Nos7algiK

Nothing(ness) is permanent, eternal. NoThing is permanent. All imagined constructs within reality are impermanent. But, there are no construct(s) for it is not its, but rather "that which is" and that is Infinite. Which is "now" and that is also Nothing, eternal.

Of course this is the case, it comes with the territory. But, the solution to problems rarely exits by fixing the poles of the problem. Rather taking a holistic approach to the situation, there is a "solution". But, solution is not the right word for it for that creates another pole. All of these concepts we are discussing are nothing more than imaginary, self fulfilling, and gives the illusion of a ground when there is none. The mind(ego) does not it when it can't feel it's own ground. The finite can only be finite, if it also holds the seed to infinity. The concept of Indra's Net describes this very well. This is why the dualistic nature of our reality is highly relative. "truth" is that which you perceive it to be, or rather that which you are "now". "Truth" would be all the "truth"s summed into one within the essence of nothingness. No One holds the answer, but as One we do. This idea alone is why I don't refute people' claims completely even if they don't resonate with me. For I know I'm ignorant and I can never truly know the finite due to it's infinite nature. I can "believe" to know, but really it's just a self delusion or confirmation biased. So with that, the philosophy is to meet my perception of other "As, I am". Which is just a fancy way of saying to be myself regardless of who I talk to. If there is an attractive female, there is no reason my ego needs to play mental games and treat her differently. Same goes for someone who may be homeless. Allowing reality to play out, remain present, without past ideas/experiences tethering you to what is possible I believe is a key to peace. Even if I'm not fully there yet. Because I am peaceful and present, reality reflects that when I meet others. Specially in person, so I can only confirm my own biases. But, this is how reality works and it will always conform to what you perceive it to be. If it did not, you would realize very easily that it's an illusion and it would no longer work on the self. As many times and I say "I" or "self" there really is no self. It's just consciousness, just awareness, and not even those two. It just is what it is. Though, I would call it Love.

I'm in full agreeance to everything you are saying here. I can not stress the importance of introspection and personal development. Not just in the concept of relationships or sexuality. But, how they affect us within on actions towards everything. Though, personally like to take a more non-dual approach to it all. It's difficult for me to unsee my experiences with all of that. But, for the sake of conversation I'll agree with this dualistic view on it all.

I'll give it a watch in a bit. Probably going to go on a walk then do it when I get back.

I agree with what you are saying. I just think what you are trying to convey to men on here, specially about female sexuality is a bit too deep of a teaching for their current understanding. Many are just dipping their toes in how to even interact around a female, let alone be able to listen and understand her. Personally, I established many healthy female friends in my life who I saw as strictly plutonic. Except for many my younger years, I never had an issue just seeing them as a friend. Many have a surreal idea that if you are friends with a woman you must court her or that the friendzone is such an evil place to be. But there is no zone when there is a mutual relationship of friendship that is being honored. A lot can be learned from both parties and it feeds a heathy emotional understanding of both. Giving women a safe space and open heart space in order for them to express themselves freely and comfortably is not only healthy to understanding the opposite sex. But, understanding the feminine aspect of ones self. But, this idea relies on the idea of a man and woman having a healthy friendship without deviant desires interfering which is easier said than done and I understand I'm an outlier when it comes to this dichotomy.

Wouldn't it be more effective to educate men on their own feminine side? It's difficult to teach others about external emotions/feelings another has within without being able to recognize that in yourself as well. Without this self recognition the mind will warp how the other feels through their own lens. So how does one see the other side without seeing it inside their self first? This is and has been my entire argument. But, it would be nice to understand why it needs to be done or why a man's feminine side doesn't need to be embraced to understand.

@Emerald We are only running around in circles here. If we continue to talk about this we are going to just repeat the same ideas over and over. I don't believe either of us is truly right or wrong. I understand your personal perspective, not because you are a woman, but because you are Emerald. This doesn't mean I have to agree with you. I don't fully disagree and I do feel like what you are saying helps at a certain level. But, I should be more wise to understand it's pointless to argue against the relative nature of the ego's self biases. You can assume you understand my perspective because I'm a man, but my view has little to do with my sex and more to do with me being Nos7algiK. If you wish to know deeper, I do not agree with most men on the forum and find it somewhat cringing and will only set themselves up to be devils in a woman's eye. But, that may stem from being out of touch with my own masculine side. I honestly can't say. When it comes to someone I do agree with wholeheartedly on this forum @Etherial Cat has a very healthy balance within herself and a great perceptive on it all.

