Zane

I want to do self-actualization on my own terms rather than cling to the ideology of Leo! I feel like I want my main focuses to be life purpose, personal values, inner freedom, and creativity. My grand vision of self-actualization is to truly discover my authentic self by creating authenticity! I see my authentic self as the hilarious comedian who has an amazingly creative mind and who is unapologetically authentic. I've been creating a Twenties Journal to truly discover myself inwardly and I realized that by making happiness my highest priority, i effortlessly attract happiness to me. I create an intention and I focus on acting on the intention!

I just had an idea! I would love to create an online community for highly creative individuals like artists especially storytellers, writers, and filmmakers so we can befriend each other, learn about creativity and discuss it, create our own stories and worlds and characters and to re-capture that childhood joy of spontaneous creativity with no mental filters.

No need to apologize!!! What ideas do you create?

AWESOME!!!!! What do you create John? How would you describe you creativity style and routine? What are you working on now? What is your grand ambitious passion project?

There's so many ways to develop charisma! There's acting classes, improv classes, stand up comedy classes, observing actors, observing comedians, observing public speakers, learning public speaking and comedy, books on charisma like "The Art of Seduction" and 'The 48 Laws of Power" and "Mastery' by Robert Greene. Pickup artists can be an amazing source to learn from because they learn all about charisma and seduction! Also observing celebrities is a great strategy! All these are great resources in learning about charisma! I discovered a great YouTube channel about charisma called Charisma on Command and that's an amazing YouTube channel. Perhaps, a great strategy would be to imagine yourself as an effortlessly confident man radiating with charisma and to act like this man! For example, i visualize my authentic self as a spontaneous and hilarious life of the party but who is an authentic man grounded in freedom, a sense of purpose, and his own values and he is detached and not clingy. He radiates with passion and enthusiasm and he attracts people towards him magnetically. I've been tapping into inner charisma and it's amazing but I consider myself a niche socializer who loves choosing my own friends and creating a social circle based around authenticity, creativity, freedom, and passion so we bring out the best in each other!

