SFRL

@jakub_friso I did read over the second part of your definition. I think your definition of Personal Development work is good yes. For what its worth to you: What I experience with Personal development work is that the greatest results are being achieved by multiple smaller actions/parts that together are greater then the sum of its parts. For instance if I had just started working out and had done nothing else it probably would have had little effect on the quality of my life. But now that I started working out, started cooking, eat more healthy, watch my finances, quit multi-media (Facebook), reading and self-study History, Psychology, and Philosophy. All these relatively little changes together are making a big impact on my life. Basically now I sleep better, I am more energetic, generally more happy, and I have more vision and focus. Another thing is that I noticed that these habits grow their fruits over time. If for instance I eat a healthy meal once, it wont make much of a difference how I feel. If I eat healthy for a week I feel a little better. But when I eat healthy for months it has a very big effect. Same for quitting multi-media. One day without Facebook and you are still in that mindset. Months without Facebook and it really changes the quality of your thought patterns. So what I am thinking is that quality Personal Development is not sudden and erratic but slow and stable.

@StarfoxEpiphany I still don't think the Spiral Dynamics model was designed the way you implement it. Now in all fairness you should question any model or information you are being told of course.

I think personal development is 2/3 internal, cognitive, and mental. The other 1/3 is practical and physical. That's just an estimated guess you can adjust the percentages as you like. So I think it's more internal, cognitive, and mental. Still a large chunk will be practical and physical. The brain needs to come up with the idea first but there still needs to be action taken out in the world.

I don't really see it like that. I don't really believe one can shift between the stages like that so easy, like you would flip on or off a switch. Let's say someone attacks a stage beige person with a club. And that stage beige person will kill his attacker. The stage beige person will think: "I live he dies". No moral scruples there. Now let's say a stage green person gets attacked with a club and he kills his attacker. He may think something like; "He tried to kill me so I killed him. And now he is dead. That's horrible how will his mother feel? Does he have kids? I wonder why he attacked me maybe he had a very bad childhood." There will be empathy there. The act of killing out of self defense doesn't make the person either stage beige or green though. When you break this Graves model down further and you take different facetes of someone's personality in affect, I don't see how one person will let's say be at stage red at one facete and stage green at another. If you have a person that is stage green spiritually, stage orange in his career, and stage orange in his relationships that I can see. There is not such a big gap between stage orange and green. But a person that is stage green spiritually, stage green in his career, but stage red in relationships...I don't think that exists much or for a long time in the real world. A person who lives very consciously and tries to genuinely do good all day to everything and everyone does not go home and turns stage red to screw over the people he loves all of a sudden. Unless he is a bit of a psychopath/sociopath. Yes there are several facetes to someone's personality. But if all other facetes are let's say stage green it does not make sense that a person would be so unaware that one facete of his personality will keep limping behind at stage red. Different facetes of one's personality still interact with each other. Where do you find all these turquoise and yellow people to hang out with? In my life I encounter stage orange people everywhere, since in the Western world we live in a stage orange society. I have met plenty of stage green people. But I think I can only remember one person who I think was high percentage stage yellow. Turquoise people I can't even come up with an example for. That would be a Sage or a God or something.

Makes perfect sense.

I find this Graves model interesting. The way I read this is you are applying different stages of the Graves model as you see fit. Are you doing this as a tool to be more conscious about how you are acting in certain situations? Because the way I understand the Graves model is that you can only be at one stage or maybe shift between two stages back and forth when you are in a transition from one stage to the next (either up or down).

First of all you are 21 and she is 28 and your manager, so.....major respect bro The worst thing you have done is buy her a gift in exchange for the taxi though, that's suplicating to her. There are two things here 1.) She had fun. 2.) She is rejecting you now. So the best thing you can do is date some other girls and preferably have sex with them. Because why did she make out with you in the first place? Probably because you were this exciting guy. The bad boy. Now you are this little puppy boy. So if you bang some girls that shows her you are still this exciting guy that she was attracted to in the first place. And hey man if it don't work. Well maybe you will like one of those new girls better, and at the very least you still had fun.

Here is a fun article that I did come accross. Called: 6 harsh truths. It gets best towards the end. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

Get a Crock-Pot/slow cooker.

