feel how it alteres my mind. I spend much time alone, grounding myself, starting to truly trust my own values of life. Havent done any index card work yet because all is so confusing and complex, I am just starting to learn and build a structure in my mind for all the self-work topics and how they relate to me. Soon to oversee all the topics that need to be worked on, then I will probably learn index cards like a maniac! Also working on a masterplan to help a girl I just fell in love with to commit to me. I am saying "help", because I will never force or pressure her, but I think I am getting a grasp on how to help her lose her fear of commitment. I know I am ready for this, and I know she is the right one for now, maybe forever. She is bringing the best out of me. Never had so much energy in a long time. Now, it seems, all the pain from the past years makes sense and happened for a reason.

Thank you @Beam Lot of my questions have answered themselves. While writing them out I already felt the naivety of my questions/worries and I didnt really wait for an answer here on the forum. Your answer still helps alot though! I'll take some time to think about it

I need help on this topic as well. May I just join the conversation here? My story: I have been a "neurotic" (unbalanced) perfectionist for a long time now and it keeps me from getting anything done. When I get really frustrated I start searching for answers. This is why I started psychotherapy, read self-help books, and how I came here to actualized.org. The problem is, as soon as I feel better and move on with my life, I immediately forget the things I learned and lose awareness only to find myself back in the same dilemma again and again and again... I am trying to overcome to ever be offended in what I am because it hurts so much. When I meditate I feel I can distance myself from it and not take it too serious. But just 5 mins back into life my awareness is gone and the pain is tough and so frustrating. Right now I am trying to distance myself from a lot of things in life that may offend me. My anxiety against those offensive situations is really strong due to some bad experiences in the past. What I am doing lately to help myself: I meditate alot while listening to Tibetian Singing Bowls, especially the manipura chakra sounds (solar plexus). I have done a quick chakra test which showed the manipura being the only one that is really out of balance. Although, I didnt need a test to know that. I did it to see before and after meditation effects. I also took a picture of myself trying to smile as happy as I can, before and after the sounds & meditation. The change was quiet impressive, I felt really happy afterwards and it was a 200% improved smile =). Still, I think, even if I would meditate 16+ hours a day, I would not be able to cure the strong pain I feel when I get offended again. My questions: What can I do more specifically, to practice and get results that I can feel immediately, that last longer and that I will also be able to build upon? Which techniques have been proven to be most efficient and rewarding for you? The meditations are helping only for a short amount of time until life knocks so loud on my egos door that I cant keep it closed. How can I strenghten this door, if you know what I mean. I have been thinking of learning all of this with the help of index cards, like learning a new languages vocabularies. This way I might not forget the sayings that help me understand how the ego is "lying" to me. What do you think about that approach? Which words or sentences should I remember? Leos post hits the nail right on the head. Maybe I'll just put it on an index card and repeat it 30 times a day?

@Wouter You should also differentiate between code and design. If you dont care about design, the code for a website/forum like actualized.org can be learned in a few days by following some tutorials, walk-throughs. The hard part is to be happy with the design, visualizing it, making your vision work with reality. Kind of similar to most the things in life. If you are more the kind of guy that follows tutorials or copies code from 3rds rather than studying the real basics of webdesign languages and fight your way through all the details, you will have to make a LOT of compromises while creating your site. Its very hard to make code work for you that you dont fully understand. Lets say you find a nice piece of code that looks like exactly the thing you need to implement in your site but there are 5 lines of code in it that you just cant wrap your head around, googling hours and hours just to realize you have to take a step back and dismiss your "great idea". Thats exactly what I've been struggleling for years and its very disappointing and sucks your energy of being creative during the process of creating great things. I can only talk about my experience here. I am not very disciplined though which is a huge problem for these tasks. If you are disciplined enough, this may be a whole other experience for you. A place to start might be codecademy.com

@Paul EMD I finally found a great woman who is able to orgasm a lot and really let go during sex. I have problems letting go with the thought that the only thing ending it, is my climax. I would like to be able to have nearly as many orgasms as her, feel the same pleasure as her, thus being more connected to her. But right now I cant cause the sex would be over in no time if I just let go. So I will read, and practice. Thanks alot for the book!

I tried it. I did it as Marc Schinkel adviced. Increasing arousal everytime a bit more, tensing the PC muscle, then relaxing a few seconds. Here is what happened: After 3-4 peaks I arrived at what I believe very close to an orgasm, tensing the PC, then relaxed. The 4th peak I had maybe already a split second of an orgasm. Tensing the PC, Then relaxed. At the next peak something really confusing happened. (At least it was confusing for me, maybe some of you know can explain it to me better?) So I carried on about 1 second longer than last peak, had somewhat of an orgasm but it abruptly stopped when I tensed the PC and all the arousal and erection was gone in the next second. Really, my erection and bloodstream went from full to none in less than 2 seconds. There were no contractions I think, I still kinda blew the load, but the energy stayed. I felt lightheaded and awake. I find this confusing because I think I failed. But still I felt the energy afterwards. The way its described in the guide Paul EMD posted is, either you blow your load and lose the energy, or you dont and keep it. Or isnt it? Maybe I am missing something here.

Hey everyone, I am taking Citalopram (SSRI) for about a year now. Luckily I feel very little symptons of side effects except my armpits, hands and feet are sweating quiet constantly. I have noticed that the sweating increases when I drink coffee or other stimulants. Which is normal for almost everyone I guess. In my case though, I am sure its somehow connected to my overall nervousness and anxiety. I thought that I might find someone here who has experienced similar sensations and may have found a natural/herbal way to cure the sweatings. I know, those will probably be gone once I can live a life, free from my extreme nervousness and anxieties, but until then, a quick and natural cure would help alot. Oh, and a woman I know is lately taking some very expensive medicine that has helped her curing her sweats at night. Turns out the only ingredient is rhubarb roots, but the medication is stated for women only, so I am hesitant to try. (Im a man) I will try to put time into research and report if I found something that worked for me. Until then, please let me know if you have some ideas or advice. Because I trust you guys more than any sales website on the internet Thanks alot!

@SmartFixer_OceanJjb Hi there I just want to share one practice that has been proven to be the most powerful and helpful practice for me: Meditation. If you dont do it yet, I urge you to try it, as I feel you are in a state of confusion which makes it very hard to work with yourself and figure out the things you need to feeling better. This Guided Meditation for Self Acceptance has been helping me calming myself every day, mornings and evenings, since a couple of weeks, and I can feel the benefits throughout the day. Its like its charging my battery of love which is being drained throughout the day. I believe that self acceptance, self directed love and trust can be the first and most powerful aid for many people. After a couple of days, the guided mediation gets a little bit boring from time to time so I use this Singing Bowls - F# Heart Shakra (which is the same audio without voice) to calm my nerves and to meditate in the way I want. Sometimes I listen to these Clear Water Waves to fall asleep or while I read. Hope this helps! Much love! Edit: Just realized this topic has been quiet a while. How are you doing on your "journey"?

If I remember it right, I have done this a couple of times unknowingly when I was young and just finding out about my sexuality. Would be really interesting if someone had more information on what this exactly does to your body, pros and cons, I am sure it also has some downsides if you overdo it. Might try this again soon though