Naviy

I am 26, and my father is very egoistic, neurotic and manipulative. He always tries to show his dominance any way possible by first making other people depended from him and then "punishing" them regularly, when they cannot just leave him (he is a founder and CEO of a company with 100 people there, and there are always people quitting only because of his character). He does this because his is addicted to the feeling of self-justification. When he punishes somebody, or makes somebody "guilty" before him, he feels self-justified. He desperately needs this feeling of self-justification, because he has always been acting like a crazy person and he knows it, and, therefore, constantly feels guilt for his crazy behaviour. And to overcome guilt, he has to cultivate the feeling of self-righteousness. The only way to feel self-righteousnes he knows, is to make somebody else wrong and guilty and owe him (and he does that literally every day all the time with everybody). So he does that, which adds more guilt to himself --> more need to feel self-righteousnes --> more punishing --> more guilt, etc, etc. My mother divorced this crazy fucker when I was 8, but now I work on him. Which is a great life issue for me currently. He gives me a good job (in material sense) to use me as a resource for his guilt-punishing-guilt circle. He bought me a flat where I live and gave me a car (I never asked for those, he just signed papers, not asking my opinion and not leaving me a choice). He does this with only one reason - to make me owe him, and to self-justify himself for all his "sins" (crazy behaviour) that torture him, so he could use me for self-justification by constantly punishing me and making me guilty. He was doing it with all the people around him for his whole life, so now he is a master in manipulating other people and making everybody else guilty. This has really really affected me psychologically in may ways. He wants me to be his permanent victim. I've heard about this concept some time ago, but forgot about it. It is very relevant to me now. Where can I learn about it more?

I've been watching these videos for a couple of years now, and still cannot believe how lucky I am to find actualized.org just through a random chance. I don't even want to imagine what my life would be, if I never found out about Leo and his videos. I feel that I am such a privileged person to have access (through Leo and his advices, books that he suggests, etc.) to the best and most profound wisdom humanity has ever, ever gathered. It feels like if you were so lucky to be abducted by aliens and to be shown and taught other advanced worlds, advanced concepts, advanced purposes, advanced knowledge, principles, attitudes, goals, to be shown consciousness and being itself. With these videos, if we follow advices and do the work, we have the chance to actually be the most progressive humans ever lived. It's like a real chance to advance from homo sapiens to the next stage of human evolution. Not just become a better person and have a better life, but to actually become something more advanced than just a normal modern human - be an awakened being. Or, at very least, grow to a very pshychologically healthy and mature, truly wise person, which may be still considered as other kind of human comparing to normal people. Right now, during this life period, it becomes possible.

It's about how psychedelics cannot give you permanent enlightenment. I cannot say it is a super informative video, but I found it interesting.

You do not need to understand. Understanding usually is a trap and is useless. What you'd better do - just do the work (self inquiry, contemplation, questioning), and with practice you will kind of "know" about what you are asking now. If somebody will tell you something now, and you will "understand", it actually values nothing. It does not move you a bit. You just exchange thoughts to other thoughts and stay where you were. Start doing the actual work with the abscence of understanding. As the Great Shia Saide LaBeouf once said: "Just do it!"

@Leo Gura Are you planning to finish the Blueprints section of the website?

When you sit and want to do something, but instead you sit and do nothing, it directly unhooks you from your addiction to various stimulations (all kinds of them - tv, video games, porn, chatting, sex, gossip, web browsing, walking, music, sports, thinking, reading, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. etc.). It also makes you appreciate Being instead of Doing, which leads to drastic positive changes in every minute of your whole life and you whole worldview. Also, the fact that you sit with whatever comes to you and do not run away, teaches you to be ok with any kind of thoughts and emotions. Everything will be acceptable for you, therefore, you will produce less resistance, therefore, suffering will start to disappear from your life.

