@jjer94Damn. I never really thought of it like that, but now that you mentioned it, it does sound obvious doesn't it? Haha, thanks for sharing that insight. I guess even when asking for help, we need to be mindful of how and why we are doing so.

The way you put it, exemplifies the subtle self-defeating process of asking for help, with the hidden intention of proving to yourself of just how helpless you are, even after receiving those help. That's a really huge trap to fall into, thanks for warning me p(^~^)q

And as for the OP, I hope you've become more cognizant of the depth of your self-sabotaging habits. I'm sure you can devise a way out of it, having intimately face it all for so long, knowing exactly what you are doing to keep yourself down. Once you've reached the lowest point, there is no where else to go but up. So good luck! p(^~^)q

You said it better than I did! 
"I need help in order to accomplish _______ because I want ________ and feel capable of getting it"  Versus
"I need help in order to fix _______ because I don't know what I want, I don't feel capable of making my own decisions, and I would rather be rescued and/or told what to do"