As someone who was diagnosed with it as a child, though I didn't try meds till I was an adult I can say this. I didn't stay on meds long. They made me feel like a zombie and very disassociated so not taking them was the lesser of evils. I believed I had it and I believed it affected my life greatly. It wasn't until I tried psychedelics that I realized I created the entire disorder in my own psyche. It was a self validating paradigm of belief that was made stronger due to others such as my parents and doctors telling me I had it. The moment I had this realization of self deception was the moment it instantly disappeared from my life. But, take this all with a grain of salt for I am only one person and my example isn't a broad statement for others with ADHD.

You are right, so I'll take my leave from this. I should have stopped playing the ego games long ago for I knew what I was doing.

@EmeraldBoth parties don't understand each other equally. This isn't a man vs woman ordeal, but rather a person vs person ordeal. This has very little to do with a person's capacity to listen and largely has to do with a person's inner knowing of them own self or lack there of I should say. If we can not know ourselves and I don't mean our surface level ego bs, then how can we expect to know others? You are a damn teacher...are you really teaching your students this stuff? You have some great content and if others latch onto that they will also latch onto this idea as well. It's not a healthy idea, it's not a "this is what I've experienced" idea, but rather it's a completely biased and condescending one. When I was much younger I used to believe women couldn't understand me, specially as a man. I learned how foolish I was by looking inside my self and dropping the silly belief. I started to allow others to understand me and having faith they could. Having a prior biased against their understanding means I made unconscious psychological actions that will only revalidate my world view by withholding myself away. Once this biases were removed my relationships with women(and men) grew hundreds of times more meaningful. Just as you do not appreciate someone holding a biased against you due to you being a woman, others won't feel the same regardless of sex. Again, this is a personal lack of understanding that causes all of these issue. I would say the misunderstanding of self is equally shared in all sexes and races. I could never personally not see someone as an equal again and give them myself as Nos7algiK and nothing more/less. For me to ever treat someone anyone a different way(outside of being more mindful with children) would for some type of insecurity or trauma to arise in me. There would be hidden sexist or racist tendencies regardless if they are truly hateful or not. No, it's not just "that's my experience" because that's exactly how sexism and racism is formed....

This is extremally helpful and it's much appreciated.

Personally, I would not do it. But....If you don't you may always wonder if you made the right choice. It's not a good idea regardless, but it might be best for you to see first hand why it's not a good idea so it doesn't come to this again in the future. 95% chance she will either say nothing or possibly talk to you for a bit which will only fizzle out in a short span of time. Just be kind if you do talk to her. Though you have truly learned your lesson when you no longer make the mistakes at all. But, then again advice on the internet pales in comparison to how you actually feel right now inside.

A large portion of men have no idea how to value a woman. A main part of this is due to not valuing themselves or rejecting their feminine side. Even when a woman tells them their needs, specially their own desire for an emotional connection or intimacy. Many will deny this for their own self biases. With self love and understanding all of this will come into fruition. No longer will people need to conform to men/women stereotyping when it comes to dating. But, regardless personally I've always seen the emotional connection between two individuals as the hierarchy of the physical connection. It is not difficult to truly listen to others so they can be expressive and open up to you. But, there seems to be an aspect within men that instead of listening to emotional queues to help aid said emotions. It's instead used for exploitation or emotional intelligence isn't developed enough to notice them at all. Regardless there is a lot of demonization of both genders that happens, specially on this forum. I wouldn't say this is healthy at all, but I don't blame others for using their own experiences as a backdrop for how everyone else is. There are many lovely individuals out there, but we need to be more lovely ourselves in order to attract them.

If you do not satisfy a woman emotionally, she will leave you.

