SFRL

@Life I don't see the problem. Own it.

@Yang Noctus I think you are actually asking a very intelligent question. And I think you hit exactly the point that some people are missing. The focus is often on meditation, enlightenment, transcending, etc. But that's the top of the pyramid. And I don't believe a whole lot of people build a strong foundation. It is really important that you got a good foundation build. And at your age it's perfect to start working your way from the bottom to the top. Watch this video about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You will see that transcendence is only at the very top. https://www.actualized.org/articles/using-maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-to-self-actualize

I am wanting to become a personal fitness trainer as a first step to a bigger life purpose. I do have a job where I have lapses of time where I do have time to study an online course. I don't want to put that time to waste with sitting around. Does anyone have advice on some online course where I can get an widely approved certificate to be an personal trainer? I do live in the USA.

@STC @MHarris @MHarrisMy point is that those are the basics you want to have covered if you want to pick up girls. Otherwise it's just mission impossible. I googled "dating for disabled people" and got plenty of hits. You can do the same. I dont know if disabled is exactly the right word, but the point is you can find groups and/or dating sites for people that ho trough the same thing as you. And realistically I think that's a threshold you could take. That's the great thing about the internet. You can find anything you want on there. Also look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. There is a video about that under foundational videos. It's a basic need you are trying to full fill.

@MHarris so what else are you doing in your life? Study, work, got your own place? Go to the gym, got hobby's, wear nice clothes?

Hey man what's up... I think what you definitely should not do is give up. I have seen it where a guy I used to work with, he had some bodily disfigurments. Then a couple of years later he got himself a girlfriend, 'normal' girl pretty nice looking actually. And he also was making massive career progression in a career where his disfigurments could have held him back if he had let it happen. What is obvious about this guy is that he has a very strong life purpose. And he followed that. I would suggest you do this as well. Try to be the best version of you that you can be even with the obstacle you are facing. You got to become the most attractive you can be even though you have something going against you. It would be nice if you can get yourself a lot of girls and be a pick-up artist but in the end it's probably more fulfilling for you to have one girl regardless. And it only takes one. But then you got to be able to offer something, like anyone else. So cultivate your strengths, and work on improving on the areas that need work. (other then your face, most people have multiple areas that need improvement). You want to look at the total package here. So I don't rule it out (easy to say for me) that you can get yourself a 'normal' girl. On the other hand there must be dating groups or meeting groups for people with disfigurments who have the same desires as you do I think. Definitely in a city as big as London. So maybe it could be an option to join a group like that? Let's say you would meet a girl who looks like a model, and she is smart and funny. But she is missing an arm. Would you date her? Now again though, will she date you? Would she date the you that you are now? Maybe not. Would she date the best version of you that you can possibly be? Think about it.

http://www.straitstimes.com/sport/formula-one/formula-one-nico-rosberg-reveals-he-turned-to-zen-to-calm-his-nerves-during-title Nico Rosberg the new F1 world champion used Zen and meditation to become F1 racing champion. I thought you guys may find it interesting.

@Richard Alpert Yeah very interesting decision. I wonder if the Zen teachings have contributed to him to decide to step out of the sport. After all he has fulfilled his life purpose to become world champion, and now maybe he found a new life purpose trough the Zen teachings. During the season I was thinking he must be going to a psychologist or something because his mental game was a lot better this season, hence him winning the title.

@Canadian I think first of all you should drop the term "asshole". "Asshole" is just a term used by guys who can't get any girls for guys that do get the girls. Also to answer your question; the difference between an asshole and a confident guy is that an true asshole is someone who is selfish with no regard to anyone else in many areas in his life, not only dating. You don't want to be that guy. What you want to do is get a lot of girls. So yeah you should develop player skills and a bad boy attitude. Let me put it this way though, from your questioning I can tell you think this is some sort of moral dilemma. It's not. Many girls are not trying to get a boyfriend or date seriously. They just want to get laid like guys do. Know that they are not all angels. Now another thing is don't just focus on getting the girls. Go to the gym, workout a fashion style, have hobby's, activities, this gets you quality girls. Leo's videos on dating are really good so watch those. And there is more good information on the internet to read up on. So I will give you some leads. Google these words: Corey Wayne, Doc Love, The Red Pill, How to get my ex back, Girls Chase, Alpha male, Alpha male vs. Beta male, Bad boy traits. That should be a good start. One more thing: The more girls you get with the more changes that 1) You get a disease 2) you get a girl pregnant. A steady girlfriend eventually is the best way to go.

Blue Emu is good for your wrist pain. You can buy it at CVS, Walgreens, etc.

https://www.actualized.org/articles/why-am-i-depressed Watch this one.

Ok. I think you are identifying too much with your issues. Stop nurturing them. I think there is a video on that as well, although I forgot which one. Maybe someone else knows. I can tell you are identifying way too much with your problems. Take your profile picture for instance pitch black and all. You choose to play this doomed person. You got to quit that.

First thing is to get a job again and move out of the house again. Otherwise you can't effectively work on the codependency issues. And no change with women that way. Watch the video about Maslow's hierarchy of needs under foundational videos.