Good! Totally wrong. Bad, wrong. When you are having described thoughts and emotions, it is very good. It is when your meditation is the most effective, not the least effective. The worst thing you can ever do - is to consciously avoid these thoughts and emotions or try to substitute them with other thoughts. If you do this, you will make your meditation much much weaker or even useless. What you must do when these thoughts and emotions arise - just sit through them. No matter how hard and painful it is. It can be a torture. And sometimes it will be a torture. Good. Sit through this. Do not run from them. Let them do whatever they want. Let them torture "you". Do not avoid them, do not substitute them, do not manipulate them in ANY way. They will come and go, they will change all the time. You just sit in the storm with these thoughts and emotions the set amount of time. You don't have to be calm or peaceful. You will be in hell and in pain and you will panic. Very good. When your timer beeps, go do your stuff. And next day you meditate with WHATEVER comes to you. WHAT-E-VER comes to you. This is the most powerful meditation.

I'd like a video where Leo talks about Contemplation too. What it is exactly, how to do it, etc.

My main struggle is that I cannot be satisfied with the technique I use. For example, I enjoy Do Nothing, and I want to do it. But I also read somewhere, that Mindfulness meditation is necessary too. And I start doing Mindfulness meditation, which is hard for me, and I struggle a lot with it. And I think that, the harder is it, the more I need it. And I force myself to do this Mindfulness meditation. Sometimes I fail to do it properly. Then I come back to Do Nothing meditation and feel guilt for not chosing what is more difficult, and, therefore, more needed for me.

I've bought a couple of colouring books with mandalas today and a set of colour pencils. Now I'm gonna colour those pictures instead of playing Rocket League, while listening to Leo, lol

Yes, you are not in present moment during Do Nothing meditation most of the time (I'd say, 90%+ of the time), and it is supposed to be so. If you are trying to be aware of something, this is still meditation, but not Do Nothing technique. What this meditation does - it makes you much more tolerant to your thoughts and emotions. After months of daily Do Nothing practice, in normal everyday life you will become much more tolerant to any kind of your mental states. You will notice, that now you are ok with any of your mental states, mood, emotions, thoughts. For example, if something bothers you, it still bothers you the same as before, but now you do not have the need to get rid of it. Instead, you have some natural tendency to not touch your mental states and let them be as they are. You even enjoy accepting bad or good stuff, knowing, that ultimately it is good for you and that it is more true, more healthy than your old behaviour. This gives you more freedom from your mind, makes you much less vulnerable, more independed. Less resistance to thoughts, mood and emotions. You feel like you can deal with any kind of mental state. If you are upset with something, and it bothers you a lot, you just do not touch it, knowing that your freedom lies in equanimity. From your Do Nothing experience you know that the best you can do - do not touch anything. And that everything will pass and will change. Then next stuff will come and pass and change. So, this practice gives you equanimity. Freedom from mind. Therefore, you are less affected by thought streams and stories. You have less tendency to take all your thoughts seriously. Here you get more space for awareness. However, if you want to directly practice awareness, you'd better do Mindfulness Meditation.

What I've noticed from Do Nothing meditations - when the stream of thoughts is happening, and then you accidentaly become conscious, the stream of thoughts often immidiately stops and melts by itself. You even kind of want it to continue (because they say that it's the shit is purging, so it is good when you have a lot of thoughts), but when you are aware it just does not happen anymore. Only when you naturally stop being aware, thought streams start actively going again. I think this is how the curing process of awareness from the video above can be demonstrated to yourself quickly. Anybody experienced this? When you become aware of thoughts, and they immidiately stop by themselves without you making them stop? It's easy to see with such an obvious thing as particular thought, but I believe, this is how it works with habits too. It just takes more time and is more complicated.

I've had some realization a couple days ago. I've finished my meditation/inquiry sit and opened my eyes. My cat came close to me and sat on floor. I looked at her and started wondering: "What is the exact difference between her and me?". And I started looking like this - "This is her. This is me. This is her. This is me". I've noticed, that I can point at some "her" (whatever it is), but when I point at "me" to compare us, what do I point at? There is nothing exact I can point at as "me" to compare "me" with something else. I think now I better understand what Leo means by "360 degree camera". There is nothing, and then experiences happen. And it is not even like "I see experiences". The percieved experience is what it is. "Seen experience" is the experience itself. It is not "seen by me". The seeing of an experience = the experience itself. Hard to explain, but is possible to observe. And now I see a better possibility for myself to grasp the instruction from Leo's Self Inquiry video - when you try to find what you really are, you fail, and when you fail, you actually succeed - become this what you cannot find - nothing, which is not an experience itself. I think now I can kind of better "feel" what nothing is (these words are wrong).

