bloo

If I would know how to follow my heart I would have done that long ago. How would I do that more precisely... ? Regarding the things I was talking about in this post....how can I get deeper? To see what drives me ? How do I tap into subconscious ? How do I know I tapped into the right information and what I have discovered is true, not just a made up thought to make myself feel better that I was done with that ? PS: My internet was bad and it double sent. Sorry about that.

If I would know how to follow my heart I would have done that long ago. How would I do that more precisely... ? Regarding the things I was talking about in this post....how can I get deeper? To see what drives me ? How do I tap into subconscious ? How do I know I tapped into the right information and what I have discovered is true, not just a made up thought to make myself feel better that I was done with that ?

Hello guys. So in the past few months or so I found this Naked Reality guy. He has a different approach to all the enlightment, meditation stuff and I decided to try his stuff out. Pretty neat to be honest. 2 weeks ago I had an interesting meditation experience. I will copy-paste the experience description from the message I left under one of his videos "Hey Rali it's me again. So I've just been meditating and again I had this extreamly interesting experience. I felt like I was enormous, without boudaries like infinite but still finite at the same time. I couldn't pinpoint where was this happening. I was constantly expanding but still I was here. My room started to feel like it got HUGE and the objects were expanding with it. The distance between me and the objects was constantly changing but remaining the same and as my feet started to feel numb i had this weird sensation as my body was dragged down but mentained at the same place. Is this going towards "The thing" ? I kinda already know what you are going to say tho (Makyo) but still i kinda want to know since in a previous video you talked about "The silence, and there is nothing more, that's it". Cheers." After that experience, my mood sky-rocketed and after 8 years of smoking (started at 12 !!!!) I freaking quit cold turkey just because one time I decided to not be a slave to the cigarettes anymore (and after watching Leo's video for the 3rd time I think, on addiction) (I'm saying this because smoking was kinda a part of me and I NEVER DO ANYTHING beside video games. I was honestly amazed). But now that week has passed, and now I feel like absolute trash, after I meditate I start to feel angry for some reason, yesterday I kinda had a rage episode, I was at my university's counseling today, and obviously they said it's depression. I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning, and at this point, honestly, I would rather die just because I don't have any meaning to life, jobless, moneyless, no friends, no gf, I'm talking to my parents like they are trash cans. I don't understand why the fuck this is happening and I honestly don't understand why that week was something "special", before being kinda the same how I am now. How the sensation of being huge influenced my mood up, started a routine including Wim Hof's breathing techniques for 30-45 mins a day and then a really cold shower. I don't even feel like doing that nor meditating anymore, feeling stuck and just wasting my days in my room.Forgot about the "Oh I wanna do this with my life" and after a short time it goes away. Then again for other thing. Then I come back to the first thing. It seems I'm freaking stuck in a loop of thoughts being forsaken not to learn from my mistakes. But it doesn't go through..... Cheers.

Hello guys. So in the past few months or so I found this Naked Reality guy. He has a different approach to all the enlightment, meditation stuff and I decided to try his stuff out. Pretty neat to be honest. 2 weeks ago I had an interesting meditation experience. I will copy-paste the experience description from the message I left under one of his videos "Hey Rali it's me again. So I've just been meditating and again I had this extreamly interesting experience. I felt like I was enormous, without boudaries like infinite but still finite at the same time. I couldn't pinpoint where was this happening. I was constantly expanding but still I was here. My room started to feel like it got HUGE and the objects were expanding with it. The distance between me and the objects was constantly changing but remaining the same and as my feet started to feel numb i had this weird sensation as my body was dragged down but mentained at the same place. Is this going towards "The thing" ? I kinda already know what you are going to say tho (Makyo) but still i kinda want to know since in a previous video you talked about "The silence, and there is nothing more, that's it". Cheers." After that experience, my mood sky-rocketed and after 8 years of smoking (started at 12 !!!!) I freaking quit cold turkey just because one time I decided to not be a slave to the cigarettes anymore (and after watching Leo's video for the 3rd time I think, on addiction) (I'm saying this because smoking was kinda a part of me and I NEVER DO ANYTHING beside video games. I was honestly amazed). But now that week has passed, and now I feel like absolute trash, after I meditate I start to feel angry for some reason, yesterday I kinda had a rage episode, I was at my university's counseling today, and obviously they said it's depression. I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning, and at this point, honestly, I would rather die just because I don't have any meaning to life, jobless, moneyless, no friends, no gf, I'm talking to my parents like they are trash cans. I don't understand why the fuck this is happening and I honestly don't understand why that week was something "special", before being kinda the same how I am now. How the sensation of being huge influenced my mood up, started a routine including Wim Hof's breathing techniques for 30-45 mins a day and then a really cold shower. I don't even feel like doing that nor meditating anymore, feeling stuck and just wasting my days in my room. Forgot about the "Oh I wanna do this with my life" and after a short time it goes away. Then again for other thing. Then I come back to the first thing. It seems I'm freaking stuck in a loop of thoughts being forsaken not to learn from my mistakes. But it doesn't go through..... Cheers. PS : I am not sure if I posted this thread on the right board, but I will be posting it on the enlightment board as well.

