Travis

@Leo Gura What are you trying to achieve, specifically? If you're trying to map dreamland, that's one thing. But if not, what is it?

Give up trying. Give up striving. Give up the goal of desiring to be somewhere in the future. What arises when I say to give up goals for the future?

Truth is not a spiritual pursuit, Leo. Truth is just Truth. Maya is nearly infinite, as the guy you don't like so much, says.

Very well said.

Smells a bit like hubris to me, Leo.

@BLABLABLA Yeah, I've acclimated to another plateau. I know exactly what needs to be done and it will all happen when it's time The search is over.

Hey, everyone. I've been neurotic pretty much my entire life, and I've accumulated a lot of anxious and fear-based thinking habits and irrational beliefs and fears. Pursuing enlightenment has just compounded it all and I feel like I'm stuck with nowhere to go, no way to move forward. I practice remaining as awareness as often as I can, but the conditioning is just so powerful. I've watched Leo's video on neuroticism and have learned a lot from other sources as well, but it just feels like my cup is just way too damn full. I think part of the problem is that I want answers to all of my questions, but I have absolutely no answers and it's hard to be comfortable with that. Maybe being comfortable with all of the unknowns is the answer and if it is I need to find a way to start practicing that. At this point I'm questioning everything. If enlightenment is real, if self-transformation is possible, etc. I am just so confused about what I want and how to go about achieving it. Side note: I've been doing a lot of work on the nature of the separate self for the last several months, and suffice it to say that the separate self does seem to be completely illusory. It seems like the more of the illusion I become aware of, the more fearful and anxious and depressed, etc. I become. I'm just sick of being stuck in limbo. I don't know how to progress forward, and it's laughable at this point to even consider the possibility of turning back and trying to pretend I can find peace, happiness, and all of the deep meaningful things that humans want out of life by getting a career, family, more money, etc. To sum it all up: I'm confused as shit, don't know how the fuck to progress on the path, and don't know how to deal with my neuroticism. I have a deep desire to start working on the neuroticism and would love to know if anyone knows of a framework I can use to go about doing it. Any other helpful suggestions are also welcome.

@Martina Good advice. Thank you. Putting the "bad" spin on ego stuff is just more resistance and confuses matters further. It reinforces the belief in a separate self. I appreciate the input.