I have no idea....I am just giving you some practical advice.

You should always be one persona; your authentic self. You don't need to leave them all behind and move away. What you need to do is set up some strong boundaries and keep more of a distance. Don't call people for no reason just to keep the codependent relationship in tact. Same goes for texting, messaging etc. Also I bet some of these codependent relationships involve money, you being the one who receives money. So what you have to do is make more money. Because that way the other party in the codependent relationship won't have any leverage anymore. And you can set those boundaries. So finnish college and get a real job. Or ask for a raise. Or change jobs where you can make more money.

Friend zone means no sex. Yes there is such a thing as friends with benefits but that's something very different. That's just another word for fuckbuddies. And some people like to differentiate between friends with benefits and fuckbuddies but to me it's really the same with a different pretence. You don't want to be in the friend zone. You don't want to go on dates and not get sex. That's like smoking without inhaling what's the point? Once you have sex the dynamics are very different. When there is sexual tension in the seduction it's also very different. And when you find that one girl you want to ace that right? So don't get friend zoned. With the online dating thing I am not talking about just talking to girls via messenger on the internet. It's about meeting girls online. Not overseas but girls right in your area. You can find many girls online right in your area, then talk to them online, build some intetest, and then meet them in real life, going on real dates. You are right in a way that seducing girls is a technique of its own. You can be a guy with lots of money and good looks but if you have no "game" you are still not going to be very successful with girls. These skills you will have to practice in real life though so you will have to take start making steps to make that happen in real life. *The advice of simply asking girls for sex.....yes that actually works when you just play the numbers game. If you send 100 girls a message: "I am going to fuck you silly". 95 girls won't want to talk to you. 4 girls will talk to you. And 1 girl will be a nympho and actually go along with it. So you will get laid that way. But you have to ask yourself; what is the quality of the women you attract then? Also there is no real skill in that. It's more like you will just empty your magazine in the dark and then eventually you will hit something. Also going that route can be very toxic. The local online dating community, it won't be an infinite source of women. There are still only so many women online in your area. And if you weirded all of them out by asking straight up for sex then that's that. When you go fishing you want to do it in a sustainable way for the eco-system so to speak.

No that way he is going to get friend zoned.

Just the awereness that I am a normal person living in a dysfunctional world makes a lot of things just slide off my back.

@electroBeam You really should throw your life around right now. You are living the lifestyle of a mega extrovert while you are an introvert. That is actually preventing you from being with girls because it's followers behavior. Also it's a huge waste of time. All that time wasted you could use to cultivate your true interests and strong points. What you should do is make an online dating profile TODAY. You are on here online theorizing while you could take action. There are free sites out there like pof.com. There you can talk to girls and set-up dates and get exposure to being with girls. Also you will get to be with them one on one and dating and sex are on the table because you met via a dating site after all. The biggest thing to have succes with girls is: MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS KNOWN. You want to have sex with her; TELL HER. You want a relationship with her; TELL her. Take no prisoners.

@xxBryantxx its like many experiences in life. You can do them for a while but then after that the novelty and the learning factor wears off and when you get stuck in them they become counter productive. So you will have to stop doing them or seriously cut back on them.

@xxBryantxxonce you come from a place of abundance it's easy to see the short comings of living the life of a pick-up artist. But I think it's better to have really experienced it, and then you can draw your own conclusions rather then going by the word of someone else. Ultimately for me that one long-term relationship is more fulfilling and productive.

I will put some things in perspective for you. The girl says she never had an orgasm/or that it's very hard for her to do so. Either way it's not you messing up there. Secondly she goes crazy during the sex so she doesnt experience it like bad. Also what do you try to make her orgasm? Most girls don't orgasm from the dick. I would say only about 1/4 to 1/3 of them can. And even then not every time they have sex. So you either have to finger her clit, or you have to go down on her. Oral sex being the most effective method when you get some practice. How do you practice you may ask? Just start doing it. Maybe watch some videos. Also if she never had an orgasm and you go down on her licking her pussy she may find it weird and maybe make you stop. Because if she never had an orgasm from it then she can't appreciate it like that yet. For her all she knows pleasure comes from the dick. But just practice oral sex on her, if you have to take a few attempts, it doesn't need to be a first try success. So you have to understand that girls are not all the same. Some really can't come. For some it's very difficult. For some it's very easy. Also the intensity differs. With some girls it's really hard to make them orgasm but then when they come it's like Armageddon is happening. Some girls they come real easy, and it seems like they just have one orgasm after the other like it's one 20 minute orgasm or so but it's not that intense. Some girls come easy but it's very feint and barely noticeable. Some girls.....I can go on the variety is endless.