Creating Personal Freedom A few questions I've been asking myself is "what is inner freedom? am I free? what's limiting me from freedom? What's the path to freedom? What is inner slavery? Am i a prisoner or am i breaking free or am i already free?" Freedom is my all time favorite word because of how rich and deeply meaningful and how multifaceted it is. Freedom could be an emotion, it could be a lifestyle, it could be our choices, it could be how we react, or it could be our degree of autonomy or our mindset! To tackle these questions and to learn about freedom, I had a growing passion for learning about politics and I studied ideologies and political systems and I realized how broad and complex political philosophy, political systems, and ideologies could be. For example, anarchism is not just an ideology, it's a whole school of thought. Socialism is not just Communism but it's also a school of thought with so many ideologies that connect together and yet have strong disagreements. What I noticed about anarchism, Libertarianism, democracy and so many other ideologies is that they all strived for the ideals of personal freedom and were created as defiance of tyranny and yet despite wanting freedom these ideologies are polarized against each other. Freedom also applies to religion particularly Christianity and Salvation and Heaven, Judaism and the Promised Land, Buddhism and Nirvana and so much more! To simplify my statement, freedom is deeply rooted in humanity's history and is prominent in our culture especially politics and religion. The purpose of storytelling and music was to lift people's spirits and to make the best of living in Hell. For example, black slaves in the South retold their cultural folklore and their music to lift their spirits and to rebel against their masters. Tricksters like Br'er Rabbit represented the slave who challenged the master through their own wits. These stories and religion lifted the slaves' hopes and inspired the slaves with a grand vision of freedom. To explore these questions about freedom, I will give my answers but keep in mind, that these are answers in progress and i still need to dig deeper 1. What is inner freedom? Freedom is such a broad term that applies heavily to culture and is the bedrock of philosophy, politics and ideologies! I want to focus on freedom as something psychological and internal! I see freedom as very broad because it applies to our personal autonomy, our mind, our thinking, our choices and ESPECIALLY our intuition. I see inner freedom as self-actualization where we create our own life purpose, our own personal values, and where we use all our inner resources like intuition, creative thinking, imagination, visionary thinking, visual thinking, logic and analysis and our mind and body to accomplish the amazing in life. Inner freedom can also mean cleaning the slate of inner demons who destroy our lives both consciously and unconsciously. For example, to confront Anger and Stress, you learn how these emotions work, you accept the emotions or you learn how to change them. For example, I used to be a very stressed out person who would get easily frustrated so I tackled the problem by getting a lot of personal help through tutoring so I can learn how to be strategic and flexible rather than a victim. It taught me how to be 100% more autonomous with my assignments so I can deal with the work and change. I dedicated myself to clearing my mind of Stress by combining meditation, deep relaxation, and detaching myself from stress. I have moments where I'm so immersed in the moment that my mind isn't in monkey mind! My mind is lucid and is aware of the breezy wind, how relaxing it feels, the sights, sounds, and smells of nature. It's like I'm in a meditative flow state without even trying to! My highest priority for my inner freedom is mastering my intuition and returning to my childhood state of the enthusiastic storyteller and entertainer. My life feels like I'm returning to a flow state where I get so invested in stories and the richness of life that time flows by effortlessly. I'm getting closer and closer to inner freedom every day! It's amazing how dedicated I am to inner freedom and I'm only 22! I realized that pursuing inner freedom has given me a huge advantage over my peers who might be struggling with inner turmoil and external crises such as being deeply stressed out, unfulfilled, overworked, and feeling like victims. I feel like I'm currently a Creator with some elements of being at peace but I might have a few areas where i have an element of victim thinking. 2. What's limiting me from freedom? If i think back to my child, this is where I had most of my greatest limitations! I had a self-image issue of being a social misfit and being stupid and clumsy and that I was bad at math and that I was socially awkward. These mental limits were huge impediments to my success in social skills and math class! I remember blurting out non sequitirs and getting strange looks at best and repelling people at worst. I spent all of elementary school, middle school, and half of high school feeling lonely and friendless. I didn't just desire any friend but friends who understood me and who were at peace with being different. I dissolved these limits through personal therapy and group therapy where I learned to socialize better but there was something missing. What was missing was that there was barely any spark of life in these group sessions! I felt obligated to socialize and it lacked the spontaneity I desired. Now, conversation has got much easier for me because i finally met people who share my passion but I discovered that my technique is to be a highly selective niche socializer who chooses friends carefully and on my own terms rather than randomly socializing with every person. It's ok to be disinterested or aloof to people you don't want to talk to! It's ok to be extroverted around your friends! You don't have to fake politeness just to keep up appearances! I'm learning how to balance social skills with authenticity without any people pleasing or selling out yourself. For the classes i struggled in I used the help of tutors and academic coaching for guidance and that was a huge help. When I went through my asocial phase, I decided to break through it by pursuing my passions by getting involved in my Writing Club at school, meeting more people at my school or in the local area, getting involved in Meetup groups based around creative writing and presenting poetry, and going more to movies, to theater productions, and to improv shows. It felt like I was a rich sipping whiskey and all my flavors were opening up completely! The clubs and meetups, the movies, the theater and the improv and the storytelling events were like my muse fully revealing itself after hiding in the shows. My muse is reborn and I can not just hear it but I can see it and it has multiple incarnations. My muses are a polytheistic pantheon of gods! 3. What's the path to freedom? This is such a broad question because many people define freedom differently and spend their whole lives asking this question. Some seek out the answer by meditating for years, some convert to a new religion, some people travel the world to seek their calling, some people create art, some people change careers, and some people like Leo change their purpose many times over and perfecting it and seeking newer and better levels. For example, Leo started in aerospace engineering, then studied philosophy, then got a job in video games, quit that job, started his first business, quit that first business, studied pickup and relationships in Las Vegas and then bootstrapped Actualized.org and is now doing Enlightenment work and is now experimenting with psychedelics. My path to freedom is hearing my intuition first, listening to it, meeting it in person through stories, theater, film, and music and animation and acting on it and discovering so many new passions like storytelling through creative writing, theater, and drama and spoken word poetry. Now I'm learning about life purpose, personal values, personal freedom and self-actualization and I'm getting more ecstatic for the possibilities! However, I feel like the sun is just rising and the dark night of the soul has ended but there are infinite possibilities on the horizon. I'm too excited for these possibilities and I want my mind to be blown! 4. What is a mental slave? Am I a prisoner or am i breaking free? A mental slave is the prisoner in the Allegory of the Cave. They're chained up with their peers and their mobility is completely limited and all they're aware of is the cave, and the cave's eternal darkness. However, there is an amazing outer world and there is a fire outside of the cave. The people in the cave are aware of the shadows on the cave walls and they try to explain the shadows but all they can do is guess because they are ignorant of the outside world and are only aware of the cave. A prisoner frees themselves from the cave and sees the outside world but his eyes are blinded by the fire's light because he spent so much time in the darkness. Maybe, people are overwhelmed by my enthusiasm because they're so used to the cave of their misery that the enthusiasm is the blinding light. Perhaps they see enthusiasm as "weird" because they completely embraced the cave and accepted it as normal for them! Or they secretly envy the enthusiasm and are afraid of their own potential and they reject the enthusiasm! The cave could be their comfort zone, their misery, their fear of change, their ego, and their small and closed minds. The light from the fire could be passion, intuition, knowledge, novel experiences, stories, history, or freedom. However, the light could be blinding and scary to a dogmatic mind! I vow to be the cave's fire that inspires a lonely and unfulfilled person with hope! I remember how in 2013, I felt like a mental slave where I was trapped in my self-created prison of stress, overwhelm, and the looming deadline. I felt like I was in blackness but I was able to see a chink in the wall where I saw the sunlight. Leo described it as "a little sparkle in a sea of shit." I remember feeling like a ship trying to bear a shit storm of impending stress. I felt so overwhelmed by it all that I spiraled out of control and I failed miserably. After failing, all I was left with was a deep dread of revealing the truth but the truth sets you free. I could've easily been a mental slave where embraced death to be put of my misery. I died and I was re-born! I knew I can create change for myself and I got the help I needed and reconstructed the destroyed foundation. As I re-created everything, I began feeling hope return but it was like a small flame that would strike into a blaze of glory. I'm feeling the blaze of glory! I freed myself from prison and I'm re-discovering what freedom feels like! Freedom feels like eating a delicious meal after eating bland prison food for ages! Freedom feels like re-connecting with the beach and water and running down the beach feeling the waves and the sun! Freedom is returning to childhood and re-capturing the paradise of nostalgia! Freedom is re-capturing with a true sense of home and belonging! Now that I discovered Freedom again, I need to fully embrace it through gratitude and love. If i have another deep crisis which could happen, I will tell myself "I can be free again! I saw the light and I became the light!"

