YoungSeeker

And there's more. Who created my identity? What if I created it? What if I created myself? What if I created my past, future, pain, problems, suffering and so on? Even health issues were created by me. Everything was created by me. Even this reality was created by me. You don't live in the same reality I live. You create your own reality. Mine is different from yours. Is there any objective reality or there is just different reality for everyone? Most of us have similar realities the ones who don't are kept in special institutions. How do you say if the person is insane? What if we are all insane and someone who's considered insane is really found the truth. What if I created this world? Which senses are true and which are false? Is our eyesight true or false? If you don't see something then it doesn't exist? What about blind people? They live in the same world, don't they? But they get the information about it differently. How can you perceive the reality objectively? If you can at all? Which sense is more true? All these questions are keeping me awake. They seem important to answer but what if they'll turn out to be meaningless? What if there's no point in finding the answer?

Logically I would agree with that. But then I have this feeling deep inside that tells me it all bullshit. When I start thinking about all that too much I feel like I'm crazy. When I think about all that I can start laughing without any reason or almost start crying. I just laugh how stupid I am to believe my mind's talk. I know that I can't explain reality. But still I'm desperately seeking for the answer. Seems like I won't ever find the answer and still I'm looking and it drives me crazy. My mind wants to be certain, it doesn't like to have any doubts. It can't handle paradoxes. The mind is so dumb, I hate it. I really feel now like the mind is my enemy.

What is Self-hypnosis? Have you tried it? Does it work?

@Sharpadox then if you could remove your identity, just killed the ego one day all you'll have left are biological drives. it doesn't sound that romantic. then we aren't that different from chimps. we humans aren't that noble species after all. that's a bitter pill to swallow.

You actually right. All animals have are instincts. But also I think that this is true. I just have some feeling about it but I can't really put it in words. It all very confusing.

@Frogfucius thanks for replying all my posts. I appreciate it

@Frogfucius animals are in control as I see it. they aren't being controlled by their identity because they don't have an identity and therefore they are free. so they are in control.

Also we (people pursuing enlightenment) just believe that we aren't in control. I don't know about you but a lot of times I turned it into belief. just believed that I don't exist or I'm not in control. but that's what we shouldn't do on this path. if we just believe it how are we different from religious people then?

I started thinking about it so much because 2 days ago I was so tired after work that my mind turned off. It was strange. I just realized how the mind was lying to me my whole life. I thought about my past and my past felt like just an illusion. like another thought in my mind. my identity felt like an illusion. it all felt unreal. I realized that the mind controlled my whole life and I didn't do a shit about it. I just believed everything mind told me. I still do. this feeling passed but I think about it a lot now. just got me thinking that there is "real me" and this "real me" is controlled by the mind but it all can be changed.

Usually we think that we can control our life but we are controlled by the mind or the ego. What if the "real me" can take control over things?

The more I work on myself, meditate, learn psychology the more evidence I get on how we all humans are the same. As if we have the same kind of software running inside our heads.

I doubt it. It doesn't matter. Any kind of Ego is wrong. Sometimes when you have a poisoned, unhealthy ego you will be forced to transcend it because it just becomes impossible to live with. You basically will choose between committing suicide and transcending the ego. In a sense it's the same thing. But you don't need to go that extreme it's too painful.

it seems to me like meditation is very similar to hypnosis, especially guided meditations. meditation is more like self-hypnosis

e-book readers like kindle are great! it is really useful. you don't need to carry around your heavy paper book. it's great especially if you travel a lot. my whole library is always with me. the screen isn't like on your laptop. it's more comfortable to my eyes then paper books. I like paper books. they're just not very practical.

'If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen'

Started analyzing my dreams and find out that when we're asleep we do the same things that we do when we're awake. We satisfy our needs. I didn't have that rich social life recently. Working a lot and I dream about my friends. I'm socializing in my dreams basically. It isn't completely true that I satisfied my need but in a sense it's like that. In our everyday life that's what we do we satisfy our needs. Comfort, security, money, love, respect and so on. So how our life is different from dream? It's the same. Just got me thinking.

