Raphael

I personally think that most people should move out of this forum and find a proper therapist.

Great realization. I hope you will be out of this place soon. Over reading this forum caused a serious deterioration of my mental health in the past.

@Tyler Robinson I agree and understood the issue that you pointed out too, but I'm a bit careful with the usage of the word "narcissism". Narcissism is rare. I had coworkers who had similar traits in the past but I wouldn't call them narcissists. They were only afraid to take risks or speak up and would laugh at the person who will do it.

@Adam M Let me know about your stage when you'll be 50

@Consept Hello, I was also one of the first users on this forum when I registered in 2016. I noticed some of the things that you mentioned and also fell into some of these traps. I watched Leo's videos from 2015 to 2021 and used the forum mostly between 2018 to 2021 after some traumas. I saw the evolution of actualized.org almost since the beginning and have a lot of thoughts on how it affected me and how it can affect other people. I thought about sending a message to Leo but I'm backing up for the moment. I currently prefer to avoid actualized.org and this forum for an undetermined period of time. I'll maybe come back with more thoughts much later.

I don't know but the one I found did it for me in a fraction of second. I tried to controlled it in my case but it was too painful and difficult as they were a lot of emotional blockages. After the sessions that I had, I also barely know anything about Reiki but if the healer is good it can get better very quickly.

A Reiki healer can shut it down very quickly. Also, if you find such healer it's better to ask him to heal previous traumas so that you have a clean energetic system for the Kundalini energy to move up in your body.

What else do you think about megalomaniacs?

In the video below Christina define synchronicity as "A strategically placed sign from your higher self and the universe to help guide you in the material world.", she also adds that "Synchronicity happens when we don't expect them" and "A synchronicity have meaning to the person". At a moment she makes a distinction from the science perspective that see synchronicity as confirmation bias "The tendency for the brain to see what it is looking for.". I'm currently in a phase of life where I experience what seems to be synchronicities almost everyday. This is a bit overwhelming and I hesitate to take actions on them but my intuition is telling me to take actions. I noticed that my intuition is often right and not following it in the past led me to difficult situations. I'm often afraid to follow my intuition. What are your thoughts on synchronicities and confirmation bias? Do you operate more from a spiritual perspective here or science perspective or a combination of both?

I'm currently experiencing a lot of growth, everything is changing for me. I see it happening and this is a bit disorienting. Also, my entire life's emotional baggage started to come up to the surface a few months ago and in consequence, I have been experiencing strong emotions that always led to some healing so far. Because of that, my state of consciousness varied a lot very quickly and I'm noticing things and opportunities that I wasn't noticing before. This is overwhelming sometimes. I noticed a lot of what seemed to be synchronicities or confirmation bias yet I preferred to stay careful and didn't take action on them immediately except in 2 - 3 cases. A few months ago, I got more interested in learning how to learn and learning about how the brain works and neuroplasticity so I decided that I would take a course this year and also bought the book "How to Think Like Leonardo Davinci". After that, I noticed that some people on this forum are interested in learning how to learn and Leo wrote some things about Alpha waves, Beta waves, etc., and his brain training machine. This example looked a bit like a mix between confirmation bias and synchronicity. Two weeks ago, I took the decision that I would live my life in a way that contributes to the development of the most sophisticated brain that I can develop by forcing myself to see things from different perspectives, trying to find paradoxes, be as neutral as possible, stay open to learn from positions that I dislike, trying to see the systems into place, etc. After taking this decision, one person that came to my mind was Daniel Schmartberger so I got curious about him and wanted to know more about his education and started a do some research to understand his path, and yesterday someone opened this thread... This one looked more like synchronicity. What do you think about this?

I may have the possibility in the future to be part of a business adventure that will have a large positive social impact + generate a lot of money + brings me some visibility. However, I see that too much visibility might be limiting for me in the future if I want to try psychedelics, especially in the country where I live where psychedelics are heavily discriminated. I'm curious for the people who have been there: How did you reconcile business success, visibility, and psychedelics? Did your visibility cause issues if you had a lot of it?