@Frode Thank you!! I use this forum to express my honesty and vulnerability for self-actualization!

That's an interesting point! Stress can be a great tool but it also is greatly limiting and self-destructive and has so many pitfalls. Stress can work as a source of extrinsic motivation but extrinsic motivation can be way too limiting and not inspiring. Stress can overwhelm you to the point where you become so mentally exhausted and so internally drained that you shut down mentally and close yourself up to not be hurt anymore. Stress can be extremely toxic in relationships and family because when you lash it, the offended is hurt and this triggers the offended to react which triggers bickering and the bickering gets worse and worse without intervention or conflict resolution. Stress is inner implosion and I remember the stress panic attacks vividly where I would feel so tense and get headaches and it would be impossible to relax. I remember the deep feelings of guilt where I had to admit truths because of the stress. Stress is what causes dishonesty, neurosis, it kills intuition, emotions, high consciousness, and it rots you from within and drags you into Hell. Sometimes, I still get stressed but I made a commitment and a main priority to detach from stress and toxicity to wipe my mental slate clean. Since i'm more detached from stress now, I'm getting closer to peace of mind and i've had moments where my mind is focused on the beauty of the moment and it feels amazing. I seized power from and ousted Stress and welcomed the king of Intuition back into the kingdom to take his rightful place. I decided to declare my freedom from Stress and become self-governing.

How would you describe your current position in life? How do you feel these days? Do you feel like depressed or worried or anxious? Why do you want to be happy? Do you want to change something in your life like yourself or your current situation? In what ways to do you want to be happy? To truly answer this question, you need to be crystal clear with your vision so you can act on it. I made it clear that I wanted to feel relaxed and mellow and also effortlessly enthusiastic.

I learned how to make happiness flow effortlessly to me. Happiness is so broad and multifaceted and it could mean many different things for many different people. I've been focusing heavily on simplifying my life rather than being overwhelmed by "obligations" that I have zero free time to enjoy life. I've been easily happy in nature on a beautiful Spring, Summer or Fall day where I'm completely immersed in the moment and enjoying the weather and the beauty of the moment. All i'm thinking about is the weather and that's all my mind focuses on! It feels like you're effortlessly in a meditation state with no monkey mind driving you crazy. It's relaxing your mind without even trying to! You can't be told how to be happy, you need to feel it for it yourself. Happiness is not just a brief moment of inner peace! I've been focusing on deepening my happiness more and more and making it flow effortlessly to me. I notice that I'm becoming much mellower and relaxed and not as easily angered or annoyed! I notice how it's been a long time since I lashed out in a fit of blind rage!

Leo's Intuition Video Today I watched Leo's Intuition video and this revealed some fascinating insights about me! I realize that I'm in the process of mastering my intuition NOT just in solitude but in everyday life and ESPECIALLY for my creativity and my emotions. I'm a writer and I have an overactive imagination completely driven by intuition and dream logic. My mind absorbs ideas, stories, and imagery like a sponge but is overwhelmed by logic, math, dogmatism and rules. I always break down when someone lashes out angrily at me because I absorb the person's anger as my own pain! I feel like I'm partly responsible for the person's pain. That's why I constantly apologize! I do it to prevent anger from other people! My outbursts of enthusiasm were entirely intuitive and it felt amazingly cathartic just to laugh and to not give a fuck. I remember being so swelled with enthusiasm that I just get on stage for an improv show, I auditioned for a dream role and got the part, and I get so overwhelmed with passion that I release it through laughter and uproarious applause and it got attention from actors. The actors at my favorite theater recognized my passion and I learned that I had a reputation as their favorite audience member. Intuition applies to socializing where my passion is overflowing and I don't hold myself back and we get so immersed in conversation that I get someone's number. It feels like the social awkwardness dissolves effortlessly! I feel like i'm a comedian creating jokes effortlessly when the inner light of Passion flares up. Acting on intuition is what creates effortless authenticity where you don't just tap into the inner child you embrace it! Comedic intuition skyrockets your spontaneous creativity and you do imitations and improvise scenes effortlessly. You tell stories easily and you immerse people in your stories easily! For my self-actualization, I've been heavily journaling my insights through my Twenties Journal which looks at the big picture of my 20s from 20 years old to 29 years old where I record any happy moment or happy day or big event that happens to me. It could be as small as "playing with my cat and laughing" or "going on a date and it went great" and by recording my happiest moments and days and being mindful of them, happiness flows effortlessly to me rather than frantically searching for it. I notice how people react to my intuition and some asked me "are you drunk or high or crazy?" Or "I envy you! It comes so easily to you!" or "I wish i could be like that!" or "you're awesome!" or "I can't take you seriously!" To respond to "am i drunk or high or crazy?" I answer "i've been down the rabbit hole and I embraced the madness" or "I don't need drugs, I am drugs!" When people say "I wish i can be like that" I say "you can create yourself not copy me!" or "I can't take you seriously!" I answer "well you're too serious!!" What the video taught my is that intuition and authenticity are becoming my super powers and it's a tragedy that people are blindly unaware of intuition, don't listen to it, or let it rot, or hear it but don't act on it! I want my intuition to help me become effortlessly creative, break through barriers and limits easily, embrace change and to accomplish so much more! I'm onto to something great and I'm looking forward! I realize that stories, movies, and theater are my muses in physical form who are inspiring me and giving me advice and i'm listening to them!

