Guinga

I had another diary with a few entries, but i decided to hide it now I don't know how access it. it was mostly venting anyway. with this one i want to be more clear about my goals I will still vent probably a lot, but I want to do that just to see my progress and state of mind. not understanding something to accepting it and other paradigms shifts why I decided to be involved in self development? I've been suffering with low level depression since I remember myself as a person, I guess dysthimia is the technical term Also i was that kid that never really fit in still am the guy that never fits in now that I'm a adult. great part of it was because my social anxiety, and partly because I never seem to be o the same frequency of other people. being to self absorbed tends to make it that way. I even accepted that I have some narcissistic tendencies. not knowing how to deal with this feelings of exclusion and other bad emotions put me in a spiral of pain and deepens my depression and nihilism by the day. my goals for now as simple as it may be are. make my bed when I wake up and meditate 20 minutes a day. it may not be much but I hope I can start to create some momentum and finally work on the stuff that matters.

of any kind, I mean people being duplicitous? not care? how do I make myself not care?

pls delete

If your goal it's to improve interpersonal communication take method acting and improv classes, read books with lot's of dialogue, go out and talk to people. if your goal it's to be a better speaker toastmasters it is!

yeah, i agree with you. I have time to meditate at least for an hour a day, but it takes to much effort to focus on more than two or three things at the same time, I'm on my last year of college, have relashionships to attend to, go to the gym etc. and i'm not gonna lie to myself i know that if i try to do to much stuff at the same time, I'll either drop something or half-ass it, and I'm alreading doing it. so my question it's leans more towards, if meditation and self-inquiry are easily reconcilable so I could focus on the two things as if they're one, insteead of half-assing at both.

ye

do you make "agressive" eye contact with people?

Are you able to meditate deeper or there are any other benefits that carryover to your meditation by doing self inquiry? I'm asking that because i feel I have no time to do both, so I decided to focus on mediation alone. shold I do it during meditation? or continuing focusing on meditation alone, as I'm a beginner to it?