QandC

He had a great opportunity to just say "I stand corrected. Wrong of me." Still you can just seeeeee how his idea tries to hold on

Never thought I'd see infield vids of Leo lol. Dude's got Mystery vibes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xggTJCCxFss

Lately I've been having extremely crazy dreams, to the point where I wake up almost every morning around 5 am. drenched in sweat and panic, with severe anxiety. The rest of my life has improved vastly in the last few months and I've gotten rid of some depression I used to experience during the evenings. I guess my brain is rewiring itself in some way and by going meta I see this whole process as a positive thing. However, it doesn't make my nights less terrifying and strange. Yesterday night I probably had one of my top 5 scariest nightmares ever. The reason I tell you this is not just to explain about my dream. We all have dreams. But to tell you how I can actually feel how the dreams causes a permanent shift/change in me based on what I experience within the dream. The first dream I had yesterday was about my father killing me. He drove with me in his car and purposefully crashed it in hope that I would die. After this I had to run away from him, while dripping blood from my wounds. I don't remember too much from that particular dream except that I was on a constant run and I was experience intense fear. Next dream I had was shifted into my childhood home. It was night time and my parents had to go away for some reason. I was left alone feeling exremely scared and nervous about the night, as if I was facing something horrible. What I was facing was the Devil. Now, I know that the Devil is actually just me, or the selfish part of me, but in the dream I met the archetype of a typical demon. Once the time arrived, and my anxiety peaked, I saw the devil appearing on my bedroom wall. He was staring at me and smiling at me, saying there was nowhere to go. I had to confront him and he attacked me with his horns, penetrating my body. After this happened as a sort of climax, he disappeared and re-appeared again, as a more subtle/vague version of himself. This time I fought back, I managed to punch him right when he hit me. And it was at this moment I woke up in panic. The fear was so strong that when I woke up I actually believed that it was real. I could physically feel how I just got violated/penetrated by some sort of demon, and at the same time some energy was "leaking out" of my system. When I fell asleep again I didn't dream of anything. And when I woke up the day was extremely peaceful. The rest of the day was just me feeling very "numb" but in a way where I didn't care about/fear anything. Like some sort of extra power or strength was covering me. When I am outside I usually pass many judgements (from past social anxiety), but it was like this was totally gone. Like I had already experienced the worst type of fear ever so nothing could really face me anymore. I don't really know what power dreams can have over one's life, but it def. feels like for me personally they are a way or resolving extreme conflicts within me. They do resolve something, and my days are spent in harmony, however my nights and early mornings are filled with pain and horrible anxiety where I have to deal with resolving all problems. Needless to say, I'm really f*cking terrified about falling asleep tonight, what if I encounter something even scarier? Strange indeed...

@Tim R True, it cannot hurt me. But if all of life is a dream then nothing cannot actually hurt me in life either, but it doesn't make things less scary or less painful. Same thing when I'm asleep, I cannot know what is real or not real when I'm in my sleep until I wake up. But thanks for the encouragement anyway bro

Yes. But you have to be extremely tired to the point where you can almost control yourself drifting in and out of consciousness

Only creates more excitement for the next one Half glass full

Being trapped at home all day is also indirect murder of our lives and mental health

That nothing is permanent Also, to get attached to people or things and to lose them.