This is a great video on low/high quality consciousness. I think this will be extremely helpful for you. Also look at Leo's meditation videos https://www.actualized.org/articles/low-quality-vs-high-quality-consciousness

Risks and Rewards of Authenticity Let me make this perfectly clear: authenticity is NOT being weird for the sake of being weird just to piss people off! Authenticity is not blurting out your thoughts to be "honest." I've been questioning the meaning of authenticity and I've been looking inward to discover authenticity. In late 2014 to early 2015, I wrote a definition of non-conformity in my Twenties Journal. " My Definition of Nonconformity I define nonconformity as having total freedom to design my lifestyle however I please. An anecdote for nonconformity is “imagine that you are a filmmaker and that you have complete creative control over your project with no interference from the Hollywood system or the studio. You have an auteur license that grants you freedom to do whatever you want. Nonconformity is living everyday like it’s a Saturday or a Sunday. Nonconformity eliminates the dread of the Monday blues. I describe nonconformity as a lifestyle where you can you are living your dream BUT you are strategizing and taking action on turning your dream into reality. What is your greatest dream in life? My greatest dream in Life is to become a lifelong traveler who has visited the whole United States and every continent. My dream life is connecting with a network of travelers and artists who have seized golden opportunities and who love and cherish Life. Nonconformity is being both an adult and a child. I want you to feel the exuberance of a child on the playground swinging on the swings. Children have so much energy and exuberance while adults are overworked and can’t relax. What is my strategy for creating my dream life? I will apply Chris Guillebeau’s approach of pursuing a quest and to have long-term happiness. Chris used travel hacking and frugality to achieve his dream quest of visiting all the planet’s countries by age 35. Rolfe Potts, Rashad Matt Kepnes, and Conni Biesalki’s approaches to world travel. Rashad and Matt were both corporate prisoners who quit their jobs and dedicated their lives to travel. I want you to start your unconventional lifestyle earlie. Nonconformity is not acting weird to get attention from other people. Nonconformity is not being a poser!! Nonconformity is not blindly rejecting social norms! An excellent example of hypocritical nonconformity are Mall Goths who claim to be tortured and depressed while they live a highly privileged life in a first world country. Mall Goths, Skaters, and Emos are NOT non-conformists but they are deluded posers who copy a subculture’s style. Bella Swan claims to be “tortured” but her love for Edward and Jacob and their dedication to her serves as evidence to the contrary. I define nonconformity as having an artist’s mindset and an explorer’s mindset towards Life. I describe the nonconformist is the wallflower who sits alone in the room and who has loud conversations with himself. The nonconformist has a notebook with them and the nonconformist’s sketches consist of odd doodles, fragments of stories, and their own ideas. A nonconformist is the student who struggled in school but persisted because of a strong and intrinsic desire to learn and a strong fascination in niche subjects like Shakespearean literature, animation history particularly the Golden Age, the Renaissance Age, and stop motion animation particularly claymation. The nonconformist has a splash of bright hair dye. The nonconformist can be a quiet and contemplative introvert or a wild and crazy rogue. The nonconformist doesn’t have mundane dreams about taking a test or being naked. The nonconformist’s dreams are epic and surrealistic. They might imagine themselves living in a world like Wonderland and being arrested by the Queen of Hearts. In their dream, they interact with the Mad Hatter, March Hare and the Dormouse and create an improv troupe. For example, the nonconformist imagines themselves as a Heisenberg-style badass on the run from the law. A non-conformist dream is an epic story. For example, my dreams are a combination of Gothic Horror and Psychadelia. Sometimes my dreams are in a historical setting or I’m a character in a movie!! In one dream, I will a slave working on a plantation and I am sweltering in the boiling sun feeling mosquitoes on my back, a headache from dehydration, the sting of the whip, and bleeding and callused hands from cotton picking. The overseer screams at me and strikes my back with a cowhide whip. Blood pours from my welts on my back and I scream in agony. The non-conformist is highly frustrated by tradition such as sitting in church or listening to a rambling and pedantic lecture in a dry monotone. The non-conformist would be the spontaneous class clown who causes the class to burst in laughter. An excellent example of a fictional nonconformist is Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.’ Let us look at the time period of “Beauty and the Beast.” It is the 1770s in a French village consisting of uneducated farmers and hunters. The illiteracy rate in the village is very high and the townspeople are easily superstitious and they cling to tradition by rejected anything they perceive as “odd”. The townspeople are strongly socially conditioned into believing that the man is the sole breadwinner and that the woman is only supposed to marry and have children. However, the beliefs the villagers have been conditioned with highly deceptive beliefs. For example, one of the most destructive and sexist beliefs is that “it’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she’ll start getting ideas and thinking!” This belief implies that reading and freethinking are mutually exclusive and that a woman’s purpose in life is to conform to the traditional gender role of being a housewife. The major problem with the belief is that it implies that women are idiots whose only purpose is to serve the needs of their husband. The villagers in “Beauty and the Beast” are heavily immersed in social conditioning and they are completely unaware of concepts like personal development or self-actualization. The villagers are wasting their lives by conforming to societal expectations and the harsh truth is that the villagers are living unconsciously and have no awareness of how they’re wasting their potential. The villagers live caged lives where they are stuck in their little town. Unfortunately, the villagers lionize Gaston as a hero without realizing that Gaston is really a narcissist who is exploiting the villagers into “loving” him. Gaston has a highly inflated ego that is easily shattered by any criticism. Gaston deludes himself into believing that he is a knight in shining armor who is rescuing the damsel Belle from the Beast. Unfortunately Gaston never realizes the error of his ways and his pride and narcissism is what causes Gaston’s self-destruction. Belle is an excellent example of a healthy nonconformist who is highly imaginative and who uses her books and her imagination as a coping mechanism to escape the boredom of her village and her dreams come true. Belle doesn’t care about how other people perceive her but she is perceived by the villagers as a bookworm and a dreamer who is disrupting the status quo and who is crazy. Throughout history, the eccentric and creative people were branded as “dreamers” and “idiots”. Belle also achieves her life dream and is able to get out of her small town and become fully self-actualized. Belle is not a violent rebel. She is a dreamer and an outcast! Honestly, if I was a character in “Beauty and the Beast,” I would be Belle’s close friend who was another misfit in town. When I would talk to her, I would gaze into her eyes" Notice how I NEVER described authenticity as being a violent anarchist who is causing anger and violence in the streets! It's not driving drunk and violating curfews to be "rebellious." It's not being defiant just to spite authority! It's not farting loudly and burping loudly to repel people! It's not screaming out bile in public and on forums! Authenticity is multifaceted and it could mean expressing yourself deeply through creating art! It could mean being lovable and childlike! It could mean tapping into our dormant authentic self! It could be being uproariously funny with no mental filters! It could mean going onstage with no regrets! It's freeing yourself from the imposed limits of limiting beliefs, mental filters, neuroses, and especially people pleasing and fear. It brings you back to the paradise lost of childhood! I've been practicing it heavily and it's extremely sexy and attractive because it gets people to remember you and you magnetically attract new friends through it. However, some people will ask if "you're drunk or high?" Some people will judge you as 'weird!" You could embarrass and repel people but it's so rewarding to be authentic! Authenticity is the key to literary movements like Modernism, art movements like Dadaism and Cubism and Futurism, to poetry movements like Modernist Poetry, Post-Modernism and Contemporary Poetry, music scenes like jazz particularly improv jazz like bebop, rock music, indie rock, punk rock, alternative rock, and so many other genres. In politics, authenticity is what caused revolutions and rebellions, activist movements, and LGBT culture! Subcultures and countercultures highly value authenticity as the pinnacle value! Quakerism was created to rebel against religious oppression! Question! Would you fully express your deepest creativity outwardly? Would you rather go up on stage and fully immerse yourself in character? Would you publish that story? Would you do all those imitations? Would you audition for that part? Would you make that hot girl burst into laughter? Or would you let that potential, that passion, and that inner child rot away and die? I'm authentic to free myself from regrets, from misery, from mediocrity, and from fear and to experience pride, love, passion, and NO REGRETS!!

