Samuel Garcia

Thanks everyone for the input. I think I will try other alternatives like finding groups, going alone or getting some cheap coaching to help push me. If those don't work out, then I will go with the coaching as my heart does feel a great alignment with the values and style of it. I think I've avoided trying to avoid wingmen as I imagine I would not feel accepted by others for my anxiety but perhaps that is just my negative thinking (plus I want to improve social skills with everyone not just with women). Although I do have depression and feel my life is dark, part of that is feeling lonely and disconnected. So getting the social side of my life tide down, rather than focusing on healing/therapy - I just never found an answer in therapy or even in spiritual pursuits after many years. I'm in the UK, about 1hr from London so have the opportunity to practice.

@something_else Thanks for your thoughts. I'd probably agree, although I think the focus on here would be to be less socially anxious and overcome the fear of rejection. Like starting conversations with strangers, frightens me so much. Let alone, talking to a group. So the coaching is more about growing myself. Sure it was easier to talk to people as travellers are open to socialising. But even in hostels, I struggled to connect with people sometimes, especially party hostels I can get so socially anxious.

Hey all, I have been struggling to make friends most of my life I am at the point - I just feel I don't connect with people for various reasons. Apart from most people not interested in the inner life, I think also I expressing my authentic self and feel very stuck in depression. I have been quite depressed since I was in university a few years back, but I really want to break free from it. I found this social skills coaching which I really resonate with and it is for 3 days intensive where I get with an expert and they practice social skills, and go out and talk to strangers pretty much all day in various situations, and get lots of feedback as well as on going support after the programme to make sure I keep taking action and growing. Maybe I am being stingy as I have always struggled with money (with my depression, and not liking any job), but do you think $4k is worth paying? For me it seems a little excessive, and I am not even sure if I will fully overcome my social anxiety and massive fear of rejection. However I do feel a strong alignment with the teachings and videos I have watched. I have tried doing this stuff by myself recently, but I just feel so much fear and depression go talk to people. I just feel I could do this alone without needing the $4k coaching, but I am not doing it because there is so much neurosis and judgements from this fear of rejection. I would prefer to say "I did it" rather than have to pay for this workshop but I guess I need it at this point. Anyway, what do you think? Is $4k a bit excessive? Or should I just go for it and stop being so attached to the money? Thanks for your help!

The only thing I can know for absolute certainty, is direct experience right now. Anything beyond that is possible but unverifiable. Hence I cannot for absolute certainty if another person exists or not. How would I? If I could, it would just be more direct experience. Yes I am imagining Leo exists in my consciousness, but just because I don't directly experience his body and his first person experience - I CANNOT say for absolute certainty that there is no reality to Leo beyond my consciousness. But anyway how could I live life with this extreme solipsism? It would contradict so much of my experiences. That is why almost everyone believes other people exist. Most human inventions - physical, conceptual, social etc - are based on other people existing. Leo seems to have his own life and make his own videos etc.... it points to Leo having his own reality.

Your just outright denying another persons reality. Just because I do not experience Leo's life right now, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means it isn't experienced in MY reality. Just I do not experience someone else's reality, it doesn't discount another's reality. So why be empathetic then? If for example someone is bunch of people are getting beat up down the road, what is the solution given your solipsistic paradigm? Just to run away and ignore it. Voila - it doesn't exist anymore. The problem of human suffering is solved!

How to become conscious of an other/ other minds if all I know is experience? The best I know is the knowing of other minds. How can to escape this first person perspective at all?

@Emerald I think you are totally right that it is the women with more trauma that are attracted to the more narcissistic, dominant guys. But the majority of society today have undealt traumas. So these things seem to work. Some guys may get involved in pick-up is because both conscious and unconscious women reject low self-esteem guys. I think we can agree on that even the more conscious women out there find a low-self esteem guy unattractive. But the other way around a healthy, conscious man would not necessarily find low self-esteem unattractive in a women. So what Leo is saying is a huge step in attracting a women pretty much regardless.

Lol exactly

@Osaid I saw someone on YouTube who did a 40 day water fast and he carried on lifting weights and was able to maintain muscle mass on his arms from what I saw. Not sure if this would help though.

I would love to try do 10 days or even 40 days of water fasting for the mental and spiritual effects but I do not want to lose weight as I am really skinny as it is. I have always struggled to put on weight -- even when I tried to put on weight when I was a teenager and eat over 3000 kcal per day. So is there anyway to preserve my weight if I do these prolonged water fasts? I don't think I can do to much, but if anyone has any suggestions please share. I'd also like to try keto, so is there a way to retain weight on keto? Thanks in advance.

I suppose it depends on what one means by enlightenment. Let's agree that enlightenment is what all beings are truly looking for in life. Wouldn't that could an effect on the operation of the individual? Surely then psychological survival (ie seeking any sort of validation from others, the need for luxury, the need for love in a relationship etc) all falls away if one truly is happy within oneself?