Ok. I'm stable. I'm stopping there for this journal. I will maybe create a new journal later this year.

Alright... I initially thought that I would take at least a 3 months break from this forum to handle a lot of changes but as I'm currently backsliding a bit I decided to write some stuff here. I started to lose an old identity several months ago and in consequence, I became more and more agitated. I experienced a lot of pain as many things from the past came back to the surface. I had many mood swings, felt lost and disoriented. End of October, I didn't know what to do as my inner compass was all over the place so I decided to have a break to clean myself. I spent a lot of time observing myself, inspecting myself, and healing. I became much more aware that my relationship with this forum was trauma-related and I think that this applies to many people here. Having a trauma-related relationship with actualized.org is something that I already became aware of during the middle of this year but this time I decided to take action on it. I noticed that every time that I would use this forum it would feel distasteful and I got tired of this feeling. It was a feeling of pressure, of me needing to perform, of me needing to fit some perfect standards. After going through my past and processing many emotions, things feel better. I can now read this place while being more at peace and I'm also noticing people that I wouldn't notice before as I raised my vibration. However, this is still an ongoing process and they are other things that I want to clean up before starting to journal again more regularly (and more consciously) here. I contemplated my relationship with work and I noticed that I have been pressured and shamed from all sides in the past: I have been shamed and pressured for being proactive, work-oriented, and organized I have been shamed, pressured, being called dumb for enjoying life and not taking things too seriously Being shame from all sides explains why it has always been difficult for me to be balanced: why I'm sometimes too work-oriented and sometimes too complacent. I have difficulties being calibrated. Also, I'm experiencing some chest burn as I'm writing this as they are still things to clean up. I asked myself this morning: "How should I live life? What should be my attitude towards life?". After a few minutes, the following thought appeared: "Life is about experience, there's nothing more than experience, experience or the now is everything that there is". While this is true, it also felt like a deny of setting a direction, listening to my inner voice and the challenges that it implies. From my experience so far and in accordance with my personality, being too directionless is as painful as being too certain: Being too directionless makes us creative but too chaotic and therefore neurotic Moving with too much certainty makes us high achieving yet neurotic when we can't achieve Setting a direction without being too attached to it and enjoying the experience with an objective in mind looks like the appropriate balance to me. I got back in touch with a friend in the past months who has his own small tech company and I consider him balanced regarding experiencing/achieving. His attitude is: "This is the objective, this is where we want to go but what's more important is that things are agreeable for all of us. Sure, it might take more time than expected but this is OK as long as we can sustain it while enjoying the experience.". He has some healthy characteristics that I want to integrate while I still want to be slightly more work-oriented than him. I'm not sure if this is trauma or caused by the fact that I want a lot of diverse life experiences, maybe a bit of both... What we choose to do comes from balancing what we want / what we don't want. We might argue about the potential to grow from doing what we want vs. doing what we don't want but for the moment I consider that embracing this paradox of sometimes doing what we want and sometimes doing what we don't want as doing something that we don't want and who will ultimately grow us... Speaking of people... I started to become much more observant of people around me and noticed parts of myself everywhere. Everyone that I'm attracted to or who I reject represents a part of me to be integrated and to make peace with. We always meet the right people at the right moment and if we do an effort to stay aware we can healthily integrate them. I noticed parts of myself everywhere: in my family, in my work environment, on this forum. I am everywhere, all the time... To be continued... (maybe... because I feel the desire to go off again)

