Hi,
I'm new here. I found out about this after coming across some videos on Youtube. This has really hit home with me. I feel like I'm at rock bottom. I spend my days breaking promises to myself that I'm going to turn my life around. I have struggled with journaling, typing, writing etc my entire life. I'm more than 100 pounds overweight and off work because of it. I was in a 12 step program for 11 years and relapsed about a year ago. now I spend my days smoking pot and worrying about world events. I'm extremely irresponsible with especially with money and paying bills. I recently sold the house I inherited from my father that I let get run down because I couldn't take care of it and moved to a brand new place that is farther away from family and I'm blowing the money I have left foolishly. I have a great idea for my career but I have stopped working on it completely even though my family completely depends upon me because I am the sole-provider. There has been a several deaths in my family, including my youngest sister's suicide a couple months ago. My childhood included physical, sexual, mental, and emotional abuse. Now, I find myself often in rages and yelling and lecturing my wife, my son and step son with long-winded guilt trips and anger outbursts. My poor habits have affected my wife. She has bipolar and has gained weight too.. It isn't always like this. We do have some good times together and are very much in love. But I have cheated and she knows. I also struggle with pornography but for the most part have lost interest in sex because I feel unattractive. I also have ADD and have just started back up on my prescription although I have never had a period in my life in which I have been able to get myself to take medications properly. I don't really have any friends and I don't really seem to want any. On the outside it seems I have my life together and I am a good father and provide everything he needs and spend good quality time with him, but inside I feel like a bad person, and worse, I feel like a terrible father and husband. I just don't know where to start.
