Havana

@jes Hi Jes, thats it. The dependency is the issue. And narcs love to make you dependent on them, because this way their game can go on and on and on. Nevertheless, if there is no way for you to get out of this, I recommend to look up Sacha Slone on YouTube. She gives some great advice how to deal with this kind of "people". I know what you are going through. Have been in a relationship with a covert narc for years. Until I was close to killing myself no one believed me how sick this guy was. Everyone thought he was the nice guy. And the more I depended on him, the more he would give me the narc treatment. Its a great start that you know about the fundamental issue. This way you can find help on how to deal with it. But I agree with some of the writers here: the long term solution is to get away from him. And believe me: the hurdles are not as big as he tries to make them look for you!

@vizual man, you have no clue what you are talking! Narcissism is a real bad thing. Go educate yourself and don't blame the victim here! She's asking for help not being put down! I have been in a relationship with a narc for years! You really have no idea!

@Lamp If it years old wounds open to have contact with her, decide for what is better for you! I was in an abusive relationship for a longer time. And the first thing you are being told is, no contact is the best way to get over it. Your feelings of doing things wrong are the key to everything in this case. And believe me, I totally know how you feel! You might want to educate on co-dependency. Don't know your full background and I am guessing here, but find the solution to these feelings. Find the roots. And you will have the chance to work on this and close the gaps. all the best

@iago iriarte arhatha @Ayla great advice. But if he is a narcissist/manipulator, honesty will only give him more knowledge about how to manipulate her...

@isabellc I would be more careful with that one. Don't only test yourself for jealousy. I think your question, why has to comment on that is very valid! Because the expression, the communication itself, can be seen as an attempt to influence. Or to manipulate. Why else would someone say this? Don't try to bend yourself to these attempts - all that will happen is losing yourself to please someone else! So, questioning this motivation of his is a valid approach. And more valid: why do you wanna bend? His utterance makes you compare. No matter what the intention is. So, its two fold: - why does he do this? - why do you care? Is it an intentional pressing of buttons of yours or just some in thoughtful loud thinking? If you tend to say it is the first, you might want to ask yourself why you are in a relationship where you have the feeling you have to make it fit for the other one. hope this helps (Ps: my first post, so please bear with me