@soos_mite_ah Yes I agree with a lot with what you say. Regarding integration, maybe for most people this occurs but not necessary. When you reach completeness, stillness and surrender occurs. Integration may occur, or giving up of many separate self activities. When you are peaceful and silence, at that point you don't need to worry so much about dealing with the shadow. But you could be right in saying that through certain stages (not necessarily SD) before surrender occurs Of course you do what you feel will make you happy as I said. Not everyone will even speculate about enlightenment. Some men place a women's looks as most important. The more conscious men would objectify less, and would asses other qualities are more important but may still be emotionally pulled by how a women looks. Try screen out for more conscious men as they are more aligned with what you are looking for of course. There are a wide variety of men out there, they are not all the same.

@Emerald At no point did I say people should nor say what someone should or should not do (and I'm not sure if others said at least from what I have read). In fact I'd recommend most people fulfil there social needs if they are able to -- bond with your families; from deep, meaningful friendships; follow your heart and get into relationships with anyone you feel love for; climb the Hierarchy of Needs and do what you feel is appropriate for you. But we just need to see the facts for what they are. Those are all selfish endeavours (what you meant by 'humanity') and for survival. And there is nothing wrong with survival just what is so. Without survival you and I would not be here. So from the individual's perspective, it is ideal. Whether we get everything we want socially or nothing at all, either way we are not truly fulfilled. We know there is more life. Our intuition leads us to ''pursue'' spiritual enlightenment. Our higher self knows better than depending on other people (and worldly circumstances) for our happiness. What you claim about enlightenment differs from what Ramana Maharshi has said. Now here is an important point: What I am saying about Enlightenment is more humanity not less! Would you rather help others or help one person based on your need for love? That is why I introduced the image of Mother Theresa helping others just as an example. It is a no brainer. We would rather help many people (whatever that maybe) rather commit to one person. The only reason we would be in a relationship would be to help ourselves. And of course if we were in a relationship with someone they would need to be satisfied as well, lol. If you feel you need relationships and other people, than do what you feel is best for you. I am not saying to not get into a relationship -- but it is selfish. If guys need to go pick up women, well that's where they are at. Spiritual bypassing could cause them to feel less satisfied, but they won't find the love they truly seek even in an intimate relationship. But many people have found completeness within and certainly let go of social needs. Ramana Maharshi clearly did this and found peace. It is not the norm for sure, but my higher self knows I must let go of needing a relationship -- like many other people.

@Gesundheit @Surfingthewave Thanks for the feedback. Glad you resonated with the post.

Different teachers say mean different things with ''enlightenment''. Teachers agree that it is knowing one's own true nature whatever that means. Some say that happiness is there. Yous seem to have a similar perspective as Peter Ralston -- enlightenment doesn't change anything including self-survival tendencies but it can help transformation. That slightly different to what Rupert Spira has said where peace and love is found, having a completeness within oneself but life goes on as one wishes to do so. He admits occasionally he acts unenlightened sometimes but peace is the norm. He famously has said to tell your partners ''I love you, but I do not need (and you cannot give me the happiness I seek)'' Ramana Maharshi differs even more as he said habitual tendencies (vassanas) must be surrendered. Having talked to devotees, they have alluded to that desires are given up, supposedly because they serve a false entity. So when ego is seen through, these desires as well certain behaviours are dropped. A deep surrender occurs. Why is the absolute view worth even mentioning? It means nothing. It is an easy way to fool oneself. Unless that translates into the relative -- a knowing that love is always here. That means contentment of where you are. Of course this means you are free to enter relationships. Yes this is true you are free to do so. But why bother at that point? This is my point. But you are saying there is not translation here. It isn't out of the question to imagine a person who does not have any social needs and it happy (but to imagine someone who never eat is difficult even though people might be able to do this). In fact many people will be forced to find happiness with way as God has not given them people to love them for whatever reason. People have such varied experiences. Go talk to people a wide variety of people from different areas of the world. A Christian who couldn't find love, people who go to Mooji's meeting, a women who lives in a conservative part of the Middle East, an impoverished person who will never see beyond where they live, a women who has such low self-esteem and feels ugly -- I can go on giving examples I have come across. If they are to be happy, there is no choice for most of these people to free themselves from a lot of their need for intimacy in another. In a non-duality meeting, a man said to the teacher that he was fearful of never getting married. The teacher said forwardly ''You won't care about that kind of stuff once you understand this''. It's quite interesting how you concrete you portray social needs like physiological needs. But to test what you say, the best thing I can do is for me to see if I can be free of social needs. The pandemic has shown me I definitely don't need other people as much as I believed, though I am not totally free.