@Frogfucius It is. I have some very fucked up dreams too. We all do. If I would tell you some of my dreams you would laugh but you won't understand a thing. It only makes sense to me. Usually all you need just to remember the dream and the meaning of it comes automatically. I'll research this topic in the future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

@Frogfucius Do you keep a journal? Do you record your dreams there? That's what I do. I can remember a dream only if I woke up in the middle of it. Right at that moment I record it because otherwise I'll fall asleep and forget it. Tell me some more if you can how are you able to remember it. Did you work on remembering it? I'm interested in remembering my dreams because that's pure sub-conscious there. I think the best way to know what's going on in your sub-conscious is to analyze dreams you have. I was able to remember only couple of dreams but those already gave me a lot of information about myself. So in case you know any technique I could use please share.

I like how you put it. Not saying that I'll go and enjoy life now. Not that easy to let go. But really nice said. I understand what you said with my mind. Probably I'll get it later, maybe I'm not ready yet. I'm becoming more and more aware that life is pointless. Not like I'm depressed about it. I'm just accepting it. I'm becoming more like a nihilist or something like that.

You probably know what enlightenment is if you are asking this. You aren't enlightened yet so you gotta play by the rules of this world. You need to chase success, build your ego and so on. That's what I think.

I had an enlightenment experience about 4 months ago. Although I'm calling it an enlightenment experience I don't really know what it was. A few times after that I had the same experience. But here I'm going to talk about the first time. I had it listening to Leo's guided self inquiry. And only once I had it when I was doing self inquiry by myself. The first time I had it I was scared. My hands were shaking. It felt like nothingness or maybe everythingness. It was strange. At the same time I felt pure joy. I wanted to stay in that state forever it was so pleasant. After being in that state for some time it was gone. It lasted 20 to 30 minutes. I went outside and I was looking at the world as though I saw it for the first time. It was new and bright. I felt a lot of energy in the body. I was grateful for being alive. I wanted to share this joy with others, wanted them to feel the same way. It was enough just to be. I really saw that there's something more to life than we normally would think. I can't force myself to have this again. The more force I'm using the farther away I'm from the actual experience. I know that but it's still hard to let go of desire. A lot of times I was close to having that but desire did the work to prevent that. What did I have there? I'm not sure if I want to know what it was. Because you kind of can't name it or explain it with words. Maybe someone out there had something similar to what I had? Maybe even listening to the same guided self inquiry? Just share your thoughts if you’ve got some.

It is really. At the time I already stopped doing self inquiry but after this experience I started over again. This motivates me a lot.

Was meditating for about 10 months now. After watching Leo's guided meditation video I started applying those things to my meditation practice. I naturally started doing them even before watching the episode about meditation but after watching it I really got into that idea. It feels like a step back. When I was using some other techniques I felt more aware. The whole session now is thinking and being in the fairy tales. Is it really a step back? I need your advice. Should I use this "non manipulative method" or get back to the techniques I was using before? Is this method really productive? This "non manipulative method" feels easy to do. There isn't any struggle in doing that. Feels like I'm asleep the whole session. What are your thoughts on that?

I guess you're right. I'll keep going. Thanks for sharing your experience!

My advice is to keep meditating. As Leo puts it meditation is the most important personal development technique and I agree with that. With meditation you can't do something wrong. As long as you sit there you're good. It's ok to have doubts at first, everyone had them and still does. After 10 months I still have doubts but they don't matter to me anymore. It doesn't matter if you found the meditator, yourself or Ayla. It all bullshit, there is no goal with meditation. Just keep meditating and later on you'll be so thankful to yourself you didn't quit. Just observe your doubts and keep meditating. Doubts are the part of the process. Good luck!