Raphael

Thanks. Awesome quote.

24/07/2021 (Week 26) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... express myself express the repressed parts of myself get in touch with my emotions accept my sexuality let myself exists authentically build a deep meaningful relationship with myself

24 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 09:11 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:59 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 45 minutes of meditation in the morning ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 30 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today My mind was way too agitated. I couldn't sleep that much and therefore woke up late. Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

How about my own understanding? Am I able to fully connect the content to the structure and see the big picture? No, because I never dated anyone and therefore lack enormous experience and education in this area. I'm just observing and theorizing for the moment and can be wrong at any moment. However, what is my general feeling concerning debates here? My feeling is that Leo’s and other males perspective is behind on many points compared to some advanced female members. How? By applying Leo’s teachings on himself. He talks about qualities of interpretation in his video “How Your Mind Interprets Reality” and masculine perspectives that I see are many times much more judgmental than feminine perspectives. I sense that Leo absorbed some toxicity during his PUA years and has difficulties overcoming them. In fact, he already recognized that some of his views were shallow. Leo, Things I've Been Wrong About

The Structure Behind Ideological Debates Recent debates in the Dating sub-forum made me want to contemplate the structure behind ideological debates. There's always a structure behind these debates whether they are about politics, gender issues, etc. Here are a few points that I noted: They are deep similarities between the two sides. Both sides ultimately want the same thing. Both sides disagree about how things should be done. Both sides don't understand some deep truth about the other side. Both sides don’t understand some deep similarities about the other side. Both sides don’t understand some deep differences about the other side. The two sides aren't necessarily equals. One side can be more advanced than the other, however, if one side is more advanced, it will not be advanced enough to understand that it is more advanced and to step out of the debate. The inability to have the other side's experience is what get people stuck in debating. An ideological debate always results in both sides feeling dirty and unsatisfied. It's similar to an addiction. Why Debates don't Work Even advanced people: Leo, Emerald, etc. have difficulties finding a common ground when it comes to masculine/feminine dynamics. It's interesting to observe.

About Genders Perceptual Discrepancies: The Penis and Vagina as an Analogy for Psychological Differences While thinking about differences between men and women recently I came out with the idea of using the penis and vagina as an analogy for psychological differences. It is impossible for a man to understand what it's like to have a vagina, to be horny as a female, and to be penetrated. For example, if I ask a man to penetrate me to see how things are from the female perspective, it will still not match the female experience because I’m not a female. Same thing for a woman. It is impossible for a woman to understand what it’s like to have a penis, to get hard several times per day, and to want to fuck like an animal. If a woman penetrates another woman with a strapon to see how things are from the male perspective, it will still not match the male experience because a woman is not a man. It’s impossible to understand the sexual experience of the other sex without being the opposite sex. We can use our imagination to some extent, but it will always be incomplete and something will be missing. It’s similar with psychological differences. Whether an individual is a man or woman, he/she will not be able to fully understand some elements of the opposite sex. This is simply because this individual isn’t the opposite sex, because psychology is interconnected with biology, and because men and women have different biological structures. The two genders are naturally emotionally calibrated a bit differently: there’s a self vs other psychological orientation. Men are naturally more calibrated towards self (survival) and women towards others (nurturing) which is the reason why in ideological gender debates men argues that relationships are selfish where women argues that relationships can be genuine. Men thinks that women aren’t realizing the truth that relationships are entirely selfish because this is true from the masculine perspective. Women thinks that men aren’t realizing the truth that relationships can be genuine and spiritual because this is true from the feminine perspective. However, very few individuals are able to step back and acknowledge that because: 1. they are naturally emotionally calibrated differently. 2. they are attached to their gender. 3. they aren't aware enough The only solution that I find out regarding these psychological discrepancies is simply to respect and listen to the opposite gender (it applies to both men and women). To step back and say: “Ok. There’s something that I cannot fully understand and will never be able to fully understand about you because I’m not you, so I’m going to listen to you.”. This is not about one gender being the slave of the other gender, but about being open when we already trust someone. It’s really important to accept differences that we cannot understand even if it is weird from a limited male or female perspective. There will always be a part of mystery in the opposite sex and no amount of imagination is going to fully represent the experience of the other.

