Nos7algiK

"You don't know what you are missing" is literal. If you believe this is just how it is, part of the mating dance as you say. Then you truly are missing out on what I'm trying to convey. It is magical, it is true, it is raw, it is blissful, and without these games being played you will then in turn meet someone on the same soul level as yourself. Do not let society or your own past personal experiences dictate your future endeavors. They are self fulfilling and self biased.

A high quality man doesn't need to wait for sex due to sex being abundant. But, rather he finds value in the other aspects of a relationship that are worth cultivating overtime so when sex is finally obtained it's brings exponential meaning to the relationship rather than sex with low-tier intimacy. That not only fits their partners emotional needs, but can find new light in an aspect of intimacy rarely explored for a man. A Chad who can sleep with anyone is not a high value man.

As long as someone believes "I am the prize" then only devils will attempt to win you over. As long as someone believes "I must win that prize" then again only devilry will be afoot. Your self worth is infinite, literally. It never can be won or bought. But, it can be met in equal union with another who also acknowledges their own self worth.

I'm not saying the woman is manipulating, but rather her as the "selector" will only find manipulation in order to peak her interest. This is how advertisement works. If you are waiting for someone to prove their worth then their worth will only be a misrepresentation of what is actually true. I don't believe this general understandings of gender are made up. Rather, I believe it's very very important as a community of people attempting to self-actualize ourselves to overcome these gender stereotypes. We inherently hold the same values within us as a man and a woman. But, there is an immeasurable amount of social conditioning that deceives us into believing otherwise. Look past all that BS, and you will find a universal shared spark of the same source. If you can touch that in yourself, you can then see it in another. Bearing witness to this spark is one of the most appreciated feelings you can have towards another. I do agree patience is a virtue and both parties should hold this idea to the highest degree.

This is not a healthy mindset to ground yourself in and will only cause failure down the road. To hold this mentality would only mean that which is being advertised for selection will use manipulation in order to be selected. You are a fool if you believe your own choices are true and just and your "selection" is purely based on your own inner feelings if serious personal development hasn't been done prior. We need to allow, not select, and by allowing we become open to what is also equally as open. This is the base of a healthy relationship. Men have nothing to prove to a woman outside of being who they truly are at their core as a person. Women have nothing to prove to a man outside of the same concept. The egg and sperm ideology is poor and doesn't work because a human is not a sperm or an egg, but rather an amalgamation of both polarities. Once this union is formed the only thing left is to "allow" the newly formed human to be born, to be. In turn the essence of all life will be naturally attracted to it. I'm a firm believer that these gender stereotypes, specially in the terms of relationships, do nothing but hurt us in the long run. They are serve for a purpose for is on surface level. To truly see the depths of the human spectrum, I would even say go past our own humanity, is to merge the masculine/feminine energies in us prior to finding a mate. By doing so we no longer stereotype, more so if we don't do it we won't see these as stereotypes by rules of how it is. But, there are far more depth to is than that and once we truly find our own self love and worth we will equally see that in another. Courting from the man will no longer be a staple to be with someone and a woman no longer has to select that which naturally arises without thought.

That amount of desperation or infatuation from a woman is overwhelmingly unattractive. A much younger version of myself would have seen that as flattery or some type of justification of the love for me. But, now all I would see is someone riddled with insecurities which will only manifest in severe issues down the road. It's not my job to validate someone insecurities, but this doesn't mean I won't hold space for someone to grow as a person. A small issue with this rose in my current partner a bit into our relationship. Nothing crazy such as begging on her knees, but she had a bit too much admiration for me at some points. I found it very important to snuff that out respectfully and help her see her own personal value and how she was not only capable, loved, but also a divine expression of love herself. There shouldn't be any power imbalances on how one partner(or potential partner) sees the others. Though there are a few aspects within a relationship where imbalances are actually just compliments that balance each other out in union.