@Emerald I don't disagree with screening. But, I don't agree with women being the prize or selector. I personally believe both men and woman should be screening, obviously. But, the prize should be the moments that are created within each others presence or a possible relationship that may be established. I'm a strong believer of personal boundaries and knowing what someone wants in another. But, if only one party is doing this eventually it will collapse on itself. There is a high chance then the man will use emotional queues to mirror/reflect the woman in order to get in her best whishes. The issue with this is, the man is partially blind to what he truly wants and values in a woman and is too caught up in the game over something authentic. This is my personal gripe with the philosophy of being won over. Destroy the game, the dance, or the prize and no game will be played, no dance needs to be arranged, and no prize needs to be won. The dynamic I speak of can be found in a stage of friendship prior to the idea of wanting to be with another. For setting a stable base of friendship is extremely important for anything else healthy to be built on. Screening should naturally happen for both parties as this friendship develops and a relationship will be more "fallen into" over asking for courtship or loudly declaring ones interest because the feelings can be universally reciprocated without actually stating them.

"You don't know what you are missing" is literal. If you believe this is just how it is, part of the mating dance as you say. Then you truly are missing out on what I'm trying to convey. It is magical, it is true, it is raw, it is blissful, and without these games being played you will then in turn meet someone on the same soul level as yourself. Do not let society or your own past personal experiences dictate your future endeavors. They are self fulfilling and self biased.

A high quality man doesn't need to wait for sex due to sex being abundant. But, rather he finds value in the other aspects of a relationship that are worth cultivating overtime so when sex is finally obtained it's brings exponential meaning to the relationship rather than sex with low-tier intimacy. That not only fits their partners emotional needs, but can find new light in an aspect of intimacy rarely explored for a man. A Chad who can sleep with anyone is not a high value man.

As long as someone believes "I am the prize" then only devils will attempt to win you over. As long as someone believes "I must win that prize" then again only devilry will be afoot. Your self worth is infinite, literally. It never can be won or bought. But, it can be met in equal union with another who also acknowledges their own self worth.

I'm not saying the woman is manipulating, but rather her as the "selector" will only find manipulation in order to peak her interest. This is how advertisement works. If you are waiting for someone to prove their worth then their worth will only be a misrepresentation of what is actually true. I don't believe this general understandings of gender are made up. Rather, I believe it's very very important as a community of people attempting to self-actualize ourselves to overcome these gender stereotypes. We inherently hold the same values within us as a man and a woman. But, there is an immeasurable amount of social conditioning that deceives us into believing otherwise. Look past all that BS, and you will find a universal shared spark of the same source. If you can touch that in yourself, you can then see it in another. Bearing witness to this spark is one of the most appreciated feelings you can have towards another. I do agree patience is a virtue and both parties should hold this idea to the highest degree.

This is not a healthy mindset to ground yourself in and will only cause failure down the road. To hold this mentality would only mean that which is being advertised for selection will use manipulation in order to be selected. You are a fool if you believe your own choices are true and just and your "selection" is purely based on your own inner feelings if serious personal development hasn't been done prior. We need to allow, not select, and by allowing we become open to what is also equally as open. This is the base of a healthy relationship. Men have nothing to prove to a woman outside of being who they truly are at their core as a person. Women have nothing to prove to a man outside of the same concept. The egg and sperm ideology is poor and doesn't work because a human is not a sperm or an egg, but rather an amalgamation of both polarities. Once this union is formed the only thing left is to "allow" the newly formed human to be born, to be. In turn the essence of all life will be naturally attracted to it. I'm a firm believer that these gender stereotypes, specially in the terms of relationships, do nothing but hurt us in the long run. They are serve for a purpose for is on surface level. To truly see the depths of the human spectrum, I would even say go past our own humanity, is to merge the masculine/feminine energies in us prior to finding a mate. By doing so we no longer stereotype, more so if we don't do it we won't see these as stereotypes by rules of how it is. But, there are far more depth to is than that and once we truly find our own self love and worth we will equally see that in another. Courting from the man will no longer be a staple to be with someone and a woman no longer has to select that which naturally arises without thought.