Yes, according to Goffman

Recent months have been very healing for me, in many ways, but the greatest aspects of my healing and resolvement of certain inner conflicts have come from my awakening experiences. I recently tried DMT (not 5-meo) and from that I had my biggest awakening yet. I am still a bit puzzled by what defines just a trip and an actual awakening. It seems like psychedelics takes me for a journey way beyond what I'm ready for, but there is only like 0.5% left after the trip that "sticks". Whenever I meditate nowadays for example I feel as if I am going back to that void that I call it, where Nothingness is everything, though not as intense as during the trip. So I guess the psychedelics have had some type of permanent effect, but it doesn't resolve my confusion regarding this whole thing or what the end goal might be. It seems as if I am just scratching the surface though, since my "ego" and identity cannot fully surender to Nothing. The best way I can describe it is that I have experienced God but still separate from me and the thoughts that I hear. For me the thought of Me and Everything are separate. Still Everything feels so complete. It's like watching a screen that contains everything you could imagine, but there is still the observer. It's "together" but still not the same. Even though the thoughts have had less of a significance I still have the belief of who "I" am in the present moment. I do not know how to go past this, even if it seems like my awakenings are getting "deeper" since it makes more sense. It feels like I am enjoying just observing Truth, but I cannot be It. But I wonder, how far/deep can you actually awaken? What is the ultimate level, does it even exist? My confusion comes mostly from listening to so many different teachers; some say there is only one awakening, and then life goes on as a sort of Buddha-hood, some claim infinite awakenings, some claim infinite awakenings as being one ultimate... I feel like all these ideas I have are really dragging me down. The theoretical foundation has helped me a lot but my fear is that the infinite awakenings actually have no end and I'll just end up chasing my own tail for some ultimate realization, like the last of the last. But I guess that might just be another duality. Still it feels like my deeper awakenings are not really 'deep', it's not even the right words, it's just that a vail is lifted, constantly, like "How f^cking clear can it become?!" Is there any mindset that could help me, or should I just keep going and only trust my own discoveries? Because as it seems now, my allowing the ego to surrender would be the ultimate, merging into Love. Still, I'm thinking that it might just be the start, and that would scare me even more since I can't even accept letting go of ME first. Hope I made some sense.

@Leo Gura Or when you date a girl for 3 months, everything is perfect, you start to fall in love, she tells you she wants you exclusively, you do nothing wrong, and then you suddenly get blocked by her on every social media/communication platform without ANY explanation. Talk about pain and confusion To this day I still wonder wtf happened

@Thought Art I don't wanna come off as racist or anything like that, but dating Chinese women can be quite the challenge and a lot of cultural differences can be shown. They are not scared of stating their opinion either. If they do not like you or something, they WILL let you know. First time I went on a date with a Chinese woman we ended up arguing the entire date. It was horrible. That cultural gap can have a big effect if you are not prepared.

Looks like when an airplane's lights casually drifts in and out of dusty air

Sounds like you're using the wrong tool. Cool thesis though but very risky.

Leave that shit alone, seriously. It can f*ck up your brain and cause a serious psychosis. Hyoscyamine is one of the chemicals that makes you high through that drug but it's purpose is like the opposite of raising your consciousness.

Watching this interview right now and Carlo has some interesting things to say. Still many things seem very confusing and it feels very "technical" when he talks about consciousness. Check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_fUPbBNmBw

I was expecting that answer lol

Damn.. I've got some comments to read

Sounds like a constrained version of nihilism. There is no point and that's neither positive or negative. I guess your belief of there being a point/purpose to life and things is still stronger than your realisations. Beliefs that have been carried with you since you were a child will not just disappear because of experiences. It takes a lot of time to integrate truths, and that requires a lot of work too. That is what I think is the trickiest about this whole journey.

@Consilience I understood it as having to embrace paradox in order to resolve the type of questions I ask. Because my questions desire an explanation of what I would consider logical. But logic is obviously not the best tool if you want to awaken haha. And then actually fully embracing it (in an embodied way) is the difficult part

@Yarco Lol true. I guess this all-encapsualting Infinity is something I have yet to discover.

I got your point.

Right. But still so many claim, including Leo, that there are even deeper awakenings that goes further in the sense of "understanding". So you can basically sit and understand Truth infinitely, and infinite number of times. So is this a bug or a feature, because deeper awakenings makes it seems as if you can constantly connect more to Truth. Or dissolve all the boundaries. So how can Truth ever be fully realized? I am also speaking from my own experiences where greater realisations can get conquered by the next one and increase my depth of understanding. Perhaps there is no end? And that's what boggles me about infinity, since it is everything but it's also just one thing, the only thing. This is mostly mental masturbation but questions like these are what motivates me to actually pursuit Truth. Paradox is also fun.

@Danioover9000 There are people who subscribe to certain (very small) live-streaming channels just for the sake purpose of f^cking upp the like-dislike ratio. But you probably didn't know that *petpet*