Raphael

On Human Evolution And Possibilities Human beings only have a certain amount of limited possibilities, yet these limits don't seem to exists because we are so complex creatures. Nevertheless, they are here and we can see them when we compare ourselves to animals. A cheetah can run to 128 km/h, but we can't. Fishes live underwater, but most of us can only stay immersed for a few minutes without breathing. Birds can fly, but we can't. We can't do any of that without machines. It seems to me that consciousness is trying to evolve to a new complex form by combining organic life with machines but still didn't find out how to create the next super specie that combines the best available capabilities in an elegant way. I have the intuition that after stage turquoise and beyond, life will have exhausted all the human possibilities and therefore will create a much more advanced specie. It will maybe combine organic life with machines, or find another way, and maybe some humans will see it appear.

Fake Self-Esteem And Low Self-Esteem Interaction There's an entire scale of self-esteem that starts with people who have no self-esteem and end-ups with people who have very high self-esteem. On this scale between the transition from low self-esteem to having some self-esteem, there are people with fake self-esteem. Fake self-esteem people are people who have a lot of insecurities but hide them with a fake self-esteem layer, they want to be seen and act as confident but are not and will often use force to drag themselves up (that's discipline, notably the stage blue one, but it also applies for low orange and red too). The result of that is accumulated anger and the inability to have proper emotional mastery. Fake self-esteem people will also react against people who have low self-esteem but don't fake it, they will criticize them, try to correct them, and blame them for being weak. They do it because they are very afraid of realizing how low their self-esteem is and afraid of processing their emotions, so they will naturally hurt other people and try to make them react. I noticed this with people and myself. My self-esteem in school was very low so I attracted a lot of bullies who had fake self-esteem. I also had periods where I had low self-esteem and therefore some people that I was working with started to criticize me, blame me, or ridicule me. But I also did the opposite. Sometimes in my life, I created fake self-esteem and was reactive with people with no fake low self-esteem so I criticized them for that without realizing that I was myself insecure. On this forum, I found myself attracted sometimes to people who have low self-esteem and are talking about their difficulties. I need to watch myself closely. High self-esteem appears when someone properly embodies the healthy aspects of the SD developmental stages.

It seems to me that hardcore metal music is stage red. I didn't understand this kind of music most of my life, my bet now is that some people who have a lot of anger and insecurities release it through metal music. I don't know if this is healthy though.

27 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:36 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 09:12 AM - 10:13 AM: I got back configuring the remote desktop environment. I got some issues and was distracting myself because extracting some files took a lot of time. Work Duration: 1 hour 1 minute 10:32 AM - 11:02 AM: I'm losing too much time trying to configure this remote environment. This is not so important, I'm going to move forward and skip this. Work Duration: 30 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 11:30 PM - 12: 35 PM: I got back to coding, but was very distracted because I was listening to MBTI talks at the same time. I also took a lot of time to get started because of distractions. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes 01:35 PM - 02:44 PM: I loaded the categories from the API. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 9 minutes 02:58 PM - 04:50 PM: I managed checkboxes and query parameters for the category filter. I distracted myself a little near the end. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 52 minutes 05:18 PM - 06:02 PM: The categories are now automatically preselected if they are present in the query parameters. Deep Work Duration: 44 minutes @Raphael That's good! You're getting back on track and you almost woke up at 6 AM today, you just need to do a few efforts to wake up on time tomorrow. Keep moving forward! Total Work Duration: 6 hours 21 minutes, including 4 hours 50 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

26 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:07 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:20 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 3:14 PM - 04:10 PM: I had a call with a client. Work Duration: 56 minutes 04:10 PM - 04:32 PM: I connected to a remote desktop and started to do a few configurations. Work Duration: 22 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 11:15 AM - 12:43 AM: I designed a custom checkbox, did an API call, and started to filter the products by brands. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 28 minutes 01:40 PM - 02:37 PM: I managed query parameters to work with the brand filter and also test out the backend API. Deep Work Duration: 57 minutes 03:00 PM - 3:14 PM: I started back the work, but then got interrupted by a client. Deep Work Duration: 14 minutes @Raphael Today was not a very productive day, but you did the best that you could. Accept it and move forward, tomorrow will be better, you will wake up early (between 5:30 AM and 6:00 AM) and get started early in the morning. Remember to stay focused on your dreams and they will magically materialize. Take care ♥️ Total Work Duration: 3 hours 57 minutes, including 2 hours 39 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Encouraging Myself I'm going to start giving myself more love, compassion, and encouragement on this journey. I noticed that I often notice what's wrong and ignore what's going well when I'm trying to attain objectives. I will use confirmations at the end of the day to bring positivity and move forwards in life.

