Raphael

08/03/2021 (Week 7) If I am more accepting of my fears... I'll recognize my fears I'll understand where my fears are coming from I'll experience my fears I'll face my fears I'll breathe deeply when faced with my fears I'll try to fix my fears I'll try to make peace with myself I'll try to make peace with others If I deny and disown my fears... I entertain my fears I create more fears I feel less natural I entertain this burning feeling in my chest and abdomen I get stuck in fears I don't make any progress in life I lose my self-control I live life dis-functionally If I were more accepting of my pain... I'll understand where my pain is coming from I'll accept to cry in order to release my pain I'll recognize that I'm not the only one in pain I'll accept to experience my pain to its fullest I'll try to understand that the ones responsible for my pain were feeling painful too I'll be able to progressively let go of my pain If I deny and disown my pain... I keep living with pain I forget the reason for my pain I entertain dysfunctions in my life I don't function properly I don't work properly I don't sleep properly I don't feel authentic I'm separated from myself

08 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 05:45 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:52 AM - 10:05 AM I worked on the interface separation of an admin panel. I did a lot of progress but had some intrusive thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 13 minutes 10:27 AM - 11:57 AM I completed the previous work and started to work on a dropdown to select categories Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes 01:34 PM - 03:22 PM I continued the work on the admin interface but also distracted myself a bit too much Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 48 minutes 03:30 PM - 04:35 PM I continued the previous work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes Average Focus: 3.37 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 36 minutes, including 5 hours 36 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

@Keyhole Thank you. Yes, I'm in my early 20s, I'm not expecting people to be perfect anyway and no matter their age.

We we all die before societies move mostly into green, so for the moment we don't have any choice than dealing with low consciousness.

I think the general level of consciousness of an environment also matters. These environments were not highly conscious and mostly stage blue. What I noticed is that when red corrupts blue, even if blue hates red, it will start to follow it because blue is too afraid of red. I saw this with guys too when they are too afraid of red. So, yes, there's definitely different factors.

They looked amused.

These girls were normal stage blue girls. And yeah, I also think they laughed because it showed a "strong man" being masculine and just wanted to follow the masculine energy.

@Bando @Willie This thread is more about understanding some female reactions than me. Yeah, I think it was more a joke to them in a sense, but in another sense I think it was also voluntarily. I noticed that within guys when someone feels bad in life, at least 1 out of 10 guys (who will be a little more narcissistic) will start to pick on him and bully him, than the others will follow to not be seen as the weak bullied one. In one of the office, I consider that it was voluntarily because I got continually bullied there and the boss would be the bully in chief who would traumatize all employees.

Downright mean, but it also looks like it was funny for them. From one perspective it seemed like they didn't really understood how I felt, but at the same time these kind of stuff always happened to me when I felt bad in life. Similar things happened when I was a kid at school in moments where I suffered from a lot of depression. It looks like people don't like when someone feels bad and want to kill him with words.

07/03/2021 (Week 6) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... take responsibility to heal my traumas accept my lack of self-esteem take responsibility to raise my self-esteem accept my emotions share my emotions feel my emotions put intense focus in my activities focus on one thing at the time accept to be great am more loving of myself am more loving of others

Weekly Statistics (01 March 2021 - 07 March 2021) Total Working Hours 27 hours 30 minutes Average Focus 3.45 / 5

07 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:10 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Limitations of Stage Orange Self-Help Very good videos.

Because everything is imagination, and as imagination is infinite we can develop to infinity and beyond human possibilities. However, self-development until infinity is like being a hamster in a wheel: we never get satisfied and it becomes frustrating and irritating at a point. This is the reason why life is at the same time infinite and finite, and is at the same time everything and nothing, it is a needed feature to create a balance. Being too much stuck in self-development until infinity gets toxic at the moment, but being too stuck in a motionless life also gets toxic at a moment. The key is to balance what we are doing accordingly to the phase of life that we are in, like 80% in motion and 20% not in motion, or 70% in motion and 30% not in motion, or 30% in motion and 70% not in motion. Examples: Going to the gym 3 days a week: most of the time not in motion, but a few times per week in motion Working 30 hours/week: most of the time not in motion, but many times in motion Reading for 1 hour/day: most of the time not in motion, but many times in motion Cooking for 1h30/day: most of the time not in motion, but many times in motion etc... The accumulation of all these activities creates a moving life where we are most of the time in motion, but sometimes it becomes too much and we need to become motionless and have a break.