This is very good

What if you did not chose virginity? I know that for better life I need real life relationship with a woman (I've never had real life relationship with sex, and I am 25+ years old). Problems here: 1) You have a deep belief and self image, which has been forming for a decade, that you are very defective and not capable of having sex or relationship at all, ever, and that there is nothing you can do to deserve it; 2) You have the fear that if you will find some person you are capable having relationship with (such as in my case right now), you will have to end it before it comes to sex, because you are so unexperienced, that during the intimate moment, you won't be able to handle the shame and fear of showing to the other person how vulnerable you are, the fear to disappoint the person that you care about, and whose opinion is so important to you. The fear to be mentally devastated. Especially, if you are a male and have a very strong complex because your penis is too small comparing to normal (yeah, my case too, and this fear sometimes is even a bigger fear than being unexperienced). To say the truth, I still sometimes cry because of self pity and fear and anger and shame for never having sex. I know that all this is bullshit, and I kind of know how the mind works, so I let it happen, it's the work of bio machine. I am not a total newbie to personal development, and, of course, I know that all this stuff can be fixed by using different techniques and principles, by reprogramming your mind and changing self-image. It is very possible. But again, I want to mention, that if your self image of a person who is not capable of having sex and will never deserve it, has been forming for 10+ years it is very strong. It's how you have always seen yourself, always, and you've never had any other experience. It' also been forming during your very sensetive teen ages. The fear of shame is very very strong. It requires, maybe, years of direct psychological work to fix this. It is possible, however. Actually, a life situation happening to me right now, which I don't know how to solve yet. I've never really believed that I can have sex in my life ever, but now I kind of have to make a choice - whether end current long distance relationship, or start the work on myself to become capable of meeting the girl and having sex. I've studied this stuff and I can see that the second choice will take so much effort and time, that I don't really know, if it's worth it. I want to spend this effort and time on spirituality. I know, that being a virgin and having a small penis are huge psychological traumas for me and cause of a lot of other psychological problems. Yeah, it can be different from this, it can be fixed with the personal development techniques, guaranteed, I know. But, guys, the fear, shame and self image are so strong, because it is always has been like this to you - your whole life you had this belief that you are not capable of having sex and are defected. On one hand, I wish it was different, and I know that I have the capability of fixing it, but on the other hand I don't want to spend so much effort to fix it right now.. Or maybe I'm a lazy coward, and persuade myself not to do anything to stay in comfort zone. I kind of do not see enough motivation in me to start this work now. I know, it should be fixed, but I also can survive without fixing it, so I do not have enough motivation right now to change anything, because any changes in this will be the cause of so much psychological discomfort, emotional labor, fear and shame, that I cowardly prefer to stay where I am now.

Did it again yesterday - 4 a.m., 45 minutes of No Manipulation meditation ("Meditation for Beginners" video), eyes closed (well, there was manipulation - in meditations I always try to sit straight and not move). Comprating to the first time, noe there was a lot of suffering. Physically I felt like shit. I almost gave up, because I felt so bad physically. At the same time there was this sleepy stability, when body likes to not move and sit quiet. Again, I was quite aware, almost did not drift to sleep. Those, for whom 1hour+ strong determination sitting is too easy, and they eat chili pepper before it, to increase suffering in the "purification=suffering*equanimity) formula, could probably try this night meditation instead.