Your journal is beautiful.

23/07/2021 (Week 26) Sometimes when I am excited I... have a big smile on my face feel like a kid want to jump want to share my excitement feel a bit crazy want some attention Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I... want to masturbate want to watch porn want to fuck feel the need for a partner have difficulties to work have difficulties to sleep Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I... am afraid to show them feel paralyzed don't want to be vulnerable don't know what to do with them feel human want to be authentic If I make friend with my excitement... I'll open up more with my excitement I'll share more my excitement I'll accept being excited I'll be more in touch with myself I'll be more authentic I'll be happier If I make friend with my sexuality... I'll be more sexually open I'll accept having sexual needs I won't be ashamed of my sexual needs I'll be more sexual I'll be more comfortable with the opposite sex I'll be honest about my sexuality As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions... I'll experience all my emotions I'll accept having emotional needs I understand myself better I'm becoming more in touch with myself I'm becoming more authentic I'm increasing my emotional mastery

23 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:35 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:01 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 45 minutes of meditation in the morning ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 30 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 10:25 AM - 11:24 AM Responded to a few people, uploaded some files, filled my work hours on Upwork Duration: 59 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Deep Work Sessions: 11:30 AM - 12:22 AM I'm feeling a bit tired. Duration: 52 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 02:06 PM - 02:45 PM Did some progress on the mobile design on this small app. Duration: 39 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 04:37 PM - 05:27 PM I continued the previous progress. Duration: 50 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 08:06 AM - 09:32 AM I continued the previous responsive design work. Duration: 1 hour 26 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 Total Work Duration: 4 hours 46 minutes, including 3 hours 47 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.3 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Thoughts are going everywhere, yet I'm always there.

Unhealthy Green uses shame similarly to stage Blue to portrait itself as being good. Healthy Green shows its vulnerabilities and dirtiness and works through them. After that, it gets into Yellow.

Shame is used at stage Green too. To transcend stage Green, show how dirty you really are.

Selfishness = Selflessness The only difference is a matter of interpretation. Selfishness range from low conscious selfishness to high conscious selfishness. Selflessness range from low conscious selflessness to high conscious selflessness. There's nothing better than living a high conscious selfish life or high conscious selfless life. There's nothing worst than living a low conscious selfless life or low conscious selfish life. Egoic selfishness isn't that different from egoic selflessness. Spiritual selfishness isn't that different from spiritual selflessness. In the end, or the beginning, or the now, what is is what is.

22/07/2021 (Week 26) Sometimes when I am excited I... feel like a kid laugh smile want to share my excitement want to be with people want to open up Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I... think about porn want to masturbate want to fuck am agitated have difficulties to work have difficulties to sleep Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I... am uncomfortable with them tend to hide them become paralyzed feel different don't know what to do with them I feel agitated If I make friend with my excitement... I would become more authentic I would understand how to handle my excitement I would share my excitement I would accept my excitement I would talk about my excitement I would write about my excitement I would let myself be excitement I would let myself laugh If I make friend with my sexuality... I would be more in touch with my sexuality I would be more sexually open I would accept having sexual needs I would be more authentic I would like myself more I would be more natural As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions... I'm becoming more comfortable in expressing my emotions I'm becoming more emotionally aware I'm becoming more comfortable with sharing my emotions my emotions are becoming more positive I'm becoming more emotionally open I'm appreciating myself more

22 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:35 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:20 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 45 minutes of meditation in the morning ✅ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 30 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:18 AM - 11:36 AM Worked on a small web app. My mind was pretty agitated and they were also a lot of annoying noises outside. Duration: 1 hour 18 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 11:43 AM - 12:45 AM I continued the previous work. Duration: 1 hour 2 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 01:56 PM - 02:54 PM I continued the previous work. Duration: 58 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 4/5 04:37 PM - 05:41 PM I worked on the responsive design of this app. Duration: 1 hour 4 minutes Focus: 4/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:48 PM - 09:03 PM I continued the work on the responsive design. Duration: 1 hour 15 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 09:14 PM - 09:50 PM I continued the work on the responsive design. Duration: 36 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Total Work Duration: 6 hours 13 minutes, including 6 hours 13 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.58 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.42 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

