Raphael

All these journals that I create are just a survival strategy to fulfill my egoic need for visibility.

Being Introverted in an Extroverted World I often had the feeling of being hated for being an introvert. Society glorifies so much extroversion that it doesn't feel normal to be introverted. Everywhere on the internet, on TV, on Ads, we see extroverted people doing extroverted things. We see celebrities, people partying, people going to concerts, people in groups, charismatic entrepreneurs, etc. but we don't see that many quiet introverts. I never liked noisy environments. I only went to nightclubs three times in my entire life, it was fun, but extremely draining and I didn't like drunk people and people throwing their alcoholic drinks on the dance floor. The only thing that I like to do and that qualifies more as an extroverted activity is doing speeches/presentations in front of a crowd no matter its size. That's something that I'm very good at and that I love to do when I'm very passionate about the subject and have well prepared it. I got insulted in my life for being an introvert. I have been asked so much in the past why I was so quiet, but this question has always been strange for me because my mind never felt quiet. I remember a cousin telling my dad that he should do something for me and my dad responding brutally "He doesn't want to go out". I remember a teacher asking students what they did during their weekend and the students responding with extroverted activities where I would say awkwardly that I stayed at home. I had difficulties understanding the hate that I got from a certain number of extroverts in my life. If extroverts like to be loud, go out, and party that's fine as long as they respect my privacy. People are different and have preferences in life, but it seems like many extroverts don't understand that. Many of them just disliked me for not being as outgoing as them, they didn't even try to understand me, they just disrespected me. I remember one day being at a restaurant with some extroverts and being so drained that when someone asked me if I wanted a dessert, I responded: "I'll swallow everything that you want.". They all exploded in laughter in my face and responded that they understand why I have no friends. I was so exhausted that I was starting to have difficulties communicating properly and forming thoughts. I want to end up here by making the differentiation between being introverted and being socially anxious because there is a difference. If I'm honest with myself, I do have social anxiety, so this is true that I'm avoiding people and I lack social skills. However, even if someone has social difficulties I don't understand the need to put a person down for that. If you're an extrovert, you can help someone with social difficulties by just asking a few questions, showing some kindness, and in return, this person will love you. Help make things better if you can. Also, this is not an excuse for someone with social difficulties or me to not take action and always wait for people. Personal efforts still need to be made and I recognize that I need to make them. I'm personally not handicapped in life, I can do most of the things that I want to do. However, when it comes to making friends and sharing about myself I feel anxious and weird. I noticed that I tend to rationalize by telling myself "it's normal, I'm into self-actualization", but I think there's still a possibility when someone has great social skills, a very likable personality, and spiral wizardry skills to open up to people and being appreciated. A person like this would be like a magnet able to attract almost anyone and that's very powerful.

Healing is understanding

Trauma Healing Techniques Psychotherapy https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/psychotherapy Journaling https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-use-journaling-to-cope-with-ptsd-2797594 Gratitude https://www.verywellmind.com/writing-in-a-gratitude-journal-for-stress-relief-3144887 Forgiveness https://positivepsychology.com/forgiveness-benefits/ EFT Tapping https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping Breathwork https://www.healthline.com/health/holotropic-breathwork Yoga Nidra https://www.arhantayoga.org/blog/what-is-yoga-nidra/ Other Techniques Shadow Work Acupuncture Chiropractic Rewind technique Eye movement desensitization reprocessing Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Fasting

Previous Practical Journals

⚠️ Warning If I learned any valuable lesson in recent years is that emotions need to be expressed rather than repressed. And the way that they are going to be expressed here may happen as very strong language. There's nothing personal in that, this is just me expressing myself and expressing repressed emotions like anger, rage, pain, frustration, sadness, depression, despair, etc. Keep this in mind if you choose to read.