Kundalini Awakening: An Overview of My Situation I have been going through a Kundalini awakening for at least 4 months now. It got pretty intense around the end of December - beginning January where it felt like insanity. To this day, I'm still into it and experience symptoms every day. Here are the symptoms that I experienced so far: Disorientation Difficulties making decisions Difficulties being mindful Difficulties using the mind. It includes difficulties thinking systematically, thinking critically, and difficulties focusing Difficulties working Mimicking people instead of thinking by myself Difficulties sleeping Decrease sexual desires Waking up in the middle of the night Cold or burning sensation (like a fire) in my entire body Muscle twisting Light suicidal thoughts Feeling that I am dying. It happened this night: I woke up around 4 AM feeling that I'm dying and saying "I'm dying, I'm dying" Energy moving from my spine up to my head Fast state of consciousness changes Feeling of navigating between past versions of myself to where I will maybe be in the future Wanting to take revenge on people, including revenge on women Many traumatic memories coming back to the surface including very early childhood memory. One memory that came back yesterday was from a trauma that I experienced when I was 3 or 4 years old While all of that is difficult to endure, I'm going through a lot of changes and experiencing a lot of growth: I started working in a new office where I spend more time with people I bought some new clothes and new health products I changed my eating habit I gained in assertiveness and boundaries I almost don't watch porn anymore I experience very quick healing (I'll even say almost instantaneous healing) triggered by random events from everyday My relationship with my family is improving I'm more forgiving of my dad and letting go of him I'm seeing synchronicities every day, everywhere I'm becoming kinder and more open to different views My self-esteem is improving There's a feeling that I am developing some paranormal abilities but I'm not sure what this is. I'm more aware of the energy moving in my body and can make it move consciously My seven chakras are opening up but they are still blockages There's a sensation that my entire body is restructuring itself to adapt to a new life with new challenges Also: I'm becoming aware of a certain number of cognitive dissonances within me that I wasn't aware of before. I'm becoming more aware of my sense of superiority coming from insecurity. I became more aware of a passive-aggressive and manipulative behavior. I see my sense of inferiority/superiority showing up in this journal. I'm trying to hide behind vulnerability or hide by faking my own development Overall, I'm making small progress every day.

I live on a small tropical island. From what I see around me - and even though I don't follow politics that much - it does apply while including the limitations and particularities of the environment of course.

I love you all ♥

Synchronicities are coming from everywhere with everybody that I meet.

I also feel the desire to have a more integrated journal that will combine all aspects of myself. A journal that would be: Vulnerable Reflective Expressive Masculine Feminine Goal-Oriented Rational Artistic Spiritual And so on, and so on... If it has to come, it will come at the appropriate time.

Construct Awareness + Integration I have to admit that my construct awareness developmental line is becoming insanely developed and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable because... I put very little effort into it. I currently don't meditate that much and never meditated for long hours (my maximum was 2 hours and I did that only one time in my entire life) + I never took psychedelics. This is effortless for me. I can see more and more easily through concepts and through people while I'm conscious that I am limited by my own nature. However... because of that, I am a bit prone to fall into spiritual bypassing and I don't want that. My other developmental lines are behind, most of them are above average yet the social developmental line is a bit below but I have been doing some progress lately by: Spending more time with people Taking my mom and sister to the restaurant Asserting myself in a strong masculine way with my dad (it gave me a serious confidence boost) The two next steps for the social line are going to be to: Connect more with people with where they are notably through empathetic listening Talk more with women I want to be a highly integrated individual. It should take 2 - 3 years to have a good integration and at least 5 years to have a high-quality integration.

God, it feels great to be alive! This Kundalini awakening is incredible, full of ups and downs It feels like navigating between all parts of me and uniting all of them together.

Too many wars.

I'm currently noticing patterns around me that remind me of experiences that I had when I was a kid. It feels like I am reliving my life through similar situations. So far, I think that this is solvable through normal shadow work: Some childhood traumas have to be healed Some reconditioning have to be done Some tangible actions have to be taken in the physical world I noticed this happening with my relationships with other guys: I often find myself being in pair with another guy that I feel is either physically stronger or more confident than me where I feel that I am more aware, more intelligent, and more able to distinguish social dynamics. It feels like living in the shadow of someone who is better than me in some way. I sorted this out for a relationship recently but this is repeating again. Does anyone have experience with this?

I will use this forum mostly to get help understanding emotional and psychological issues this year.