21/07/2021 (Week 26) Sometimes when I am excited I... smile a lot want to share it with people want to show it feel like a kid want to run around like a kid don't want people to see it am ashamed of it Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I... have sexual thoughts want to watch porn want to masturbate have difficulties staying calm want to fuck think about having a partner Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I... have difficulties communicating them am a bit uncomfortable don't know what to do feel paralyzed feel agitated feel the need to express them If I make friend with my excitement... I'll be more in touch with myself I'll share more my excitement I'll allow myself to be excited I'll feel happier by myself I'll become more joyful people would appreciate me more If I make friend with my sexuality... I'll be more comfortable talking about my sexuality I'll be OK with having sexual needs I'll be more sexually open I'll recognize my difficulties regarding sexuality I'll be more attractive to the opposite sex I'll be more authentic As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions... I understand that self-expression is healthy I understand my emotions better I'm improving my emotional mastery I'm becoming more authentic my emotions are working more and more for me I'm becoming more emotionally open I'm becoming more human

22 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:54 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:56 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 45 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 30 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 11:16 AM - 12:46 PM Did some work on the backend API for my app. Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 02:11 PM - 02:55 PM Did some improvements on Instagram publish cron. Duration: 44 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 04:50 PM - 06:23 PM Did a bit of front end and back end work. Duration: 1 hour 33 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 07:41 PM - 09:04 PM Did some progress on Facebook scheduling. Duration: 1 hour 23 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 09:10 PM - 10:00 PM Did some testing on Facebook scheduling. Distracted myself a bit. Duration: 50 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Sleep + avoiding distractions at all costs are the most important things. Total Work Duration: 6 hours 0 minute, including 6 hours 0 minute of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Agree.

Paintings of Leonid Afremov are insanely beautiful: https://afremov.com/

21 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:10 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 00:17 AM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 45 minutes of meditation in the morning ✅ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 30 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 10:15 AM - 10:30 AM Called the revenue authority, but didn't get any answer. Duration: 15 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 12:05 PM - 12:11 PM Called the revenue authority again, but didn't get any answer again. Duration: 6 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 01:25 PM - 01:48 PM Made a bit of progress with the revenue authority, but I'm still not there. Duration: 23 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Deep Work Sessions: 10:30 AM - 12:00 PM Worked on a small web app. Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 01:49 PM - 03:20 PM More work on this web app. Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3/5 03:53 PM - 04:31 PM Went back working on my app. Did some progress on the backend API. Duration: 38 minutes Focus: 3/5 Progress: 2/5 Got lazy at night and also got trapped in a procrastination circle caused by homeostatis. Total Work Duration: 4 hours 23 minutes, including 3 hours 39 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.33 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 2.83 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

20/07/2021 (Week 26) Sometimes when I am excited I... want to jump want to share joy laugh for no reason want to talk would like to share my thoughts with people become more open Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I... want to fuck want to masturbate want to watch porn think about having a partner cannot work cannot sleep Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I... tend to hide them have difficulties managing them want to share them want to meet people that can understand me don't know what to do observe myself curiously If I make friend with my excitement... I'll share more my excitement I'll show my excitement I'll write about my excitement I'll talk about my excitement I'll let myself being excited I'll be more in touch with myself I'll be more authentic If I make friend with my sexuality... I'll accept having sexual needs I'll be more comfortable with my sexuality I'll be more open about my sexuality I won't be ashamed of my sexuality I'll be more authentic I'll be more authentically sexual As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions... I understand that my emotions are OK I start to express more I understand myself better I feel more authentic by expressing my emotions I become more honest with myself I understand my emotions better I accept to experience my emotions