That shit is creepy as hell

An excerpt of my paper from my personality theory class regarding enlightenment, self-actualization, and quieting existential angst. Much inspiration came from psychology, philosophy, ethical theory, and spirituality. Many thanks to people on the forum who have helped to deepen my understanding of existence. And thanks to you, Leo, for pointing at the moon. I love you all. Ever forward. There is one fact that all human beings throughout time have been acutely aware of: one day we will surely die. How does one cope with this undeniable inevitability? Many have found solace in religion and spirituality. Believing in life after death is an attractive option to conscious, self-aware biological organisms who, as the Buddha once remarked, are indeed burning candles. Some face the reality head-on in a Nietzschean existentialist vein – all is meaningless; get used to it, and while standing naked and alone in the universe, courageously embrace a deliberate, strategically chosen path for one’s life that transcends the human condition, or at least makes living bearable. The destination for all humans is the same, but the path is what matters (or does not). Some paths we were placed on and continue on to the end. Sometimes a beautiful expanse commands our longing faculties and compels us to embark on a new trajectory. Other paths are chosen because of whisperings of what lies beyond – promises of unspoiled lands that only few have or ever will see. Looking closely at the topography of some of the most common paths yields important information that helps to understand the paths humans choose, and what to be aware of when contemplating whether to walk a new path. Whether one yearns for Buddhahood or the life of an Übermensch; the desire to rise above everyday challenges and make one’s family proud, or surrender to the lukewarm banality of a whimsical existence; we are the alchemists of our own lives, and this knowledge we must honor. An approach to living life called authentic existence, one encouraged by existentialist philosophers such as Friedrich Nietzsche and Jean-Paul Sartre, entails living with the knowledge that life is short and we are going to die, and to make decisions in life with this understanding at the forefront of our minds (Funder, 2016). The author goes on to say that the very basis of culture could be a response to the direct knowledge of one’s impermanence and the need one feels to live in such a way that provides meaning, even if meaning is illusory and ultimately just a distraction from impending death. Funder (2016) introduced an idea from the existentialist philosopher Viktor Frankl that involved taking the focus off of oneself and putting that attention on to other people. Funder (2016) says, quoting Frankl, “Instead of asking, ‘What do I want from life?’ you can move to asking, ‘What does life want from me?’” (p. 431) and states that empirical evidence shows that adopting this attitude can decrease depression for the span of about 2 months, and that people with this outlook are more likely to report finding something in life that gave them significant meaning. Eastern Holism. Ma-Kellams and Blascovich (2012) found that individuals from Eastern cultures were more likely to affirm the good qualities of life and attempt to live more fully when confronted with mortality salience, whereas individuals from Western cultures did not respond this way. The researchers note that many Easterners affirm the notion that good and bad exist in all things – the yin and yang principle. The researchers state that in all 5 of their studies East Asians responded in a divergent manner to European Americans by being more engaged with, and enjoying more, everyday life activities such as watching movies and reading novels, and thought more about life in response to mortality salience, whereas European Americans thought more about death. The reason for the split between East Asians and European Americans is that East Asian have a more holistic view of life whereas European Americans follow a more linear and logical formula, say the researchers. Finally, the researchers state that Easterners embrace contradiction in life and the reality that positive and negative elements coexist in all things, whereas Westerners strove for worldview defense and symbolic immortality. Self-Transcendence, Self-Actualization, and Ethics Self-transcendence. Funder (2016) cites alternatives to the existentialist view of the self and its relationship to existence. Buddhism, for example, sees the self as nonexistent altogether. There is nothing solid and permanent that can be called a self. It is an illusion and all of the component parts said to constitute a separate self are constantly changing, as are all other manifestations of existence. According to Buddhism, if one can see through the nature of the false self, and therefore become enlightened, then not only will literal immortality replace the belief that a ‘you’ will die, but you, as an interdependent manifestation of existence, will be much more connected to humanity and to existence as a whole. Self-transcendence does not mean that the individual becomes internally disintegrated. On the contrary, one’s authentic personality is set free from the identification with incessant mental chatter, which is the hallmark of identification with the existence of a separate self that “owns” experience, instead of realizing that one is existence itself. Self-actualization. Another attractive option for humans in response to existential angst is self-actualization. The humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers believed that every human being desires to self-actualize, which is to optimize one’s life in a way that will result in what the Greek philosopher Aristotle called eudaimonic well-being – another term for the realization of one’s human potential. Aristotle parallels the humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow and the concept of the hierarchy of needs with his statement in Nicomachean Ethics, that a happy person (or a self-actualized person) is “one who exercises his faculties in accordance with perfect excellence, being duly furnished with external goods, not for any chance time, but for a full term of years” (p. 18). Maslow stated that once one’s basic needs for survival, safety, belonging, and esteem were met then a person’s final desire is to become what he and Rogers referred to as a fully functioning person – one who embodies the existentialist account of one who lives a life of authentic existence and is also happy and fulfilled in one’s life. Ethics. Close inspection reveals much potential overlap between the concepts of self-transcendence and self-actualization (individuals can theoretically use either as a means of achieving the other). For the sake of ease, the label of self-actualization will be used to encapsulate both. Non-duality philosopher Greg Goode teaches self-actualization as a way for humans to become happier, kinder, and live more fulfilling lives, and states that a “heart-centered” ethical framework is integral and complementary in self-actualization work (Goode, 2016). The author makes no knowledge claims regarding a correct or preferred ethical framework. He merely suggests that an ethical framework can advance and enrich self-actualization work while better the lives of others. Goode (2016) offered an account of the benefits he received from an “ethics lesson” that allowed him to deepen his self-actualization work. He was writing a piece about a transgender beauty pageant in a New York City bar and he asked the bar owner how he should refer to the contestants. The bar owner said, “whoever you talk to, treat her like a lady” (p. 54). That simple lesson, the author stated, prevented any harm that would have been caused if he had used the wrong word, and allowed him to get closer to their world to develop an appreciation for the creativity, inspiration, and nuance that was uniquely theirs. Likewise, the author suggested that these same aspects, along with others such as beauty and love, permeate existence and may be seen on the path to self-actualization, but without ethics they will never be fully realized and appreciated in a way that human beings are capable of. Conclusions It seems that philosophy, religion, and psychology converge on the notion that doing good things for other people can improve one’s quality of life and lessen existential angst (Funder, 2016). I argue that the path with the most logistical considerations, but one that has the most rewards along the way, is the path of self-actualization infused with an evolving ethical framework. One of the basic tenants of terror management theory is that upholding one’s cultural worldview reduces death-related anxiety and increases self-esteem. These conditions can fulfill most of the requirements listed on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. However, no empirical study can give one a roadmap to realizing Maslow’s pinnacle of human development – self-actualization. Sure, empirical research has much to say regarding what makes for a happy and fulfilled life, but it is up to each individual as to which supplies will be necessary to walk the path, and the wisdom and fulfillment gained along the way will dictate which tools to acquire for each successive leg of the journey. Dare to look at the world honestly, and though eyes will become dry and start to burn intensely, keep them open and exposed to remove any illusory shields being used to fight against the realities of life. Spend time contemplating death and deciding how best to live as the unique flash of brilliant existence that each of us are. Robert Frost remarked on the difference it made for him to take the path less traveled, a proverb that echoes through the halls of infinity thanks to the sages of every generation who have extolled its virtue. Self-actualization is wisdom in action and fulfillment refining itself through experience. Take a chance and muster the courage to fully exist; to be here now, and to give oneself to life. And when you are on your deathbed, looking back on your life with moist eyes and a soft heart, you will know the peace that passeth all understanding, and will die unimaginably happy.