Hello guys. So in the past few months or so I found this Naked Reality guy. He has a different approach to all the enlightment, meditation stuff and I decided to try his stuff out. Pretty neat to be honest. 2 weeks ago I had an interesting meditation experience. I will copy-paste the experience description from the message I left under one of his videos "Hey Rali it's me again. So I've just been meditating and again I had this extreamly interesting experience. I felt like I was enormous, without boudaries like infinite but still finite at the same time. I couldn't pinpoint where was this happening. I was constantly expanding but still I was here. My room started to feel like it got HUGE and the objects were expanding with it. The distance between me and the objects was constantly changing but remaining the same and as my feet started to feel numb i had this weird sensation as my body was dragged down but mentained at the same place. Is this going towards "The thing" ? I kinda already know what you are going to say tho (Makyo) but still i kinda want to know since in a previous video you talked about "The silence, and there is nothing more, that's it". Cheers." After that experience, my mood sky-rocketed and after 8 years of smoking (started at 12 !!!!) I freaking quit cold turkey just because one time I decided to not be a slave to the cigarettes anymore (and after watching Leo's video for the 3rd time I think, on addiction) (I'm saying this because smoking was kinda a part of me and I NEVER DO ANYTHING beside video games. I was honestly amazed). But now that week has passed, and now I feel like absolute trash, after I meditate I start to feel angry for some reason, yesterday I kinda had a rage episode, I was at my university's counseling today, and obviously they said it's depression. I have literally no reason to wake up in the morning, and at this point, honestly, I would rather die just because I don't have any meaning to life, jobless, moneyless, no friends, no gf, I'm talking to my parents like they are trash cans. I don't understand why the fuck this is happening and I honestly don't understand why that week was something "special", before being kinda the same how I am now. How the sensation of being huge influenced my mood up, started a routine including Wim Hof's breathing techniques for 30-45 mins a day and then a really cold shower. I don't even feel like doing that nor meditating anymore, feeling stuck and just wasting my days in my room. Cheers. PS : I am not sure if I posted this thread on the right board, but I will be posting it on the enlightment board as well.

Hey all. I thank you all for your replies and help. I hang out yesterday with my friends and I could't log in on my phone. But I appreciate every answer and I would want even more answers...but I am not sure how to ask them :D...I guess I will have to find on my own. Today I practiced guitar again...the boring part and even tho I kinda felt like shit in the beginning I tried to be aware of the fact that they are just thought and content and I tried to stay focused on my practice and ignore the thought's content. Worked pretty well. Thanks all again your your answers and help :D.

@Richard Alpert I've seen someone playing on the streets nice music that hit me really hard when I was high and I said I want to do that. You see...idk if you listen to rock/metal or know about guitarits. I've seen David Gilmoure live...i got a huge thing and said I WANT THAT. But then it kinda faded away. I saw Angus Young live....same thing.... But this thing stayed with me for a while (Estas Tonne). But it seems to fade away as i encounter harder and harder things on the guitar(breaking a bad old habbit of the hand). When this encountered I kinda felt doooown asf. I kept practicing for a week and didn't see any results....brought me even harder to the ground....and now I am posting on Actualized.org because I don't know what the fuck to do. But I might get out on the street in a few weeks when I get to UK. But what do I do till then ? Do i practice even more and be even more hurt by those fucking thoughts and feelings. God fucking damn them.

@Wormon Blatburm But what if I do this because of the ego and fame and then after I'm enlightened I will give all up because the ego will be gone as you say...oh god I get shivers when I think about that (in a good way)

@Eelco1981 I actually copied everything from that post into a Word file and will reflect on your answers later. Thank you very much. I've also downloaded the Mastery book and will start reading soon.

@Richard Alpert huh you're quite harsh but I feel you're kinda right. Some people say I don't need meditation but I want it....then some say I need it...ugh.. @Wormon Blatburm Does that mean that I wasted years and money (I thought about going to music school getting some real education) ? How much time I could have saved....Won't it be too late if I do that ? @ttm Some books to get in touch with myself ?

@David1 Alright...but what about the other problems ? What about the thoughts I instantly get when I play the guitar ? The anxiety... ? And I kinda want to make a meditation habbit....it really calms me though... @Richard Alpert That sounds so tough for me to do I don't even have a reply.... Am I helpless ? Cause I only come with excuses all the time...I'm not even aware of every single one...

@David1 That is why I am fat. I am aware of the problems I have but I can't seem to get action. Right now I am playing video games. Which I know is just to escape... I am really confused because I watched Leo's videos "Awareness Alone Is Curative". I understood that in a way while smoking (I'm also a tabacco smoker) I kinda have moments where I go WTF am I doing right now... but then i continue smoking. I expected the same to be with all the escapes (video games, desperately hanging out with friends). Do I need more meditation to raise my awareness in the first place ? Is the ego behind all those escapes ?