This is a difficult thing to describe. It's somewhat like if you asked me "How can I be certain what intuition is vs ego?" Pattern recognition is very helpful here, but it is still surface level. Just like intuition there has to be a certain level of trust/faith for it to keep aiding you in life. A good reference point is to turn internally and ask "If I was the other party how would I deceive me?" and if the conclusion reflects the actions that the man is acting towards you. Then you are most likely being deceived. If someone is mirroring you, subtle questions about topics of what is being said to be mirrored is a good way to ween out if they are being true as well. But, all of this is naturally recognized when you do reach that self love. Again, stating red flags is nice and all, but it doesn't help with our own flags. Our own flags my seem red to us personally, but they are checkered flags for others to start the race. If we are waving this big flag, then of course others will attempt to play the game with us no matter what the means. Learn to get rid of those flags, no game needs to be played nor will be played. This is helpful, but can only get you so far. What if a new way to fake a bill if created? How many ways can you memorize differing fake bills? An external source programming us with information on how to do something will eventually reach it's limit. The key here is to develop(realize) your own software that automatically detects fake bills. It will never fail, for your database is directly connected to the Source of creation of said bills. Because it's yourself of course, but I'll try to leave that type of spiritual stuff out of this. This means someone would have to be a fool to try to trick you because they will get caught out 100% of the time. The tools can take sometime to acquire. Aside from self-love one of the most powerful tools we can have is faith in ourselves. Believe in yourself without fully knowing or having proof to your own actions. I have faith in you for I know you have the capacity to achieve any goal you strive for. To attract the perfect mate as well. You are well minded enough to achieve this easily in all honesty.

It's a tricky one. But I believe it's starts with giving people to most pure tools we can to help ourselves. Stating red/green flags is nice and all. Sure it can help us become aware of what's out there. But, the best discovery is self discovery. When we personally have that light-bulb moment in our minds about what is right/wrong that is when real growth starts to happen. Example: You are talking to a man you are interested in. He seems interested in you and quite lovely. You decided to tell your friend a bit about some of your interactions with him just for casual conversation. She then tells you she is concerned and some of his actions seem like red flags. You take it into mind, but don't really believe it. He seems genuine around you and happy to talk to you. You feel happy as well. So you put it in the back of your mind, but eventually months down the road you find out he was just mirroring you and using your emotions against you for his own personal agenda. Now, if we give someone the tools for self love and self understanding. They will no longer need to be told what to look for. The intuition will guide them and deception will be a difficult thing to pull over their eyes. So instead of remaining in uncertainty from what an external source said about a red flag, a friend said, you can now achieve that same ideology. A light bulb, a-ha, moment will now come to you and you can easily with confidence remove them from your life without it leading to something unpleasant in the end. By having this realization yourself, the life lesson will stick with you for...well life lol. You won't even dip your toe into a situation such as that ever again. Self love and understanding does not stem from pointing out the perceived devils on the outside of us. But, managing the devils inside our own being. We can accept/acknowledge our own devilry in ourselves, we will then in turn see it in others. You can not fool the fool who realized they were the fool.

I don't believe it's that simple. Sure, you may help a few people find the light that once was lost. But, the more you educate the masses on what is "unhealthy". Then the more the provider of what was unhealthy changes/evolves and advertises itself under the guise of now being healthy and beneficial. Such as people rejecting Coke, but instead now drink Diet Coke. As Alan Watts once said: "If you want to outwit the devil, it is extremely important that you don't give him advanced notice."

-Having a loving natural instinct and being to shine this in all aspects in life is a excellent quality a woman can have. It also compliments the Divine Masculine's Fatherlike arc-type gravity. When someone can make you feel their expression of love they emit, even when it's not directed at you that truly is something special.

Some of the best most easy going conversations I've had were with women. There is great depth to a woman if you hold space for her and allow her to feel comfortable to be herself. But, the idea is to hold no intent towards her except remaining present and allowing whatever happens, happen. Women can tell, or at least may have an idea of, when a man is just talking to her for devious reasons. It's not that she has no hobbies or isn't intellectual it's that she doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up about these things to you. You underestimate women, just as I see women on here underestimate men. Walking/hiking and all of that jazz can be some of the greatest times to form a bound with a woman(or really anyone). Women tend to be more expressive and free when out in nature. This allows them to be more receptive and more emotive. They will remember and cherish the the small memories you can create while on these walks. Men who can make the small moments some of the best moments is a very valuable trait to a female. Even if it's just for friendship, there is nothing wrong with just being friends with someone. Just hearing the female perspective is pretty interesting in itself. But, this can be triggering to some men. Of course the male perspective can be triggering to females as well. But if you really think they are poor conversationalists, then you are poor listener.

