Raphael

Use anger as fuel, concentrate it in a specific direction so that it becomes like a rocket engine and makes you pop out of the stratosphere. That's what I did in survival situations where I needed to be more machiavellian.

I always hated corporate culture. Putting a costar, working a dead-end job, and pretending to be happy always felt so fucking fake to me.

Questions on Being Very Skinny Hey there, I have some questions about being skinny. I'm a very skinny and tall person and I have been very skinny my entire life. Gyms got closed recently in my country because of Covid and because of that I exercised less regularly and less intensely during the past two months. I also started to eat a bit less recently because I felt that I was eating more than I needed. However, I don't undereat, I eat moderately, I eat what I feel I need. As a consequence of that, I lost some weight. I'm now at 112 lbs for 6 ft (51 kg for 183 cm) which gives me a BMI of 15.2, before I was at 121 lbs for 6 ft (55 kg for 183 cm) with a BMI of 16.4. According to the BMI, I am severely underweight, however, I feel great overall, but maybe just a bit weaker. I enjoy being skinny, it just feels great to be thin and light. Also, when I look at myself in the mirror, I found myself good-looking. I don't feel the need to put 20 - 40 more pounds on my body, I enjoy having a skinny body. I also don't feel hunger, I'm conscious that this is weird to say that but I very rarely felt hunger in my entire life, this an almost unknown sensation for me. Many people have made fun of me for being so skinny in my life and I even had people coming to me to ask me if it was normal or if I was anorexic which is not the case. I very rarely undereat and very rarely overate in my life, it has always being a struggle to gain weight for me even when I would eat more than other people around me. I did gain weight while going to the gym in the past, but never a huge amount. Finally, I started to resonate less and less with the need to go to the gym and to build big muscles. Even if gyms re-open in the future I'm wondering if I'll get back to it or just continue doing some moderate bodyweight workouts at home, which is what I'm currently doing. Is it normal to be so skinny? Should I eat more? Should I continue to exercise with heavyweights like when I was going to the gym? Do I have risks regarding my health?

Very inspiring guy. One of the best examples of healthy blue that I recently saw.

28/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... doing my best being honest always improving executing my plans taking actions on what I want to change staying true to myself If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to always be honest with people I find it difficult to execute my plans I find it difficult to take actions I find it difficult respect the same waking up and going to bed time I know I can improve my integrity there by taking more responsibility I know that I just need to make more efforts If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more effortless my life would feel more joyful my days would be smoother I would be more authentic I would be more attractive I'll be happier to live life I'll experience more playfulness my life would better follow my plans If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... the quality of my work would increase I'll be more focused while working I'll make progress in my work faster my work would be more authentic I would less be discouraged while facing challenges I'll push through challenges

28 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:31 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:29 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:58 AM - 10:06 AM I worked on my backend API. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 10:22 AM - 11:38 AM I worked on my backend API. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes 12:57 AM - 02:47 AM I did some progress on the API. I decided to let of small details to make the project move faster. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 50 minutes 04:27 PM - 06:01 PM I did some progress on Twitter publishing. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 07:33 PM - 08:11 PM I continued working on this API. Some stuff isn't working, but I'll figure that out tomorrow. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 38 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 26 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

27/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... doing the best that I can staying true to myself improving myself being honest saying what I want to say accepting myself being authentic If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to be honest with people because most people don't relate to me I find it difficult to wake up at the same time everyday I find it difficult to go to bed at the same time everyday I find it difficult to work hard I find it difficult to have integrity while doing the business that I'm doing I'm acknowledging that my business is only a temporary phase that will lead to higher integrity in the future I can still improve my integrity by doing efforts I can still improve my integrity by taking responsibility If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more authentic my life would feel more effortless I'll find people that I can related too I would feel happier I would feel holier I would feel more joyful my life would feel more conscious If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... I'll work with more intensity I'll generate flow states more frequently the quality of my work would improve my concentration would improve I'll be happier while working I'll get more satisfaction from my work I'll get more joy from my work

26 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:56 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:15 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:30 AM - 12:07 AM I improved a small web app, and started working on Twitter publish API. I distracted myself a bit too much. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 01:06 PM - 02:37 PM I worked on Twitter integration. I also distracted myself too much. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 04:20 PM - 06:00 PM I'm a bit demotivated to work today. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 40 minutes My mood was a bit low today and I also didn't sleep well at night. Average Focus: 3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 48 minutes, including 4 hours 48 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

Holistic Work Ethic Work ethic is holistic. I have been dealing with a lot of difficult thoughts in the past that affected my ability to focus until things started to get better recently. I did some forgiveness to release past traumas and started to have less and less difficult thoughts. A few days ago I started to eat less, I notably reduced my quantity of rice and I noticed that it reduced the monkey mind a lot. I intuitively felt that there was a connection between digestion and thoughts. When I eat a lot my intestines works a lot and it results in thoughts storms, when I eat less my intestines works less, I feel lighter, my mind feels much more clearer and my ability to focus is better. I also feel less and less the need to cope by using social media, reading the news, or watching porn, and it feels great. The attitude of pushing through it even if it's difficult is unhealthy stage orange. It works when someone is healthy: eat healthy, exercise properly, don't have any huge traumatic baggage. The people who aren't highly healthy and who are able to do that have incredible willpower and even if they have incredible willpower, their work is most of the time not the best quality work. Being healthy and having a powerful system is simpler and more rewarding than pushing through it like an animal.