07/06/2021 (Week 20) If the child in me could speak, he would say... that he wants love that he wants love from his dad random joyful things that he likes to be creative that he likes to be artistic that he wants some reassurance that he wants some support If the teenager I once was still exists inside me... he would express anger he would express disappointment he would be stubborn he would be addicted to video games he would be rebellious he won't listen to others If my teenage-self could speak he would say... that he wants attention that he wants independence that he doesn't like being judged that much that he wants to be the best that he wants to be strong that he wants happiness that he doesn't want to be left alone that he wants friends At the thought of reaching back to help my child-self... I feel younger I feel more connected with myself I feel more like a child I feel like I'm helping myself to grow I feel some responsibility I feel mature to help myself I'm accepting my child self At the thought of reaching back to help to teenage-self... I feel the need to integrate him I feel responsible I feel less stubborn I feel happy I feel more connected to my teenage-self I'm opening myself to grow If I could make friends with my younger selves... I would accept my younger selves I would speak to my younger selves I'll integrate my younger selves I'll feel holier I'll feel more in peace with myself I'll feel in peace I'll feel responsible I'll help myself I'll feel more accepted I'll feel more loved

07 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:15 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:35 AM - 10:05 AM I called the revenue authority to get some clarifications about the return of income and got them... and holy shit I was not prepared for that. I have so much information to fill, I'm lost. I'm going to do the best that I can, but I hope I won't get any issues with the law. I need to seriously educated myself on accounting. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes 10:25 AM - 12:04 AM I decided that I will use the services of a professional accountant to help me fill in all the information because I don't want any issues with the law. I created a Google Sheet document and started to fill it. I also got a message from a client. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 39 minutes 01:05 PM - 02:43 PM I continued completing the document for accounting and posted a job on Upwork. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 38 minutes 04:23 PM - 06:00 PM I checked the answers that I got from freelancers, responded to a few of them, and had a nice discussion with one. I think I found the appropriate guy. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 07:18 PM - 07:30 PM I just did a few research. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 12 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 36 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

Barack and Michelle Obama

06/06/2021 (Week 19) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... recognize that I lack integrity while doing this exercise because I'm filling sentences related to relationships that I don't have except currently the one with my mom recognize that I lack integrity doing this sentence completion exercise bring more integrity to this sentence completion exercise by completing appropriately the sentences according to my life and my beliefs bring honesty to everything that I do align myself with my values refuse values that don't resonate with me refuse when people want me to do things that I don't resonate with let go of the hurt of projections of others let go of what doesn't serve me change myself to align with my values and raise my integrity assert myself increase my integrity more and more to the point that one day I'll penetrate the world with my purpose see my life as important, precious, and worthy of love

Weekly Statistics (31 May 2021 - 06 June 2021) Total Working Time 30 hours 45 minutes Average Focus 3.5 / 5

06 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:36 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:11 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

And high emotional mastery is having an high ability to solve the ever changing complex puzzle of emotions.

Emotions are a puzzle to solve.

05/06/2021 (Week 19) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... align myself with my values reach to people who have similar values let go of people that I don't resonate with do everything possible to entertain high integrity am respectful of myself assert myself in life see my life as precious and as having my full priority

05 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:36 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:17 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 07:20 PM - 07:33 PM I just researched a few documents. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 13 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 04:18 PM - 06:10 PM I started improving the publishing interface. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 52 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 2 hours 5 minutes, including 1 hour 52 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

Leo has typical INTP issues.

Personal Masculine / Feminine Balance I took this test and got a brain that is 58% masculine / 42% feminine. I remember taking it previously and getting 50% masculine / 50% feminine. Even though I think the quality of the questions is pretty low, the results relate to how I feel. I also took this other test and got a similar result. This makes perfect sense. I never really felt hypermasculine nor hyperfeminine, I don't relate a lot with people who are on the extremes. I think that I'm most of the time balanced with a slight preference for masculinity, however, it varied multiple times during my life. I had periods where I felt very creative, artistic (right brain) and periods where I felt very logical, analytical (left brain). It can be a bit difficult to handle and can feel like two people fighting for control on how to approach life, but even though this is challenging I consider this balance as a strenght. Overall I feel less masculine and more sensitive than most men and at the same time less feminine and more emotionless than most women.

04/06/2021 (Week 19) If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my relationships... my relationships would be more meaningful I'll be more honest in my relationships people would appreciate me more I'll attract conscious people I'll value relationships more I'll get more satisfaction from my relationships If I remain loyal to the values I believe are right... I feel aligned with myself I entertain high integrity I'll would be more authentic I'll be whole I'll see less the need to defend myself people would respect my more If I refuse to live by values I do not respect... I feel more authentic I entertain high integrity I'm living life for myself rather than for others I'll let go of people who don't resonate with me I'll let go of unneeded thoughts I'll increase my self-respect If I treat my self-respect as a high priority... people would respect me more my life would go my way I'll be more able to make change my life would become a high priority life I'll more joy from life things would go my way the quality of my life would improve