That amount of desperation or infatuation from a woman is overwhelmingly unattractive. A much younger version of myself would have seen that as flattery or some type of justification of the love for me. But, now all I would see is someone riddled with insecurities which will only manifest in severe issues down the road. It's not my job to validate someone insecurities, but this doesn't mean I won't hold space for someone to grow as a person. A small issue with this rose in my current partner a bit into our relationship. Nothing crazy such as begging on her knees, but she had a bit too much admiration for me at some points. I found it very important to snuff that out respectfully and help her see her own personal value and how she was not only capable, loved, but also a divine expression of love herself. There shouldn't be any power imbalances on how one partner(or potential partner) sees the others. Though there are a few aspects within a relationship where imbalances are actually just compliments that balance each other out in union.

This is a difficult thing to describe. It's somewhat like if you asked me "How can I be certain what intuition is vs ego?" Pattern recognition is very helpful here, but it is still surface level. Just like intuition there has to be a certain level of trust/faith for it to keep aiding you in life. A good reference point is to turn internally and ask "If I was the other party how would I deceive me?" and if the conclusion reflects the actions that the man is acting towards you. Then you are most likely being deceived. If someone is mirroring you, subtle questions about topics of what is being said to be mirrored is a good way to ween out if they are being true as well. But, all of this is naturally recognized when you do reach that self love. Again, stating red flags is nice and all, but it doesn't help with our own flags. Our own flags my seem red to us personally, but they are checkered flags for others to start the race. If we are waving this big flag, then of course others will attempt to play the game with us no matter what the means. Learn to get rid of those flags, no game needs to be played nor will be played. This is helpful, but can only get you so far. What if a new way to fake a bill if created? How many ways can you memorize differing fake bills? An external source programming us with information on how to do something will eventually reach it's limit. The key here is to develop(realize) your own software that automatically detects fake bills. It will never fail, for your database is directly connected to the Source of creation of said bills. Because it's yourself of course, but I'll try to leave that type of spiritual stuff out of this. This means someone would have to be a fool to try to trick you because they will get caught out 100% of the time. The tools can take sometime to acquire. Aside from self-love one of the most powerful tools we can have is faith in ourselves. Believe in yourself without fully knowing or having proof to your own actions. I have faith in you for I know you have the capacity to achieve any goal you strive for. To attract the perfect mate as well. You are well minded enough to achieve this easily in all honesty.

It's a tricky one. But I believe it's starts with giving people to most pure tools we can to help ourselves. Stating red/green flags is nice and all. Sure it can help us become aware of what's out there. But, the best discovery is self discovery. When we personally have that light-bulb moment in our minds about what is right/wrong that is when real growth starts to happen. Example: You are talking to a man you are interested in. He seems interested in you and quite lovely. You decided to tell your friend a bit about some of your interactions with him just for casual conversation. She then tells you she is concerned and some of his actions seem like red flags. You take it into mind, but don't really believe it. He seems genuine around you and happy to talk to you. You feel happy as well. So you put it in the back of your mind, but eventually months down the road you find out he was just mirroring you and using your emotions against you for his own personal agenda. Now, if we give someone the tools for self love and self understanding. They will no longer need to be told what to look for. The intuition will guide them and deception will be a difficult thing to pull over their eyes. So instead of remaining in uncertainty from what an external source said about a red flag, a friend said, you can now achieve that same ideology. A light bulb, a-ha, moment will now come to you and you can easily with confidence remove them from your life without it leading to something unpleasant in the end. By having this realization yourself, the life lesson will stick with you for...well life lol. You won't even dip your toe into a situation such as that ever again. Self love and understanding does not stem from pointing out the perceived devils on the outside of us. But, managing the devils inside our own being. We can accept/acknowledge our own devilry in ourselves, we will then in turn see it in others. You can not fool the fool who realized they were the fool.

I don't believe it's that simple. Sure, you may help a few people find the light that once was lost. But, the more you educate the masses on what is "unhealthy". Then the more the provider of what was unhealthy changes/evolves and advertises itself under the guise of now being healthy and beneficial. Such as people rejecting Coke, but instead now drink Diet Coke. As Alan Watts once said: "If you want to outwit the devil, it is extremely important that you don't give him advanced notice."