Actualized Disciple

This show is awesome and I have been advertising it to my friends for months. Really eye opening episodes in my opinion. My favorite episode is “Beyond the Aquila Rift”, totally broke my mind. I was so enthralled that I purchased the book it was based on (as well as the episode ‘Zima Blue’).

How to be a strategic motherfucker - 7 pillars This is my one of my favorite videos of his. Here is a link to my expanded notes on this video: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1du70isGpL0lCEj8F61CY68_n05PuP3G8IG74nQPAIC0/edit?usp=sharing

I went to dinner at Chili's by myself and it felt very awkward, basically the entire time. However, I got extra attention from the waiters and I got to enjoy my food, at my pace, the way I wanted. And it was worth it. I often go to the gym by myself when i'd prefer to go with someone. I find it therapeutic and the thing I like about it is that I don't have to apply any fake behaviors and can enjoy my own company. I think it's be good for you to go to an event yourself. In small doses at first

@Melwyn That was a really insightful video to watch within this thread. Thanks

Those were interesting videos @Emerald, Im glad I watched those especially after already seeing Leo's similar video about Masculinity vs. Femininity. I like the diverse knowledge im getting here

On a couple of occasions Leo has released a video about specific subjects that I wanted to learn about. Including being a strategic thinker and understanding the Hero's journey. I would like a video about combating loneliness in our practical life or an advanced video talking about the spiritual and theoretical problems with loneliness.

Thank you @Tendani

I am having trouble staying motivated in many areas of my life. Ive been watching Leo's videos for a long time and in the past have been more committed to my self improvement than i am right now. I want to fully commit to personal development and get back on the path but it seems like I get distracted easily with material things (or the things that "most" people want). I often put things off and half-ass a lot of the things i do, including personal development. So any advice on how to stay on the path or wisdom from others who have fallen off the path but returned. I know i have a lot of potential, and it is a shame that i waste it, the biggest traps i find myself (willingly) walking into are: Laziness or procrastination, staying up really late or disrupting my sleeping schedule, playing a lot of video games, getting girls or pursuing relationships, not going to the gym like i used to, and living in the moment, rather than thinking about the big picture.

no

Out of curiosity, what are some typical responses from people when you tell them about personal development? For example: When somebody asks you why you are reading that book, and you tell them personal development, what do they say? When you tell your family or close friends about the personal development you have been doing, how do they respond? When people ask what personal development is and you explain to them (as best you can), how do they react? Im only looking for stories or generalizations from your guy's perspectives when you tell anyone about personal development. For me personally, when i tell people that I write book reports on some of the personal development books i read, i usually get a response like "Oh what class are you doing that for?" or "When is it due" (as if it were related to my university). Also, when people ask me for advice or talk about certain topics with my i often refer to some of Leo's episodes or different books I have read and people say things like "Well thats just your opinion, and that stuff you read or listen too doesn't reflect everybody" or "my problem insnt like that problem, you wouldn't understand because you are not me, and i dont need any self help". I don't seem to have a lot of supportive peers or friends in my life when it comes to personal growth, my family however is usually pretty supportive and my father in particular, sounds a lot like Leo when he talks to me. Anyway, what kind of responses do you guys get when you tell someone about personal development?

I think facebook is a mind numbing distraction. A wise man once refereed to it as "Chimpbook" or "egobook" I have deleted facebook many times and re downloaded it in the past. Now, and going strong for several months now, I ONLY use facebook on my laptop. Not my phone. I find this way I have a lot less opportunity to browse on facebook (because it really is unhealthy). I guess my advice wold be to wean yourself off. Or at the very least, moderate your usage if you feel so compelled to use it. Same goes for twitter, but in my opinion twitter is even more unhealthy than facebook.

I appreciate all your guy's insights. @Saarah Ive noticed myself "lightening the blow" when people ask about my hobbies i usually tell them that i like to independently study Psychology and Philosophy because I know that if i tell them im really into Personal Development then I will have to try and explain what i mean to them which sometimes... people dont find too enthralling. @see_on_see Ive also noticed what you are talking about with meditation. I have to schedule my meditation time when my roommates are gone, and i avoid trying to explain why/how im doing it. Its a shame that many people miss the opportunities and insghts that are in front of them @Christian Many times have a rewatched and rewatched and then took notes and then evaluated the notes myself on leos videos and other scources. When people ask me about some of the benefits i have incured from personal development and i tell them- they dont take it very seriosly, and it does come off as arrogant. I am grateful to have a community where people value the same things I do, Thank you guys for putting in responses that you hear. @heisenburger@Passionate Some people are more supportive than others, i suppose now i need to align myself closer to those most likely to relate to me. You are certainly right about the jouney being a journey you follow alone. Nobody else "can" join you on the journey, and even if they could, it wouldn't be necessary.@eskwire@Steph1988.