@Canadianthe asshole is also known as the bad boy. So it's bad boy vs. nice guy. Confidence is absolutely necesairy to be successful with women. And confidence is a trait that bad boys have. But bad boys have many other character traits that women find attractive. Confidence alone doesn't make a bad boy. Also edginess, assertiveness, wit, cockiness, indifference. To name a few. Confidence is a supporting trait for those other traits but it's not necesairley the same. The more bad boy traits a guy has, and the stronger the bad boy traits are in a guy, the better he will be at getting girls.

@step1 the obvious in this article is your relationship with your father. At 32 you shouldn't be that dependent emotionally on your father. Do you still live at home? If so move out. A private personal life from your father? I don't really see the problem there. Seems pretty normal to me. Quit the drugs and alcohol. Nothing productive comes from that. Get some masculine hobby's like weight lifting or martial arts. Again your family shouldn't even mather as far as your relationships with women go. They don't even need to be involved. Only if let's say you would be in a relationship for a long time and you would start living together or get married or so. Otherwise not necesairy. Not really sure about the boundrys thing. Not enough information. But again your father. The whole looking down on 'lesser' people but being uncomfortable around 'better' people. Yeah that's a problem. But I think common in people with low self-esteem. Think arrogance vs. confidence. To answer questions 1: the codependency you should start with.

@electroBeam I don't think it's only about what you should do. But also about what you shouldn't do. Usually you got some time off just to fill it all up with obligations towards your family. I mean you almost kind of have to. But try to have some days for yourself as well.

@DimmedBulb eventually something got to give for these people. May it be health, happiness, etc. Also I don't think they can get to master 7 things more. Who in life do you know that masters 7 things to begin with? Like truly masters them. Another example: An Olympic athlete who wins the gold medal. Well that person does master it's discipline right? But do you think that person sleeps less or more to get to that point? They probably sacrifice a lot of things in life, but sleep won't be one of them. If anything they sleep more. To restore the body from all the workouts. Sleep is very much vital for top performance.

@DimmedBulb dont do it. Sleep is one of the most important things. There are probably plenty of other things you can cut out. The video on lifestyle minimalism is very good. Basically it comes down to cutting out a lot of time waisting habits and then keeping a few high quality habits that you start spending more time on. Sleep I would categorize as a high quality habits. So I would say sleep more not less. Although 9 sounds enough. But let's say 9 and a nap. Or just keep it at 9.

@Venus if it should not continue then suck it up and end it and go get some other girl. So what makes you come back? She must be good. So if the sex is good, she wants you, and let's say she is pretty good looking then what's the problem? And I stick with it man, having sex with other people to get back the one that dumped you is a technique that's used a lot. It's very effective in limiting the hurting one feels and getting the other person back at the same time.

Does it come to mind that maybe you are the one being gamed here? She has sex with you, this person, that person and yet all this continues. She is having all the fun. Unless you are doing it as well. I am not saying that there might be a possibility that she wants you over the other guys, but even then she is running game and she knows what she is doing.

Sugar triggers the same fields in the brain as cocaine. Just to a lesser intensity. For me quiting, or rather really reducing sugar was a challenge because of the withdrawal symptoms. It's extra hard when you try to quit caffeine and sugar at the same time. I didn't manage. I love coffee (and caffeine). Now again I still eat some sugar but I eat it here and there not thoughtlessly. It's much easier when you start cooking at home. Another thing is not all sugar is the same. White refined sugar is really bad, the brown raw sugar is also bad. All the sugar in processed products is bad, including the sugar in fruit juice. Actual fruit sugar, the sugar found in fruit, is not bad. So if you have a sugar craving maybe eat mandarins, bananas, raisins, etc. Same goes for milk I would say. Milk sugar is actually lactose. So if you are not lactose intolerant that's another less harmful way to get sugar.

Try this: Anytime you feel the desire to smoke put on you shoes and go run around the block. It doesn't even have to be far, just run around the block, some short distance. Do it as many times a day as you need. Once your heart rate goes up and you break a sweat you really don't want to smoke. Since it's so contradicting to workout and smoke. The void is a great thing, because it seems like you got all that extra time, well great right? Imagine how you can use all that time for more productive things.

INFP-T I got INFP on both tests.

An good alternative to doing cold approaches is online dating. Tinder, POF, Match, etc. The thing is you get to approach many many women. Some may reject you, or never get back to you when you message them. But there will be women that do come back to you, and you can practice lines, jokes, and other conversation techniques and topics with women in a setting where rejection won't be as unnerving. And when everything goes well you can land some dates of course. And that will get you a lot of good experience with women. The more experience you have the more relaxed you will become about it all.

When I read this I think you losing weight trough exercise and diet is not fake growth, but it's just not the growth you wanted. The weight loss is good for your health. Also people treat good looking people better (unfairly or not) in social situations (dating), at work (money). And you should have more energy. Just to name a few. What you apparently didn't get was a better relationship with food and resolve emotional issues. But I think you should try different avenues to fix those problems. But not drop the progress you have made using diet and exercise. The way I experience self improvement is that an improvement in only one area is not having a dramatic effect on the quality of my life. But rather there need to be many improvements, and then together they form noticeable a better quality of life. Examples for me are exercise, diet, cooking, reading, no more social media. And I am looking to further develop those and add more new ones.