Am I Happy? Do you ever have a moment where all you want is peace and quiet so you have time to unwind and deeply relax? I realize that i've been making relaxation and slowing down one of my highest priorities in my life. But why? I realize how American society rejects relaxation, meditation, contemplation and slowing down as being lazy and unproductive and that's a huge problem. I realize that we're taking more and more pride in working long hours and cramming our lives to fill time. We are obsessed with schedules and we get so stressed out by inconveniences or delays and we lost our patience. We cling to phones and forget how to relax and create and take time to ourselves. I spend time relaxing to focus on enjoying and embracing the solitude. I realize that a beautiful Spring or Summer or Fall day makes me sigh deeply in relaxation and I say "the moment is golden!" The amazing thing is that my golden moments in life are skyrocketing and it feels amazing! It brings me back to the time of being in California loving the weather and being deeply blissful. I truly feel like I'm at the happiest i've been in life because I take a chunk of time out of my day just to relax and to savor life's beauty. Going with the flow and just enjoying the life is savoring life's true richness! I notice how absorbing myself in the moment has radically changed my personality. When delays or inconveniences happen, I let the frustration happen and blow over rather than vent angrily at someone. It's pointless to lash out because you're dragging the other person to your level into your hell! Enjoying the moment reveals that Paradise is internal and that you can wipe the slate clean of the bullshit of pettiness, anger, stress, and "obligations." It's like I'm in a meditative state of inner peace without even trying to meditate and my monkey mind of panic and chaos isn't ruling me! I wonder if I'm on to something deeper than just being happy in the moment? Am I creating a new mental state? I'm excited where this leads to! If you were to ask me "are you happy?" I would say completely confidently and genuinely "yes!! I create happiness for every day!" Here are a few examples of how I create instant happiness in my life. Every night before bedtime, I make sure to drink tea with melatonin tablets! It feels wonderful to feel how wonderfully hot and soothing the tea is and to drink it slowly and to truly savor it! You can smell it intensely and it warms up your soul and it helps you truly enjoy the tea! It brings back memories of enjoying a delicious and frosted cake! Another moment of creating instant happiness in the moment is playing with your cat and laughing aloud at your cat's adorable quirks like sticking out it's tongue and rolling over on it's tummy and attacking your hand like it's a toy and ripping up a catnip mouse to shreds. It's so sadistic and yet hilarious! I spent the whole month of October absorbing myself in Halloween classic movies like Halloween cartoons like "Over the Garden Wall" and classic Halloween films like "Coraline" and "Corpse Bride." These films bring my back to my childhood joy and imagination and I feel like i've returned to the paradise of childhood. I realize that I'm re-capturing the paradise lost of childhood and it has made me feel truly alive and it feels amazing! I'm into something great and I'm bursting with hope and excitement! But what's coming up for my future next? I'll wait and see!