@ElenaO Yeah, I have the same issue too. I resonate so much with Leo that it's crazy. We are both INTPs and both have/had toxic families, I also wanted to become a game designer like him when I was a teen and was highly interested in philosophy when I was in high school. In fact, I resonate so much with his teaching style that I feel like it's me who is talking to the camera. It's hard to stop watching him when he feels like being my clone. So much similarities, that's crazy.

Destructuring Myself Before Building Myself I need to destructure myself first before building myself. When building ourselves, we build either on emptiness or on previous conditioning, and if it's previous conditioning it's often an unhealthy one. It's better to have an empty foundation than an unhealthy foundation. A tower built on solid foundations will raise higher and be much more stable than towers who have weak foundations. That's why I place Meditation, Kriya Yoga, Shadow Work, and Reichian Therapy before everything else. It will help me destructure my mind/body and have a clean empty foundation to build myself as a human being.

Top Priority Books Kriya Secrets Revealed - J.C Stevens The Secret Power of Kriya Yoga - Santata Gamana Shadow Dance: Liberating The Power And Creativity of Your Dark Side - David Richo Reichian Therapy - Jack Willis Thick Face, Black Heart - Chin-Ning Chu The Six Pillars of Self Esteem - Nathaniel Branden

25 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:01 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:26 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Deep Work Sessions: 09:30 AM - 10:31 AM: Added validations and success/error indications for the registration modal. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 1 minute 10:55 AM - 11:25 AM: I almost finished the login modal. Deep Work Duration: 30 minutes 11:30 AM - 12:45 AM: Improved email handling on the checkout page. I'm having a lot of unrelated parasite thoughts. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 15 minutes 01:41 PM - 03:08 PM: I created the cancel payment page and did other fixes. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 27 minutes 03:18 PM - 04:31 PM: I started to design a custom select dropdown. I'm having some challenges with this one. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 13 minutes 07:35 PM - 08:17: I completed the creation of a beautiful custom select dropdown. Deep Work Duration: 42 minutes I'm starting to get back on track after last week's backslash. Total Work Duration: 6 hours 8 minutes, including 3 hours 57 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

24 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 08:01 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 09:27 AM - 10:05 AM: I had a call with a client. Work Duration: 38 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 10:07 AM - 10:41 AM: I did a small CSS fix. Deep Work Duration: 34 minutes 08:15 PM - 09:14 PM: I worked on the registration model. It's almost finished. Deep Work Duration: 59 minutes Total Work Duration: 2 hours 11 minutes, including 1 hour 33 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

23 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:57 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:08 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 09:43 AM - 11:11 AM: I had a call with a client. I sense the stage orange bullshit with him, he wants a lot of work for low amount of money and doesn't want to use the freelancing platform because he finds the fees too high. Work Duration: 1 hour 28 minutes. 11:49 AM - 12:10 AM: I did a few research and made a phone call. Work Duration: 21 minutes 01:59 PM - 04:07 PM: I did a few research. Work Duration: 8 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 09:30 AM - 09:43 AM: Did some code re-factoring. Deep Work Duration: 13 minutes 02:20 PM - 02:57 PM: Worked on the cart. My mind blew up just after that and I was unable to work for sometimes. Deep Work Duration: 37 minutes 3:45 PM - 05:10 PM: I still worked on the cart. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 07:52 PM - 09:35 PM: I worked on the checkout. I felt better and more concentrated than during the day. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 43 minutes Total Work Duration: 5 hours 55 minutes, including 3 hours 57 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Biases It seems like I'm having a biases awakening, I'm becoming aware of many biases that I have about people and about myself. For the moment the most important thing is too keep a low profile and observe them rather than making assertions.

I entered "Fuck Society" on Youtube and found out this video

Overblown There are so many things going on in my head right now. I have storms of unrelated thoughts that changes in less than 10 seconds, too many things happened too quickly in the last few days. This is craziness, I feel like my mind is exploding.

I agree with this, that's very uncompassionate. I don't understand parents who do this too, if I had a kid I'll prefer to help him get started in life rather than kicking him out. Many kids don't have any purpose at this age. The problem that I see is that people who stay at home living with their parents after 18 - 20 grow less because they feel less responsibility. When someone gets out soon, he/she starts to take responsibility sooner for its life and start to have a sense of independence/individuality. Therefore the person will integrate stage orange faster and the lessons needed for survival, where the other ones will stay closer to stage blue or green and not understand properly the survival process. I consider that people need to experience this sense of responsibility and individuality for at least 2-3 years to grow up the spiral then if they want too they can go back living with their family or living with other people. At 18 I quitted my family house and my country, I went to live alone in a totally different country, and in an unknown city with zero contacts. My parents didn't kick me out because I made this choice and I don't regret it. I didn't know many things including how to cook, but I learned it on the path. I grew up a lot and didn't saw my family in 2-3 years, then got back home and I'm currently living with them.