@dflores321 Agreed, it's difficult for the ego to accept responsibility for all of this. "It's not them, it's me." But, once that is accomplished it's one of the most liberating ways to be. Life will start falling into place and there can only be love manifested in one's own reality if they love themselves unconditionally. That is the divine secret, but it's not secret for it's one of our deepest truths that's buried within all our lies.

Just like that, the best advice that has been given within this entire thread has been denied. I truly don't understand why more people don't say this type of advice either considering it's an actualization forum lol....

Everything you both said holds the source of the answer to the question asked. Very sound advice and even cutting the idea of a relationship out of it these ideologies are life changing once truly brought into "being". Love yourself fully and your perception of "selves" will love you back. Though there is truly no self and it's all just Love, but I digress.

Incels are a pretty rare breed and most people understand they aren't owed sex. Pointing this out isn't going to change the ones who's perception of women and reality is so warped they do believe they are owed sex. But, even though an incel does believe this they can never achieve that desire. Which causes hatred to build up against women more and more with each rejection. The irony is I personally dated a woman who believed she was owed sex. It was my first major relationship and it was a nightmare of an experience. I didn't truly understand how wrong this was until a year-ish after the breakup. But, I only say this because this is more of a warped human ideology than it is strictly to males. I've had more than one female friend admit to me sexually assaulting a man. One situation just became awkward and the other the man cried. Both situations after questioning the female they really didn't understand what they were doing was wrong at the time and just assumed because they were a woman they were allowed to have sex with whomever they wised. On the opposite end I've had a male friend who was convicted for sexual assault in his mid teens. Went to prison for 2 years due to it. He was a nice person when I met him much later in his life. Friendly, caring, and went out of his way for others. I decided not to judge him for what he did. But, every once in awhile he would talk about women and they way he did was he believed they owed him something. He would not accept otherwise and had a strong conviction with this. I stopped being his friend due to it eventually.

Well said. This ideology resonates with me deeply and have had much personal success(friendship/dating) remaining present in this mindset with both men and women.

This pretty much sums up the issue. I believe it only serves to harm out own personal development to make statements such as "men generally don't understand women" when it's a person to person concept regardless of sex. To be more accurate, it's a lack of self understanding as you already stated. But by saying "X doesn't understand Y" that only mean you as "Y" also fail to understand "X" to the point where that statement can no longer be valid. Many of these blanket statements or generalizations about the sexes I can somewhat agree with or at least see where the other person is coming from. But, this isn't a normal dating advice section. This is a forum based on self-actualization and the main goal of that is to understand ourselves and everything that comes with that. Once this is accomplished it's very easy to understand other. But, it's a bit more complicated than a logical processing of "other" due to the nature of the self and how it's both infinity and nothing at the same time. Rater we become extremally receptive and in-tune to the consciousness in our awareness that would be labeled as "other". Having an inner knowing, strong intuition, rather than an educational understanding. Part of this goal also is to dissolved gender serotyping or dynamics within relationships or social structures. If we can not merge the feminine/masculine as one and look at it from a whole. No matter what advice we give then it will also be within the extreme dualistic nature of said paradigm and will forever be a vicious cycle of the same repeated issues.