My suggestion is you look at Leo's video about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Then start at the lowest level of the pyramid. And take actions to master that level and then go to next level and take actions to master that level and so forth.

@Stoica Doru I deleted Facebook. I went back on it a few days ago and found it repulsive. So I we deleted it again. This whole process took like 5 minutes. I deleted it once before and went back for like two months. It's definitely an addiction yeah. It's like quiting smoking after that there is a void. Big spaces of time that you don't know what to do with.

The problem I see with making family your priority is that it's bound to make for codependent relationships. I am starting to believe that the majority of people's problems are because of codependency issues. People will choose their career paths based on their parents expectations, etc, etc. All to get the approval and not disapproval from their parents. More often then not those choices are not truly their own. The first relationship anyone has is with their parents. When children get raised much of it is done by giving rewards and handing out punishment. So the message kids grow up with is you NEED to be like this or you get no reward/get punished (rejected). We live in a codependent society because from the day we get born that's all we know. This goes on when the kid goes to school. Kid HAS to be like this/answer like that or the kid will get low grades. Kid answers desirably kid gets good grades. Now the kid gets older and wants to go study. Kid chooses study the parents approve of kid gets money. Kid chooses the wrong study in the parents eyes they won't give the kid money. So the message throughout life is you NEED to be like this to receive love, approval, money, anything else. So this love often it's a conditional love. And it's also an investment by the parents initially and later by the child as well. The parents invest their resources in the kid and the kid should reflect what they NEED it to be. And the kid invests time and effort to become that what it's parents desire so it gets the love it NEEDS. When kids become the life purpose that means all resources go into the kids. Part of the resources go into the kids regardless as it should. They are a responsibility and they need these resources initially. The point is the parents should not condition the kids in such a way that the parents NEED something back. If the kids become the life purpose then all resources go into the kid. Now if you put all resources into something and it's your life purpose then you will strongly identify with it and expect a return of your investments. Leading to codependent relationships if relationships are your life purpose. Then later when the kid is older and it goes to form relationships with others outside the family and school institution all it knows is the dynamic of a codependent relationship. Also if your kids are your life purpose then what else do you have to give them other then giving them shelter, food, money and some manners and some education? Nothing else because you had no life purpose. So how I think you should deal with it is go after your life purpose, and value your family. Make yourself happy outside your family so that you can give more love then you have to receive.

We would be living in closer harmony to animals and nature I think. Because we would pay more attention to body langue and patterns in nature like they do.

@Shane Roberts I made a spelling mistake. I fixed it. I meant "how many people BEYOND college age are happy?" You are right that a lot of people in college are not even happy. But people beyond college? It's a complete disaster. And that's why you should be happy you are in college. And that's why I say that after college follow your passion and passion only. Because otherwise you will become a zombie. Even a job that looks like it makes a lot of money....no passion....no career progress because you won't be able to stay productive for many years....no big money. Of course you need a job that will pay decent money. You need to be able to pay the bills. But a job that you are passionate about is in the long run likely to make you some decent money at least.

@Shane Roberts True. Don't worry about that now. Get that Psychology degree now and enjoy that process. For all the worries life will probably turn out ok as long as you keep making the right moves. Meaning get that degree and take a wholistic approach to self improvement. Don't stress your life away. And after college make sure you do something you are passionate about. Only that way will you keep growing as a person. Otherwise that job you don't enjoy will suck the life out of you in ways you can not even imagine right now. Most people go downhill after college because they get stuck in a rut after college and a job they don't like. Look at the the people at the bus stop or the subway station that are beyond college age. How many of them look happy?

@Shane Roberts More then half the people don't have a job in the field that they got a degree for. Also Psychology is a very broad field so on the upside you are not trapped in a corner. I think you could become anything from a Cop to a Therapist to a Teacher to a Salesman.