Honestly, in the state of mind I am now it sounds absurd even though I am aware of that way and probably that's the only way. But I can't do it in the state of mind I am right now. I feel like if I'm not skilled enough people won't stop and that would discourage me even more...

@popi How can answers just come out of the blue ? They just come if I sit enough ? Shouldn't this be a big thing if it's my life purpose ? @Richard Alpert I have only 1 month playing the classical guitar. I don't feel prepared yet. Definetly not enough skiill.

I am going to open the fuck up right now. I will try my best. I am a 19 years old fat dude who lives in Romania and went to photography school. I will tell you the whole story. One day I was talking to my parents about university. They have insisted that I would go to medicine school because I can make a good living money wise. I never wanted to live for the money. So I said I wanted to pursue music and my father told me that it is too late, that I needed years of practice. I was like....alright...as you say. Then I thought about other art form that would interest me and I found photography. Alright. After looooooong arguments over a long period of time I finally convinced them that I want to go there and they "gave me permission" and money to actually go to university. I am studying in UK right now. And something hit me while I smoked weed. I remembered that moment when I told them about music and I realised that I want to do what the fuck I want in life. So I bought an electric guitar. I was almost constantly high playing my guitar and everything was fine. Until I came home back. As I missed my electric guitar I happened to stumble across Estas Tonne. He is a street guitarist who travels around the world playing "spiritual" music. And something kinda hit me. I said.....shit....this is what I want. So I bought a classical guitar and started learning. The first time I touched the guitar....it just felt like magic. I was so calm and I couldn't be bothered by anything. Before I go on with the story I have to say that I HAVE NEVER WORKED REALLY HARD FOR SOMETHING MY WHOLE LIFE. I've been playing video games since I know myself, have kinda a lot of anxiety, fears about life, doubts and I have never finished something I began. So everything was good (almost perfect) since I bumped into the actual guitar practice. The first days were okay but now as I am trying to progress and correct the mistakes I'm doing (I'm trying to fix an old habbit on the guitar) everything lost it's magic. I don't learn sheet music anymore, I practice very little because I always feel the need to fucking escape (maybe that's the ego and the fact that I am not used to actual work?...I really have no fucking clue). I've even asked myself do I want to give up ? But there was no ferm "YES" answer. I am really concerned I do this for fame. How do I find out if so? Maybe I saw that Estas Tonne is really famous and showed me that what he is doing is possible ? Since I discovered Leo's videos on Spiritual Enlightment my life turned into straight chaos. I am confused, I doubt myself and what I do all the time...I question everything I do. Here are some thoughts I encounter every day. I am really concerned about my life. 90% of the time this happens : – If this is my life purpose, shouldn’t this be easy for me even if it’s hard ? – If I want to do this for real shouldn’t I be able to take all the hits easily and get up afterwards because it is worth the pain ? – Will I make it ? – Am I doing this just for fame ? – Every half hour I go to smoke a cigarette to have a break – I’ve been doing this exercise for a week and I can’t see any result. ANY. – Is this not what I want to do ? – If not then why aren’t I able to have a definete NO answer ? – Do I have mental issues asking all this questions ? – Oh I have to do those boring exercises again to be better. – In the beginning I stayed 6-7 hours reading sheet music and learning songs – Now I’m not doing that. – That means I am not interested in it anymore ? – Why do I give up everything in my life after awhile – Shouldn’t I be hungry to learn more music from sheet music or in general ? – WHY THESE THOUGHTS WON’T STOP ? I am trying to bring my awearness up but it doesn’t work in this situation. After I do at least 2 hours of guitar a day I feel at ease. – Do I feel at ease because I’m not playing anymore ? – Does that mean that it is not for me ? – Or is it because I am not used working hard towards something ? – How can I be sure ? – Why am I not feeling the magic again ? – Am I doing this just for the ego? – Is only the ego making me do this so I don’t just slack off all day and actually do something with my life ? If i remember more i will edit this and let you know i edited it. Also since I started meditating I get confused there as well: – Is this the awearness ? – How do I know I am aware and I’m not. – If I kinda have an image of my body when I pretend to be aware ? – I feel the bad emotions but now they are not really that hard on me. Does it mean I just observe ? Does that mean I am aware ? – What’s the difference between awarness and thought ? – Is awarness just a thought ? Some of them. The fucking frustrating part is that I want to become someone great. To have an impact. I would kill myself if I would work 9-5 without working towards my great goal and just living from day to day. I post on this forum because I expect people to know something since they are watching Leo's videos and have their minds open. I have no one to talk to about this...when I told the friend I trust most about Enlightment he started laughing. And he has a "theory" about "afterlife" that is really close to what Leo is talking about. I am scared when I look at my mom and see she's lost in the "matrix". I need some help....please... Also Leo, if you browse this forum from time to time and stumble across this post please say something man...I need something.