Stage Orange Bullshit I'm sensing the stage orange bullshit with my current main client. He wants a lot of high-quality work for a low amount of money. He doesn't want to use the freelancing platform too because he finds the fees too expensive where I personally consider that it's fine to pay these fees because the platform provides some security, help, and moderation. It's also illegal to make payments outside the platform and it could get me banned. I don't know how is this relationship going to go, but I currently don't trust this guy, he already lied in the past. That's a huge red flag.

22 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 08:10 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:10 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 12:38 AM - 01:01 PM: I had a call with a client. Work Duration: 23 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 09:43 AM - 10:25 AM: I added more functionalities to the checkout page. I had many other unrelated thoughts. Deep Work Duration: 42 minutes 10:45 AM - 11:51 AM: I continued the work on the checkout page. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 6 minutes 02:33 PM - 03:23 PM: I continued the work on the checkout page. Deep Work Duration: 50 minutes 03:35 PM - 04:46 PM: I continued the work on the checkout page. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 11 minutes 09:54 PM - 10:54 PM: I continued the work on the checkout page. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour I'm probably experiencing a backslash right now after the few good productive days of last week. I experienced a lot of stress and tension lately and responded to my authoritarian dad today. My concentration is broken, my working hours are broken, and my waking up and going to bed hours are broken too. I worked every day since last week because my client wants its project fast, but this is counter-productive. Total Work Duration: 5 hours 12 minutes, including 4 hours 49 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

21 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:50 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Deep Work Sessions: 11:59 PM - 13:11 PM: I continued the work on the cart. I was distracted because I was listening to the new Leo's video at the same time. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes. 02:10 PM - 03:58 PM: I continued the work on the cart. I was distracted because I was listening to the new Leo's video at the same time. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 48 minutes. 04:24 PM - 04:45 PM: I continued the work on the cart. I was distracted because I was listening to the new Leo's video at the same time. Deep Work Duration: 21 minutes. 08:24 PM - 10:15 PM: I continued the work on the cart, it's almost done, a few hours will be needed to complete this area. I was distracted because I was listening to one of Leo's videos at the same time and consulted this forum multiple times. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 51 minutes Total Work Duration: 5 hours 12 minutes, including 5 hours 53 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Understanding Democracy & Authoritarianism This is genius. All of Leo's videos are very high-quality videos, but this one is in my Top 10 of his best videos. That's a step above everything that he did before, better than the Spiral Dynamics series and better than the World Value System explanation. He went full circle and was able to hold many different and opposite paradoxes at the same time yet pushing towards a direction that doesn't matter in the end. I'm highly impressed, that's a step even above than usual. That's the INTP mind pushed to its limits.

20 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:42 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 09:30 AM - 10:14 AM: I searched on a way to export/import my code editor configuration to other computers and found it. Work Duration: 44 minutes 10:38 AM - 12:08 AM: I describe a task in detail and planned it. Work Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 01:50 PM - 03:06 PM: I almost finished the cart page, but I'm having a bug that is troubling me. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes 03:17 PM - 03: 46 PM: I fixed the bug. Deep Work Duration: 29 minutes 03:56 PM - 04:41 PM: I started to create the checkout page. Deep Work Duration: 45 minutes 08:40 PM - 10:28 PM: I improved the checkout page design. I was a little distracted because I was exhausted by the lack of sleep these last days. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 48 minutes Total Work Duration: 5 hours 16 minutes, including 3 hours 2 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

On Being Right / Wrong And Openmindedness We can be openminded and right, we can be openminded and wrong We can be closedminded and right, we can be closedminded and wrong When we are openminded, we explore more perspectives (good ones and bad ones according to the context that we are in) so we tend to be more wrong than a person who is closeminded and right. However, by being openminded we are also more right than a person who is closedminded and right or a person who is closeminded and wrong because we go through a lot of different possibilities to find the truth, so the probability of being right when being openminded is much more important than being right and closeminded.

19 June 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:15 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:58 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) Work Sessions: 09:23 AM - 10:07 AM: I corrected a bug, review two pull requests and merged them, and installed the new API version on the server. Work Duration: 44 minutes 10:28 AM - 10:56 AM: I had a call with a client. Work Duration: 28 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 11:05 AM - 12:23 AM: Went back working on my client's project, I improved the cart page. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 18 minutes 02:49 PM - 04:40 PM: I continued the previous work, but was quite distracted because I was talking with my sister at the same time. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 11 minutes 08:15 PM - 08:58 PM: I started to make the interaction with the cart more interactive. I'm currently not highly concentrated because I'm thinking a lot about a subject that is bugging me. Deep Work Duration: 43 minutes 09:03 PM - 10:43 PM: More updates to the cart. I was still very distracted by thoughts. Deep Work Duration: 1 hour 40 minutes Total Work Duration: 6 hours 4 minutes, including 4 hours 52 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)