This is interesting to watch:

Did this tonight. Set alarm clock at 4am (usually I get up at 8am). Then did 45 minutes of Awareness meditation ("Meditation for Beginners" from new Leo video) with eyes closed. It felt very comfortable to sit in this sleepy state with eyes closed, and I almost did not drift to sleep and was pretty aware all the time. Sleepy state gave me much more patience and stability with no decrease in awareness. Then I went to sleep again, slept more than usual with vivid dreams. But from my lucid dreaming practice, which I did a lot, I know that it is always like this - if you wake in the early morning, then get really awake (drink tea or go to cold shower, for example), and then go to sleep again, you will have crazy vivid dreams. So meditation does not affect it. I think it is useful to train both meditation states - while being sleepy and also while being fully awake. This will make the meditation experience more rich and probably will lead to better results.

This is what I notice the most in my experience (I've been meditating for 4 years not consistently, and for 1,5 year consistently). Actually, right now I'm pretty sad and lonely because I wanted to talk with my best friend via Skype, and she did not come and I am worrying about her a bit. But I have kind of a global view now. I can see that there is no sense in fighting "bad" emotions and thoughts, because they appeared in your mind as a consequence of the natural activity of mind. They are the result of mechanical biological process, and you did not participate in this process. And it is not only an intellectual conclusion. I have learnd about the meaningless of resistance during my meditations. You can accept the experience, because it already IS (it already exists as the only reality), and be at peace, or you can try not to accept what IS, and create tension. I also have this kind of attitude... Well, how do I know that "bad" emotions are not needed? How can I be sure that "they should not exist right now" (this thought is the essence of resistance)? I trust to what appears in reality more. If it is here, it should be here. It should be here by the fact it IS already here. And if it should be here, why resist it? Actually, accepting or not accepting reality is not "your" choice too, but that's a different story...

They are very similar. To me difference is this. In "Do Nothing" you do not manipulate your experience and you are not even trying to be aware of experience. You are allowed (and you will) get totally lost in mind, sometimes for 100% of your meditation. In "Meditation for Beginners" ("No Manipulation Meditation") you do not manipulate your experience too, but, when able, you become aware of current experience. However, don't force yourself to be 100% aware of your current experience all the time, because it is out of your control - whether you will get lost in mind or not. If you get lost in thoughts - it is ok. But when an ability to be aware of experience appears - be aware. If you will force yourself to be aware all the time, you will manipulate your experience, while doing "No manipulation" meditation.

@Mariem Start with becoming conscious of your breath as often as you can. When you do activities - too. Become fully aware of 2-5 breaths, from their beginning to their end. Do this during the day for 10, 50, 100, etc. times.

Being in present moment - it is when you are aware of the current experience you are having right now. For example, when you are mindful, you notice how you have thoughts, memories, emotions that together create "worrying". You notice your resistance to these thoughts and emotions also. It is when you notice how worrying appears and how it feels in the body. How it changes. How you struggle to keep noticing it. How next new thoughts and emotions appear and change. Etc. It is hard at first, because you have the habit of changing everything. Mindfulness is not about changing or controlling anything - it is only about being aware of current experience. So, when you notice worrying, you will want to control and to change it. Notice this desire to control in you too. When you see the desire to control and the behavior that is born from this desire, you are mindful.

Which meditation technique do you currently practice? Are you satisfied with it? For how long do you do one session? Meditation techniques' names are mostly listed based on Leo's videos. I currently use Do Nothing meditation for 41 minutes 1 sit every day. I also think it is useful to switch techniques. I believe, that one of the most effective switches is between Do Nothing and Mindfulness meditations. But Do Nothing is so simple, it's hard for me currently to change it ) I think, what Do Nothing teaches the best, is to tolerate any kind of your mind activity. After several months of this practice, you are ok with any state of your mind (well, not ANY, but still, you are much more tolerant to your mind activity). You become ok with the thinking mind and imagining mind. You let it go. You are ok with not being mindful even (however, you often become mindful automatically). By not touching your mind, instead of editing it all the time, you surprisingly become more detached from it. I think it's not a bad combination with my current Self Acceptance practice also.

