Raphael

Weekly Statistics (23 November 2020 - 29 November 2020) Total Working Hours 27 hours 23 minutes Average Focus 3.4 / 5

29 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:18 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:30 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 11:10 AM - 12:45 AM: I did some website updates, and some video editing and uploaded it to Youtube. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 02:15 PM - 03:13 PM I did some video editing. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 58 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 2 hours 33 minutes, including 58 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Why? And also, let's be honest, it feels way better to accept them, show compassion and empathy than being arrogant and condescending.

Disgusts of Lower Stages I noticed that I have a disgusts for people who are at lower stages of development. By lower stages I mean everyone below high orange/green, but sometimes I'm also annoyed by high orange/green. Many times I find these people dumb as fuck (which they are in some sense), and I'm also arrogant and condescending towards them.

Unleashing Dirtiness This journal is going to get more dirty. One thing that I noticed is that I'm trying to present myself as a "good" person on this forum to please my ego. To really grow I need to break my ego defences and boundaries, and therefore share more about my vulnerabilities, things that I'm not proud of, aka deep dirty aspects about myself.

28 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:26 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:50 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:35 AM - 10:30 AM I did various optimizations. I'm having an issue with cumulative layout shit, maybe using a CDN could solve it Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 1 hour 55 minutes 10:47 AM - 10:35 AM I installed a new image compression plugin. I also distracted myself a bit Focus: 3/5 Duration: 48 minutes 11:44 AM - 12:42 AM I created a list of websites that can contain broken back links. I also searched for a video editing software Duration: 58 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 01:55 PM - 03:35 PM I searched for some websites and did some researchs on backlinks Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes 03:45 PM - 4:48 PM I created two backlinks and responded to a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes Average Focus: 3.45 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 19 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

So... If I try to understand: From a materialistic perspective, I can say that there is an objective common reality From a (I don't know how to call this) post-modernism perspective (maybe?), reality is different for all individuals even if they can have common behaviours From the perspective of a mature mind, reality is always relative And the above points make sense, but only from a certain perspective. However, beyond the mind, reality stop to be relative and become whole again because only the mind see relativity. And, as the mind is an illusion, it can only see itself from itself (and refer to itself by using a pointing word like "mind") and create perspectives which are illusions because the base is groundless. I feel like I'm messing things up Like if I have two paint buckets? For example: a blue one and a green one. If they are separated, we can clearly see the blue and the green, but if I mix them together they become one. The new texture is the only thing, but at the same time, this thing is blue and green.

27 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:20 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:15 AM - 10:58 AM I did some research for an optimization. Something is blocking me Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 43 minutes 11:42 AM - 01:13 AM Not even sure what I did because I was so unfocused. Focus: 2/5 Duration: 1 hour 18 minutes 02:45 PM - 04:46 PM I resolved the error that I was having, then I noticed another issue and started to fix that one Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 2 hour 1 minutes Average Focus: 2.83 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 2 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

26 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:08 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:25 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 11:50 AM - 01:01 PM I responded to a client, did some SEO optimization, and some research. I also distracted myself by doing some research on insomnia Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 11 minutes 02:11 PM - 02:57 PM I cannot work properly. I'm too exhausted, too tired of all these sleepless nights Focus: 3/5 Duration: 46 minutes 04:42 PM - 6:14 PM I did a little more of SEO optimization. I also did some research on link building and distracted myself a bit Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 32 minutes I went to bed too late yesterday and still almost didn't sleep. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 3 hours 29 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Ok. I see, I'm making an assumption here. But some patterns are repeating, no? Can't we categorize the pattern to create an imaginary common reality? I have some difficulties to grasps what you are saying, it's seems like my mind can't compute. Do I need to go beyond the mind to understand what you mean?

25 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:32 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:30 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 11:27 AM - 11:24 AM I did a little of design optimization Focus: 3.5 / 5 Duration: 57 minutes I had another sleepless night... Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 57 minutes, including 57 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Just cry.

Accept it unconditionally. These imperfections are perfectly designed.

Relax Get into the present moment Feel it Fully feel the shame Allow it Observe with curiosity Allow it Do nothing

How to stop the shame?

My thoughts are making me feel shame, but this is also linked to my emotional chemistry. Thoughts create emotions, but emotions also create thoughts who create emotions. This is a strange loop.

Not being a perfect high conscious person.

I'm ashamed of the past.

Very low results for my first year of freelancing caused by lack of self esteem, insecurities and social anxiety.

Past unconsciousness.

Insecurities.

Past stupidities.

Yeah, that can happen, but this is rare. I was thinking about that and it seemed to me difficult to say that all experiences are completly different because we are all interconnected pieces of the same puzzle. Isn't it that even if experiences are differents from one individual to another one, they can still at least share some kernels of a similar reality? It's seems incorrect for me to say that reality is 100% different for each human beings on the planet.

Yellow on Analyzing Trump's Spiral Development with Humour Donald Trump is the greatest example of a narcissistic stage red/orange leader who ever lived! Seriously, history books will be written on him because he fit so well his role! He is especially great to practice spiral dynamics stage yellow who analyses unconscious behaviors of a selfish leader elected thanks to an archaic system...but... OMG!!! this is a strange loop!!! In summary, Trump is the greatest depiction of a modern stage red/orange selfish leader who ever existed and will ever exist.