The White Belt

@Mada_ Thanks man! I have Mastery. I'll have another look over it.

I have this problem. It's pretty on going. I'm an actor. In theory I love what I do, I've been doing it for 5+ years now and been working pretty hard and constant at it. The field of acting and actors are just compelling to me. Whenever I get a script though, it's like kind of a horrible process. For weeks i'm tense, i'm worried about the outcome, scared I won't be good. I just need to breathe, relax, and most importantly HAVE FUN. But I feel it's really hard to do that. I need to be good. Really good. After performances I sometimes cry but I don't feel as though i've performed well enough. Any help? Tips? Advice? Books to read? Working philosophies? Thanks!

So we've been together 6 months. I kissed somebody and it got rocky. Then I told her about sleeping with prostitutes years before the relationship and she freaked out. We went on a break. Speaking about things I told her that I wasn't sure if i've ever loved her. But looking back I think I felt moments of it for sure. But i've really gone back and forward on the love thing. Telling her I do, I did, I didn't. It's just so so confusing. Now we've broken up but it doesn't feel final. I have to tell her weather or not I did or do love her but the concept of romantic love is so so confusing to me. I just DON'T know! Part of me wants her back. Part doesn't. It's a real mess. Any help or advice? Thanks.

@Rilles thank you. I got all the tests necessary to make sure I wasn’t poisoned. They said I just had to wait for the high to wear off. It’s been two days.. still feel slightly ropey but I’m all good!

So two nights ago I was meditating. When my alarm went off my mind was so concentrated that I just let it ring. And it rang on and on whilst I just stared out at the wall. The sounds of the alarm washed over me and things began to get sinister... Dark. My thoughts were stacking on top of eachother. The walls melted around me. All I could do was sit perfectly still and stare out, no signs of movement. My mind said "I've gone insane... Totally insane". It felt like it for sure. I managed to lay myself down. I started a self inquiry. I thought i'd make the most of the insanity. My sensory fields (all of them) started to be distinct from my awareness. It was no-self, dipping in and out. But it didn't feel good. I still felt utterly insane. I slept it off. I woke up with the worse dry mouth i've ever had. I still felt very high. Like i'd smoked two joints a minute ago. I felt sick and I looked in the mirror to two total red eyes. I thought to myself "If i've had a spiritual awakening then why the nausea, why the red eyes?" I hadn't taken anything... Or had I? Then I remembered nutmeg. The day before I was seeking a natural relief for haemmoroids. It said NUTMEG helps and so I bought some. I didn't check again how much I needed to take once I had bought it. But whats the worse that can happen... I had a tablespoon in some water, and again three hours later about an hour before that meditation. I googled 'NUTMEG HIGH'. It turns out that taking so much can produce a hullucinagenic high, and a psychotic episode. So I walked to the doctors who reffered me to accident and emergency and I had to get tests to ensure I wasn't posioned. I had to wait it off and I felt high the whole day. I had just come off a meditation retreat too where I had a frightening breakthrough so this probably exaggerating the effects of the nutmeg. I'm writing this to warn you all and tell you how I came down safely. Firstly using METTA A.K.A Loving-Kindness. Buddha didn't do this for kicks, you need to give yourself lots of love when you're going through something so horrible. Talk to someone. Especially someone who trips. An experiences tripper helped calm me even if just over text. Do some shit you like doing, be lazy whilst your coming down of the experience. Relax your body and let go of thoughts or they will spiral. Of course let this serve as a warning for Nutmeg. I had no clue and even the doctors didn't know it could happen until I told them I googled it and then they searched on their databases. Also spirituality in general, just go slowly, persistently, and know when to stop. Insanity/psychosis is not fun. This may be the most frightening experience i've ever been through but thankfully, i'm okay!

...byproduct of raising/expanding ones consciousness through meditation, mindfulness and similar practices? Thanks.

It's the cars I worry about...

Yeah I agree, I think I could do the same dose alone. I just have to remind myself that it isn't a good idea to go for a walk on acid, as nice as it is

This is what it did for me. Offered a fresh persepective on the issues that were causing me anxiety. Certain not IN the trip, haha! I didn't mean for a short term relief. When you put your answer, I did think to myself, 'do they mean like i'll take LSD to overcome a fleeting arising of anxiety?'. It seemed strange otherwise. But no I didn't mean like taking a paracetomol for a headache It's good to hear that psychedelics have reduced your ongoing anxiety by so much. I'm really inspired to keep going with psychedelics now, and to see what I can discover. Thanks for the responses the thread can be closed now. As for the question of having somebody to watch over me. I needed it. Infact I did have somebody looking over me, but they didn't come home til an hour into the trip, after which time I decided it was a good idea for a walk (I had planned to stay in my room). Luckily I didn't go far, but I crossed roads (Yup, crossing roads, on acid. Think CARS), and that was a stupid idea, but one I couldn't talk myself out of as it looked so gorgeous outside, and it was. I was safe this time, but if I was to go back, even on a dose of 110mg I would ensure I had someone available the WHOLE trip. Not to watch over me like a hawk, but to check on my occassionally. x

I did my trip. It has helped noteably with my anxiety. But it has only been a few days so we will see about that. It's suprising to me that you don't think that anxiety reduction is a common feature of LSD, given that I'm guessing you have experience, not only that but there seems to be a scientific concensus that it does; https://www.anxiety.org/lsd-hallucinogenic-mushrooms-to-treat-anxiety-and-depression https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-07-psychedelic-microdosing-ease-anxiety-sharpen.html https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT03153579 https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/anxiety/lsd-investigated-as-an-anxiety-treatment/article/384367/

I’ve done mushrooms before, three times. Once alone. First time Lsd however. I want to help ease anxiety and let go in my art more (creative purposes). side question: my provider told me I have 110 units per micro gram as a dose. Is this an okay entry level dose? Thanks in advance!

What does ug stand for in lsd? Also, when you acquire it, how do you know how much you have?

You sound like me a while back. Trying to do a thousand things at once and racing toward this vision as fast as possible. Self love, balance, kindness, going slowly can not be emphasised enough. whats better? Giving up entirely, or just choosing to do a single thing diligently? Give yourself a pat on the back every now and again man. You are a part of a small minority of the world trying to deepen your connection to yourself and the world. It’s a tall order and you’re doing so much better than your mind would lead you to believe. As for meditation try getting help from an app. I recommend Brightmind to you. There are meditations on pain and fear that can help a great deal. a quote for you from Augustus: “make haste! But, do it slowly”.

What are a some effective strategies to overcome forgetfulness? I can endeavour to do something, like for example practice mindfulness at work, and after a couple of weeks or so, just sort of remember that I made that intention and stopped following it somewhere along the line. Also, does forgetfulness count as an ego backlash? If you think yes, please explain why you think so. Thanks!

Thanks!