How can we self-develop if there is no self?

Sunday is my bullshit day: no work, no personal development. Only a little of distraction and relaxation. And it feels great.

I have two mentally ill people in my house: my dad and grandma. My mom is the only person with who I can have a normal conversation. Of course, she doesn't know about self-help nor self-actualization, but still, I consider her great and it feels great to have some normal, average, genuine conversations. I love you mom.

06/03/2021 (Week 6) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... accept to raise my self-esteem take responsibility to raise my self-esteem put intense focus in what I'm doing put intense focus in my work accept my emotions experience my emotions exercise my mind am confident in my ability to use my mind effectively

06 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 05:50 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:31 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:49 AM - 12:20 AM Worked on the restructuration of a project, but distracted myself and had a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 01:24 PM - 02:43 PM I continued the work on the structure. I did some progress, but I still have a lot of bugs Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes 02:56 PM - 04:24 PM I still have similar issues. I'm going to simplify things in order to stop wasting time Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 28 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 18 minutes, including 4 hours 18 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

05/03/2021 (Week 6) If I wanted to raise my self-esteem today, I could... meditate profoundly work with high intensity relax my body let my body language be authentic be assertive with people breath profoundly If I am more accepting of my feelings... I'm opening myself to experiencing life I'll have more abilities to recognize my emotions I'll be more able to develop emotional mastery I'll feel better I'll move up on the emotional scale I'll grow faster If I deny and disown my feelings... I cut myself into pieces I feel less authentic I entertain pain I feel resistance I keep too much weight inside me I limit my ability to live life to it's fullest If I am more accepting of my thoughts... my thoughts would be clearer my thoughts would be better organized I'll be happy my use my thoughts I'll become better at using my thoughts my thoughts would become more and more sophisticated every day it will be easier for me to solve life problems If I deny and disown my thoughts... I'm refusing to exercise my mind I'm repressing my genius I remove my best asset from my life I feel less authentic I lose my ability to deal with some problems I deny and disown myself

05 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:11 AM - 10:32 AM I had a pretty long call with a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 21 minutes 10:50 AM - 12:08 AM I responded to a person, did some research, tried to fix a bug, and distracted myself a little too much Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 18 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 01:13 PM - 02:29 PM I wanted to fix some issues but didn't succeed. I also was too distracted because I was talking to my sister at the same time Focus: 2.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes 02:35 PM - 03:40 PM Tried to fix some bugs, had a conversation, but distracted myself too much Focus: 2.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes 04:08 PM - 04:39 PM I started changing the structure of a project Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 31 minutes 07:28 PM - 08:34 PM I worked on interface separation Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 6 minutes Average Focus: 3.08 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 37 minutes, including 3 hours 58 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

04/03/2021 (Week 6) If I wanted to raise my self-esteem today, I could... do a little of work even though I feel like crap because I didn't sleep take things slowly put intense focus to what I'm doing do things slowly relax be kind with myself accept my imperfections If I am more accepting of my feelings... I'll handle my emotions more easily I'll develop more emotional mastery I'll experience difficult emotions I'll release trapped difficult emotions I'll feel more in peace with myself I'll more easily make progress in life If I deny and disown my feelings... I'm disconnecting myself from myself I'm disconnecting myself from other people I create resistance in my body I entertain pain I don't feel authentic I entertain addictions If I am more accepting of my thoughts... I'll have better control of my mind I'll be more efficient in using my mind I'll have clearer thought patterns I'll accept difficult thoughts I'll create more positive thoughts I'll realize that my mind can be use to create happiness If I deny and disown my thoughts... my mind feels less clear my thoughts are agitated I have difficulties making decisions I have difficulties to create happiness I have difficulties to work I cut a part of myself I feel conflicted

04 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:15 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:31 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 11:33 AM -11:45 AM I shared some posts on social networks Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 12 minutes 02:23 PM - 03:52 PM I started to replace keywords on a website Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 29 minutes 04:01 PM - 04:18 PM I finished replacing the keywords Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 17 minutes I have a deep fear inside me that sometimes causes backslashes. This is what happened yesterday. I wanted to go to bed, but got some cravings for porn. I went watch some porn and as I expected it made me incredibly agitated and bring the fear out. I was unable to sleep because I was feeling so much fear, so I watch dumb things on Youtube until 1:00 AM. The result was a sleepless night and an unproductive day. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 1 hour 58 minutes, including 1 hour 58 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

What you are doing is very courageous, continue.