Yeah, that's what I am going to go off of. When my intuition tells me it is the right time I'm jumping in. Excellent advice. One has to be prepared to say fuck it when the time comes...excellent advice. Get the mind right, in a mature way. And then rest in that confidence. Because, like you said, that's all you can do once it's snorted. I agree and this is what I've been thinking thus far. Get comfortable with one's true nature and rest in that, as the work progresses. Thank you for your words of wisdom. They're a blessing. Best, Travis

@Don_Avocado I'm interested in your experience precisely because you have never done any psychedelics prior to your experience with 5-meo. Azrael, who is quite experienced with psychedelics and has been very helpful to me in many ways on the forum, suggested working my way up with milder psychedelics before jumping to 5-meo. I believe that that is a very good strategy, but I also don't have much of a desire to mess around with most psychedelics. I've contemplated it for a pretty long while now and I don't have much interest or see the usefulness in it much for me. I do, however, want to experience 5-meo for direct awakening purposes. The main issue, it seems, with psychedelics is the more potent they are and the less experienced one is with them, the worse the situation could turn out (fill in the blank with whatever meaning of "worse" this could end up being). So, with all of that background info, here are my questions: Can you expound a bit on the concerns you had about jumping straight to 5-meo without prior experience with other psychedelics? And do you have anything else you could add regarding mentally preparing yourself for the undertaking? And finally, under what conditions would you recommend someone to take 5-meo who has little to no prior experience with psychedelics? Best, Travis

@WelcometoReality When I let go more and more I feel the peace, and when I grasp a hold of thoughts suffering is there. Good point to remember and keep my eye on, thank you.

Interesting take, Prabhaker. Lot of good points to consider. Thanks

Joel3102, I appreciate it. Thanks for the clarity.

Thanks, InsidesOut. Making that jump is what I want to do.

Alright. I appreciate the input.

@Emerald Wilkins I'll have to look into this. Looks like I have another belief to question

Who came up with all of these ideas and concepts about spirituality thousands of years ago? Men. History has much to show us regarding what happens when men run the show. Usually women get shit on in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

There is nothing special about having a penis. In fact, in a lot of ways, us guys are more deluded than women. Case in point, being deluded by a belief that women are not as equipped for enlightenment work as men are. Is this a fact? How do you know? Did you believe someone who told you this? How many enlightened women are on the planet? How many enlightened men? How many other beliefs are held by men concerning women that are utterly without proof? "Women cannot attain enlightenment except through a man," "female energy is different from male energy," "women are just not as interested in existential matters." Bullshit. Bullshit to all of it. I see a lot more delusion and stupidity perpetuated by men around the world and here at home than by women. Also, around the world and throughout history men have actively worked (and are working) to keep women subservient to men and, effectively, have relegated many of them to the status of second-class citizens with regard to spirituality. Remember, the whole game is about freeing ourselves from delusion. That's it. Male or female, the tools are the same.

@Bronsoval Just continue to remain open to whatever arises. There are rather strange sensations and feelings (and thoughts) that can arise during meditation. Especially being in an environment like the float tank, where the body/mind is not conditioned to operate in such an environment. That's my take on it, anyway. Nothing to worry about, just keep remaining open to experience.

@Azrael Thanks so much for the advice. It's nice to get feedback from someone who is using psychedelics for consciousness work, and who seems pretty experienced with meditation and self-inquiry as well. That sounds like a good plan to me. Work my way up with each substance--mushrooms, then lsd, etc. spread it out over a good chunk of time while maintaining my meditation and self-inquiry habit, and integrate the experiences as I go along. I'll start this entire research process and in the mean time will be looking forward to your future reports! Thanks again, Travis

I go into the experience the same way as I do with a strong determination sitting meditation. I put earplugs in, lay down in the tank, it gets pitch black, and I set the intention to not consciously move for the whole hour. Some interesting things started happening: I felt a few rushes of dopamine that made me smile and laugh a little bit at one point; for about 1 to 2 seconds I lost awareness of having a body to some extent, which was pretty cool; and I just laid with whatever was arising in conscious experience and just allowed myself to feel everything fully and not resist anything. I went into it with complete indifference--not expecting anything good or bad to happen. And that's how I'll go into every future float. My intuition tells me this is going to be a good habit--floating about twice a month. I felt great after the float--relaxed, clear-minded, and was ready to eat some food The effects of meditation inside the tank is similar to the effects I get from a normal meditation session, but they say every float is different, so who knows what I'll be experiencing in the future

I did it for the first time today...excellent experience. I got a membership so I will be going twice a month for an hour each time.

@Azrael In your experience, would you recommend doing this alone or having someone around just in case? I have only experimented with mushrooms so I'm completely out of my element here. Would you recommend following Leo's list of dos and don'ts for mushrooms or would it be different in some ways? I know 5 meo is MUCH more powerful than mushrooms, and it's an entirely different kind of experience, but I don't really know what that means in terms of how to properly prepare. I will probably be taking 5 meo some time in the future when my intuition says it's time, but for right now I'm gathering intelligence