Honestly, I feel like recently, I've been preparing to die at peace!! I spend time every day making sure to appreciate the day and to truly savor the moment before I die. The weather's been beautiful recently and i'm stopping to immerse myself in the beauty of nature and detach more from success and material gain. I'm making it my highest priority to die happy and with no regrets!

Here are some great videos for you 1. 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwLGHCZTQt4

Accepting Being Different I remember how my eccentricity used to be creepy and repulsive rather than charismatic and fascinating. I would have zero mental filter and I would blurt out my thoughts without even considering them. For example, in a middle school science class, I once shouted to a girl to "SCREW ME!!" and that got me in serious trouble where I was in in-school suspension for a day. I had no concept of boundaries and I would ignore the hints people would give me. This behavior was way beyond social awkwardness and I didn't realize how I was repelling people. The reason I was unintentionally creepy was because of my lifelong struggle with socializing and always being unsure of who I was. I was branded as weird because I was unsure of how to truly express myself and I went to an unhealthy extreme by blurting out thoughts. I fell into the trap of Aspergers brutal honesty where I had no clue about social norms. In middle school, I was an Omega Male who repelled girls away from him. During this period, tween girls are highly judgmental towards anything that's "weird" and "ugly." In middle school society, I felt like a monster and truly a freak. In high school, i still made major social mistakes like being clingy around girls and struggling to grasp boundaries. I would overstep boundaries by bombarding a girl with texts and messages and being impatient with responses. However, high school was a HUGE step in the right direction. In high school during my junior year, I met an awesomely quirky Bohemian girl who would wear gypsy skirts and she had so much passion for life and a crazy and eccentric personality. She captivated me easily! When I made the first move to talk to her she thought I was hitting on her and in the first few months, I made mistakes like unintentionally overstepping boundaries because I would get obsessed. However, the more we opened to each other, we started going out together and deepening our bond. Then during the first semester of senior year, she left town and I thought she was out of my life. However, towards the end of the semester, she came back to school and we resumed talking again. The magnetic quality she had that I found extremely sexy was her unapologetic authenticity! It instantly made me realize "I can use my eccentricity as passionate enthusiasm!" I also realize that her greatest qualities were her enthusiasm and how she didn't give a fuck. I started to get fascinated by charisma and to charm her, I started opening up completely with my passion and enthusiasm and that quality attracted her like a magnet. We're still good friends today! In college, I met a girl who was a chill and mellow introvert who was very studious yet unpretentious and very catlike. Her personality was a major contrast to the bubbly and energetic girl and her greatest quality was how non-judgmental she was and how she was an amazing listener who would sometimes ask questions but would be there as someone to speak to. Around her, I was able to be completely vulnerable and unapologetically authentic around her with no judgements. I realized that my best friends needed to be both enthusiastic and passionate and also mellow and serene rather than easily angered. I always wanted friends who were people you can go on adventures with and people you can drink tea with and just hug them. When I tell stories, this is my ideal flow state and zone of genius where I'm able to be completely authentic and to give zero fucks for the stories I tell. When I'm alone, my authenticity takes on a whole new amazing level where I get so overwhelmed enthusiasm that I burst out laughing and I talk aloud to myself. When I watch a movie, I get so viscerally invested within the film that I am one with the film and I become the characters. When i passionately love a character, I root for them energetically. I lash out at a villain I deeply despise and I want to see them suffer. I realize that fiction taps into my deepest passions and most visceral emotions because I absorbed it so much! I love doing imitations and becoming different characters and I focus on having a broad range of characters. I love writing essays about passions that I love! All of my role models consist of filmmakers like Tim Burton, a film studio like Laika and Disney, actors like Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr because all of these role models are master creative visionaries. I promise that I will become a creative visionary through storytelling and to deeply absorb people in my stories the same way my role models absorbed me! I'm discovering my authentic self but I still ask "what is my authentic self?" I feel like I'm the highly imaginative child at heart who loves to laugh and has an irresistible charm in his youthful innocence and who is awesomely eccentric rather than obnoxiously annoying. Or I could be a fusion of personalities and characters! My self image is in flux and I will discover my authentic self! I refuse to be a miserable toxic and chronically angry person who drags himself down to Hell along with other people. I focus everyday on loving life, absorbing the present moment, detaching from worries, not being bitter and petty and always angry, and laughing and smiling more!

Welcome to the Forum, I understand the increase in stress and that stagnant motivation and fortunately, I can recommend strategies. I realized that you shouldn't overwork yourself to get better grades or to work harder. I make sure to focus on balancing relaxation strategies with studying because if you study with relaxing than you're creating inner misery for yourself. I used to be neurotically motivated by grades and I disliked a lot of my classes because I had little to no passion for some of my subjects. There are so many relaxation techniques and strategies like meditation, deep breathing, or drinking tea, or visualizing your happy place. The best academic strategy for success is working together with your teachers, having tutors, and seeking help from classmates because that will be extremely helpful and it will eliminate a lot of stress. I highly recommend Actualized.org's videos on How to Study, Advice for High School and College Students, his meditation videos, How To Focus, and Stress Management.