As the title suggests, I am dealing with a breakup and it has been bothering me. I don't know exactly what I am looking for here, perhaps the advice that i would be wise enough to give myself if I was not so distraught. Me and this girl are about the same age and doing our own things in life, she works and I am going to college. We have been dating for almost 6 months. I would say we have an "independent relationship" but then again... given all of my feelings maybe it was more of a "dependent relationship". I didn't want it to be, and it definitely did not start dependent. We have had our ups and downs in this relationship, and both sides have made mistakes. I think our biggest issue is a lack of trust, and a lack of respect/consideration. Which again, the relationship did not start this way. These big problems grew over time. There are many problems that we have especially lately and there seems to be a lot of finger pointing, and a communication problem for sure. I have made a few bad calls earlier in my relationship such as talking to other girls to feel secure about my options and even talking to other women in our more serious fights with an intent to use them as a rebound. Over the course of our relationship these needy, desperate kind of acts subsided, and my girlfriend claimed to accept and forgive me for these things, as long as I promised to be more faithful. I never cheated on her per se, but i can see why she was bothered so deeply by me having potential "backups". Recently, it has came to light that she has not forgiven me for these things and actually (on/off) wants to break up with me for these things I have done in the past. She insists that I have been cheating on her and all of her friends think that as well, and they encourage her to leave me because they "Know" i am even without proof. I think she knows that there is no proof of "cheating" and appreciates that I have been honest with her about the past, but still cannot forgive me for them. The problem there is that she is flip-flopping what she wants literally every 2-3 days. It has been like this for the past week and a half. So my partner does not trust me, basically at all. Regardless of my progress in this relationship. I have problems with her too, for example, she always wants to go out to the bar and may/may not have a drinking problem, that is like her main goal to entertain herself... I have a problem with that because she goes with people she has had sexual relations with before and (she as well as I) have came from a very slutty past. I do not try to control her (i feel) but i have told her probably more times than i should have, that it makes me uncomfortable. But, i do not feel like this issue makes me want to break up with her. Lately, my goal in our relationship has been to keep together, and I do not know why. I feel really hurt when she expresses that she doesn't want to be with me every other day, because then the next day we end up talking and agreeing to work it out. For example, four days ago my girlfriend admitted that she did not forgive me and that she was using all these "cheating without cheating" reasons as an excuse to dump me and that she was preparing to do so for days (keep in mind these events were over 5 months ago). Then three days ago she had changed her mind and decided to forgive me and we saw each other and got dinner and all seemed to be fixable and on its way... Then like clockwork two days ago she broke up with me over the phone while i was at drill for the military and went out to the bars to spite me (she admitted that was her goal). Yesterday, we met up and talked and she wanted to stay the night with me at my place, we slept together and expressed our love for each other and I thought "this is the last time, we are good now". Today she decided this relationship wasn't worth it at about 7pm. If nothing else i just wanted in a community that i feel welcome in. If you actually read all that I applaud you. Back to the point, I am fucking sad. Because i love this girl and allowed myself to become vested in her and believe in her and in myself, but I cant keep it going. It seems like im always on the defensive and everytime she "wants to fix it" i get suckered right back in, because honestly, tats what i want. i want to be with her but she wont let it happen (smoothly anyway). That is why i think i have become codependent. Any advice is welcome, my friends havent been much help lately. My parents have been very supportive and given great advice, but its hard to follow when i am so upset. Any advice on dealing with this breakup, making myself happy, or letting somebody that meant a lot to me go please share. Thanks

@STC Thank you for the support. I know better in my head, sometimes I just loose the way. I appreciate your advice and think I am going to stick to myself instead of getting suckered back into the relationship. It's dong more harm than good. I suppose six months isnt as long as I wanted it to be

I prefer the direct approach, if you get turned down at least you get turned down confidently and without misunderstanding. I think a lot of times women dig the direct approach. Each situation is different

@carlos flores I Feel like the comments people are leaving above me are very good pieces of advice. Ive been there, the nether rod has its needs, but you are in charge of your dude piston. In conjunction with "Awareness alone is Curative" I would also recommend "30 ways society fucks you in the ass", Leo talks about the chimpness that goes on in society including jerking off. You might also want to do some research and introspection towards addictions. I reckon that pounding the pickle is only a surface level problem, and you may be suffering from the problems associated with addiction in general and avoiding your real problems with a quick escape. As someone mentioned above, most (im convinced) young men jerk off a reasonable amount and do not feel like it disrupts their life. Pornography and masturbation can be a healthy thing, however, if you are mindful enough to see what you are really doing... You would probably not be interested in doing it as often as you seem to right now. There have been times in my life where i would masturbate frequently, mostly when i had nothing better to do. After some thought and albeit discipline, my dick beaters can catch a break for anywhere up to two weeks or longer depending on my sexual availability with women. Its a struggle though, I have deleted and re downloaded a collection of porn on at least 4 occasions. As with any addiction, "cureing" yourself is difficult, but possible. You can do it.