Simple Tips to Improve Work Ethic Clear past traumas as most as possible: do breathwork, forgiveness, talk therapy, shadow work, etc. It will reduce parasite thoughts and improve mental clarity Eat healthy Exercise regularly Wake up and go to bed at the same time Change environment Remove distractions: people, social medias, etc. Progressively use force to break out of the laziness homeostasis

26/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... giving the best that I can staying true to myself improving myself doing things fully being honest respecting myself If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to be 100% respectful all the times to my close relatives I find it difficult to wake up at the same time every day I find it difficult to go to sleep at the same time every day I find it difficult to work on my web app I find it difficult to work to become rich I find it difficult to always put my best If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more whole my life would be smoother my life would be easier my life would be more enjoyable my life would be more conscious I'll attract people that have more integrity my life would feel more precious If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... the quality of my work would improve my work would better serve my purpose my work would feel more meaningful I'll more easily generate flow states while working I'll be happier while working I'll work with full focus I'll work with more intention

26 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:21 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 07:19 PM - 08:08 PM I completed some work on these small web apps, I responded to a client, and also did a bit of accounting. I did the best amount in a month since I started freelancing. Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 49 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 09:42 AM - 10:16 AM I improved a small web app. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 34 minutes 10:38 AM - 11:46 AM I continued the previous work. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 01:16 PM - 02:41 PM This day is pretty fucked up. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 04:23 PM - 05:59 PM Looks like I'm finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes I didn't sleep most of the night, but I pushed through it anyway. Average Focus: 3.6 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 24 minutes, including 4 hours 35 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

I really enjoy your journal. This is very inspirational.

It's funny because I thought about creating the exact same thread recently. I can relate to you, however, I can also see that many times I create excuses and I do feel satisfaction when I'm into my masculine side. Balance is important.

You don't need to completely quit actualized.org, also many people provide insights with basic things here. I personally watch most of the videos and read this forum sometimes, but I mostly focus on basic things. I never did any deep spiritual thing (meditation retreat, psychedelics, etc), I'm keeping that for later.

25/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... being honest respecting my promises respecting my responsibilities doing what I say living for my higher self doing things fully If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to wake up at the same time every day I find it difficult to go to bed at the same time every day I find it difficult to let go of social medias I find it difficult to take action on this sentence completion exercise I find it difficult to be myself I know that I need to push through difficulties to have more integrity I know that I need to bring more acceptance to these situations rather than resistance in order to embrace them If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more authentic I'll have more focus in my life I'll be happier in my life my life would feel easier things would happen more naturally self-development would be easier relationships would be easier creating results would become easier If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... I'll work with more intensity I'll work with more intention I'll entertain properly the system that allows me to have a great work ethic I'll focus on one thing at the time I'll be happier while doing my work my thoughts would be more focused outward and focus on what I'm doing while working my mind would be more in problem-solving mode while working I'll make progress faster in my work the quality of my work would improve I'll get more satisfaction from my work

25 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 05:52 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:09 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:58 AM - 10:09 AM I did some accountability and some improvements to a small web app. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 11 minutes 10:28 AM - 11:54 AM I continued the same improvement work. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 26 minutes 01:01 PM - 02:28 PM I continued the previous work. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 27 minutes 04:11 PM - 05:55 PM I continued working on these apps improvements. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 44 minutes 07:28 PM - 08:02 PM continued working on these apps improvements. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 34 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 22 minutes, including 6 hours 22 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

24/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... doing what I say taking actions from what I write during this sentence completion exercise being honest being honest about where I am in life being whole focusing all my energy on one thing at the time If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find difficulty to focus I admit that even though I treat people properly I have many negative thoughts on people I find difficult to wake up at the time that I plan I find difficult to go to bed at the time that I plan I admit having difficulties to exercise three times per week I admit not always being an high conscious self-actualizer I admit not being regular enough when it comes to working on healing my traumas I admit having difficulties to let go of social media, in particularly of the actualized.org forum If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel easier my life would feel more authentic I'll be more and more someone that people can trust I'll have a better reputation I'll attract higher quality people I'll be more comfortable being myself doing what I want to do will become easier If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... my focus would improve the quality of my work would improve I'll be more aligned with the purpose of my work my work will feel impregnated by God I'll experience more flow states my work would become effortless I'll experience high levels of happiness while working I'll feel deep existential love while working

24 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:28 PM - 10:00 PM I did some improvements on a small web apps. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 32 minutes 10:26 AM - 10:50 AM I continued the previous improvements. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 24 minutes 01:10 PM - 02:30 PM I continued working on improving these web apps. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 20 minutes 04:22 PM - 06:11 PM More corrections and improvements on these small web apps. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 49 minutes Average Focus: 3.12 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 5 minutes, including 6 hours 5 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

@RendHeaven Thanks

Any intimate relationship that I'll have will be an interracial relationship.

If I ever have a kid, he will be listened to and taken seriously way before popping out of his mom's vagina.

Weekly Statistics (18 May 2021 - 23 May 2021) Total Working Time 31 hours 10 minutes Average Focus 3.44 / 5

22 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:33 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:55 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

23/05/2021 (Week 17) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... bring purposefulness to my life honor my wants let myself be authentic do what makes me happy take responsibility for my happiness focus outward when I fall into difficult thoughts let go of unneeded thoughts let go of unneeded things