I love to laugh at bullies when they get payback because of that liberating catharsis and that inner schadenfreude! I also laugh at chronically angry people because the complete loss of control is hilarious because it's like watching a person become a screeching chimp. I love lashing out and laughing hilariously at Donald Trump because laughter and comedy is how I cope. His crude tactlessness is why he's so hilarious and you want him to implode and his ego and empire collapse. I believe that comedy can apply to all areas in life even at it's most dark and depressing! Trump is hilarious because he's a satire of Ugly America and one question i have is "is Trump just a persona meant to critique modern society or is Trump being horrible unironically and shamelessly?"

The Struggle of Being Different I have Aspergers Syndrome and I admit that without any shame! I get so excited that I literally jump out of my seat and I burst out laughing energetically. I feel possessed whenever a dream comes true or whenever something good happens! I get so passionate for stories, hobbies, movies, and so much more that I geek out "OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME!!!!" I get so invested that I monologue about my passions and people tell me "you talk too much!" and "settle down!" or "you're embarrassing me!!" I realize that people and society see enthusiasm as "childish" and "weird" but the truth is that they lost the inner child or worse, even forget it existed! I remember those critiques fondly and I remember being told in my teacher reports that "he tends to monopolize the conversation" "he's animated but unfocused!" and "he struggles to follow directions." I remember when my parents, teachers and peers would get frustrated with me over my enthusiasm. They say that "sticks and stones may break bones but words never hurt you." Well thats' bullshit!! I remember how words like "retard" "crazy" "fa*****" and "ugly" would hurt terribly in middle school. I remember how disinterested people would respond to my passion in a flat monotone like "yeah that's awesome!" but I sensed the lying and ostracism. Two of the worst things I've heard in elementary school and middle school was when a classmate asked "do you have a mental illness?" and in middle school, he accused me of touching his privates. In middle school, I had a crush on a British girl and whenever I saw her, she would run away from me and would say "oh fuck" and she would tell me "fuck you Zane" and the biggest dagger was "you ruined my life." Words don't just hurt, they stab you and they wound like a knife and they scar your mind. I started asking myself "am I really crazy? Why don't I fit in? Am I weird?" In elementary school and middle school, I remember having barely any friends and I remember that alienation. The lowest point in my life was middle school where I felt the cruelty of middle schoolers viscerally! I realized how nasty and petty people can be with bullying and how easily angered people can be! I remember the crying I felt when someone lashed out at me. I remember being called a "baby" or "too sensitive" for crying and it made me realize how sheltered I was and how the social meat grinder rejected me. I realize that socially, I was an outcast. What made school even more painful and awkward was being in Special Ed classes which made me feel retarded and socially incompetent and to make it worse, my Autism made me feel even worse. My worst class experiences were in Math classes which truly made me feel at my lowest point. I remember fondly the panic attacks of doing homework, the resistance of going to class, and completely failing math tests and becoming such a nervous wreck over Math that I would meltdown easily in frustration and cry and vent. I remember how frustrated people would get trying to explain it to me and struggling to understand it felt like learning a whole new language. I remember having to do the one minute drills and how completely screwed I was without a calculator like a blind man without a cane. I realized that the world of middle school and high school and the "real world" see an authentic person who fully embraces their inner child as "childish" and "babyish" and "immature." However, I will always remain authentic, no matter what people think! However, I won't just whine about being different! I've learned how to fully embrace being different and how liberating it can be.

It All Began With Stories I feel like childhood is paradoxically both a wondrous time and an early identity crisis. I realized that I both loved my childhood and I'm fondly nostalgic of it. What I fondly remember from childhood is the deep connection to my grandmother and to books. When I was a baby and a child, my grandma read to me all the time, and that expanded my amazing imagination. My grandma would read me picture books and I still deeply connect to these books. Confession-but I still go to the children's section in the library and the bookstore to read books at my childhood. Whenever I went over to a friend's house for dinner, than I would deeply connect to their library and I would alienate myself there just reading all the books. It gave me a deep sense of relaxation and it didn't matter if I was alone. I realize that when I watched movies, listened to music, or read stores, than it felt like I was on the greatest high ever. Some people escape reality through drugs and alcohol to get drunk or high but books and life were my fix! I would be so deeply immersed in the story that I felt like I was a character in the world. My dreams are rich with stories and this passion for stories triggered a spark in me! A spark that would last for life! However, my obsession with stories, made me "weird." I would go through school days, particularly in gym class or in public, in a trance. I would get so excited that I would talk aloud to myself. From my perspective, I was talking to my characters and would go in and out of character voices. I would do a smooth British accent one minute and a Cockney/Aussie accent on a dime. Yeah it is awkward and humiliating but it feels cathartic! I remember when people would mimic me or ask "why do you talk to yourself?" I would dodge the question because I felt like it would destroy the mystery of my mind. I felt like I was a alien in human form among normal people and I couldn't maintain my cover. One of my greatest struggles throughout my life was "being normal." Whenever I hear the word "normal" I think of it as a deep betrayal to my authenticity. I see "normal" as dumbing yourself down to be a spineless coward. Normal is not "being yourself." It is rejecting yourself! I realize that storytelling and creating stories links deeply to my life purpose. I feel like my life purpose is "to create stories that deeply resonate with yourself and with other readers who share your passion. Stories is how you convey your own insights about your passions and life! You can experiment in a variety of niches! I want your life to focus on discovering storytelling in all mediums and master the art of storytelling." I will learn how to be a master storyteller where I can be completely authentic and self-expressive that my stories come to life. My stories can be deeply existentialist and broad and rich with themes and ideas but still highly relatable and yet personal. My stories can also be simple yet deep like haikus or vignettes! Or my stories can focus entirely on conveying deep emotions like laughter and contemplation! However, I don't want to write for the masses! I want to be subversive and value creative freedom where I have the impunity to tell my own stories. I want to be unapologetically authentic and not give a fuck what people think! I want the personal power to embrace my creativity and not sell my soul to the fucking Devil. People can hate on me all they want and I strive to be unapologetic and devil may care!!