The anger towards him is unjustified. You are self aware enough in this situation to understand what must be done, yet you don't. Because of this, you can only blame yourself for any negative feeling you may have from here on out. It is not him, it is you because you are allowing this to happen. Stop allowing it to happen and block him. Be nice about it, or neutral, and never turn back. Don't allow your feelings to trap you in a situation like this. Your feelings may feel real, but they are warped. Until you can fully love yourself and detach from people such as him or just the idea of wanting to be loved in general. You will forever find yourself in these situations. For every situation you get into, the more you allow it, the more hindsight will show you the problem was never them but rather always you. Once you accept this fully you can then in turn take your power back and structure your life out of a new paradigm that radiates self love. This will act as a beacon someone will naturally see and will attract a healthy partner in your life that you can grow with. Again, blocking him is the only way. If you can not do this, then there is no hope for the situation. It will continue to breed toxicity until the consequences of remaining in the situation grow evermore. If you truly do care for him, then do the right thing and disconnect from him so the pain that is causing both of you goes away. It may sting at first, but I promise you in the end only liberation is waiting.

You are right, I shouldn't be so judgmental about pick-up. It's not really for me, but that doesn't mean I should demonize it.

Why should there be any imbalance in pursuing a partner? Why not just 50/50 or somewhere close to that margin? I'm not here to make someone feel secure or wanted because that type of partner is a red flag to me. Someone should already feel secure and feel wanted because they have self love. Because of this self love they can intuitively feel/see that in others without the need for added external validation. A balance of feminine/masculine energy should be established internally beforehand. Only then can you attract a truly healthy relationship with someone on the same resonance with yourself. Neither party will have to wonder if the other is interested if these traits are met. Presence is a powerful force and within this presence divine attraction will be found. The feeling of being wanted will be found in this presence also and it won't authentic if one feels the need to make the other feel wanted in order to achieve successful courting. It won't be authentically found is one holds themselves back in order to see if the other party will fulfill their needs. When these mental games of attraction are played and we don't allow ourselves to be ourselves, be natural. Then we will only attract karmic lessons to ourselves. Pick up is all mental games and it never works for anything true and authentic. So, we should always be ourselves and even if that means many people we may get along with, find physically attractive, or maybe they are even into us will pass us by without anything stemming from it. But, the idea isn't to find someone to date and be with for a few months/years. Rather find someone who could be considered a soulmate. This will only happen once we love ourselves enough to drop the idea of wanting to be wanted. Patience is a virtue, but this type of internal alignment will attract a (near)perfect partner in your life eventually.

Solid post, though personally as the person on the opposite end #4 does not resonate with me. The moment I stopped trying to "win" over a woman was the moment I found the love of my life through a mutual friendship with someone. I learned that if I attempted to win someone over, my mind would somewhat warp or manipulate my true being using the variables of the person I was talking to. To form the equation of what I thought they would find attractive. Not completely wearing a mask per-say, but more standing outside my house to greet them inside. Rather than being patience, opening the door, and allowing them to step inside naturally. By playing this game, the foundation of the relationship would be slightly creaky. Which can later manifest as issues in either myself or the other person since I attempted to control the flow of things rather than having it happen naturally. Also, after self reflection on what I was doing it would make me feel guilty for not being myself and using subtle manipulation to gain favor with someone. It showed me I had slight insecurities at the time, but overcoming that all really was a breath of fresh air for my essence of "being" or allowing myself to be myself without expectation of an outcome. As a women then, you would attract someone to yourself such as the way I spoke above. Worth, value, and pursuit of these qualities should be a mutual resting place that once one finally aligns themselves with healthy self love it will naturally attract someone else who emits this same quality. No extra pursuit needed, but I don't discredit your 75% ratio as a viable outlook on it all. I'm sure you know what you are talking about lol. Hopefully your message meets many eyes.

Tao Te Ching Full Book (PDF): LINK

For this reason I've dropped my attachment to the mystical experiences I've perceived myself having in life. Those experiences have no more or less importance than me typing out this message currently. Remaining present in the "now" is the only thing I wish to be or should I say the only awareness I imagine I'm having. But, removing the " I " or any self reference would be more of an accurate way to say it.

When it comes to the teaching of others on the topic of their enlightenment I found the words of the Tao Te Ching to resonate on the subject: "The Master, by residing in the Tao, sets an example for all beings. Because he doesn't display himself, people can see his light. Because he has nothing to prove, people can trust his words. Because he doesn't know who he is, people recognize themselves in him. Because he has no goad in mind, everything he does succeeds." ~Tao Te Ching - Chapter 22