@SomewhatAnonymous I am experiencing the same sort of problem in my intimate relationships lately. On a superficial level my partner and I relate very well and have similar interests. But on a deeper level it is obvious that we are not on the same page. She runs from her problems instead of facing them and uses addictions and insecurities to mask her emotional underdevelopment. Just some examples are a desperate need for luxury-end makeup, and an overbearing need to be validated by her peers. She thinks I am very judgmental, even though I try to judge as little as I can. I think you are likely judging her a lot as well, I noticed once i spent time living with her (for about 11 days straight) that we valued deeper things and that a lot of the things that she valued, i once valued. It served as a good reminder that by judging her, I was engaging in the same kind of low conscious behavior as she was. It i possible to be in a relationship with somebody who is underdeveloped. If the time you spend with her is fun and enjoyable then so what if she isnt on board the personal development train, you are right? An as long as you are stable enough and grounded enough to not get derailed by your relationships... then you can still find value in keeping them. Its not like you are endeared to this woman. If you love her then you can be with her even if she is not on the same page as you, that is on you to sort out. My advice is: 1.) Stop judging her, regardless of whether you stay with her or not. I know it is easier said than done. 2.) Determine for yourself if you can maintain your personal growth and discipline while in a relationship, if not... theres your answer. 3.) Determine for yourself if you can accept this person for who she is, if you can do that... then determine if there is value in keeping the relationship. 4.) Accept that most people, possibly including your girlfriend, will stay in the same emotional position for their adult life. You cant help somebody who does not want to help themselves. That is your bitter pill to swallow. 5.) Enjoy a relationship without expecting her to be as developed as you, you worked for your emotional development, she did not. So dont beat her up about it and definitely dont beat yourself up about it. Just enjoy your relationship while it lasts!.. Until it starts holding you back or until you find somebody better.

As the title suggests, I am in need of a personal development battle plan. I have seen many, many of Leo's videos and began following up with my own studies such as self help books, and education, but still feel like I am in the beginner stage of personal development. I have been introduced to many things in the recent year and have a yearning to become more actualized, however, I dont quite know which order to tackle things in. I watched "How to be a strategic motherfucker" for the 3rd time today and reinforced the problem that i don't have a personal development plan. What im looking for is sort of an order of importance to which I should go about personal development. What would be the most strategic way to go about personal development? Would it be best to tackle addictions and bad habits first, one at a time? or to start by reading more frequently? At which point should meditation take precedent over study? And how should i catch up with Leo's videos while still focusing on one thing at a time? How do i discover my life purpose while juggling college work and also trying to maintain a healthy social life? Also that brings up, at which point should experimenting and tweaking relationships with other people become an objective. All of these types of theoretical and practical personal development questions. Im trying to build a flexible and effective battle plan on how to beat the number one enemy, myself. Any ideas on how to build my personal development plans or at least any ideas on what are the things i should focus on first?

I watched a video before where Leo talks about "the map and the territory" and acknowledging "The matrix". I was dwelling on this idea the other day but forgot what video this concept was from, before looking into this concept further i would like to re-watch the video. So, if anybody knows the video i am referring to that would be really helpful.

@Wormon Blatburm @FindingPeace @Travis I re-watched the video "Grasping the Illusory nature of thought" as someone mentioned, however that was not the one i was missing, also in the video "All of human knowledge explained " Leo mentions both the "Map and the Territory" and "the matrix" but that was not what i am looking for (although well worth watching). I am looking for the video in which Leo describes the relationship between symbols and their meanings. as well as the fallacy of mistaking the Map for the territory and the effects of such a mistake. I Think "Why rationality is wrong" is the one, as it rings a bell. For some reason, the ideas in this video i have never forgotten. Thank you guys for all the help. Thank you guys very much for the help ive been on the hunt for a while.

@spicy_pickles Sometimes i feel similar to what you've described. Often times i feel like im in a rut and that being in the rut leads to even more "depressing" behaviors. The worst part for me is that i know that i could be doing better. My lack of motivation affects my work environment and school as well, and i can imagine the results i could get if only i had more motivation. When i particularly feel like this It is really hard to get back on track. The kick in the ass you need can only come from yourself and sometimes it may not even seem worth it. My advice for you (which has served me well to get back on track even if only temporarily) is that when you feel the way you earlier described, that is exactly when you should return to the things that you know deep down are good for you-no matter how un-motivated you are. For example when i feel this way i think "You know, this is when i should meditate" or 'This would be a good scenario to work out" or "I could read right now-even though i would rather be doing something else". I feel like your mind will become more willing to do these things the more you do them. Like building a certain taste for a food. Keep your head up, glad you reached out!

Thank you @Travis

I watched a video before where Leo talks about "the map and the territory" and acknowledging "The matrix". I was dwelling on this idea the other day but forgot what video this concept was from, before looking into this concept further i would like to re-watch the video. So, if anybody knows the video i am referring to that would be really helpful. This being my first post in Actualized.org/forum i would like to explore the community and appreciate the help.