After watching the video, I discovered that my attitude towards beliefs is the middle ground which is expanding beliefs to discover more of the world. I've studied elements of Christianity, Judaism, science, philosophy, Buddhism, Paganism and Quakerism and I have a growing fascination with alternative and fringe ideologies that go beyond the mainstream political binary of Democrat and Republican. I'm particularly fascinated by Socialism and Libertarianism and there are elements that I both agree with and strongly disagree with. I realize that I'm mastering open-mindedness. I don't want to box myself rigidly to one worldview or belief system! I've also been applying direct experience by sitting out in the sunlight on a Fall, Spring and Summer day and detaching from my mind and simply focus on enjoying the moment. When things go wrong like delays or a friend being deeply stressed out, I'm focusing on detaching from the emotions of impatience and rage so I don't worsen the situation and I focus on being flexible. I also focus on behaving relaxed and calm by channeling a relaxed Zen master. However, I can always deepen my knowledge of Epistemology and study inner beliefs more. I've deconstructed and challenged the belief that "I'm stupid" "I'm a failure" "school is hard" and "conflict is bad" and discovering alternatives and taking action. My highest aspiration is to have a completely open mind and a deep intrinsic curiosity where my mind entertains ideas yet doesn't cling to beliefs or rejects ideas. Instead of rejecting beliefs, I think a great alternative is a balance of healthy skepticism and open-mindedness. One of my deep personal values is free thinking, intellectual openness and flexibility, curiosity and fascination. For example, instead of blindly hating Donald Trump, i piece together a holistic puzzle about the Donald and using various sources such as his business strategy, his strengths and weaknesses, and especially his psychology and his childhood and I love asking myself questions. What I discovered about Donald Trump is that he is a fatally flawed Greek villain right out of Shakespeare! Here is a man who was indoctrinated into business by his father and pressured to adopt that killer instinct! Trump, in school, was a violent bully who would deliberately cause trouble and see himself as above the law and he even punched his own music teacher. Here is a man with a long cycle of failed businesses, failed marriages, scandals, and bad decisions and yet somehow he has this power and impunity! He is now seeking the highest level of power in the country and I strongly doubt that it's for public service. Trump embodies megalomania because he believes that power and being rich is the highest aspiration in life and he is so deeply entrenched in stage Blue/Orange thinking of pro-business and "success." He sees life as a win-lose game at best or a zero sum game at worst because he's deeply entrenched in his Corporate America worldview! Trump is so fascinating to learn about and I feel like I'm becoming his biographer. I love drawing parallels to historical figures and historical events and fiction to unpack Donald Trump and how his personality applies to humanity and society!

On Friday October 14, I had a great realization as I sitting outside feeling deeply relaxed on a gorgeous Fall day in Washington DC. I realized how completely relaxed and mellow I felt and how my mind was focused on the moment and how wonderful basking in the moment feels like. I realized that enjoying the moment is becoming scarce in mainstream American society. Every morning, millions of people are rushing to and from work and home that the days, weeks, months, and years become a confused blur. The modern mind has became so mired in the shit of "obligations" that they reject relaxation and meditation as "laziness." I go to Guilford College, a very peaceful Quaker college in North Carolina, and one of the main themes in Quakerism is embracing the silence and the Inward Light. The Inward Light is God's presence within us as we slow down and take time out of our day for a moment of silence, prayer, or meditation. I realize that my years at Guilford have mellowed me out! On Monday, I had a meetup with a new friend and she was feeling very hectic because of traffic, depleted funds, and running late but I chose not to lash out at her for being late. I told myself "I will stay calm and not take it personally!" I've spent the whole week recapturing my childhood and it's one of the most amazing life experiences ever!! By watching Halloween classics particularly "Coraline" and "Over the Garden Wall," I felt like I re-entered my childhood and I felt a deep nostalgia because the show and the movie revealed how deep my imagination goes and how these films give me a deep sense of wonder and inspiration. Fortunately, I've been feeling this bliss more and more recently and it feels wonderful!! I had to release this insight. To simplify the insight, I'm simplifying my life by enjoying and loving the moment and I've entered a childlike state where life feels inspirational and magical again! However, I feel like this is just the beginning to something greater on the horizon and I'm too excited to find out!!

I love this model and i will apply it to my creativity!!!!!!

@Epiphany_Inspired I go to college in Greensboro North Carolina but i'm from Washington DC but i would love for us to talk!!