@Saarah If you want to see more obvious results of Do Nothing, I'd suggest you this. Apply your skill of Doing Nothing to your thoughts and emotions during the day. For example, when you notice some negative thought web is happening and triggering emotions in the body, you consciously make a choice to Do Nothing with it. Do not edit it, and also even do not try to be mindful of it. Let it be as it is 100%. Do not try to edit your reactions to it too. Do not try to stop or edit the stream of thoughts. Do not try to not to fall asleep into thoughts. Let your mind do everything it wants, whatever it wants. If then confusion happens, or you become very mindful, or you fall asleep into thoughts, or desire to control appears, or whatever - you consciously make a choice Do Nothing with all of it. For example, if a web of thoughts and emotions appear that say "I have no idea, if there is any sense in this stupid Do Nothing thing" - make a conscious choice to Do Nothing with it too. Let these thoughts happen as they want. Let yourself dive into fantasies about it. Let yourself become mindless. Let next thoughts appear. Let judgement appear. With time you will develop an ability to Do Nothing with more and more different kinds thoughts and emotions. You will start to notice your automatic habits to control particular thought patterns and emotions. Then you will even see, how funny and stupid this desire to control is, and it will drop. Try to Do Nothing with everything, with every object, with every movement of your will, with every intention, with every thought, with every emotion, with every knowledge, with every memory. When you fail to do some mental exercise, including the one I mentioned here - you Do Nothing with all the thoughts and emotions that come because of it. But also, do not try to force it. Do it a little bit. Just a little bit. Only when it happens with you by itself. You almost do not do it at all. It's ok if this will happen to you once in 3 days or once in 2 weeks, or whatever. This is not an intense practice. Your main practice is the formal Do Nothing meditation, which you do every day. The formal meditation will do the thing. Again - when you accidentaly become mindful of something, then you Do Nothing with it and with the fact of noticing it. Even just remembering about this message after reading it (the remembering will happen automatically), and not even trying to do the exercise, will work. And also, watch the latest Leo's videos about dropping "should" and "should not"'s. You do not have to be mindful. Use Leo's technique from those videos - "I should not be more mindful", "I should not develop my skill of meditation", etc. Take the current moment as perfection. What is in the current moment - is the only thing that should be. It is the best thing, the most perfect. Nothing esle should be. So, when you are not mindful, and when you do not see the results of you practices, you will not judge yourself for it. And with no-judgement much better results will come.

Check out these two: Woods of Ypres - Death Is Not An Exit The bleak life and modern times Of grey skies and electric light Life... life... So life is precious, after all Respect the body, for it is all you really are Life... life... So life is precious after all Protect the body, for it is all that keeps you on We are confined, to the nature of reality Where the failure of our system, will be the end of our dream Between the fields of darkness, before and after we exist Earth is a spiritual place, but there is nothing after this. We were nothing... for a billion years before our time And we will be... nothing more again, for an eternity yet to come Whoa! Death is not an exit (death is the flick of the switch) Whoa! Death is not an exit (death is a flick of off the switch) The bleak life and modern times...Of grey skies and electric light In the bleak life and modern times...Of grey skies and electric light Woods of Ypres - Career Suicide We were born to live, in a desperate time Where it seems the death of dreams, is the end of life But we have only one life to live, just one opportunity And failure is not the end of the world, that's just society! Career suicide is not real suicide, Career suicide is alright Career suicide is not real suicide, Career suicide is fine We are all expendable, and we can be replaced. They have supplies of infinite lives, and no time to waste. But we have only one life to live, one time to exist And though there is no afterlife (after all), there is still more to life than this! Career suicide is not real suicide, Career suicide is alright Career suicide is not real suicide, Career suicide is fine Career suicide is not real suicide its not real suicide at all... Career suicide is not real suicide, its not the end of the world... Death is the failure of our parts, Failure is just the death of dreams There's more to life than suc-cess but only death is real... ONLY DEATH IS REAL! Death is the failure of our parts, Failure is just the death of dreams There's more to life than suc-cess but only death is real... Career suicide is not real suicide, Career suicide is alright Career suicide is not real suicide, Career suicide is fine Career suicide is not real suicide its not real suicide at all... Career suicide is not real suicide, its not the end of the world...its not the end of the world.